How politely refuse examples. Seven simple ways to refuse a person

The secret, how to respond to a refusal to emails from friends and acquaintances.

Franzen recalls how the letter received from a friend. Not sincere, but very respected. Girlfriend asked to help with one project. Dedine? Passed a week ago. She needed only a few hours of time. She was ready to pay.

Franzen sighed, looked into his calendar and thought. The project could be done only if you move something, get up early, go to bed and in addition to work on weekends. Immiguous perspective. In addition, Alexander did not inspire this project at all, and even the money that girlfriend offered, did not make it attractive. It was better to pay time to interesting tasks. Well, or just spend time with your loved one.

In a word, there was not a single substantive reason to answer the friend "Yes", except for the installations "be cute" and "help friends." However, sometimes it is necessary to go to them in the opposite, Franzen thought, and decided to answer the refusal.

How to answer a friend "No" and not spoil the relationship? It turned out to be difficult even for a professional writer and an experienced specialist in the field of communications. It is also necessary to refuse - and this will strongly help a pre-prepared refusal pattern.

Universal scenario:

Hi, [Name]!

Thank you for your letter.

I am proud that you are ______. I am pleased that you would like to work with me.

I have to say no, because ____.

But I would like to help you [what exactly].

Thanks for _____! I appreciate our friendship.

[Several inspirational words].

[signature]

This may look like a real letter:

Hello, Maria!

Thank you for your letter!

I am proud that you are engaged in organizing a conference for online entrepreneurs. I am pleased that you would like to work with me.

Unfortunately, I have to answer "no" because this week I have trouble full of mouth - so much did it fell that the end-edge is not visible.

But I really would like to help you. Perhaps you will use the plan for holding last year's conference for livestock breeders of the Far North, who was preparing my colleague. Document I send in the investment. By the way, she will be glad to answer your questions in VKontakte (her page: vk.com/konfetka1966).

Thanks for your optimism and life! You know how I appreciate our friendship.

Good luck at the event! I imagine what kind of difficult work.

Write!

Sasha

This script will work if you perform three mandatory conditions.

1. Answer quickly.

It is impossible to postpone the answer in the hope that a friend will forget about the letter. Will not forget.

2. Briefly explain the cause of refusal.

Explain to friends the reason for refusal is important and correct. But do not hit the details. This is not necessary for anyone. Let's say, in the above scenario, only about the tense schedule speaks. If the explanation is honest and laconic, friends will understand.

3. Offer something instead

I do not know how to refuse. That is, of course, I try to say no politely, but it is very rarely obtained. Usually, all my attempts politely refuse and at the same time do not hurt a person either by a disappoint or a phrase "well, I'll see what can be done." The most extreme case - this is . I do not know whether there is a little deception, for good or half true. This is an even more difficult question.

Constantly deceive - Not a very good way out, which will eventually lead to a conflict, as you finally confuse and get started.

How to refuse to your boss, who once again asks you to stay after work? How to say solid "no" to your relatives so that they are not offended? How to give to understand your friends that at the moment you can not help them?

In fact, there are a huge variety of options, we just do not know about them.

Your offer sounds very tempting, but, unfortunately, I have too many things.

The phrase "It sounds very tempting." You let us understand the person that his offer you are interested. And the second part suggests that you would love to participate with pleasure (or helped), but at the moment you have too much urgent tasks.

A beautiful refusal, but in my own experience I can say that for close friends or relatives it will suit one or twice, and it is not in a row. If you refuse them in a similar way for the third time, in the fourth you no longer offer anything. This is especially true for picnics and other entertainment events.

Remember, one or two times - And then either change the circle of communication (for some reason they constantly deny it?), Or come in finally at least anyone. Suddenly you will like it?

But for the people you see not so often, this answer is perfectly suitable.

I am very sorry, but when the last time I did / or that and that, I received a negative experience

Soulful or emotional injury - Another curious option. Only the sadist will continue to insist, so that the person did what he did not like. Or the finished optimist with the slogan "What if the second time it is better?!".

Although with some grandmothers who are trying to feed the scratched offspring, "I do not eat meat" answers, "I have lactose intolerance" or "I don't like boiled vegetables" do not work.

But if you say that for the last time you drank milk, the whole day could not be in society because of the problems with the stomach, you may be saved. Granny, of course, will look at you a little spark and with a slight reproach, but it will not pour into a cup with the words: "Well, this is homemade, from the aunt of clave, nothing will happen to him!".

I would be happy, but ...

Another good way to refuse. You would love to help, but unfortunately, you can not at the moment. Only in no case are not allowed in lengthy explanations why.

First, starting something in detail to explain, you are gradually starting to feel. And secondly, thus giving a person the opportunity to cling to something in your narration and persuade you.

Only a brief and clear answer. No essays on the topic "I would be happy, but you understand, I need to do ..."

To be honest, I do not really understand it. Why don't you ask n, he is in this case pro

This is no case the translation of the shooter.

If you were asked to do something or help with advice, and you do not feel competent enough, why not offer someone who really understands it? So you not only do not hurt a person, but also show that you don't care and you try to help than you can.

I can't do it, but I will be happy to help ...

On the one hand, you refuse to do what you are trying to impose, on the other - Still help and at the same time choose what you want to do.

You look great, but I don't quite understand it

What if the girlfriend bought a dress, which, to put it mildly, she is not very suitable for her. Here there is a dilemma "Who more friend" - The one who will tell the truth, or the one who says it looks great in all the dresses?! This applies not only to appearance, but also the choice of the apartment, work and satellite of life, in the end.

But who are we, to freely argue on the topic of fashion? If we were, for example, known designers, then could criticize and immediately offer several other options to choose from.

And if not? Then either tell everything as it is if you are confident in the adequacy of a girlfriend or a friend, or translate the arrows on some colebrity from the world.

It sounds great! But I now have, unfortunately, a very tight schedule. Let me call you back ...

This answer is perfectly suitable when the option is interesting, but now you are really unable to help. So you not only do not offend a person, but also leave for themselves the opportunity to join the proposal interest in your later later.

More at the lectures on psychology at the university we were taught us that it was necessary to refuse, starting an offer with the word "yes", and then adding the notorious "but".

It works, however, not always. It all depends on the situation and from humans. It will not work for a long time and sooner or later you will have to explain why there is no "no".

But if you will be sufficiently diplomatic and firm, then with time people will know that if you refuse, it is not because you just lazy or you do not want to have any cases with them, but because you are a very busy person and necessarily You can, but a little later. In the end, people must learn to respect you and your opinion. How, however, and you - Alien.

This article in an affordable form will tell you how strongly, but at the same time competently, neatly and politely refuse to manWho asks for any favor ...

Not so long ago, I looked at the film with Jim Kerry "YES MAN" (2008 release). The plot is spinning around the thought that you need to overpower, say to everyone "yes" and everything will be like this.

But in practice, it seems to me, the problem is exactly the opposite - many people from one thought that someone will have to refuse, it becomes not in itself. They constantly laughs that, they say, "it's easier to surrender than to explain why" no ", etc.

Actually, you can master this skill. But I even think about it - you need to master it, because if you do not know how to say "no," it will never become a real free person, to fully realize, to do what you need, and not others. You will be doomed to do what you do not concern, at the same time be angry with others and at yourself, repeating how the cherished words of all conventors as a mantra: "Well, this is exactly the last time ..."

So let's stop being trouble-free "like a Mosina rifle of 1891 releases" - in front of you 6 quite simple ways firmly, convincingly and decisively, but at the same time politely, tactfully, and without violence to say "no":

The method is the first - straight "no"

The first thing that comes to mind is to directly tell the interlocutor "no" and explain the reason for refusal.

In fact, "explained" is not at all. If you stand and invent the "true cause of failure", it will immediately be seen - such your behavior will look insincere and contrived ...

Maybe it's better to simply say "no", without writing and lies on the go? Direct, simply "no" quite self-sufficiently, convincingly and understandable.

Try this recipe - just do not add anything to your refusal.

Break, of course, do not. You can use soft wording:

If your interlocutor is not enough for this, it begins to resort to various manipulations, tricks, then you can try to apply the so-called "technique of a spoiled plate", the essence of which is to repeat the same phrase several times - in our case a short failure :

You can not respond to provocations in any way! They must be patiently listen and survived. Even if one form of "persuar" replaces the other, you can not ask questions, something to specify or object - only silently listen and repeat your "no!"

The considered technique is particularly effective in relation to the assertive and / or aggressive people, as it deprives them of the opportunity to put their strength, and, therefore, the possibilities of leading further.

The second method is an empathic "no"

Before you the most "soft" answer to the question " How to politely deny a person?", The main principle of which lies in thoughtful, attentive listening to the interlocutor. You need to show that you all heart see his problems, sympathize. But at the end - add your refusal to fulfill the request.

You can use the following options for refusal:

At the same time, the reason for the failure can also not specify, especially if your compassion looks quite convincing.

This receiver with people who want to cause pity, play your feelings especially effective. Well, of course, those who wanted just attention, sympathy and support ...

The method is the third - reasonable "no"

If for your refusal there is a sufficiently weighty reason, then you can, of course, voice it. In this case, it is not necessary to wisely - just use this elementary formula: "I can't do it, because ... (hereinafter referred to as the reason)"

You can use special methods of failure, for example, by the "three reasons" method. The formula of this sufficiently weighty and convincing reception sounds like this: "I'm sorry, but I can't do this for three reasons ... (Next, these reasons are voiced)

The main thing in this technique is not to be sprayed for unnecessary details. It is important that the interlocutor does not lose in your arguments and grabbed the very essence of your Messenja.

You can use this technique in informal and in the formal setting. It will be especially appropriate in communicating with your supervisors, older people, etc.

The fourth method is a delayed "no"

If the methods described above are too decisive for you, if you are used to automatically agree with everything and completely learned to refuse, you may be coming up the method of delaying the answer. So you will win time, you can contact other people for advice how to politely refuse a person etc.

This technique will also be good for those who are strongly loaded by work (and, accordingly, cannot correctly appreciate their employment reserves), who is overly doubted their actions, as well as those who are accustomed to constantly and carefully analyze all their actions.

The essence of the technique is to ask the time to think about the request:

Thus, the soul does not have to shift. You just need to ask some time out, which will protect you from many rash solutions. Just try not to leave "Entrlave of the Maureaver" Places for further discussion at the moment!

Such techniques are perfectly triggered with persistent, assertive people who absolutely do not suffer any objections.

The fifth method is "no" by 50% or compromise "no"

Sometimes you would agree to help your interlocutor, but not all 100%, right? Then you can offer him to discuss the conditions. But it is important to be extremely accurate - what you do, and what not:

In the case, if your opponent is not pleased with the conditions, then you can calmly deny help!

Method of the sixth - "No" in the trifles or diplomatic "no"

Sometimes you just need to invite your interlocutor to negotiate. Then, refuse him in some positions it will be convenient, and to find a mutually acceptable option will be much easier.

This technique is suitable when you don't have a ready-made solution to the problem, and you would like to find it together: "Come on, I will try to help you differently? How - I haven't decided yet ... Come on, think together? "

You can invite a third person (specialist, expert, your friend and ally) To cooperate ...

How to master these techniques?

As you can see if you need politely refuse to man - choose from what. But just read this material is completely insufficient.

Therefore, apply them in practice as often as possible so that these useful skills simply become a habit!

The Spanish philosopher Gracian Baltasar once said that "one who belongs to everyone cannot belong to himself.

Think about it. And understand that it is vital to develop the skill described above, since any request cannot be answered - because it will lead you to a situation in which Your actions will not be pleased NO ONE ! Do you need it?

Instruction

First, we enjoy one truth: you are not obliged to justify yourself for your refusal, even if we are talking about a refusal to a close person. The more you will be helpless to justify, the stronger the risk of spoiling your relationship with a person. If you are so crushing, then why do you refuse? Such a discrepancy is incomprehensible to the person you denied, and offends him more than the fact of refusal. Create a reason only if it really exists, and it is serious.

Sometimes the most honest option will say the straight line "no", but it is better to do it in a soft form. For example: "No, I can't do it," "No, I prefer to do this," "No, I have no free time now." Perhaps the interlocutor will begin to provoke you and persuade, but you will stand on your own, not included in the discussion.

A softer form of failure is to show participation and understanding of the problem of the interlocutor. If a person presses on pity, you can listen to him to sleep, sympathize and refuse. For example: "I understand that you are very tired, but I can not fulfill your request," "This is really a serious problem, but it's not about my power," "I understand how hard you, but I can't help in this situation "

There is one trick called a delayed failure. It is suitable for those people who do not know how to refuse. She is also good to win time and think a little, weigh all the "for" and "against." You just need to ask for a person for some time thinking. This can be expressed as follows: "I definitely do not remember all my plans for tomorrow", "I want to consult with ...", "I need to think", "I can't say right away." If you are a trouble-free person, try to use this technique always.

There are situations in which you need to refuse partially. Express your conditions on what you agree, and for what - no. It happens if you really want to help with something in a specific situation, but a person asks too much. You can answer: "I am ready to help ..., but not ...", "I will not come to come every day, but I can do it on Thursday and Saturday," "I will pass you, but if you come without delays." If you do not agree to any of the conditions offered to you, but sincerely want to help a person, ask: "Maybe I can help in something else?".

Sometimes you really would like to help, but you do not know how. In this case, try searching options together with a seeming person. It is possible to do something really will be in your power. You can also refuse and immediately offer assistance in finding a specialist who will accurately can help in resolving this issue.

MENSBY.

4.6

Many use your kindness, and when do you refuse to blame in terry egoism and heartlessness? Live the way you want yourself, it is not egoism. Egoism is when others should think and live the way you want.

There are a lot of people in the world, which are called trouble-free. You can contact them at any time of the day for help, and they will never refuse. This property of their character is many referred to the advantages of a person, because it is beneficial - always "having at hand" such a "trouble-free" to throw part of its problems.

However, rarely who gives himself a work to think: maybe a person just can not refuse?

In people who cannot say no, it is often not enough time for their own affairs and a personal life, although they can count on their dubious compliment as a good reason for their reliability.

A vivid example of a trouble-free person and what the inability to deny, serves the old film "Autumn Marathon" with Oleg Basilashvili in the lead role. The hero of the film is elderly, but he never learned to refuse and live as he wants himself. His life almost passed, but he did not take place as a person, because he always lived as others wanted.

Thoughtless people are always like a magnet, attract people who actively use them inappropriate. We can say that the executioner is looking for a sacrifice, and the victim of the executioner. And even if the "bad task" suddenly rebels and abandoned the role of sticks-corrosive, he will immediately be accused of terry egoism and heartlessness.

There are golden words that should be remembered to everyone: "Live as you want, it yourself is not egoism. Egoism is when others should think and live the way you want. "

Why are people afraid to say no?

People who fulfill other people's requests contrary to their wishes, most often have a soft and indecisive nature. In the soul, they really want to utter "no", but they are so afraid to put in an awkward position or offend the refusal of another person, that through force they force themselves to do what they do not like them at all.

Many people in the future regret that they once wanted, but could not say "no."

Often, people, refusing, utter the word "no" as if they feel guilty of something, "it seems to them that some unpleasant reaction will follow. And indeed, many are not used to that they refuse, and "no" causes a negative reaction with them - they are rustling, breaking relations, etc.

Some people do not say "no" because of the fear of becoming no one needs and stay alone.
How to refuse politely?

Saying "no," we often find yourself enemies. However, it is worth remembering what is more important for us - to offend someone with a refusal or take over the fulfillment of our obligations. Moreover, it is not necessary to deny a rough form. For example, the same diplomats are trying not to pronounce "yes" or "no", replacing them with the words "let's discuss it."

Speaking "No", it is worth remembering that:

this word is able to protect against problems;

may mean "yes" if they pronounce it uncertainly;
successful people more often say "no" than "yes";
reficuring that we cannot or do not want to do, we will feel the winner.

There are several simple ways of polite refusal, which show that this task is for everyone.

1. Frank refusal

Some people believe that, refusing something, it is necessary to immediately call the reason for refusal. This is an erroneous opinion. First, the explanations will look like an excuse, and excuses will give asking hope that you can change your opinion. Secondly, it is not always possible to name the real reason for refusal. If you invent it, in the future, a lie can be exposed and put both in an awkward position. In addition, a person who tells insincere, often gives himself a faithful and voice.

Therefore, it is better not to fantasize, but simply say "no" without adding anything else. You can soften the refusal, saying: "No, I can't do it," I don't want to do it, "I have no time for it."

If a person misses these words by ears and continues to insist, you can use the method of "spoiled record", repeating the same words of refusal after each of its tirada. No need to interrupt the speaking objections and ask questions - just say no.

This method is suitable for refusing to people aggressive and unnecessary.

2. Slow refusal

This technique is suitable for refusing to people who tend to seek their own requests, causing pity and sympathy. In this case, it is worth showing them that you empathize, but you can't help.

For example, "I am very sorry for me, but I can not help anything." Or "I see that it is not easy for you, but I cannot solve your problem."

3. Ronated refusal

This is a fairly polite failure and can be used in any atmosphere - formal and informal. It will also be suitable in refusing to people of older, and with refusal to people who occupy a higher position on the service staircase.

This refusal suggests that you call the actual reason why you cannot fulfill the request: "I can't do it, because tomorrow I go with a child in the theater", etc.

It will be even more convincing if you call not one reason, but three. This technique is called - a refusal for three reasons. The main thing when it is used is the brief of the wording so that the requested quickly caught the essence.

4. Deferred refusal

It may take advantage of this method for whom to refuse to someone in the request - a psychological drama, and they almost automatically meet the consent to any request. People of such a warehouse often doubt their right and tend to infinitely analyze their actions.

The delayed failure allows you to think about the situation, and if necessary, seek advice to friends. His essence is not to say "no" immediately, but ask the time to make a decision. Thus, you can insure yourself from rapid steps.

The reasonable refusal may look like this: "I can't answer now, because I do not remember my plans for the weekend. Perhaps I agreed to meet with someone. I need to see my weekly to clarify. " Or "I need to consult at home", "I need to think. I will say later "etc.

It is possible to refuse people who are asserted and will not suffer objections.

5. Compromise refusal

Such a refusal can be called a refusal half, because we want to help a person, but not completely, and partly, and not on its conditions that seem unreal to us, but on their own. In this case, it is necessary to clearly define the conditions of the help - which and when we can and what is not.

For example, "I can take your child to school with my own, but only let him be assembled to eight o'clock." Or "I can help you make repairs, but only on Saturdays."

If such conditions for the aspecting do not arrange, then we have the right to refuse with a calm soul.

6. Diplomatic refusal

He assumes a mutual search for an acceptable solution. We refuse to do what we do not want or can not, but together with the problem of solving the problem.

For example, "I can't help you, but I have a friend who is engaged in these issues." Or "maybe I can help you otherwise?".

In response to examples of various refusal techniques, it is possible to argue that it is necessary to help people and what, refusing to others, we yourself risk to be in a difficult situation when we have nothing to count on someone's help. Note that it is only about the requests of people who are accustomed to "playing in the same gate," they believe that they are all obliged and abused by the reliability of other people.