Problems of Russian ecology in jokes of KVNschikov. Ecological KVN Material (Grade 9) on comic questions on ecology

There are two planets, one another and says:
- Hear, girlfriend, something I figigo recently.
- What happened something, everything seemed to be beautiful?
- Yes, here, you know, people started on me, dirral, probably.
- Yes, you quit ... I have been won - nothing, survived

Chief

Scene in nature

Come out with backpacks, on the floor Raskidan garbage

Oh, look at what nightmare! So treat nature! Let's remove all

Clean the garbage

And I was hungry, horror, let's organize picnic!

Get food from backpacks, eat, rubbish throw on the floor

Yes, how much can you clean here!

Chief

From the newest textbook of biology:
"Plants are very useful - they distinguish oxygen, vital for the combustion of the car's fuel."

Chief

Evidence. Scientists have proven that the land is not round. According to their conclusions, it is dirty and creaks on the teeth ...

Chief

Almost the entire table of Mendeleev discovered environmentalists in the Kiya River below school number 12. The table was renovated, dried and returned to school.

Chief

Why in Chernobyl it is impossible to collect mushrooms?

Smashed ...

Chief

Against employees of the forest, with the help of the "Friendship" saw of the High hectares of the Tayzhny Forest, made a detachment Greenpeace. As a result of a short conflict, "Friendship" won.

Chief

The old pike asks the other:

What bulls do you like - in oil or in tomato?

In oil.

Then I swim to the Avtobas !!!

SONG

In KVN we came

To solve the issue

Which of us will win

Who hangs his nose.

But on the other side

With such cases

In KVN, we play

Oh, save, Allah!

Chorus: We want very much

So that we are lucky

But before the victory

Still far

Scary to us, scary to us

In KVN play

We want to win

And not lose.

Hey, friend, not Roby, ask a question

Answer quickly, and do not hang your nose!

Chorus: the same

HOMEWORK

2 grandmas under the song

1 B: Hi, Kolyanovna! Where yesterday was?

2 B: went to the disco.

1 B: What will you tell?

2 b: Yes, on the disco, the new chip appeared: it comes to DJ and begins to tell a fairy tale, like a born, but the meaning is environmental. It is now, they say, relevant, cool that is!

1 B: Well, if cool, then tell!

2 B: It happened these days, in the local village, which is worth between alcohol and refinery. It was somehow a cloud of poisonous, and dropped to the village. Since then, unprecedented kills have appeared in our edges, and the abnormal abnormalities began to occur. Here is one of them:

1. Grandfather with a grandmother sit on a bench. Grandfather wanted to eat and grandmother goes to scaring a bun. It takes it out of the stove, sit down to relax and falls asleep with the samp.

Kolobok, taking advantage of this, runs away from the house.

2. Kolobok meets the hare on the way. Seeing him, the bunker is frightened and fainted. Hare provides him first aid. Kolobok thanks him and rolls further.

3. A wolf appears. Threatens a ball and takes money from him.

4. It turns out a hungry bear, trying to catch a kolobkin. He dips and runs away. Bear is leaving nothing.

5. Wearing, fox appears on the scene. She liked the ball at first glance. Lisa rejects his courtship and is proudly removed.

6. Upset kolobok go home. Grandfather with a grandmother meet him and soothe. (Everyone dance with a kolobkom together).

The grandmother leaves again:

1 B: Something I did not understand anything about what a fairy tale? And here is the ecology?

2 B: And this is best for you to explain the environmentalists themselves!

Environmentalists come out and comment on the fairy tale:

Due to the poor environmental situation in the village, irreparable changes occurred with animals, for example, hare (incoming).

The poor animal fell into the Kiya River, which is so polluted that it remained brown and smelling gasoline forever.

Now the wolf (comes out). Animals have to fight for survival and produce food, which in the forests are becoming less and less, so they begin to use all sorts of innovative methods for the extraction of food and even engage in racket.

In winter, more and more bears are found in the forests. This is due to the fact that some of them wake up from hunger, and others will be hunters.

Foxes run around the village, looking for food on the lumps, and they are carriers of a dangerous disease - rabies! Fox appear very similar habits for dogs, and whether they are interspecific hybrids? Maybe in our village and forests already running Lisiquati or dogcolis? And who will appear tomorrow?

And finally, a bun: chemically - dangerous dough, runs, jumps, behaves inadequately. And why?

And all this due to violations in nature! All this happens if a person does not carely relate to nature, does not guard it. Remember, it will ever turn against all people on Earth.

Teachers of biology

Teacher! To live without nerves,
Looking at children's leprosy,
You can not be with longing
But with humor you must be.

(E. ShopHin)

Each teacher biology Your skeleton in the closet.

The dream of a biology teacher came true: he raised his hands in his garden.

The teacher of biology was detained for the spread of herbarium.

Notebook is a complex multicellular body ...

For a favorite biology teacher, children prepared a big butterfly in their own saccus.

At school them. Pavlova after the call in children is distinguished by saliva.

In disputes are born not only the truth, but also mushrooms.

In the fly Tsetz, two times more vitamin C than in a conventional fly.

The teacher of biology strangled the toad.

The biology teacher keeps his students in Held Mittens.

Trees take care: our ancestors lived on them!

In the pet shop urgently requires the seller's female.

Biology teacher at the lesson:

Petrov! You have only one positive quality - a rhesus factor.

In the lesson of biology:

Ivanov! The bark of the brain went from oak!

The smaller the person has a brain, the more stupid thoughts are placed in it.

In the lesson of biology:

Rhino sees rhino very badly.

Well, with his weight, this is no longer his problem.

The answer is in the lesson of biology.
- To learn, edible mushroom or not, in forest You need to walk together!

Ended a lesson of biology. The student shouts after the outgoing teacher:

Ivan Ivanovich! You forgot your skeleton!

Writing in the school diary Daria Dontsova: "Prepared a report on biology. I read the third week. I hope the killer is not a zebra."

Vegetarians do not eat animals, they eat them.

Sketches. If swallows fly quite low - these are mice.

According to the rat, a person is a cruel, stupid and stubborn creature.

Know that, every time you swing a mobile phone key, you push to death at least 1000 microbes. Be merciful - remove your fingers from the buttons!

Cosine - harvesting suffer.

Close the worm - spray the garden insecticides.

Poklady animal - died (camel) with folding.

The fisherman teacher caught a little catfish, loved him, and, throwing him back to the river, said:
- Go home and come tomorrow with my parents!

Mary Ivanna! This is a armpit. And where is the feeder?

Two schoolchildren talk:
- Just we wrote a control by anatomy. Sanka received a two.
- For what?
- for the crib. The teacher caught him when he believed Röbra.

If on the legs of the nails, then there should be a ruitician in your hands, and in animals in general, Napti.

Biologists Our school advise students to fight only in the thickets of the plantain.

In zoo:
- On the right you see the male gorilla, on the left at the top of the gorilla.
- Clear. And where is the gorilla itself?

In the zoo, teacher biology for children:

Guys! Do not touch the lion! He can have a flea.

The jungle discovered an advanced chameleon - 40 thousand colors and polyphony.

Penguin is just a swing swallow.

The mouse is an animal, whose path is littered with faint with women.

Labor made a man's monkey, and from a horse - transport. Here as lucky.

If you observe the monkey, there is a suspicion that she knows how to become a man, but does not want to do it ...

Tiger actually is a barcot!

The microbes were slowly crawled through the body of the left, with difficulty dragging the horseshoes.

The Red Book is a list of deficient animals.

IN Moscow Zoo Leopard Senya went crazy, trying to eat a gazelle. The driver managed to jump.

Ad.
Come to us at the most extreme show in the world - "Open Day". Urban zoo.

Duck is a bird that walks as if she rode the horse all day.

Kangaroo dad:

Dear, and not to make us another child?

Kangaroo Mom:

You forget that you have more than two children we just don't afford!

Dad-bearer went hunting and caught a stool in the river. All a family Gathered in the evening for a gala dinner. Sit at the table, the napkins were tied up, a stool on the table. And the smallest beaver says: "Dad! Can I have a leg? "

Did you hear how the thrushes sing? And how are the dogs? Scream cats? Beautiful apartment on the first floor near the bird market specifically for you!

Do you know why little dogs are so evil? Because they are concentrated.

Genetics came to the conclusion that the conscience in a person was in the tail.

I have allergic biology. I have from her all over Dia Diauks.

Lesson of zoology.

Old American, what are the creatures that can live in water, and on land?

Sailors!

News of ecology. Activists of the Green Party have taken the guards of the director of the Chemical Combine.

School news. When the teacher told about the pestles and the stamens, everyone listened to the pistils and the stamens, and only Lena bought Lena.

As a child, Dima did not like the birds very much, so he painted black paint holes.

Homak Volodya was born, lived all his life and died in the biology office! That's what the lesson means for life.

Why, even even you do not understand at all in plants, but chuck in mathematiciane, physics, Informatics, then you in any way - Botany?

A man of 70% consists of water, and the cucumber is 90%. Uncomplicated mathematical calculations can be calculated that a person is 50% cucumber.

I change the bedroom dog on a two-room.

I will give a cactus in good hands, accustomed to the pot.

The elephant consists of a trunk, a tale, ears and hippopotamus.

Children - flowers of life, so the earth and dirt are needed for normal growth.

Clean children - good, and healthy - better!

Why does the hippopotamus are round?
- It's so that the poacher is unable to determine which way they joined.

Scientists have opened a new kind of fish - a bastard fish. Not catching, and that's it ...

Opening on the laboratory by biology.
Meat was discovered inside Belyasha. Hence the conclusion: Belyash is a predator.

And I Birch Recently planted. Now I feed it on firewood.

Battle news!

1. At the drawing lesson, the teacher offered children to draw a drawing on the topic of an ecological catastrophe.

(A slide appears with a strange animal)

One girl painted and signed the picture so_

Gave birth to the queen in the night

Not the Son, not the daughter;

Not a mouse, not a frog,

And the unfortunate animal. "

2. In the zoo in the cell to the lion rushed to the egregation of the rabbit. What happened, no one did not understand, but such a shame was never tested.

3. When in the hands of Petit remained a mosper classmate, he realized that the ecology in the city is bad

4. At the lesson of literature, the teacher offered children to remake the fairy tale on the ecological way. That's what happened, I read not a big passage:

Fairy Tale Kolobok (Print in another document)

5. All avoided people from the village that stood next to the chemical plant, there were rumors that they had a leopard color, after the presence of Mistik's doctors saw that it was allergic.

6. People who come to us from the city say:

What is your good ecology in the village!

And I answer them:

It is in your city ecology, and we have nature here!

Preview:

Captain Competition!

Schuric comes under the same music!

Shurik:

When I created a time car I was interested to see what happens in the future, what fairy tales children tell, personally it was shocked in shock (rubbing glasses) Better I will not tell you and I'll show you and so 3,000 years old brother tells a fairy tale sister.

(Enabled video Elash)

On 1. Minute 02 seconds video put on the feet.

Schurik says: Now imagine what kind of environmental situation surrounds the poor red hat if she sees such a grandmother (unfolds a poster with a grandmother-shaped wolf) and does not understand that in front of her wolf, it does not confuse non-woolen cover, not a form of face, although Interested in eyes, hands and ears, everything shows on the poster. The drawing should be funny. We will see further.

We stop for 1 min 22 seconds. Surik: Well, as you can not worry when you see such a grandmother in front of yourself, there is at least Greenpeace to connect and seek the closure of the chemical plant next to the grandmother's house. We inspect the video. Schurik: And the girl is still the right, then the wolves run in the forest in the forest without teeth, but the food swallowed as the blows in general, some kind of wolf.

I will tell you that we are very lucky, and we still have a chance to change the future of mankind, whatever children know that the gray wolf teeth click, and not a toothless wolf with python hassles and what is a kind sweet grandmother, not a victim of the environmental catastrophe) )) I have all thanks for your attention !!!

Preview:

Business card (greeting)

Only today and only on this scene you will see the heroes who save this world from the environmental disaster. Meet the team "Operation s, or other adventures of Shurik" in Maslyanino !!!

Playing music (last exam)

Shurik comes out reads a book behind him as a girl and the same readability in the film. Fits buy a bun without looking. (One hand holds a book, she turns the pages). Little a bun holds her in his hand, past the passerby bite the bunch (he does not understand) pulls a bunch in her mouth (and she bit off) he breaks away from the book

Passerspit him says: the song Lullaby Operation s (Schurik after the words shrugged his shoulders went to read) go for the screen.

When in music, the words of the Bay of Shirma are coming in the story, he sits on a chair and books (or a book on the face of sleep, if you can play, for example, smiles in a dream or vice versa, movement of the legs in a dream.)

The scene comes out the postman from the Heavenly Office (I think that it should be with wings, or the shoes with wings are interested in dressed and to music tries to wake Schurik (ridiculous to play)). Finally he wakes up (music stops), it corrects, wipes glasses.

Postman: Loud, clear not much awesome voice says: Are you a citizen, a shurk?

Schurik: Pugishly looking around: no!

Postman: It is strange for our mistakes does not happen, and then who are you?

Schurik: Song Chocolate Zea. () Jumping Shows Ears On the Head

Postman: Looking smirking, then says seriously: Enough, I have a lot of cases Take a telegram

Schurik: From where

Postman: From there (shows a finger in the sky) Schurik looks behind him.

Postman: Opens a letter, reads: Dear, Citizen Schurik, you fell out the great honor to be chosen to save mankind from an increasing environmental catastrophe. The code name "Operation s". Sincerely, the Heavenly Office.

Schurik: But I can not cope

Postman: In this case you have already prepared the team

Shows on itself and says (Komsomolka athlete and just beautiful)

Schurik and that's all?

Postman: Well, three more heroes (Shirma is moving) There are three hands holding hands as in Caucasian captive (Vicin in Hello).

Schurik: Wow team, they need to defend themselves.

Postman: To retreat where someone should do it.

Get risen and sing a song:

In the dark blue forest

Where the aspen tremble

Where with oak sorcerers

Flies foliage

In the meadow grass

Zaitse garbage worn

And at the same time sang

Strange words:

Chorus:

We are not all the same,

Ecology

We will save.

So not this time -

It has come a terrible hour

We must always

Earth guard!

Preview:

Homework

Schurik goes under the tight music to sit down on the chair in his hands he has a remote control from the TV (the TV is drawn on the screen) includes.

A long time ago, when there were no jet aircraft and helicopters, diving costumes and submarines, there were no TVs and even electric pots and teapots, people dreamed that the person could climb into the air and descend to the bottom of the sea so that the water itself came home , and the pot without a fire porridge boiled. (Soon, see the cinema, real bestseller "Russian folk tales")

Schurik: Switches the channel, can scratch his head, can gone (channel switching is there)

Ether News (Music of the First Channel News)

According to the compulsion, the correspondent of our program, assistance to students, when preparing homework, have: grandmothers 51%, grandfather 29%, Mom 18%, neighbors 1%, dad 1%. Our correspondent visited the evening at the Vashekina family.

Dad and son

Dad, and what is ozone holes?

Who knows.

Dad, and what harm is carried by Chem. factory?

Who knows.

And why is it written on the products without GMO?

Who knows?!

Dad, maybe you are tired of answering?

No, no son, ask! Who else to you, except for my father, will explain everything? (Schurik in this Viemy grins)

Schurik switches the canal

You can imagine how they lived in the youth of the grandfather with a grandmother from a fairy tale about fisherman and goldfish

It is worth the girl depicts that a frying pan says: dear, and what about breakfast today

He: Fish

The girl is slightly seriously intonation, and for lunch:

He: Fish

Girl (irritated already) And for dinner?:

He: Fish (Affirmative)

Girl shouts: Why ????

He: Yes, because (playing music I sailor you smear Yarbachka ... ..)

Schurik laughs, switches the channel:

And we have a fairy tale on a new way Sleeping beauty wakes up in 3040:

She: Oh, how everyone apologized in this world (coughs, sneezes) What happened here? refers to Prince

He: O.Love My You all slept a man on myself played a keen joke because of the ecological catastrophe this world has changed a lot, even people have changed

She: what happened to them

He: They mutated

She: how?

Music (turtles ninja mutants) (here they may not slightly shown portraying how to struggle with the garbage of the world, try to play) they appear, it falls into fainting.

They run away, the prince leads her to feel

She: and that the whole world now inhabit such creatures

He: only a small number of people we call them so

He: people of X (comes out of a man's legs are curved in the form of an IKSA knees together bent goes)

Our class was preparing for KVN. As a cool leader, I revised a lot of literature on this topic. Some jokes that I liked and children liked, we selected for your game, and with the preparation of such competitions as the "greeting" and "homework", I had to work longer. I had my own idea with which I want to introduce you. Maybe someone will be interested ...

Competition "Greeting".

Boy. Have you heard news?

Girl. What? When?

Boy.What kind of KVN offered yesterday ...

Girl.

Oh! Can I kn? It's so interesting!
And what to do?

Boy. Not yet known…

Girl. And what topic? What to talk about?

Boy.On the oddities of everyone slightly joke ...

Girl.

Slightly on such a difficult topic?
Again, teachers created a problem ...

(Pause - they thought for a while, looked into a laptop.)

Girl.

We honestly watched the whole day of the Internet ...
But there is no one suitable.

Boy.

And who in the lessons in the lesson jumped -
That immediately, where necessary, all the jokes forgot.

Girl.

But we will retreat and do not even think ...
And what happened, - now we will show you.

Boy.

Following the law to joke carefully
Many topics are a little bit ...

Jokes.

Plagiators are becoming more difficult: all the masterpieces have already stolen to them.

The police officer asks the detainee:
- Tell me where did you buy a diploma?
- Found on the road.
- Then how do you explain that this diploma in your name?
- I just bought a passport for this name later.

At gas station.
- I must warn you: from today, gasoline has risen in price.
- Okay. Pour me forty liters of yesterday.

The wife is nailed. Has her husband says:
- We need more modest, more modest! We still go to the tax inspection, and not in the casino.

After the divorce of the former husband, there was a feeling of emptiness in the house. And once in the house there was furniture ...
Do not switch our program - see the continuation after the advertising pause.

Announcement: "Movers are invited for interesting work."

Sightseeing tour in Moscow - the best traffic jams of the capital!

Win on the lottery ticket the car is as easy as the railway ticket to win the diesel locomotive.

Jokes 5-7.

In the store conducted control purchases - and that's what happened.

1st situation. The buyer asks the seller:
- What cheese you advise: where is a lot of holes or where is little?
Then the seller answers:
- The more holes, the less cheese.

2nd situation. The buyer asks the seller:
- Do you have fresh ginkers?
- No, old.
- And cookies?
- Oh! Then take better gingerbread!

3rd situation. The buyer carefully reads the inscription on the product label: "dried bananas. Thirty years in our market. " Then he is surprised: "Well, well ..."

(After jokes.)

Boy.

It is impossible to bored in KVN ...
We prepared for a long time - jokes were looking for ...

Girl.

And if you understood us and laughed,
Then it seems we did not try in vain ...

Competition "Homework".

Scene "Christmas tree in elementary school or modern Santa Claus."

The scene has children in New Year's masks and are waiting for the appearance of Santa Claus. Further, a person (student), dressed in Santa Claus, is coming to the scene, but in jeans and with headphones for the player. In his hands, he has some large colored bags from the supermarket instead of a familiar bag with gifts. Such Santa Claus comes out, bias the eye and dancing under the music that he listens, and does not notice the children around. Then he stops, puts packets on the stage to switch the player, and again continues to actively and ridicule, enjoying the beloved music. Children first look at the modern Santa Claus, not surprising anything, and then begin to discuss him.

1st child.

Good grandfather Moroza
Jeans also dressed up ...

2nd child.

Well, okay! He seriously
In principle, not changed ...

3rd child (very read boy).

It is always important for him -
In the style of fabulous traditions -
Fur coat, hat, beard,
Flare and mittens.

2nd child.

This, by the way, he took into account
It is no coincidence that we said:

Together.

"So Santa Claus came!"
So - we learned it ...

1st child.

I like it
Very denim fashion
It is clear why -
And there is no question ...

The 2nd child comes to Santa Claus, worst it for the costume so that he drew attention to children. Santa Claus opens his eyes, stops dancing and removes headphones - that is, he understands that he has already come and why ... the child says.

2nd child.

If Grandfather Moroza
Prepared to all gifts,
So - there is another question:
"What is there - in bright packages? .."

Santa Claus distributes all gifts, and everything is already starting to dance.

In the fall composed for schoolchildren questions for KVN on ecology. With answers, of course))

The names of this stage are all different. Someone is a warm-up, someone has a blitz contest ...

I'll be just

Questions and answers to KVN by ecology

1 question:

Old wisdom says that you can not enter twice in one river. In the modern river, it is impossible to enter even once. Why?

Answer:

Because from the modern river, you can go with the oil color of the skin, the nickel hair color, the gasoline color of the eyes and the updated vocabulary stock - in general, one person entered, and came out completely different. So sometimes it is better not to enter at all.

========================================

2. Question:

Why is Norway, which, like us, oil reserves, actively encourages the purchase of electric vehicles, and we are not?

Answer:

Because under the electric vehicles will have to build good roads, and then of two famous troubles - fools and bad roads - only one misfortune will remain in Russia. And she will be too rushing in the eye.

========================================

*** By the way!

Increasingly, the main pollutants are not plants, but the usual "cute" cars. Please speak about this to children - let bicycles appreciate, and strive if to machines, then immediately - to electric.

For example, St. Petersburg Some people consider the city of palaces and museums, others - the city of plants and smoking pipes.

So this city

"... In 2013, it was recognized as one of the most polluted cities of Russia ... Only Norilsk and Moscow are ahead of Pollution of the atmosphere. The main source of pollution is cars, their share accounts for 85.9% of emissions. "

It was a quote from Wikipedia,

article "Ecology of St. Petersburg".

Make conclusions and do something else - for yourself, for the place where you live, and for the entire planet as a whole.

========================================

3. Question:

Contrary to the tempting call "Take everything from life!", We believe that it's not worth it from life. Why?

Answer:

Because there is a lot of dirty, greasy and environmentally harmful in life.

========================================

4. Question:

Why are there more and more fruits and vegetables of a strange view?

Answer:

They will answer in the words of Mikhail Zhvanetsky - than they fell, it grown.

========================================

5. Question:

Animals that are not enough to enter the Red Book. The question is where animals are brought, which are many?

Answer:

In a book about tasty and healthy food, as well as on other collections of culinary recipes.

(By quotation of Faina Ranevskaya - E.Sh.)

========================================

6. Question:

Before the appearance of digital technologies, such a joke went: if the camera falls into the river, then in an hour it will catch with an already shown film. Question: What will happen if a modern camera falls into the river?

Answer:

What is the film? Joke. Correct answer - …. (I did not come up with it, but you may come up with children - E.Sh.)

========================================

I still have - I advise you to see, it can be used in ecological KVN as a homework, for example.
Take and run away - a bad idea, harm you, and the harmony of the planet.
Therefore, stay for 5 minutes and write in the comments, please your feedback and your answers on this topic.