Letters to young readers. Funny case from life

It is said that the content determines the form. This is true, but it is true and the opposite that the content depends on the form. The famous American psychologist of the beginning of this century D. James wrote: "We cry because we are sad, but we are sad because we are crying." Therefore, let's talk about the form of our behavior, which should enter our habit and what should also be our internal content.

Once it was considered indecent to show with all his appearance that the misfortune happened to you that you had a grief. A person should not have imposed his depressed state to others. It was necessary and in the mountain to maintain dignity, to be even with everyone, not to be immersed in myself and to stay as friendly and even cheerful. The ability to maintain dignity, not to be imposed by another with their grief, do not spoil another mood, be always smooth in handling people, be always friendly and cheerful is a big and present art that helps to live in society and society.

But what kind of fun should be? Noisy and obsessive fun tediously surrounding. Eternally, the "racking" sharpness of a young man ceases to be perceived as worthy of behavior. He becomes a joke. And this is the worst thing that can happen to a person in society, and this means ultimately loss of humor.

Do not be funny.

Not to be funny is not only the ability to behave, but also a sign of mind.

Funny can be in everything, even in the manner dress. If a man carefully picks a tie to a shirt, a shirt to the costume - it is ridiculous. Excessive concern for its outfit is immediately visible. It is necessary to take care of dressing decently, but this concern for men should not cross the known borders. Excessively concerned about his outfit, a man is unpleasant. Woman is another matter. In men, only a hint of fashion should be in clothes. Perfectly clean shirt, clean shoes and fresh, but not very bright tie - this is enough. The costume can be old, it should not only be untidy.

In a conversation with other, you will listen, you will be silent, you will be able to joke, but rarely and on time. Take yourself as little space. Therefore, at lunch, you do not put the elbows on the table, the constraint of the neighbor, but also do not try to excessively be the "soul of society". In all observe the measure, do not be obsessive even with your friendships.

Do not suffer your shortcomings if you have them. If you stutter, do not think that this is very bad. Zaiki are excellent speakers, pondering every word. The best lecturer famous by its eloquent professors of Moscow University historian V. O. Klyuchevsky stood up. A small squint can give consideration to face, chromoty - movements. But if you are shy, do not be afraid of it. Feel free to your shyness: shyness is very sweet and not at all funny. She becomes funny, only if you try to overcome it too much and shy it. Be simple and indulgent to your shortcomings. Do not suffer from them. It is not no worse when the "complex of inferiority" develops in a person, and together with him, cornpiece, ill-quality to other persons, envy. A person loses what is good in it - kindness.

There is no better music than silence, silence in the mountains, silence in the forest. No better "music in man" than modesty and ability to silend, not to move first. There is nothing more unpleasant and stupid in the appearance and behavior of a person, the importance or noise; There is nothing more funny in a man than excessive concern for your costume and hairstyle, the calculation of movements and the "sharp fountain" and jokes, especially if they are repeated.

In behavior, be afraid to be funny and try to be modest, quiet.

Never blur, always be smooth with people, respect the people who surround you.

Here are some tips, it would seem about the secondary - about your behavior, about your appearance, but also about your inner world: do not be afraid of your physical flaws. Treat them with dignity, and you will be elegant.

I have a familiar girl, a little humpback. Honestly, I do not get tired to admire it with grace in those rare cases when I meet it in museums on the venice passes (there are all found - therefore, they are the holidays of culture).

And one more, and most, maybe important: be true. The desired to deceive others is primarily deceived. He naively thinks that he was believed, and the surrounding actually were just polite. But the lie always gives out itself, the lie always "felt", and you are not only becoming disappearing, worse - you are funny.

Do not be funny! The truthfulness is beautiful, even if you confess that they were deceived before any occasion, and explain why they did it. This is corrected. You will be respected, and you will show your mind.

Simplicity and "silence" in man, truthfulness, lack of claims in clothing and behavior - this is the most attractive "form" in a person who becomes its most elegant "content."

Ninth letter

When should it be offended?

It should be offended only when they want to offend you. If they do not want, and the reason for the resentment is an accident, then why take offense?

Not angry, find out the misunderstanding - and that's it.

Well, if they want to offend? Before answering offense, it is worth thinking: should it be descended before the insult? After all, the insult usually lies somewhere low and before it should be leaning to raise it.

If they decided to be offended, then first make a kind of mathematical action - subtraction, division, etc. Suppose you were insulted for what you are only partly to blame. Remove from your feeling offense all that does not apply to you. Suppose you were offended from the motivations of noble, - make the division of your feeling on the impulse noble, who caused an offensive remark, etc. Arranged in the mind of a certain necessary mathematical operation, you can respond with great dignity that will be no longer Less value you give offense. Until known limits, of course.

In general, excessive syradiability - a sign of a lack of a mind or some kind of commissionality. Be smart.

There is a good English rule: offended only when you want offend intention offend. On simple inattention, forgetfulness (sometimes inherent in this person by age, for any psychological flaws) is not necessary to be offended. On the contrary, they will show special care to such a "forgetful" person - it will be beautiful and noble.

This is if they "offend" you, but what about when you yourself can offend another? With regard to touchy people, it is necessary to be especially attentive. Sensibility After all, a very painful character trait.

Letter tenth

Honor True and False

I do not like definitions and is often not ready for them. But I can point out some differences between conscience and honor.

There is one significant difference between conscience and honor. Conscience always comes from the depths of the soul, and conscience in one way or another is cleaned. Conscience "gnawing." Conscience is not false. It happens muffled or too exaggerated (extremely rare). But ideas about honor are perfectly false, and these false ideas cause enormous damage to society. I mean what is called "Honor Mundir". We disappeared such an unusual phenomenon, as the concept of noble honor, but the "honor of the Mundir" remains a heavy cargo. Similarly, a person died, but only a uniform with which the Order was removed. And within which a conscientious heart is no longer beating.

"Honor of Mundir" makes the managers to defend false or vicious projects, insist on the continuation of obviously unsuccessful buildings, fighting protecting monuments with societies ("Our construction is more important"), etc. An examples of such settling "Honor of Mundir" can be given a lot.

The honor of True is always in accordance with conscience. The honor is false - the mirage in the desert, in the moral desert of human (or rather, the "official") soul.

Eleventh letter

About careerism

Man from the first day of his birth is developing. He is directed to the future. He learns, learns to put new challenges, not even understanding. And how quickly he mastering his position in life. Already a spoon can hold, and the first words to say.

Then he learns to the tails and young men.

And the time comes to apply your knowledge, to achieve what it strives. Maturity. We must live real ...

But overclocking is preserved, and this instead of exercise comes for many times of mastering position in life. Movement goes on inertia. Man all the time aspiring to the future, and the future is no longer in real knowledge, not in mastering skill, but in the device itself in a profitable position. Content, genuine content is lost. Currently does not occur, an empty aspiration in the future remains. This is a careerism. Inner anxiety making man unhappy personally and unbearable to others.

Twelfth letter

In the light of the last "nationwide" discussions on 7e, very much to the place will be chapters from "letters about the good and beautiful" Dmitry Likhachev. Do you really need to be modest? Or, the advice of a highly agreed and wise man over the past decades heal itself, and in the new reality it is necessary to think first of all about their comfort?

Eighth letter. Be funny but not be funny

It is said that the content determines the form. This is true, but it is true and the opposite that the content depends on the form. The famous American psychologist of the beginning of this century D. James wrote: "We plan because we are sad, but we are sad because we are crying." Therefore, let's talk about the form of our behavior, which should enter our habit and what should also be our internal content.

Once it was considered indecent to show with all his appearance that the misfortune happened to you that you had a grief. A person should not have imposed his depressed state to others. It was necessary and in the mountain to maintain dignity, to be even with everyone, not to be immersed in myself and to stay as friendly and even cheerful.

The ability to maintain dignity, not to be imposed by another with their grief, do not spoil another mood, be always smooth in handling people, be always friendly and cheerful is a big and present art that helps to live in society and society.

But what kind of fun should be? Noisy and obsessive fun tediously surrounding. Eternally, the "racking" sharpness The young man ceases to be perceived as worthy of behavior. He becomes a joke. And this is the worst thing that can happen to a person in society, and this means ultimately loss of humor.

Do not be funny.

Not to be funny is not only the ability to behave, but also a sign of mind.

Funny can be in everything, even in the manner dress. If a man carefully picks a tie to a shirt, a shirt to the costume - it is ridiculous. Excessive concern for its outfit is immediately visible. It is necessary to take care of dressing decently, but this concern for men should not cross the known borders.

Excessively concerned about his outfit, a man is unpleasant. Woman is another matter. In men, only a hint of fashion should be in clothes. Perfectly clean shirt, clean shoes and fresh, but not very bright tie - this is enough. The costume can be old, it should not only be untidy.

In a conversation with other, you will listen, you will be silent, you will be able to joke, but rarely and on time. Take yourself as little space. Therefore, at lunch, you do not put my elbows on the table, the constraint of the neighbor, but also do not try to excessively be a "soul of society." In all observe the measure, do not be obsessive even with your friendships.

Do not suffer your shortcomings if you have them. If you stutter, do not think that this is very bad. Zaiki are excellent speakers, pondering every word. The best lecturer famous for its eloquent professors of Moscow University historian V.O. Klyuchevsky stuttered. A small squint can give consideration to face, chromoty - movements.

But if you are shy, do not be afraid of it. Feel free to your shyness: shyness is very sweet and not at all funny. She becomes funny, only if you try to overcome it too much and shy it.

Be simple and indulgent to your shortcomings. Do not suffer from them. There is no worse when the "complex of inferiority" develops in a person, and together with him, cornpiece, ill-advantage to other persons, envy. A person loses what is good in it - kindness.

There is no better music than silence, silence in the mountains, silence in the forest. There is no better "music in man" than modesty and the ability to get silent, do not move first. There is nothing more unpleasant and stupid in the appearance and behavior of a person, the importance or noise; There is nothing more funny in a man than excessive concern for its suit and hairstyle, the calculation of movements and the "fountain of sharp" and jokes, especially if they are repeated.

In behavior, be afraid to be funny and try to be modest, quiet.

Never blur, always be smooth with people, respect the people who surround you.

Here are some tips, it would seem about the secondary - about your behavior, about your appearance, but also about your inner world: do not be afraid of your physical flaws. Treat them with dignity, and you will be elegant.

I have a familiar girl, a little humpback. Honestly, I do not get tired to admire Her grace in those rare cases when I meet it in museums on the venice passes (everyone meets there - because they are cultural holidays).

And one more, and most, maybe important: be true. The desired to deceive others is primarily deceived. He naively thinks that he was believed, and the surrounding actually were just polite. But the lie always gives out itself, the lie always "felt", and you are not only becoming disappearing, worse - you are funny.

Do not be funny! The truthfulness is beautiful, even if you confess that they were deceived before any occasion, and explain why they did it. This is corrected. You will be respected, and you will show your mind.

Simplicity and "silence" in man, truthfulness, lack of claims in clothing and behavior - here is the most attractive "shape" in a person who becomes its most elegant "content."

Sixteenth letter. About greed

I do not satisfy the vocabulary definitions of the word "greed". "The desire to satisfy an excessive, insatiable desire of something" or "misfortune, borestip" (this is from one of the best dictionaries of the Russian language - four thousand, the first Tom came out in 1957).

In principle, this definition of a four-volume "dictionary" is true, but it does not convey that feeling of disgust, which covers me when I observe the manifestation of greed in man. Greed is the oblivion of our own dignity, it is an attempt to put your material interests above yourself, this is a spiritual detergent, the terrible orientation of the mind, it is extremely limiting, the buzzing mental, sickness, a yellow look at the world, the bile to itself and others, the oblivion of the partnership.

Greed in man is not even funny, it is humiliating. She is hostile to himself and others. Other business - reasonable thrift; Greed is its distortion, her illness. Greatness owns the mind, greed sends the mind.

Letter second. Youth - all life

When I studied at school, and then at the university, it seemed to me that my "adult life" would be in some completely different setting, as it were in another world, and I will surround completely different people. From the present will not remain anything ...

And in fact it turned out otherwise. My peers remained with me. Not everything, of course: many have taken death. And yet, the friends of youth turned out to be the most faithful, ever. The circle of acquaintances increased extraordinitively, but real friends are old. Genuine friends are purchased in youth.

I remember that only her girlfriends on gymnasium remained real friends. Father's friends had his fellow students at the institute. And how much I observed, openness to friendship gradually decreases with age. Youth is a rapprochement time. And they should be remembered about this and beware of the friends, because the real friendship helps and in the mountain, and in joy.

Therefore, take care of youth to deep old age. Appreciate everything good that you purchased in young years, do not waste youthful wealth. Nothing from the acquired in youth passes without a trace. Habits brought up in youth, are stored for life. Skills in work - too. Accustomed to work - and work will forever deliver joy. And how important is it for human happiness! There is no unhappy man lazy, eternally avoiding labor, effort ...

Both in youth and in old age. Good youthful skills will make life easier, bad - complicate it and make it difficult.

And further. There is a Russian proverb: "take care of honor". All actions performed in the youth remain in memory. Good will delight, bad not to go to sleep!

Discussion

Already the name itself sounds strange. What does it mean "how can the place as possible"? A person in his own life is the most important thing!

It seems to me that this is a set of some stereotypes (a man rides, if overly monitors himself, and a woman is not). If exactly what "overly", then everything will be ridiculous. And here is the floor? Gender stereotypes annoy.

again about weight loss?

Comment Article "" Consider as little space as possible "- Academician Dmitry Likhachev"

All non-busy quotes or targets are added to general budget and after are divided in a proportion of 80/20. The one who in a yellow wave and who managed to call and persuade to come. The fact is that few of the yellow waves are waiting for the second and keeps the original with you.

Olympiants took all budget places. Budget places and filed originals. What do you think, if the budget is already filed with the originals with a big point than our more than places, then in St. Petersburg simply turned out more budget places and corrosive less beneficiaries.

Small Mehmat, MCNMO, what else will advise? It became a circle. But having read the conflue, I understood that there was little explanations on the circles ...

Or can I register already spelled in Moscow? The fact is that the extract will take a few more days here, and I want to go rather 2. The child under guardianship is only registered on the site of the arrival to 18 years, and at the age of 18 he must return to a permanent position.

I am very grateful to Borisov Dmitry Alekseevich, a doctor with a capital letter - a truly thinking person and specialist! Imagine, he even did not take money with us for the techniques, although he advised me, and her husband, and daughter on different problems ... As a result, we paid ...

Just say that you love to me mean before this man defenseless. And I don't want to be such a thing before anyone. How to behave? In such cases, it seems to me, it is easier to calm down first, then ask for forgiveness from each other, then ...

You need to behave as usual you are doing yourself in life and not put pressure on a person, because if he with you now means it is not subconsciously you are convinced that "such a person" is worthy "much more than such and how to behave with people" unusual " - not. Here you think that ...

How to behave worthy?. Relationships with parents. Child from 7 to 10. How to behave worthy? The daughter today drew my portrait and shows me. Well, Chesslovo, I was simply not able to restrain and rzhal like a horse.

if the time was not prescribed - it may mean that the culprit is so installed and there is no point in carrying out. And what specifically said how to behave on the analysis of an accident? The husband did not agree and appointed a parsing group. How to behave there yourself? Husband removed the scene of the incident from everyone ...

how to behave with exteroids. Serious question. About her, about maiden. And it is impossible to change a person against his will. So, not so terrible as she is male, since she again agrees, but it does not mean that others do not communicate with her or that I can not communicate in the future.

This is the first place in school, but not the first in the region area ... But we are still scary! In general, I realized that if you know about this Olympics in advance (to determine the tasks of the past years), the results are greatly improved ...

Very small, power exercises take 15 minutes, aerobic - running, jumping, etc., if desired, but not less than 10 minutes. ... refuse to achieve the goal, for it threatens to take away health, destroy relationships or just take too much valuable years of life.

Little children take there anything. Decent playgrounds. Park Kolomna is very good. Especially in the morning on weekdays. Sports the situation is such - sport. Torpedo (Avtozavodskaya) complex and work stadium, Planet Fitness (Nagatinskaya).

Who knows, how many years do you have a child with you to carry it for free? Where did I hear that before two, is it? Is there any exceptions?

How to behave with a housekeeper?. Serious question. About her, about maiden. Discussion of the issues of the life of a woman in the family, how to behave with the housekeeper? Some time ago we took a housekeeper. At first everything went well, then she began to cover.

How to behave with neighbors? Under us half a year ago, Mom settled with the daughter of the teenager. Mom constantly at work. And if you are a brought up, then the request of neighbors satisfy, but if no one asks for it at all means that it does not interfere with anyone.

1) worthy as such. This means - a decent, not lying, does not fail, fulfills the promises, brought up (in the curtains it does not blow an ordeal) I think the cultural person does not behave this, smart too. Yes, and his main thesis that Canada is a disgusting country only ...

The book of an outstanding scientist XX century, Academician Dmitry Sergeevich Likhachev addressed to young readers. These are devoid of moralism and pathos, decorated in the form of short letters of reflections of a kind and wise person about the need for self-development, forming the right system of values, getting rid of greed, envy, offensiveness, hatred and education of love for people, understanding, sympathy, courage and skills defend your point of view. "Letters ..." Academician Likhachev will be useful to anyone who wants to learn to make a faithful choice in the most difficult situations, get along with people, to be in harmony with them and the world around and receive great pleasure from life.

* * *

Company LITRES.

Letter eighth

Be funny but not be funny

It is said that the content determines the form. This is true, but it is true and the opposite that the content depends on the form. The famous American psychologist of the beginning of this century D. James wrote: "We cry because we are sad, but we are sad because we are crying." Therefore, let's talk about the form of our behavior, which should enter our habit and what should also be our internal content.

Once it was considered indecent to show with all his appearance that the misfortune happened to you that you had a grief. A person should not have imposed his depressed state to others. It was necessary and in the mountain to maintain dignity, to be even with everyone, not to be immersed in myself and to stay as friendly and even cheerful. The ability to maintain dignity, not to be imposed by another with their grief, do not spoil another mood, be always smooth in handling people, be always friendly and cheerful is a big and present art that helps to live in society and society.

But what kind of fun should be? Noisy and obsessive fun tediously surrounding. Eternally racking sharpness The young man ceases to be perceived as worthy of behalf of himself. He becomes a joke. And this is the worst thing that can happen to a person in society, and this means ultimately loss of humor.

Do not be funny.

Not to be funny is not only the ability to behave, but also a sign of mind.

End of a familiarization fragment.

* * *

Led Book Foreign Fragment Letters of good and beautiful (D. S. Likhachev, 1985) Granted by our book partner -

Floors of care. Caring is bonding relations between people. Bashes the family, fastens friendship, fastens a fellow villagers, inhabitants of one city, one country.

Trace a person's life.

A person is born and the first concern for him - Mother; Gradually (after a few days), the care of his father comes into direct connection with the child (before the birth of the child, the concern for him was already, but it was up to a certain extent "abstract" - to the appearance of a child Parents were preparing, dreamed of him).

A sense of care about a friend appears very early, especially in girls. The girl still does not speak, but already trying to take care of the doll, nursing it. Boys, very small, love to collect mushrooms, catch fish. Berries, mushrooms love to collect and girls. And after all they collect not only for themselves, but for the whole family. Carry home, harvest for the winter.

Gradually, children become objects of more and higher care and they themselves begin to take care real and wide - not only about the family, but also about the school, where they put their care to the parent, about their village, city and country ...

Caring is growing and becomes more altruistic. For your care, children pay concern about the old men, when they can no longer pay for the care of children. And this concern for old men, and then also about the memory of the died parents, as if merged on the historical memory of the family and the Motherland as a whole.

If concern is only aimed at himself, he grows an egoist.

Caring - unites people, crept the memory of the past and is directed entirely to the future. This is not a feeling itself - this is a specific manifestation of a feeling of love, friendship, patriotism. A person must be caring. An unloading or carefree person is most likely an unkind man and not loving anyone.

Morality is extremely characteristic of the feeling of compassion. In compassion there is a consciousness of his unity with humanity and the world (not only by people, nations, but also with animals, plants, nature, etc.). The feeling of compassion (or something close to him) makes us fight for cultural monuments, for their preservation, for nature, separate landscapes, for respect for memory. In compassion there is a consciousness of its unity with other people, with a nation, the people, the country, the Universe. That is why the forgotten concept of compassion requires its complete revival and development.

Surprisingly the right idea: "A small step for a person, a big step for humanity." You can give thousands of examples: to be a kind one person is worthless, but it is incredibly difficult to become good mankind. It is impossible to fix humanity, it is easy. To feed the child, spend the old man across the street, give way to the tram, work well, to be polite and consistent ... etc. etc. - All this is just for a person, but incredibly difficult for everyone at once. That is why you need to start with yourself.

Good can not be stupid. Good deed is never stupid, for he is intenseless and does not pursue the goal of the benefit and "smart result". You can call a kind act "stupid" only when he clearly could not reach the goal or was a "false", mistakenly kind, that is, not good. I repeat, a truly good act can not be stupid, he is out of assessments from the point of view of the mind or not mind. That good and good.

Letter eighth
Be funny but not be funny

It is said that the content determines the form. This is true, but it is true and the opposite that the content depends on the form. A well-known American psychologist of the beginning of this century, D.James wrote: "We cry because we are sad, but we are sad because we are crying." Therefore, let's talk about the form of our behavior, which should enter our habit and what should also be our internal content.

Once it was considered indecent to show with all his appearance that the misfortune happened to you that you had a grief. A person should not have imposed his depressed state to others. It was necessary and in the mountain to maintain dignity, to be even with everyone, do not dive with yourself and stay as friendly and even cheerful. The ability to maintain dignity, not to be imposed by another with their grief, do not spoil another mood, be always friendly and cheerful is a great and present art that helps to live in society and society itself.

But what fun should be? Noisy and obsessive fun tediously surrounding. Eternally, the "husky" sharpness of a young man ceases to be perceived as worthy of behavior. He becomes a joke. And this is the worst thing that can happen to a person in society, and this means ultimately the loss of humor.

Do not be funny.

Not to be funny is not only the ability to behave, but also a sign of mind.

It can be ridiculous in everything, even dressing in the manner. If a man carefully picks a tie to a shirt, a shirt to the costume - it is ridiculous. Excessive concern for its outfit is immediately visible. It is necessary to take care of dressing decently, but this concern for men should not cross the known borders. Excessively concerned about his outfit, a man is unpleasant. Woman is another matter. In men, there should be only a hint of fashion. Perfectly clean shirt, clean shoes and fresh, but not very bright tie - this is enough. The costume can be old, it should not only be untidy.

In a conversation with other, you will listen, you will be silent, you will be able to joke, but rarely and on time. Take yourself as little space. Therefore, at dinner, do not put your hands on the table, the constraint of the neighbor, but also do not try to excessively be the "soul of society." In all, observe the measure, do not be obsessive even with your friendships.

Do not suffer your shortcomings if you have them. If you stutter, do not think that this is very bad. Zaiki is excellent speakers, thinking on every word. The best lecturer famous for its eloquent professors of Moscow University historian V.O. Klechevsky stood up. A small squint can give consideration to face, chromoty - movements. But if you are shy, do not be afraid of it. Feel free to your shyness: shyness is very sweet and not at all funny. She becomes funny, only if you try to overcome it too much and shy it. Be simple and indulgent to your shortcomings. Do not suffer from them. There is no worse when the "complex of inferiority" develops in a person, and together with him, the ambulance, ill-witness for other people, envy. A person loses what is the best in it - kindness.

There is no better music than silence, silence in the mountains, silence in the forest. There is no "best music" in man than modesty and skill, do not move first. There is nothing more unpleasant and stupid in human behavior than importance or noise; There is nothing more funny in a man than excessive concern for its costume and hairstyle, the calculation of movements and the "sharp fountain" and jokes, especially if they are repeated.

In behavior, be afraid to be funny and try to be modest, quiet.

Never blossom, be always smooth with people, respect the people who surround you.

Here are some tips, it would seem about the secondary - about your behavior, about your appearance, but also about your inner world: do not be afraid of your physical flaws. Treat them with dignity, and you will be elegant.

I have a familiar girl, a little humpback. Honestly, I do not get tired to admire her in grace in those rare cases when I meet it in museums on the venissions (everyone is found there - because they are cultural holidays).

And one more, and most, maybe important: be true. The desired to deceive others is primarily deceived. He naively thinks that he was believed, and the surrounding actually were just polite. But the lie always gives yourself, the lie always "felt", and you are not only becoming disappearing, worse - you are funny.

Do not be funny! The truthfulness is beautiful, even if you confess that they were deceived before any occasion, and explain why they did it. This is corrected. You will be respected, and you will show your mind.

Simplicity and "silence" in man, truthfulness, lack of claims in clothing and behavior - here is the most attractive "form" in a person who becomes its most elegant "content."

Ninth letter
When should it be offended?

It should be offended only when they want to offend you. If they do not want, and the reason for the resentment is an accident, then why take offense?

Not angry, find out the misunderstanding - and that's it.

Well, if they want to offend? Before answering offense, it is worth thinking: should it be descended before the insult? After all, the insult usually lies somewhere low and before it should be leaning to raise it.

If they decided to be offended, then first make a kind of mathematical action - subtraction, division, and so on. Suppose you insulted for what you are only partly to blame. Remove from your feeling offense what does not apply to you. Suppose you were offended from the motives of noble, - make the division of your feeling on the impulse noble, caused an offensive remark, etc. Arriving in the mind of a certain necessary mathematical surgery, you can answer offended with great dignity that will be worthwhile, the smaller you give offense. Until known limits, of course.

In general, excessive syradiability - a sign of a lack of a mind or some kind of commissionality. Be smart.

There is a good English rule: offended only when you want to be offended, intentionally offended. On simple inattention, forgetfulness (sometimes inherent in this person by age, for any psychological flaws) is not necessary to be offended. On the contrary, they will show special care to such a "forgetful" person - it will be beautiful and noble.

This is if they "offend" you, but what about when you yourself can offend another? With regard to touchy people, it is necessary to be especially attentive. Sensibility After all, a very painful character trait.

Cited by:
D.S.Likhachev. Letters about good. St. Petersburg: "Russian-Baltic Information Center Blitz", 1999.

Current page: 2 (Total 10 pages) [Available Reading Excerpt: 3 pages]

Letter eighth
Be funny but not be funny

It is said that the content determines the form. This is true, but it is true and the opposite that the content depends on the form. The famous American psychologist of the beginning of this century D. James wrote: "We cry because we are sad, but we are sad because we are crying." Therefore, let's talk about the form of our behavior, which should enter our habit and what should also be our internal content.

Once it was considered indecent to show with all his appearance that the misfortune happened to you that you had a grief. A person should not have imposed his depressed state to others. It was necessary and in the mountain to maintain dignity, to be even with everyone, not to be immersed in myself and to stay as friendly and even cheerful. The ability to maintain dignity, not to be imposed by another with their grief, do not spoil another mood, be always smooth in handling people, be always friendly and cheerful is a big and present art that helps to live in society and society.

But what kind of fun should be? Noisy and obsessive fun tediously surrounding. Eternally racking sharpness The young man ceases to be perceived as worthy of behalf of himself. He becomes a joke. And this is the worst thing that can happen to a person in society, and this means ultimately loss of humor.

Do not be funny.

Not to be funny is not only the ability to behave, but also a sign of mind.

Funny can be in everything, even in the manner dress. If a man carefully picks a tie to a shirt, a shirt to the costume - it is ridiculous. Excessive concern for its outfit is immediately visible. It is necessary to take care of dressing decently, but this concern for men should not cross the known borders. Excessively concerned about his outfit, a man is unpleasant. Woman is another matter. In men, only a hint of fashion should be in clothes. Perfectly clean shirt, clean shoes and fresh, but not very bright tie - this is enough. The costume can be old, it should not only be untidy.

In a conversation with other, you will listen, you will be silent, you will be able to joke, but rarely and on time. Take yourself as little space. Therefore, at lunch, you do not put the elbows on the table, the constraint of the neighbor, but also do not try to excessively be the "soul of society". In all observe the measure, do not be obsessive even with your friendships.

Do not suffer your shortcomings if you have them. If you stutter, do not think that this is very bad. Zaiki are excellent speakers, pondering every word. The best lecturer famous for its eloquent professors of Moscow University historian V.O. Klyuchevsky stuttered. A small squint can give consideration to face, chromoty - movements. But if you are shy, do not be afraid of it. Feel free to your shyness: shyness is very sweet and not at all funny. She becomes funny, only if you try to overcome it too much and shy it. Be simple and indulgent to your shortcomings. Do not suffer from them. It is not no worse when the "complex of inferiority" develops in a person, and together with him, cornpiece, ill-quality to other persons, envy. A person loses what is good in it - kindness.

There is no better music than silence, silence in the mountains, silence in the forest. No better "music in man" than modesty and ability to silend, not to move first. There is nothing more unpleasant and stupid in the appearance and behavior of a person, the importance or noise; There is nothing more funny in a man than excessive concern for your costume and hairstyle, the calculation of movements and the "sharp fountain" and jokes, especially if they are repeated.

In behavior, be afraid to be funny and try to be modest, quiet.

Never blur, always be smooth with people, respect the people who surround you.

Here are some tips, it would seem about the secondary - about your behavior, about your appearance, but also about your inner world: do not be afraid of your physical flaws. Treat them with dignity, and you will be elegant.

I have a familiar girl, a little humpback. Honestly, I do not get tired to admire Her grace in those rare cases when I meet it in museums on the venice passes (everyone meets there - because they are cultural holidays).

And one more, and most, maybe important: be true. The desired to deceive others is primarily deceived. He naively thinks that he was believed, and the surrounding actually were just polite. But the lie always gives out itself, the lie always "felt", and you are not only becoming disappearing, worse - you are funny.

Do not be funny! The truthfulness is beautiful, even if you confess that they were deceived before any occasion, and explain why they did it. This is corrected. You will be respected, and you will show your mind.

Simplicity and "silence" in man, truthfulness, lack of claims in clothing and behavior - this is the most attractive "form" in a person who becomes its most elegant "content."

Ninth letter
When should it be offended?

It should be offended only when they want to offend you. If they do not want, and the reason for the resentment is an accident, then why take offense?

Not angry, find out the misunderstanding - and that's it.

Well, if they want to offend? Before answering offense, it is worth thinking: should it be descended before the insult? After all, the insult usually lies somewhere low and before it should be leaning to raise it.

If they decided to be offended, then first make a kind of mathematical action - subtraction, division, etc. Suppose you were insulted for what you are only partly to blame. Remove from your feeling offense all that does not apply to you. Suppose you were offended from the motivations of noble, - make the division of your feeling on the impulse noble, who caused an offensive remark, etc. Arranged in the mind of a certain necessary mathematical operation, you can respond with great dignity that will be no longer Less value you give offense. Until known limits, of course.

In general, excessive sample - a sign of a lack of a mind or some kind of commissionality. Be smart.

There is a good English rule: offended only when you want offend intention offend. On simple inattention, forgetfulness (sometimes inherent in this person by age, for any psychological flaws) is not necessary to be offended. On the contrary, they will show special care to such a "forgetful" person - it will be beautiful and noble.

This is if they "offend" you, but what about when you yourself can offend another? With regard to touchy people, it is necessary to be especially attentive. Sensibility After all, a very painful character trait.

Letter tenth
Honor True and False

I do not like definitions and is often not ready for them. But I can point out some differences between conscience and honor.

There is one significant difference between conscience and honor. Conscience always comes from the depths of the soul, and conscience in one way or another is cleaned. Conscience "gnawing." Conscience is not false. It happens muffled or too exaggerated (extremely rare). But ideas about honor are perfectly false, and these false ideas cause enormous damage to society. I mean what is called "Honor Mundir". We disappeared such an unusual phenomenon, as the concept of noble honor, but the "honor of the Mundir" remains a heavy cargo. Similarly, a person died, but only a uniform with which the Order was removed. And within which a conscientious heart is no longer beating.

"Honor of Mundir" makes the managers to defend false or vicious projects, insist on the continuation of obviously unsuccessful buildings, fighting protecting monuments with societies ("Our construction is more important"), etc. An examples of such settling "Honor of Mundir" can be given a lot.

The honor of True is always in accordance with conscience. The honor is false - the mirage in the desert, in the moral desert of human (or rather, the "official") soul.

Eleventh letter
About careerism

Man from the first day of his birth is developing. He is directed to the future. He learns, learns to put new challenges, not even understanding. And how quickly he mastering his position in life. Already a spoon can hold, and the first words to say.

Then he learns to the tails and young men.

And the time comes to apply your knowledge, to achieve what it strives. Maturity. We must live real ...

But overclocking is preserved, and this instead of exercise comes for many times of mastering position in life. Movement goes on inertia. Man all the time aspiring to the future, and the future is no longer in real knowledge, not in mastering skill, but in the device itself in a profitable position. Content, genuine content is lost. Currently does not occur, there is still empty aspiration to the future. This is a careerism. Inner anxiety making man unhappy personally and unbearable to others.

Twelfth letter
Man should be intelligent

A person must be intelligent! And if his profession does not require intelligence? And if he could not get education: So the circumstances? And if the environment does not allow? And if the intelligence makes it a "white raven" among his colleagues, friends, relatives, will simply interfere with his rapprochement with other people?

No, no and NO! Intelligence is needed under all circumstances. It is needed for others, and for the person himself.

It is very, very important, and above all in order to live happily and for a long time - yes, for a long time! For intelligence is equal to moral health, and health is needed to live long - not only physically, but also mentally. In one old book it was said: "His father and his mother and their mother, and you will be on earth." This also applies to the whole people, and to a separate person. This is wise.

But first of all, we define what an intelligence is, and then, why it is connected with the commandment of longevity.

Many people think: an intelligent person is the one who read a lot, got a good education (and even by the benefit of humanitarian), traveled a lot, knows several languages.

Meanwhile, it is possible to have all this and be unimportant, and you can do not have it to a large extent, but to be internally intelligent person.

Education cannot be mixed with intelligence. Education lives with old content, intelligence - the creation of a new and awareness of the old as new.

Moreover ... deprit a truly intelligent person of all his knowledge, education, deprive him of memory itself. Let him forgot everything in the world, will not know the classics of literature, will not remember the greatest works of art, the most important historical events will forget, but if with all this it will keep susceptibility to intellectual values, love for acquisition of knowledge, interest in history, aesthetic flair, will be able to To distinguish the real work of art from the rude "doing" made, only to surprise, if he can admire the beauty of nature, to understand the nature and individuality of another person, to enter his position, and the understanding of another person, to help him, will not show rudeness, indifference, gloating , envy, but will appreciate the other in dignity, if he manifests respect for the culture of the past, the skills of an educated person, responsibility in solving moral issues, the wealth and accuracy of their language - spoken and written - this will be an intelligent person.

Intelligence not only in knowledge, but in the ability to understand the other. It manifests itself in a thousand and thousands of little things: in the ability to respectfully argue, behave modestly at the table, in the ability to imperceptibly (exactly) to help the other, take care of nature, do not litter around yourself - do not litter the cigarette or swearing, bad ideas (this is also trash, And what else!).

I knew in the Russian north of peasants who were truly intelligent. They observed an amazing purity in their homes, they knew how to appreciate the good songs, knew how to tell the "Vysivshchina" (that is, what happened to them or others), lived in ordinary life, were hospitable and welcoming, and understood, and to someone else's grief, and to someone else's joy.

Intelligence is the ability to understand, to perception, this is a tolerant attitude towards peace and to people.

Intelligent needs to be developed in themselves, to train - train spiritual forces, how to train and physical. And the training is possible and necessary in any conditions.

That the training of physical forces contributes to longevity - it is understandable. Much less understood that for longevity it is necessary to train spiritual and mental strength.

The fact is that the evil and evil response to the surrounding, rudeness and misunderstanding of others is a sign of spiritual and spiritual weakness, the human inability to live ... Pushes in a crowded bus - a weak and nervous man, exhausted, incorrectly on all reacting. Quarrel with neighbors - also a person who does not know how to live, deaf soulful. Aesthetically immune - also man is unhappy. It does not know how to understand another person who attributing to him only evil intentions, eternally offended on others - this is also a person who is depleting his life and preventing the lives to others. Peaceful weakness leads to physical weakness. I am not a doctor, but I am convinced. Sennigiary experience convinced me.

Friendness and kindness make a person not only physically healthy, but also beautiful. Yes, it is beautiful.

The person's face distorted by malice becomes ugly, and the movement of an evil person is deprived of the grace - not a deliberate grace, but a natural, which is much more expensive.

Social human debt is intelligent. This is a debt and before yourself. This is the key to his personal happiness and "Auura of goodwill" around him and to him (that is, addressed to him).

All I talk about with young readers in this book is a call for intelligence, physical and moral health, to the beauty of health. We will be long, as people and as a people! And the reading of the father and mother should be understood widely - as revered by the whole of our best in the past, in the past, which is the father and mother of our modern day, a great modernity, belonging to which - great happiness.

Letter thirteenth
About pupil

You can get good upbringing not only in your family or at school, but also ... at yourself.

It is only necessary to know what real pupil is.

I am convinced, for example, that the real pupil is manifested primarily at home, in his family, in relations with his relatives.

If a man on the street misses his unfamiliar woman ahead (even in the bus!) And even opens the door to her, and at home will not help the tired wife to wash the dishes, - he is an unbridled man.

If he is polite with his friends, and his homely annoyed for each occasion - he is an unbridled person.

If it is not considered with the character, psychology, habits and desires of his loved ones, is a non-love man.

If he is already in adulthood, he as tributary accepts the help of parents and does not notice that they themselves need help, - he is an unborn person.

If he turns out the radio and the TV or simply talks loudly when someone is preparing lessons or reads (let it be even his little children), - he is an unborn person and will never make his children brought up.

If he loves to work (joke) over his wife or children, without sparing their pride, especially with outsiders, then he is already (excuse me!) Just stupid.

A brought up man is the one who wants and knows how to reckon with others, this is the one who own politeness is not only familiar and easy, but also pleasant. This is the one who is equally polite and with the elders and with younger years and on the situation.

A brought up man in all respects does not behave "loudly", saves the time of others ("Accuracy - politeness of kings," says the saying), strictly fulfills the data of another promise, does not matter, does not break the nose and always one and the same - at home, in School, at the Institute, at work, in the store and in the bus.

The reader noticed, it is likely that I appeal mainly to a man, to the chapter of the family. This is because a woman really needs to give way to the road ... not only in the doorway.

But the smart woman will easily understand what it is necessary to do that, always and with appreciation taking from a man to her nature right, as small as possible to force a man to give her championship. And it is much harder! Therefore, Nature took care to make women in their mass (I am not talking about exceptions) were endowed with a great sense of tact and greater natural politeness than men ...

There are many books about "good manners." These books explain how to keep themselves in society, visiting and at home, in the theater, at work, with older and younger, how to talk, not offending hearing, and dress, not insulting the vision of others. But people, unfortunately, draw little from these books. It happens, I think, because in the books about good manners it is rarely explained why good manners are needed. It seems: have good manners fake, boring, unnecessary. Man with good manners and can indeed cover the bad acts.

Yes, good manners can be very external, but in general, good manners are created by the experience of many generations and marvel a centuries-old desire of people to be better, live more comfortable and more beautiful.

What is the matter? What is the basis of the manual for the acquisition of good manners? Is this a meeting of rules, "recipes" of behavior, instructions that are hard to remember everything?

At the heart of all the good manners, there is care - care that a person does not interfere with a person so that everyone felt well.

We must be able to not interfere with each other. Therefore, no need to noise. From noise, you will not shut up your ears - it is hardly in all cases and possibly. For example, at the table during the meal. Therefore, it is not necessary to the chakup, you do not need to ring the plug on the plate, with the noise to draw into myself the soup, talk loudly at dinner or talking to the mouth stuffed so that the neighbors had no fear. And you do not need to put the elbows on the table - again so as not to interfere with your neighbor. It is necessary to be talked to be dressed because there is a respect for the other - to guests, to the owners or just to passersby: you should not be disgusting. Do not tire the neighbors with continuous jokes, sharpness and jokes, especially those that have already been told by your listeners. By this you put the listeners in an awkward position. Try not only to entertain others yourself, but let others tell others. Manners, clothes, gait, all behavior should be restrained and ... beautiful. For any beauty does not tire. She is "social." And in so-called good manners there is always a deep meaning. Do not think that good manners are only manners, that is, something superficial. Your behavior you reveal your essence. It is not so many manners to educate in yourself, which is expressed in manners, careful attitude towards the world: to society, to nature, to animals and birds, to plants, to the beauty of the area, to the past of those places where you live, and t. d.

We must not remember hundreds of rules, but to remember one thing - the need for a valid attitude to others. And if you have it and some more resourcefulness, then the manners will come to you or, it is better to say, memory will come to the rules of good behavior, the desire and ability to apply them.

Fourteenth letter
About bad and good influences

In the life of each person there is a curious age phenomenon: third-party influences. These third-party influences are usually extremely strong when a young man or a girl start becoming adults - on a fracture. Then the power of these influences passes. But about the influences, their "pathologies", and sometimes normality should be remembered by the young men and girls.

Maybe there is no special pathology: just to the younger person, a boy or a girl, I want to seek an adult, independent. But, becoming independent, they seek to free themselves primarily from the influence of their family. With his family, the ideas about their "childishness" are associated. In part, the family itself is to blame for this, which does not notice that their "child" if he did not, then wants to be adults. But the habit of obeying did not have passed, and now he is listening to the one who recognized him with adults - sometimes a person who has not yet become adults and truly independent.

Influences are both good and bad. Remember this. But bad effects should be feared. Because a person with the will is not a bad effect, he himself chooses his way. The man is bullless to be bad influences. Fear of scoreless effects, especially if you still do not know how to accurately, clearly distinguish good from the bad if you like the praise and approval of our comrades, whatever these praise and approval approval: if only they praised.