French kids don't spit to read. Read the online book French Children Don't Spit Food. Parenting Secrets from Paris

Pamela Druckerman

French children do not spit the food. Parenting Secrets from Paris

Dedicated to Simon, next to whom everything makes sense

Les petits poissons dans l'eau,

Nagent aussi bien que les gros.

Small fish swim like big ones.

French children's song

The book became fashionable instantly. On the one hand, it is about raising children, and on the other, about savoir vivre(the famous "ability to live"), in which, in the opinion of the French, they have no equal ... This is a book about how to raise a happy, self-confident and independent person without studying with him foreign languages from infancy and not breastfeeding for up to two years. And how to be a mother, a woman and a social unit.

Olesya Khantsevich, Expert magazine

Almost the most popular child-rearing manual today.

Lisa Birger, Kommersant Weekend magazine

Why are there so many gourmets, hedonists and connoisseurs of beauty in France? This is the result of being educated in French. We have a lot to learn.

Marina Zubkova, We Read Together magazine

Druckerman has written a book that has become an international bestseller. It turned out that while everyone else is raising their children, the French are "raising" them ... In theory, this will lead to the fact that children will behave "civilized" and parents feel relaxed.

Lev Danilkin, Afisha magazine

Amazing book. I didn’t sleep for two nights, I just couldn’t tear myself away.

Elena Solovieva, Raising a Child magazine

Yan Levchenko, "Moscow Book Journal"

French parents are above all unobtrusive, calm and patient. This is something like a three-digit code, knowing which, you can open main secret their educational system.

Vera Broyde, Book Review newspaper

Parents' lives should not stop with the arrival of children; it just becomes different. The book contains a new and original perspective on raising children and communicating with them.

Anna Akhmedova, "Papa's magazine"

Lightly and witty Pamela talks about the rules of raising children in France. They're easy to follow and they work!

Magazine "I will be a mom"

From the very first pages of the book it becomes clear: if our children lose to French in good manners, then the reason, most likely, is not in them, but in us, Russian parents. More precisely, in our parental reactions to various small and large problems.

Irina Nakisen, "Snob" magazine

Very personal, lively, full of humor and incredible useful book about the intricacies of education. And although the secrets of French women are as elusive as their famous charm, you can still learn from them the balance between rigor and freedom.

Natalia Lomykina, Forbes magazine

Some names and details in this book have been changed to ensure anonymity.

Dictionary of French educational terms

Attend - wait, wait. This command, which parents give to children in France, means that the child is quite capable of waiting for what he wants and in the interval can occupy himself.

Au revoir - Goodbye. Children in France should say au revoir when they say goodbye to familiar adults. One of four " magic words»That every French child should know ...

Autonomie - autonomy. Independence and the ability to rely only on themselves are brought up in children with early years.

Bêtise - little prank. Dividing misconduct into more and less serious helps parents respond to them accordingly.

Bonjour - hello good afternoon. This is how children greet familiar adults.

Sasa boudin - lit. cocoa sausage, turd.Swear word French kindergarteners.

Cadre - frames, borders. Ideal French upbringing: Children are given a clear framework, but within that framework, they are given complete freedom.

Caprice - caprice... An impulsive desire, whim, or demand from a child, often accompanied by whining or crying. French parents think indulging in whims is harmful.

Classe verte - "Green class"... Starting from the first grade of school, students go out into nature for about a week every year under the supervision of a teacher and several adults.

Colonie de vacances - children's camp recreation... There are several hundred such camps in France for children from four years of age. They rest there without their parents, usually in the countryside.

Complicité - mutual trust... A mutual understanding that French parents and educators have been trying to achieve from their children since birth. They believe that even young children can think rationally and can build relationships with them based on mutual understanding and respect.

Crèche - full day French public daycare... Middle-class French people usually send their children to nurseries rather than leave them with nannies. They prefer public nurseries to private, "home" ones.

Doucement - quietly, carefully... One of those words that educators often say to young children, believing that even toddlers are able to act mindfully and in control of their actions.

Doudou - favorite toy, usually soft - the one with which the child falls asleep.

École maternelle - free state Kindergarten ... To a kindergarten baby goes in September of the year he turns three.

Éducation - training, education... French parents regard parenting as learning.

Enfant roi - baby king... An overly demanding child who is constantly in the center of attention of parents and absolutely does not tolerate if something is “not for him”.

Équilibre - equilibrium... Everything in life should be balanced, and no one role should overlap others - including the role of a parent.

Éveillé / e - awakened, alive, active... Perfect quality French baby. Another ideal quality is discretion, see. sage.

Gourmand / e - one who eats too fast, too much, or loves one dish too much.

Goûter - afternoon tea... They usually have an afternoon snack at 16.00, and this is the only "snack" during the day.

Les gros yeux - " big eyes ". A reproachful look - this is how adults look at naughty children.

Maman-taxi - mommy taxi... This is what the moms are called, who are all free time carry children from one "development" to another. It is considered not équilibré.

N'importe quoi - god knows what, as he pleases... A child who behaves this way does not know the boundaries of what is permissible and does not think about others.

Non - no way.

Profter - enjoy, take advantage of the moment.

Punir - punish... They are punished in France only for very serious, serious reasons.

Rapporter - make a fuss, convey... In France, both children and adults find it horrible.

Sage - reasonable, calm... So they say about a child who knows how to control himself or is absorbed in the game. Instead of “behave well,” French parents say “be sage».

Tétine - pacifier... Babies of three and four years old with a pacifier in their mouth are common in France.

Foreword

French kids don't spit food When our daughter was one and a half years old, we decided to take her with us on vacation.

We choose a coastal town a few hours by train from Paris, where we live (my husband is English, I am American), and we book a room with a baby cot. We still have one daughter, and it seems to us that there will be no difficulties (what naivety!). Breakfast is at our hotel, and lunch and dinner will have to be in fish restaurants in the old port.

It soon turns out that two trips to the restaurant every day with a one and a half year old child can become a separate circle of hell. Food - a slice of bread or something fried - attracts our Bean only for a couple of minutes, after which she pours salt from the salt shaker, tears the bags of sugar and demands to be lowered to the floor from the highchair: she wants to rush around the restaurant or run to side of the pier.

Our tactic is to eat as quickly as possible. We place an order, not having time to sit down properly, and we beg the waiter to bring bread, snacks and hot dishes as soon as possible - all dishes at the same time. While my husband swallows the fish in chunks, I make sure that Bean does not fall under the feet of the waiter and drown in the sea. Then we change ... The tip is huge, in order to somehow compensate for the feeling of guilt for the mountains of napkins and scraps of squid on the table.

On the way back to the hotel, we vow never to travel or have children again, because this is a lot of misfortune. Our vacation makes a diagnosis: life, as it was a year and a half ago, is over forever. I don't know why this surprises us.

Having endured several such lunches and dinners, I suddenly notice that the families of the French at the neighboring tables, perhaps, are not suffering from hellish torment. Oddly enough, they just look like people on vacation! French children, the same age as Bean, sit quietly on their high chairs and wait for food to be brought to them. They eat fish and even vegetables. They don't scream or whine. The whole family eats snacks first, then hot ones. And does not leave behind a mountain of garbage.

Although I have lived in France for several years, I cannot explain this phenomenon. In Paris, you rarely meet children in restaurants, and I did not even look closely at them. Before giving birth, I generally did not pay attention to other people's children, and now I look mainly at my child. But in our present plight I can't help but notice that some kids seem to behave differently.

I do not think. These kids don't seem to be intimidated. They are cheerful, talkative, curious. Their parents are attentive and caring. And some invisible force seems to hover over their tables, forcing them to behave in a civilized manner. I suspect she is in control of the lives of French families. But completely absent from ours.

The difference is not only in the behavior at the table in the restaurant. For example, I have never seen a child (other than my own) throw a tantrum on the playground. Why don't my French girlfriends have to interrupt telephone conversations when their children need something urgently? Why aren't their rooms occupied by toy houses and doll kitchens like ours? And that is not all. Why do most of the non-French children I know eat only pasta and rice, or eat only "children's" dishes (and there are not so many of them), while my daughter's friends eat both fish and vegetables, and in general anything? French children do not grab a piece in between meals, content with an afternoon snack in certain time... How is this possible?

I never thought that I would be imbued with respect for the French methods of education. No one has ever heard of such, unlike French haute couture or French cheeses. Nobody goes to Paris to learn from the French how to raise children, in which there is no place for feelings of guilt. On the contrary, my friends mothers are horrified that French women hardly breastfeed and calmly allow their four-year-olds to walk around with a nipple in their mouths. But why doesn't anyone say that most babies in French families sleep at night as early as two or three months? And that they don't need constant supervision. And that they do not fall to the floor in hysterics, having heard the parental "no."

Yes, the French methods of education are not really known in the world. But over time, I realized that somehow imperceptibly French parents achieve results that create a completely different atmosphere in the family. When the families of my compatriots come to visit us, the parents are mainly engaged in separating their fighting children, taking two-year-olds by the hand around the kitchen table or sitting with them on the floor and building Lego cities. Someone invariably throws a tantrum, and everyone begins to console him. But when our French friends are visiting us, all the adults calmly drink coffee and communicate, and the children calmly play by themselves.

This does not mean that parents in France are not worried about their children. No, they know that there are pedophiles, allergies and the risk of choking on small parts of toys. And they follow all the precautions. But they do not have a panic fear for the well-being of their children. This calm attitude allows them to more effectively maintain a balance between the boundaries of what is permissible and childish independence. (In 2002, a survey was conducted as part of the International Social Research Program: 90% of French people answered “Agree” or “Strongly agree” to the statement: “Watching my children grow up is the greatest joy in life.” By comparison, in the United States, the same answered 85.5%, in the UK - 81.1% of parents.)

Many families have parenting problems. Hundreds of books and articles have been written about them: excessive custody, pathological custody and my favorite term - "child worship" - when so much attention is paid to raising children that it is already harmful to the children themselves. But why is the "child-worshiping" method of education so deeply ingrained under our skin that we are unable to get rid of it?

This began in the 1980s, when scientists received data (and the press disseminated them widely) that children from poor families are lagging behind in school, because they are not given enough attention, especially at an early age. Middle-class parents felt that more attention would not hurt their children either. At the same time, they began to pursue another goal - to bring up children in a special way so that they could become part of the “new elite”. And for this it is necessary to develop children "correctly" from the very early age, and it is desirable that in their development they are ahead of others.

Side by side with the idea of ​​parental competition, the belief that children are psychologically vulnerable grew stronger. Today's young parents - a generation more knowledgeable than ever about psychoanalysis - have learned well that our actions are capable of inflicting psychological trauma on the child. Plus, as we grew up in the mid-1980s divorce boom, we were determined to behave more selflessly than our own parents. And while crime rates have dropped sharply from their all-time highs in the early 1990s, once you watch the news, it seems like children's lives have never been at risk as much as they are today. It seems to us that we are raising children in a very dangerous world, which means that you must constantly be on the lookout.

Because of these fears, a parenting style has emerged that brings constant stress to parents, exhausting them. In France, I saw that there is another way. They started talking in me journalistic curiosity and maternal despair. Towards the end of our failed vacation, I decided to find out what the French are doing differently from us. Why don't their kids spit food? Why aren't their parents yelling at them? What is this invisible force that makes everyone behave themselves? And most importantly, can I change and apply their methods to my child?

I knew I was on the right track when I found research showing that mothers in Columbus, Ohio find childcare half as enjoyable as mothers in Rennes, France. My observations made in Paris and on trips to America confirm that in France, parents do something that makes parenting a joy, not a hard work.

The secrets of French parenting are in plain sight. It's just that no one has ever tried to find out about them before.

Now I carry a notebook in my diaper bag. Every visit to the doctor, for dinner, visiting families with children, in puppet show Is an opportunity to observe local parents in action to find out what unwritten rules they follow.

It was not entirely clear at first. Among the French there are also different categories parents - from extremely strict to practicing outright permissiveness. Inquiries came to nothing: most of the parents I spoke with said they weren't doing anything special. On the contrary, they were convinced that it was in France that the “child-king” syndrome was widespread, due to which the parents had lost all their authority. (To which I answer: "You have not seen the real" child-kings ". Go to New York - see!")

Several years later, after the birth of two more children in Paris, understanding began to come to me. I learned, for example, that France has its own "Doctor Spock": the name of this woman is known in every home, but none of her books has been translated into English. I read them in French, like books by other authors. I talked with many parents and shamelessly eavesdropped everywhere: picking up children from school, during trips to the supermarket. In the end, it seemed to me that it became clear what the French were doing differently.

When I say "French" or "French parents," I am, of course, generalizing. All people are different. It's just that most of the parents with whom I communicate live in Paris and its suburbs. These are mainly people with a university education, professionals with an income above average. Not rich, not famous - educated middle or slightly upper middle class.

At the same time, while traveling in France, I became convinced that the views of middle-class Parisians on raising children are not alien to French women from the provinces, belonging to the working class. I was amazed that parents in France do not seem to know exactly what the secret of upbringing is, but nevertheless they do the same. Wealthy lawyers, French kindergarten teachers, regular school teachers, old ladies who comment on me in the park, all follow the same basic principles. These principles are described in all French books childcare, in every parenting magazine I could get my hands on. After reading them, I realized that having given birth to a child, it is not necessary to choose any parental philosophy. There are basic rules that everyone takes for granted. This removes half of the worries from French parents.

But why exactly the French? I'm not a fan of France at all. On the contrary, I'm not even sure if I like living here. But despite all the problems, France is a litmus test for detecting kinks in other parenting systems. On the one hand, Parisians strive to communicate more with children, to be with them in nature, to read to them more books... They take the kids to tennis, drawing, and interactive science museums. On the other hand, they somehow manage to participate in the lives of children without turning this participation into an obsession. They believe that even good parents should not be in constant service of their children and should not feel guilty in doing so. “Evening is a time for parents,” explained a familiar Parisian woman. "The daughter can be with us if she wants, but this is the time for adults."

French parents also tend to pay attention to their children, but not excessive attention. Foreign language tutors are hired for children from other countries and sent to centers early development at two years old, or even earlier, and in France, the toddlers continue to be karapuzny - as they should.

French parents have a lot of practical experience. All over Europe there is a decline in fertility, but in France there is a baby boom. Of the entire European Union, only Ireland has a higher birth rate. (In 2009, the birth rate in France was 1.99 children per woman, in Belgium - 1.83, in Italy - 1.41, in Spain - 1.4, in Germany - 1.36.)

France has a social support system that makes parenting more attractive and less stressful. Kindergartens are free, health insurance is free, and you don't have to save up for college. Many families receive monthly child support directly into their bank accounts. However, all these benefits do not explain the differences in parenting that I see. The French raise their children according to a completely different system. Anyway, when you ask the French how they bring up their children, they do not immediately understand what is meant. "How do you educate them?" And the French of their children raise.

Dozens of books are devoted to theories of upbringing that differ from the generally accepted system. I have no such theory. But before my eyes is a whole country where children sleep well, eat adult meals and do not "get" their parents. It turns out that in order to be a calm parent, you don't need to practice any kind of philosophy. You just need to look at the child differently.

Are you expecting a baby?

It was ten in the morning when the boss called me to his place and advised me to use health insurance. Finally. Since after my reduction, it will no longer work. And they cut me down in a little over a month.

Then, together with me, more than two hundred people were fired. This news briefly caused an increase in the value of the shares of the company that owns our newspaper, and I thought - not to sell me my small stake. I will earn on my own dismissal ...

But instead, I wandered around Manhattan in a stupor. The weather was quite appropriate - it was pouring rain. I dialed the number of a friend I was supposed to meet tonight.

“I got fired,” I said.

- Are you very upset? - he asked. - Shall we cancel dinner?

Actually, I was glad. I finally got rid of a job that I hadn't had the courage to quit for nearly six years. As an international reporter for a New York-based newspaper, I covered elections and financial crises in Latin America... Often I was informed about the assignment a couple of hours before departure, after which I lived in hotels for several weeks. There was a time when my bosses expected great things from me, they talked about making me an editor, they even paid for Portuguese courses.

Then suddenly these conversations stopped. And, oddly enough, it suited me. I was very fond of films about international correspondents, but being such a correspondent is a completely different matter. I usually vegetated alone, forced to write endless reports on the same topic, besieged by calls from editors who needed new articles all the time. The news to me was like a mechanical bull for a rodeo. Men who did the same work as me managed to find Costa Rican and Colombian wives and travel with them. At least dinner was waiting for them on the table when they crawled home without hind legs. The men with whom I met would not be easy to carry with me. Yes, and I rarely stayed in one city, so that it did not even reach the third date.

I was glad that I was leaving the newspaper. But she was not ready to become an outcast. When, after my dismissal, I still occasionally walked into the office, my colleagues looked at me as if I was contagious. The people I have worked with for years did not speak to me and walked around my desk a mile away. One colleague invited me to a farewell dinner, and then did not want to return to the office so that we would not be seen together.

I took my things a long time ago, and then my editor, who was not in the city when the heads flew, called me to a humiliating meeting and offered me a job with a loss of money, after which he ran off to lunch. And it suddenly became clear to me: I don't want to write about politics and finance anymore. And I want a man next to me.

I’m standing in my tiny kitchen, thinking about what to do next, and then the bell rings. This is Simon. We met six months ago at a bar in Buenos Aires - a mutual acquaintance brought him to a party for foreign correspondents. Simon is a journalist from Britain and then came to Argentina for a few days to write about football. I came to cover their economic crisis. It turned out that we flew from New York on the same flight. He remembered me as a girl who delayed boarding: already in the "sleeve" I realized that I had left duty-free purchases in the departure hall, and insisted that I be allowed to return. (Airports were then my main shopping destination.)

I liked Simon: swarthy, stocky, witty. (He is of medium height, but considers himself small, as he grew up in Holland, among fair-haired giants.) A few hours after our meeting, I realized what love at first sight is - when you immediately begin to feel very calm next to a person. Although then she did not confess her love to him, she simply said: "In no case should we sleep together."

I was in love, but I was careful. Simon has just moved from London to Paris, where he bought a modest apartment. I was constantly moving between New York and South America... Maintaining a relationship at such a distance seemed unrealistic. After meeting in Argentina, we sometimes corresponded, but I did not allow myself to take him too seriously, hoping that there would be swarthy, witty guys in my time zone.

And so, when, seven months later, Simon suddenly called and I admitted that I had just been fired from work, he did not treat me as a defective product; on the contrary, I seem to be glad that I finally had some free time. Like, we have an "unfinished conversation" with him, and he would like to come to New York.

“Awful idea,” I reacted awkwardly. What's the point? He still won't be able to move to America, because he writes about European football. And I don't speak French and never even thought about living in Paris. Although I had freedom of movement, I didn’t want to be sucked into someone else’s orbit before I could find my own again.

Simon still came to New York. He showed up to me in the same shabby leather jacket he wore in Argentina and brought smoked salmon sandwiches from a nearby store. A month later in London, he introduced me to my parents; six months later, I sold almost all of my property, and what was left was transported to France. Friends vied with each other that I was in too much of a hurry, but I did not pay attention. I left my one-room New York apartment, having paid all the rent arrears, taking with me three huge suitcases and a box of Latin American coins, which I presented to the Pakistani taxi driver who took me to the airport. So in the blink of an eye I became a Parisian.

Simon's two-room bachelor's den is located in the former carpentry quarter of eastern Paris. Counting on the unspent compensation for the layoff, I decide to forget about financial journalism and start collecting material for the book. During the day, Simon and I work, each in his own room.

We had to take off our rose-colored glasses almost immediately - due to disagreements over the interior design. In a feng shui book, I read that piles of junk on the floor are a sign of depression. However, in Simon's case, it is just some kind of special dislike for the shelves. But he wisely spent the money on a huge table of untreated wood, which took up half of the living room, and an antediluvian gas heating system that does not always provide us hot water... But most of all to this day I am annoyed by the trifle constantly pouring out of his pockets, which then gathers in piles in the corners.

- Well, why do you need so many little things, get rid of it - I pray to him.

Outside the apartment, I'm not very comfortable either. Although we are in the gastronomic capital of the world, I just can't figure out what we have. Like most American women, at the time of my move to Paris, I had quite extreme food addictions (vegetarian, gravitating towards the Atkins diet). Here I am besieged from all sides by the products of bakeries and meat dishes on the menu. For a while, I sit exclusively on omelets and goat cheese salads. When I ask the waiters to serve the sauce for the salad separately, they look at me like I'm crazy. And I don’t understand why in French supermarkets you can find any American breakfast cereal, except my favorites, with raisins and nuts, and why the cafe does not serve skim milk!

Elena Kovalchuk,

Child upbringing is a delicate matter that requires an individual approach to each child. In each country, different requirements apply to parents raising a baby: for example, in our country, a slap on the bottom and a raised tone are not considered a criminal offense. In other countries, everything is different.

Nowadays, everyone decides for himself which method of education to apply to his child. But still, there are several, time-tested and time-tested, recommendations that will definitely come in handy for many parents.

Pamela Druckerman's book "French Children Don't Spit Food" different countries very good experience. After its release, the whole world began to envy the French, whose children, thanks to a special upbringing method, sleep peacefully at night literally from the cradle, eat everything without the slightest whims and are self-confident "to the core."

But if you ask a French mother what technique she applies to her children and what secrets she uses, she is likely to be confused. Because all French mothers, without exception, believe that in fact there are no secrets. They just act intuitively, guided by common sense, "watching" the child. And the word "educate" only makes them associate with prohibitions and punishments.

However, when you read French Children Don't Spit Food, you won't come across anything supernatural or unfamiliar. Everything that is there is heard, the author only concretizes this in several theses with illustrative examples.

For example, the French very clearly divide the time into adults and children, which allows parents to spend the evening the way they want. French child, after reading a bedtime story or watching a cartoon, he goes to bed without hysterics, and his parents, having poured themselves a glass of burgundy they deserve for the day, calmly go about their business. It is not necessary that the child is already sound asleep in the bedroom at this time. He can engage in personal affairs in which his parents do not interfere, respecting his right to personal space. But the child, in turn, will never enter the parent's bedroom. This division of personal time applies not only to the evening, but also to weekends and vacations. Thus, French parents show that the world does not revolve only around their children, while fostering respect for themselves and those around them.

The French also teach children to be patient. This does not mean that they, for example, starve the child, bringing up willpower. It's just that in their opinion, the baby is quite capable of withstanding half an hour without a cookie, if there is lunch soon. Snacks are unacceptable for the French. Perhaps not everyone will like this rule, unlike the previous one, many adhere to free feeding, "at the first call." And this applies to both infants and older children. But the French are educated that way.

In their opinion, if you indulge the child in everything, then desires and whims will grow like a snowball. And patience is like a muscle that must be trained all the time. And such an approach, according to the French, will make your life much calmer, for there is no point in growing up for a child around whom the universe revolves.

Actually, the French allow children to live their lives literally from the cradle: they allow them to make mistakes and correct them, without reproaching their parents. In their opinion, children from an early age have the right to make their own personal choice. They believe that overprotection is pure harm that never brings positive results. And also the French are against accelerating the development of the child. This does not mean that their children do absolutely nothing at a young age, but they are 100% firmly convinced that a child should go through all stages of development at a natural pace, and not be constantly busy in circles, sports sections and developing schools. Many people disagree with such arguments, for example, the Americans, with whom a parallel is always drawn in the book. And how to do the right thing in reality - the decision is individual for everyone.

In short, Druckerman's book will be of interest to both families who already have children and those who are still planning to become parents. And all because the author describes not only the rules of behavior with children, but also the way of life of the French in general, their relationship to each other and to life, the distribution of roles in the family, talks about the notorious harmony of the French and their famous love for delicious food. “Live so as to get pleasure from it” - in fact, this is the most important rule of the French.

French parents manage to raise happy, polite and obedient children without sacrificing their adult life... Why don't the French, unlike us, spend part of the night trying to lull their little ones? Why don't their children demand continuous attention? Why don't they step in when the adults are socializing and throw tantrums in toy stores? Why do they behave calmly in restaurants, eat adult dishes and are able to listen to a parent's "no" without a scandal?

French women adore their children, but do not allow them to ruin their figure, career and social life... Even with babies they look fashionable and sexy. How do they do it?

American journalist Pamela Druckerman, who lives in Paris with her English husband and three children, researched the phenomenon of French upbringing. She ended up with a very personal, lively, full of humor and at the same time practical book, revealing the secrets of the French, whose children sleep well, eat well and do not bother their parents.

Foreword - French Children Don't Spit Food When our daughter was one and a half years old, we decided to take her with us on vacation. 2

Pamela Druckerman
French children do not spit the food. Parenting Secrets from Paris

Dedicated to Simon, next to whom everything makes sense

Les petits poissons dans l'eau,

Nagent aussi bien que les gros.

Small fish swim like big ones.

French children's song

The book became fashionable instantly. On the one hand, it is about raising children, and on the other, about savoir vivre(the famous "ability to live"), in which, according to the French, they have no equal ... This is a book about how to bring up a happy, self-confident and independent person, not studying foreign languages ​​with him from infancy and not breastfeeding until two years ... And how to be a mother, a woman and a social unit.

Olesya Khantsevich, Expert magazine

Almost the most popular child-rearing manual today.

Lisa Birger, Kommersant Weekend magazine

Why are there so many gourmets, hedonists and connoisseurs of beauty in France? This is the result of being educated in French. We have a lot to learn.

Marina Zubkova, We Read Together magazine

Druckerman has written a book that has become an international bestseller. It turned out that while everyone else is raising their children, the French are "raising" them ... In theory, this will lead to the fact that children will behave "civilized", and parents feel relaxed.

Lev Danilkin, Afisha magazine

Amazing book. I didn’t sleep for two nights, I just couldn’t tear myself away.

Elena Solovieva, Raising a Child magazine

Yan Levchenko, "Moscow Book Journal"

French parents are above all unobtrusive, calm and patient. This is something like a three-digit code, knowing which, you can reveal the main secret of their educational system.

Vera Broyde, "Book Review" newspaper

Parents' lives should not stop with the arrival of children; it just becomes different. The book contains a new and original perspective on raising children and communicating with them.

Anna Akhmedova, "Papa's magazine"

Lightly and witty Pamela talks about the rules of raising children in France. They're easy to follow and they work!

Magazine "I will be a mom"

From the very first pages of the book it becomes clear: if our children lose to French in good manners, then the reason, most likely, is not in them, but in us, Russian parents. More precisely, in our parental reactions to various small and large problems.

Irina Nakisen, "Snob" magazine

A very personal, lively, full of humor and incredibly useful book about the intricacies of parenting. And although the secrets of French women are as elusive as their famous charm, you can still learn from them the balance between rigor and freedom.

Natalia Lomykina, Forbes magazine

Some names and details in this book have been changed to ensure anonymity.

Dictionary of French educational terms

Attend - wait, wait. This command, which parents give to children in France, means that the child is quite capable of waiting for what he wants and in the interval can occupy himself.

Au revoir - Goodbye. Children in France should say au revoir when they say goodbye to familiar adults. One of the four "magic words" every French child should know ...

Autonomie - autonomy. Independence and the ability to rely only on themselves are brought up in children from an early age.

Bêtise - little prank. Dividing misconduct into more and less serious helps parents respond to them accordingly.

Bonjour - hello good afternoon. This is how children greet familiar adults.

Sasa boudin - lit. cocoa sausage, turd. An offensive word from French kindergarteners.

Cadre - frames, borders. The ideal of French parenting: children are given a clear framework, but within this framework, they are given complete freedom.

Caprice - caprice... An impulsive desire, whim, or demand from a child, often accompanied by whining or crying. French parents think indulging in whims is harmful.

Classe verte - "green class"... Starting from the first grade of school, students go out into nature for about a week every year under the supervision of a teacher and several adults.

Colonie de vacances - children's recreation camp... There are several hundred such camps in France for children from four years of age. They rest there without their parents, usually in the countryside.

Complicité - mutual trust... A mutual understanding that French parents and educators have been trying to achieve from their children since birth. They believe that even young children can think rationally and can build relationships with them based on mutual understanding and respect.

Crèche - full day French public daycare... Middle-class French people usually send their children to nurseries rather than leave them with nannies. They prefer public nurseries to private, "home" ones.

Doucement - quietly, carefully... One of those words that educators often say to young children, believing that even toddlers are able to act mindfully and in control of their actions.

Doudou - favorite toy, usually soft - the one with which the child falls asleep.

École maternelle - free public kindergarten... The child goes to kindergarten in September of the year when he turns three.

Éducation - training, education... French parents regard parenting as learning.

Enfant roi - baby king... An overly demanding child who is constantly in the center of attention of parents and absolutely does not tolerate if something is "not for him."

no way .

Profter - enjoy, take advantage of the moment.