Ecological KVN material (grade 9) on the topic. Environmental Scene "Water - the main miracle on earth jokes about ecologists

New Russian is going to relax in Cyprus.
At first, his secretary arrived there and walks with the owner of a 5-star hotel on the beach.
- What is it?
- Like what? Pebbles.
- Pebbles is wrong, the chef does not like. Galka remove, sprinkle everything with a white sand.
- But it's very expensive!

The next day, everything is sprinkled with sand.
- What is it?
- This is the sea!
- Which sea? Dirty puddle!

In general, the sea cleaned, the pebbles to remove, the wave should roll every 30 seconds by 55 centimeters.
- But you understand, these are underwater engineering works, very expensive!
- We pay! (pulled out cash pack, calculated)
Two days later, everything is as necessary.
- What is it?
- These are seagulls.
- No chaps. Remove everyone! Leave two, let them walk along the beach and in no way take off.
- But this is such a damage of ecology, and even training of chaps.
- We pay! (pulled out cash pack, calculated)
Finally came the chef. He went to the sea in a clean white sand, looked at two chins, who were grayly walking around the edge of the beach, sat down in a chaise longue, breathed full of fresh sea air and said:
- Lord! Well, do you buy such a beauty for money?!

Far-distant future. Cities of steel and concrete, cleanliness, trees, lawns. Utopia. Gravitational cars fly silently, children play and having fun. And only Greenpisovs ride on old roaring and smoking tractors with slogans: "We preserve this world as the ancestors left it."
- In Africa, a boy was found in Africa, a herd of wild pigs. According to the evidence of environmentalists, he is almost no different from them. Even to taste.
Almost the entire table of Mendeleev found environmentalists in the Moscow River below school number 63. The table was renovated, dried and returned to school.
Siberian environmentalists scored alarm. To death
Finally, Ukrainian ecologists scored alarm, looking like rare birds with hundreds drown in the middle of the Dnieper
A unprecedented hurricane hit the state of Colorado. Destroyed at home, destroyed crops. According to local ecologists, no beetle suffered.
According to ecologists in the near future, water in the Moscow river will cost $ 100 per barrel.
- So that the cabbage does not creep the hare, it is recommended to grow on an open, well-skilled terrain.
Great success achieved the sanitary service Kharkov. If half a year ago there was a terrifying antisanitarian in the city, now the antisanitarian is just pleased with the eye!
Armenian radio is asked:
- What do the Vegetarian cannibal eating?
- We do not know exactly, but we think that Greenpisovs ...
Kit floats around the female and says with reproach:
- How many countries, hundreds of environmental organizations, outstanding political leaders, millions of people are all fighting for our view to survive, and you tell me - the head hurts ...
Against employees of the forest, with the help of the "Friendship" saw of the High hectares of the Tayzhny Forest, made a detachment Greenpeace. As a result of a short conflict, "Friendship" won.
The old pike asks the other:
- What bulls do you like - in oil or in tomato?
- In oil.
- Then we float to the Avtobas !!!
Three crocodiles talk:
- Remember, before the nuclear explosion, we seem to be green? ..
- Yes, and it seems to be able to swim ...
- Straight bazaar, flew over necctar.
The patient comes to the doctor.
"Doctor, you know, everyone says that I am a down, although I didn't seem to be."
- Yes, do not worry, now the ecology is broken, a bad environment.
- Well, doctor, I will come on Tuesday.
The man complains of his neighbor:
- It is environmental pollution - just some horror! Yesterday, you imagine, opening a canning jar with Sardines - and it is full of oil in it, and all the fish is dead!

Oksana Ponomareva
Environmental scene "Water - the main miracle on earth"

Losing melody "Visiting a fairy tale".

Loss "The yield of the king" shock and includes the king. A little looked and sat on the throne.

King: Oh, what a boredom, tired everything.

ABOUT! I call me sons, yes, I order them, something like, let the thinkers think will think, they will hurt.

Servants, send sons to me!

Losing melody "Brave children"

(It includes 3 sons, pass in a circle, get up next to the throne and bow the king).

Sons: Walked, Batyushka?

King: My Sons, Going, Walk, Yes, go to the road.

I give you a year! By landwife is passingYes, in love with people, bring me wonderful. Cut!

Losing melody "Traveler" (Sons take bags, pass the circle and go).

It's time to promote them to the father's nest.

Losing melody "Parental House"

(The king sits on the throne, sons pass with the gifts of the circle and stop at the throne).

Sons: Our father, here, with a bow, we returned to you from the far road.

King: Kohl returned, then please your father.

Son first: Batyushka, I brought you gold and silver.

Looking like it glitters everything.

Is it possible to compare something with this brilliance? Here it is, Miracle!

King: So what it is Miracle? It is full of my treasury such evil and silver.

Second son: Batyushka, and I brought you precious stones, look, how they are blunting in the sun, is not what kind of gold and silver. Is not it Miracle?

King: And in my execution there are full chests of precious stones.

And they do not please me.

(The third son brought ordinary water and began to laugh brothers over it.)

King: Well, why did you like the simple water to be brought to me?

Losing melody "Traveler"

Third son: .

I wandered on Bella Light, that's what's wrong with me happened: (The magic mirror shows the images of a traveler, drought and fire).

I met the traveler on the road, he suffered from thirst.

For the sip of the water, he was ready to give me all his jewels.

I drove it with clean water.

And another time I saw drought. Pibli forest and field.

And only the rain saved them.

And I saw the fire. It was scary. I didn't gear anything.

Only water saved. I understood that water more than any wealth.

Losing melody "Volga"

King: I lived a lot in the world, but you gave me a good lesson, my son!

And declared water king the largest miracle on earth.

He commanded in his royal decree to protect the water, do not pollute the reservoirs.

And to this day Water - the biggest miracle on earth.

Publications on the topic:

An abstract classes "Friendship-main miracle in the world!" Objective: The formation of positive interpersonal relations and the development of moral culture from students (the ability to be friends, take care of friendship.) Tasks:.

The abstract of integrated environmental classes for children of senior preschool age "Symbol of life on earth - water!" Author: Makhortova Marina Nikolaevna, teacher MBDOU kindergarten combined species No. 5 "Lily of the Landysh" integration of educational areas:.

"Unsuccessful fishing." Ecological scene Leading / against the backdrop of calm music / Summer morning, the river quietly carries its waters. Silence. Over the river fog spreads. It was quiet in the river.

Ministry of Education and Science of the Samara Region NOU "Interregional Institute of Additional Vocational Education". Final.

Speech at the Pedsove "Natural Wonder Water!" The water flowed, the spring was noisy, I captivated the young young man, so that the person came, the trick and thirst quenched the water. Currently, more than ever.

The abstract of experimental activities in the older group "Water, Water - Circular Water" The project of experienced - experimental activities in the older group on the topic "Water, Water Circular Water" prepared a teacher: Starodubtseva V.

"Let the city be painful." Environmental scene video Leading / on the background of music / spring bright. Radial sun and where you can't look every festive. And how the birds are rejoiced. returned feathered in their own.

The topic of ecology occupies, in our opinion, is not a great place in KVN, but still more than in the official Russian media, especially, television. Environmental theme is presented in the Russian press more than poorly. As shown by monitoring publications on environmental issues in federal media, the state "Russian newspaper" writes not about the problems and "patients" themes of the country's ecology, but about certain international events with environmental issues. The same can be said about federal television channels. Only opposition media and the floor "yellow" "MK" and "KP" periodically try to stir public opinion and affect the situation in this area, objectively very disadvantaged.

But - for comparison - one of the first jokes of the KVNA reborn in the publicity: - Epigraph: "Oh, how rich Russian Nature with the number and quality of waste" (MHTI). Joke of the early 1990s: - In Novosibirsk there is a bad ecology ... But Novosibirsk is not guilty that he is surrounded by Russia on all sides!("June 31" (Novokuznetsk)). In the 1990s, in general, they are joking on the environmental issues of individual regions: chemical and metallurgical production, in particular, combine in Chelyabinsk, Cherepovets, production of embankments of chelny, etc. And how their activity affects the environment.

From the beginning of the 2000s, the local "Moscow" character: KVNschiki from all regions of Russia prefers to tell the Moscow public - the audience and the jury - that, as they believe, this public is close: about the status ecology of Moscow and Moscow region.

Especially got:

a) Khimki: In Khimki, it was so necessary that schoolchildren were not learning chemistry, it absorbs from childhood, with Mother's milk ... ("His people" (Khimki)); Song about Khimki: On the far station to go - mushrooms on the belt! (Rosnou (Moscow)); - Dolgoruky? - Yes, Peter Alekseevich. - Hello, Yuri Mikhailovich. City I want to build on the swamps and call it with my name: St. Petersburg! - Stop. Let's compromise. Name Beserbolotinsk, windowEvropyevsk, nearby, nearby, finally ... from evaporation swamp? - There is. - Khimki name! " ("Unlimited youth" (Moscow));

b) Moscow River: Three-eyed perch and Sazan with a nail, winged carp and hairy bream ... Moscow-river, take me with your own ... (TGNGU (Tyumen)); - Yesterday, about 7 thousand cubic meters of water burned in Moscow ("Stareko" (Novosibirsk)); - And what a river we have! Here is the grandson of my photo carried away - so right in this river the film and shows. Beauty!!! (Rosnou (Moscow)); Yesterday, fisherman with experience Vasily caught the Karasika river from Moscow. And the fact that it is Karasik, Vasily understood only after Karasik himself introduced himself("Stareko" (Novosibirsk));

c) Separate areas of Moscow and Moscow region: Garbage veter, smoke from the pipe, crying nature, laughter Satan - and all because we remove the Khrushchev threesome in the con ("Ordinary people" (Moscow)).

However, there are a lot of jokes and about such "patients" - especially polluted - places of the Russian Federation, such as, lake Baikal: - Successfully solves the problem of environmental pollution: Katun, the Obskoy Sea, Baikal - these are the stages of a hard way! (NSU), volga river: - Mosfilm "Volga-Volga" painted. - I also news. In our Samara, the cellulose-paper plant has been painting the Volga 20 years old, from the river I went away, and my legs ("Juice", Samara); Industrial production and its waste in Cherepovets.: Green party activists took for the gills director of the Cherepovets Chemical Combine ("Sports Station" (Moscow).

On ecological topics, like Russian, jokes and KVNschiki other countries, for example, Ukraine: - Summer is the time of vacation. Wishing to relax on the Black Sea Ministry of Health will offer a new model of bathing suits with built-in sewage treatment plants(DGU).

More global problems of humanity - electricity generation at nuclear power plants, storage and recycling of nuclear waste - also reflected in KVN games, although not enough, in our opinion: On the storage of nuclear waste, it is planned to earn 30 billion dollars, but other, more advanced creatures will be rejoiced. (BSU (Minsk)); From the meeting with Diver: - The most amazing fauna in the Kursk Sea. - Where? - In the Kursk Sea. Well, so the local population calls an artificial reservoir, the cooling third reactor of the nuclear power plant ("Prima" (Kursk)).

The World Threat of the Environmental Catastrophe remainsless to be ignored: Scientists managed to decipher the message of aliens by earthlings. Earthlings, you are threatened with a huge danger, do not pollute the earth: we still live on it! (" PE "(Minsk)).

Food - their quality, composition, the degree of naturalness And, according to this - ecology - KVNers also did not leave aside.

a) the quality of food. Linders here McDonalds.which, on the one hand, officially in Russia it is impossible to criticizeBecause it brings profit and lobbyed by global financial ratings, and on the other, it is an embodiment of unhealthy nutrition. Again, KVN turns out to be the only platform on federal television channels, where we can critically speak about the quality of the food offered in McDonalds: Advertising: fun and ulcers - in McDonalds! (CIS-2003 national team); - Sacrifice, pagan rites, Satan's challenge. Ordinary weeks in McDonalds (The national team of the Interuniversity League (Nizhny Novgorod)). Joking in KVN and about what consequences has food in this "restaurant" for the figure: McDonalds broke a thief career. ("Blender", Arkhangelsk).

Next comes another product of the fast food system - shaurma. While the doctors and SanEpidemireatiologists are alarming about doubtful quality and the origin of meat in Shawarme, as well as its carcinogenicity, journalists or frankly chop these facts, or give this culinary product for an integral element of the modern city dweller and the attribute of the modern catering system. KVN is one of the few sources where you can hear critical feedback on Shaurme: Attention! Song! Tra-Ta-Ta, the tra-ta, we carry a cat, Chiizik, a dog, a dog, a monkey, a parrot, the company what ... has become a culinary manual for sellers of Shawarma. ("Purga" (Khimki))

It can also be regularly also Belyasham and Cheburekam from Moscow railway stations: - For conducting experiences over living people, the Hague Tribunal demanded the closure of Cheburchny at the Kursk bus station ("Prima" (Kursk)).

On antisanitaries when preparing this specific "fast food", there are whole scenes, for example, from the team "Astana. Kz ", but by virtue of the madness of humor, with the words of the retelling: in the transfer of" culinary duel "the seller of Shawarma from the Kazan station to the question of the lead:" But what about you? " Chasing the cockroach running along the product, kills him and says: "Already nothing!".

Next, in the frequency follows the criticism of the KV cameers in the quality of food as a whole, in particular, they ridden composition of productsincluding harmful additives: - Hear, men! Help sort out the "Phanto"! This is: sodium sulphide, cyclopendrangidropenandren and sodium carbonade, yes? Who is here more fun, with whom it is? ("County City" (Chelyabinsk-Magnitogorsk)); I am a Plum Lilk, Ripe, Garden / ... / And I ... (hereinafter follows the long list of chemicals) -Mets - together we are natural juice!("Unlimited Youth" (Moscow)).

A lot of jokes O. chinese Noodle Quick Food and components included in its composition: - The third task is the original design of the dish. - I put a picture of the "Mona Lisa" a fruit on the cake. - We also have a picture. This "Ivan Grozny kills his son." - But this is the dochirak. - Keyword here - kills ("Ordinary people" (MEI, Moscow))

Another turn of the ecology of the daily existence of Russians - the quality of drinking water: - Hello, the transfer of "test purchase". Let me remind you, we do not cooperate with any manufacturer. Today we test water from the tap, taken in different parts of Moscow. We sent samples for examination, numbered, without calling the area, where we took it from. We listen to what experts will say. - All very high quality gasoline, and under numbers 5 and 7 a very high octane number, can be poured into the reactor. (National team GUU (Moscow))

Today's Friday Post we want to devote to Eco-humor.
On ecology, most often speak negative tonality: problems are too serious, less time to solve them - where is it for joke? But humor has a wonderful property - penetrate all spheres of life, including the most serious.
We want to say: With all the complexity of environmental problems, we will only win if we keep optimism and a positive attitude. For good and useful for the environment Acts are inspired by love and care - and these feelings by definition have a plus sign.
So, to your attention - a small portion of humor on the theme of nature, ecology, outdoor activities, everyday life "Greenpeace" - etc.

***
Very rich in the Fauna Woodland. There are up to 16 thousand species of animals. One mosquitoes, for example, 15 and a half thousand species.

***
Kit floats around the female and says with reproach:
- How many countries, hundreds of environmental organizations, outstanding political leaders, millions of people are all fighting for our kind of survival. And you tell me - the head hurts ...

***
Interrupted the climber rope. It flies down and prays: "Lord, help! Save me! Do not let you die in the heyday! I promise that if I stay alive, it never, never climb on the wall, forbid about the rope forever! " The Lord sees - the guy like a good. I decided to help and gently landed it on a thick bush - not a single scratch. The climber got up, blundered and went to tie new ropes. It goes and thinks: "Well, what to attack, and climbs in the morning every nonsense in the head. From the heat, or what? "

***
Greenpisovets comes to a room with an artificial carpet and angrily asks the owner: "Do you know how many teddy bear killed, so that you could lay this carpet?".

***
- Hello, is it a society of animal protection?
- Yes. You have problems?
- A postman sits in our yard on a tree and insults my dog \u200b\u200bwith the last words.

***
The UN conducted a world survey on the topic: "Please express honestly your opinion about solving the problem of food shortages in other countries." The survey failed. In Africa, people did not know what "food". In Eastern Europe - what is "honestly." In Western - what is "shortage". In China - what is "opinion". In the Middle East - what is a "solution". In South America - what is "please". In the States - what is "in other countries".

***
According to ecologists estimates, in the near future water in the Moscow river will cost $ 100 per barrel.

***
From the new textbook: "Plants are very useful - they distinguish oxygen, vital to combustion of car fuel."

***
Lesson in a summer environmental school. Teacher:
- So what teachs us a tale of Pushkin "About Fisherman and Fish"?
Girl gets a crumb shooter:
- This tale teaches us that the irrepressible increase in consumption in the modern world will inevitably lead humanity to the ecological and humanitarian catastrophe!

***
In Paris, a person is drawn in the patent bureau. He says that invented the motor for cars, which does not work on gasoline, but on water. Checked - really works. They began to issue an invention, they say to him:
- We can offer you two alternatives - or arrange as one invention, or as two - a motor on water and water as fuel. Are you a fuel specialist?
- Yes, I worked for a lot of years with oil in Saudi Arabia. There, by the way, and invented his invention.
- Why didn't you patent him there?
- I have tried. But when I described them my invention, they also offered me two alternatives: hanging or quarters.

***
Talk three crocodiles:
- Remember, we seem to be a nuclear explosion.
- Yes, and it seems to be able to swim ...
- Straight bazaar, flew over necctar.

Well, and the good old and thoroughly bearded joke, in which the laughter is mixed with bitterness.

There are two planets, one another says:
- Hear, girlfriend, something is not good for me lately.
- And what happened, everything seemed to be in order?
- Yes, here, you know, people started on me, dirral, probably.
"Yes, you quit ... I had nothing, I experienced."

Our class was preparing for KVN. As a cool leader, I revised a lot of literature on this topic. Some jokes that I liked and children liked, we selected for your game, and with the preparation of such competitions as the "greeting" and "homework", I had to work longer. I had my own idea with which I want to introduce you. Maybe someone will be interested ...

Competition "Greeting".

Boy. Have you heard news?

Girl. What? When?

Boy.What kind of KVN offered yesterday ...

Girl.

Oh! Can I kn? It's so interesting!
And what to do?

Boy. Not yet known…

Girl. And what topic? What to talk about?

Boy.On the oddities of everyone slightly joke ...

Girl.

Slightly on such a difficult topic?
Again, teachers created a problem ...

(Pause - they thought for a while, looked into a laptop.)

Girl.

We honestly watched the whole day of the Internet ...
But there is no one suitable.

Boy.

And who in the lessons in the lesson jumped -
That immediately, where necessary, all the jokes forgot.

Girl.

But we will retreat and do not even think ...
And what happened, - now we will show you.

Boy.

Following the law to joke carefully
Many topics are a little bit ...

Jokes.

Plagiators are becoming more difficult: all the masterpieces have already stolen to them.

The police officer asks the detainee:
- Tell me where did you buy a diploma?
- Found on the road.
- Then how do you explain that this diploma in your name?
- I just bought a passport for this name later.

At gas station.
- I must warn you: from today, gasoline has risen in price.
- Okay. Pour me forty liters of yesterday.

The wife is nailed. Has her husband says:
- We need more modest, more modest! We still go to the tax inspection, and not in the casino.

After the divorce of the former husband, there was a feeling of emptiness in the house. And once in the house there was furniture ...
Do not switch our program - see the continuation after the advertising pause.

Announcement: "Movers are invited for interesting work."

Sightseeing tour in Moscow - the best traffic jams of the capital!

Win on the lottery ticket the car is as easy as the railway ticket to win the diesel locomotive.

Jokes 5-7.

In the store conducted control purchases - and that's what happened.

1st situation. The buyer asks the seller:
- What cheese you advise: where is a lot of holes or where is little?
Then the seller answers:
- The more holes, the less cheese.

2nd situation. The buyer asks the seller:
- Do you have fresh ginkers?
- No, old.
- And cookies?
- Oh! Then take better gingerbread!

3rd situation. The buyer carefully reads the inscription on the product label: "dried bananas. Thirty years in our market. " Then he is surprised: "Well, well ..."

(After jokes.)

Boy.

It is impossible to bored in KVN ...
We prepared for a long time - jokes were looking for ...

Girl.

And if you understood us and laughed,
Then it seems we did not try in vain ...

Competition "Homework".

Scene "Christmas tree in elementary school or modern Santa Claus."

The scene has children in New Year's masks and are waiting for the appearance of Santa Claus. Further, a person (student), dressed in Santa Claus, is coming to the scene, but in jeans and with headphones for the player. In his hands, he has some large colored bags from the supermarket instead of a familiar bag with gifts. Such Santa Claus comes out, bias the eye and dancing under the music that he listens, and does not notice the children around. Then he stops, puts packets on the stage to switch the player, and again continues to actively and ridicule, enjoying the beloved music. Children first look at the modern Santa Claus, not surprising anything, and then begin to discuss him.

1st child.

Good grandfather Moroza
Jeans also dressed up ...

2nd child.

Well, okay! He seriously
In principle, not changed ...

3rd child (very read boy).

It is always important for him -
In the style of fabulous traditions -
Fur coat, hat, beard,
Flare and mittens.

2nd child.

This, by the way, he took into account
It is no coincidence that we said:

Together.

"So Santa Claus came!"
So - we learned it ...

1st child.

I like it
Very denim fashion
It is clear why -
And there is no question ...

The 2nd child comes to Santa Claus, worst it for the costume so that he drew attention to children. Santa Claus opens his eyes, stops dancing and removes headphones - that is, he understands that he has already come and why ... the child says.

2nd child.

If Grandfather Moroza
Prepared to all gifts,
So - there is another question:
"What is there - in bright packages? .."

Santa Claus distributes all gifts, and everything is already starting to dance.