How politely refuse to obsessive guests. Correctly say "no" - this is a real talent

Natalia Kapartov

Reading time: 6 minutes

A.

Each person is familiar to the situation when I really want to refuse to fulfill a request, but still as a result, for some reason we agree. We find a very good explanation for this - for example, friendship or strong sympathy, mutual assistance and much more. However, despite all these, it would seem essential factors, we have to overpower through ourselves.

No one says that help is bad! The fact is that not every help is good, so you want it or not - you just you need to know how to learn to refuse .

Why so hard to tell people "no" - the main reasons

• Most often it is more difficult to say "no" in family relationships. We are afraid that we will find too rugs, we fear that a child or a close relative will cease to communicate with you. These and many other fears pushed us to go for concessions and agree to fulfill the request of the neighbor.
• We are afraid of losing opportunities. Sometimes it seems to a person that if he says "no," it will forever lose what he has. This fear is often present in the team. For example, if a guy want to translate into another department, but he does not want to do this. Of course, he will agree because of fear of being dismissed in the future. Similar examples can be counted many, and each of us is early or later faced with this. In this regard, now many worries the question of how to learn not to say.
• Another reason for our frequent consent is our kindness. Yes Yes! It is the constant desire to help everyone and everyone makes us sympathize and agree on one request. It is difficult to leave this, because the real kindness is considered to be in our time almost treasure, but few understand how difficult it is to live in such people. If you consider yourself to them, do not worry! We will tell you how to say not to say, and at the same time not to offend anyone.
• Another reason for the problem is the fear of staying one From the fact that you have a different opinion. This feeling moves by us when, having your opinion, we still join the majority. This pulls the inevitable consent against our will.
• In conditions of constant stress, modern people develop fear of conflict. It is understood that we are afraid that with our refusal the opponent will begin to be angry. Of course, it is always not easy, but this is not a reason and agree with everything. You should always be able to defend your point of view and your opinion.
• None of us also wants to destroy relationship because of their refusal Even if they were friendly. Some people can perceive the word "no" as an absolute rejection, which is often able to complete the cessation of any relationship. You should always be aware of how important this person is important to you, and what exactly are you able to go for him. Perhaps, in such a situation, it will be the main factor affecting your consent or refusal.

Why should each of us need to learn to refuse and say "no"?

• However, before to delve into the methods of combating this problem, it is necessary to understand everyone, why sometimes you need to refuse.
• In fact, not everyone understands that reliability can lead to negative results. The fact is that increasingly thoughtless people belong to weaklyacharacter And all because they lack courage, say no. You must realize that in this way you can not conquer trust or respect. Most likely, surrounding people will start using your softness over time.
• Despite the fact that now there are many literature on the topic, how to learn to say there are no people, not everyone wants to deal with it. And, if you still have found time to read this article, it means that you are starting to fight it now! Of course, no one says that the word "no" needs to be used often, since we all understand that if you often use it, you can easily stay alone and anyone unnecessary. Moreover, pronounce refusal, internally we are already preparing for the negative reaction of the opponent.
• To feel a holistic person it is necessary to find a balance in your life. . Everything should be in moderation so that neither your principles nor the principles of others suffer. Undoubtedly, you need to help, but always need to analyze the situation and act according to the conclusions. Most likely, the common phrase: "I'll talk about no!" I know each of us. These words are sitting in our memory, but they will not start working until we ourselves are aware of the need for this.
• If you analyze our behavior and thoughts at the moment when a similar situation appears, then each of us will understand that before you give the answer to the interlocutor, we little weigh all "for" and "against" . Sometimes we agree on this or that services contrary to yourself and their plans. And the result "wins" only our interlocutor. Let's look at why it is so difficult for us to sometimes provide.

7 best ways to learn how to say "no" - so how to refuse correctly?

Let's look at the main ways to learn to refuse to people:

Each of us owns the barriers that prevent talking directly. Most often, the requesting person does not want to be deceived, he wants to hear a direct answer - yes or no. We can all understand how to tell people there are no, but this method is the easiest, understandable and effective.

Now we are learning together together!

Often people say "yes" in cases where they would love to refuse. We can say "no" and regret it within a few minutes, or say yes - and regret for several days, weeks, months or even years.

The only way out of this trap is to learn to say "no". Take advantage of phrases and admission to learn elegantly refuse.

"Let me check your schedule"

If you often agree to the requests of other people, and then sacrifice your interests in favor of other people's affairs, learn how to use the phrase "Let me first check your schedule." This will give you time to think about the proposal and return control over your own solutions, instead of agreeing to any request.

Soft "no" (or "no, but")

In order not to hurt a person, you can postpone his proposal for an indefinite period. For example, if you are invited to coffee, you can answer "right now I am working on the project. But I will be glad to meet as soon as I finish it. Let me know if you are free at the end of summer. "

Email - a good way to learn how to talk "No, but" because it makes it possible to come up with and remake the refusal to the most elegant.

Awkward pause

Instead of being controlled by the threat of awkward silence, become its owner. Use it as a tool. It works only by face to face, but when you are asked about something, take a pause. Consider up to three before making a decision. Or if you feel courage, wait until another person fills the emptiness.

Use autows in email

Get the auto answer when someone travels or missing in the office is naturally expected. In fact, this is the most socially acceptable "no" from possible. After all, people do not say that they do not want to answer your letter. They just give it to understand that they cannot respond within a certain period. So why limit the weekend? You can put the auto answer and in those days when they are not ready to take themselves with other people's affairs.

"Yes. What should I delete from the number of priority tasks? "

To refuse to the higher boss, many seems almost unthinkable, even funny. However, if you say "yes" - it means to risk your ability to make the most inserted into operation, report this guide also becomes your responsibility. In such cases, "no" is not just reasonable, it is vital. One of the effective ways is to remind your chief than you will have to neglect if consent, and provide him to search for a compromise.

For example, if the head comes and asks you to do something, try the following phrase: "Yes, I will gladly take it in the first place. Which of other projects should I delete from the number of priorities to direct all the attention to the new task? " Or tell me: "I would like to perform work as much as possible, but, given my other obligations, I will not be able to do the work that I can be proud of if I agree."

Push up with humor

When a buddy invites you to a friendly meeting, and you want to devote your time to other things, then you can answer in a joking form.

"Please use X. And I am ready to make Y"

For example: "You can take my car at any time. I will travel to the keys always in place. " You also say that "I can't take you personally." You inform you that you will not do, but express a refusal from the point of view of what is willing to fulfill. This is a great way to answer the request that you would like to satisfy only partially, without spending all the strength on it.

"I can't do it, but X is likely to be interested."

Often, people do not care who helps them. Thus, you are elegantly refuse and offering a person an alternative.

As soon as you learn to say "No", you will find that you are afraid to disappoint or pour out others exaggerated. You will finally find time for rest and own projects that have been postponed for so long.

Useful advice

It is always difficult to refuse to another person, and many of us take over the obligations that would like to avoid.

Sometimes we agree from politeness, and sometimes we just do not know how to refuse a person.

Human nature is such that we want to likeb to other people, we want to be kind and pleasant.

In many cases, the inability to say "no" can turn into a problem due to, What we forget about yourself and your needs, at the same time trying not to hurt someone's feelings.

If you are afraid to refuse in most cases, you have a bad service. It is important for you to place priorities. Agreeing to all, you risks just overdo it.

So how to refuse a person, not offended him? Here are some tips, how to make it politely and tactfully.

How to learn to refuse people

1. Use the word "no".

Use " Not", "Not this time", but not " I do not think so", "I'm not sure", "Maybe next time". The word" no "has an incredible force. Use it if you are absolutely and definitely sure that there can be no other answer. And you do not need to apologize for your answer. Practice to say the word" no "until you feel comfortable, Pronounce it.

2. Use decisive, but polite options.

I am grateful for your time, but no, thanks.

Thank you for thinking about me, but my plate is already complete.

No thanks!

Not today, thanks.

Not for me, thanks.

I'm afraid I can not.

I am not very interested in yoga / heavy rock / computer games, but thank you for asking.

I do not want.

Perhaps I will refuse.

3. N. Chitrirate.

It concerns family, friends and even your chief. You should not invent any thoroughly thoughtful tricks all the time - just tell me that you do not want. If you do not want to go to the event, because you had a hard week, and you will rather stay at home and see the TV, so tell me. Do not invent a dying grandmother to make your excuse more acceptable.

4. Do not continue to explain.

In some cases, it is better not to go into details. If you begin to justify too much, it will seem that you are lying, or it will allow someone who asks you to find workarounds and make you agree.

5. Do not be afraid to say it twice.

Some people do not respect the boundaries of other people or are accustomed that a person is surrendered if you ask again. Do not give in just because someone is too persistent. Smile politely, and again say "no", even more firmly than for the first time.

6. If necessary, tell me "because".

Studies have shown that the word "because" makes people agree with you, even if the reason is absurd absurd. Instead of talking "Unfortunately, I can not organize a meeting," try to give a reason to soften the refusal.

7. Smile and shook your head.

You can resort to it before leaving. It works in the case when people on the streets distribute flyers or try to make you sign something.

8. Be adamant.

How to refuse to request

16. Do not postpone.

It makes no sense to make a person wait the answer if you know that the answer will be negative. Tightening with the answer only aggravates the situation. Do not say "I'll think about it," if you are not going to do this.

17. You can change your answer.

If you once agreed, it does not mean that you should always do it.

18. Repeat it more often.

Not so terrible, like his little. The more you practice, the less frightening it becomes. Start refuse everything that does not give any value of your life.

19. What a pity!

When you say "Sorry, I can not", then, although it softens your promise and makes it polite, it sounds quite blurry. Better to say " As a pity, I would like to help, but I have already appointed a meeting with .... Good luck".

20. Wish to please.

We often agree with something that does not have a primary role, because we do not want people to think bad about us. However, some people in any case will think about us badly, no matter how polite you. Therefore, stop worrying, what other people think about, and tell me, finally, "no".

21. Finger the request.

When you learn to refuse, you will begin to say "no" in advance before the request arises. If you think your friend is going to invite you to a wedding, tell him that you are on Mel.

22. Avoid those who constantly ask for something.

If you know a person who is constantly asking for money, never returning them, avoid it, especially when you know that he is just such a period.

23. Curly lies.

Of course, in most cases you need to tell the truth, but sometimes you have to be inventive with the answer. For example, if you know that your grandmother will try to persuade you to eat her pies, tell her that the doctor forbade you is flour, if you do not want to offend her. If the grandmother is very persistent, go back to the board number 2.

24. Not now.

It is worth using this answer only if you know exactly what you will consider this request later. For example, you can say that consider this question when you return in a week. If a request is not urgent, do not throw everything, but tell me that we will take care of working as soon as you complete your project.

How beautiful and competently refuse

25. It's not about you, but in me.

Use this phrase if you feel that the idea / person / event is more suitable for someone else, but this someone is not you. You can also say that it does not suit you.

26. It's not about me, but in you.

Turn this phrase and do not be afraid to say solid "no" if you are sure of it. For example, if you are vegetarian and do not want a "a little bit" try meat, cooked by your aunt, say: " Thank you, but you know that I am a vegetarian and never try it". Spend the border when you need, and people will respect your choice.

27. Show sympathy .

Sometimes everything you need is an empathy to another person. For example, " I know it's unpleasant, but I can't, I'm sorry".

28. You do not need to be cute all the time.

You need permission to deny, because you do not want? Consider that you were given it.

29. Outlies their inconvenience.

If a friend asks for you to lend money, say something like: " I do not like to think about money, sorry".

How to refuse

30. I would like to help you.

Sometimes you need to be softer. " I would like to help you with the project, but I was littered with work this week".

31. Thank you, but no.

Sometimes, that's all you need to say. Or you can pronounce the above phrase to soften the answer. Thus, you thank a man, for the fact that he turned to you, tactfully refusing him.

32. Use facial expressions and gestures.

Shake your head, raise your eyebrows, and sometimes you can roll your eyes. Use the body language to demonstrate that you are talking seriously, even when you refuse politely.

33. Win time.

Resort to this as a last resort, otherwise you risk what you will be sent requests later. You just postpone the inevitable, but if it helps you, you can say: " Let me think about it", "I will check my schedule and say".

34. I am flattered, but no, thanks.

Sometimes you need to be grateful for the fact that a person asked you about something. For example, you were offered an increase in work, but you did not want it.

35. I really should not.

This answer is suitable for cases when you would like to say yes, but you think you need to refuse. For example, when you make an unexpected gift. When you say this, a person will most likely answer that you take it without any doubt.

36. For nothing in the world!

This phrase needs to be used with caution, and perhaps only with friends.

37. I said "no."

It works in the case of children or persistent consultants. Again, you need to be polite, but solid.

38. This is not the best option.

This is a soft way to say "no" when, for example, you ask you "Is this neon dress?". Instead of answering sharply, tell me that this is not the best color, and it is necessary to try on a blue dress.

39. mmm, no (accompanied by laugh)

Use this phrase carefully, for example, in cases where someone asks to work you for free or trying to insult you.

40. I know that you are not hoping for this answer.

It is important to recognize the feelings of another person, and such an answer will help soften the refusal. If you know that a person is waiting for you that you can not do, say "no" and say this phrase.

How to tactfully refuse

Olga Vorobiev 9/10/2015 9031

If you do not want or can not fulfill the request of a friend or relative, tell me one of these phrases. They will help politely refuse to anyone.

Honestly confess: I used to know how to tell people "no." I helped everyone who asked for: girlfriends, secondary aids, random fellow travelers, "neighbors" on the storey queue. Not always, their requests were light-fulfilling, often gave me inconvenience.

Once I realized that I need to learn to say "no". And if unauthorized people over time I began to refuse without remorse, then with friends and relatives of things were more difficult - they could be offended by me because of refusal.

As a result, I formulate phrases, which will help to refuse to relatives and friends, and do it as polite as possible. Perhaps these words will come in handy.

Your offer is extremely tempting, but until I can do it

This phrase will suit, for example, if family friends called you with your husband to relax with the tents, and you really don't want to go to the forest because of the annoying mosquitoes and the lack of hot water. And in general, such an option for rest is not interesting for you (probably since studying at the university).

But you are afraid that the refusal will entail unpleasant consequences: friends will no longer offer you not only holidays with tents, but will not be brought into the theater or funny family sites.

I consider such a polite form of failure: you give friends to understand that we are glad to offer them, but explain what circumstances prevent you.

This type of refusal can be applied only a few times. Otherwise, friends will suspect nonladny. However, I see two ways out of this situation: to admit that you do not like to relax with tents or remember youth and still risk.

I would give you money loan, but I have a negative experience

Often, we have to refuse to friends or relatives when they are asking for large amounts of money. I will give an example from life: I always helped my sister if she had lacking money for food to salary. But when she asked to give her a debt to buy a new car, I was tense. Yes, I had some savings, but at that time I planned to fly to rest with the whole family. But the sister, most likely, could not have time to return the money on time.

I had to refuse my native person, saying this phrase. I referred to a real story when the close friend did not return me a debt. She disappeared and even changed the phone number. I lost both friendship and money.

The sister understood me and after the refusal decided to buy a cheaper car. So everyone was in winning.

I can't help you, but I will do for you ...

If you can't or do not want (you have, by the way, full right) to do what a friend or relative asks you, you can deny it that way. The main thing is to offer a pleasant bonus instead of your refusal.

Once a girlfriend asked me to bring her a bag of potatoes from the cottage. And by that time already distributed all extra reserves. I refused to her, but invited all their family to try my new dish -

Say "no" right

General rules of polite refusal:

1. Before refusing, think about whether the request is truly for you. Weigh all "for" and "against".
2. During the failure, do not joke and do not smile. Speak firmly, confident.
3. Try to argue your refusal (if, of course, your arguments will not be offended by a person).
4. Refusing, do, saying that you are very pleased that a person appealed to you.
5. Offer to a friend or relative, a way out of the current situation.
6. Avoid words with a negative color: "Error", "Problem", "Failure", "delusion".

If you are easy to fulfill the request, do what you can ask for a close person. After all, someday and you will have to contact him for help.

I do not know how to refuse. That is, of course, I try to say no politely, but it is very rarely obtained. Usually, all my attempts politely refuse and at the same time do not hurt a person either by a disappoint or a phrase "well, I'll see what can be done." The most extreme case - this is . I do not know whether there is a little deception, for good or half true. This is an even more difficult question.

Constantly deceive - Not a very good way out, which will eventually lead to a conflict, as you finally confuse and get started.

How to refuse to your boss, who once again asks you to stay after work? How to say solid "no" to your relatives so that they are not offended? How to give to understand your friends that at the moment you can not help them?

In fact, there are a huge variety of options, we just do not know about them.

Your offer sounds very tempting, but, unfortunately, I have too many things.

The phrase "It sounds very tempting." You let us understand the person that his offer you are interested. And the second part suggests that you would love to participate with pleasure (or helped), but at the moment you have too much urgent tasks.

A beautiful refusal, but in my own experience I can say that for close friends or relatives it will suit one or twice, and it is not in a row. If you refuse them in a similar way for the third time, in the fourth you no longer offer anything. This is especially true for picnics and other entertainment events.

Remember, one or two times - And then either change the circle of communication (for some reason they constantly deny it?), Or come in finally at least anyone. Suddenly you will like it?

But for the people you see not so often, this answer is perfectly suitable.

I am very sorry, but when the last time I did / or that and that, I received a negative experience

Soulful or emotional injury - Another curious option. Only the sadist will continue to insist, so that the person did what he did not like. Or the finished optimist with the slogan "What if the second time it is better?!".

Although with some grandmothers who are trying to feed the scratched offspring, "I do not eat meat" answers, "I have lactose intolerance" or "I don't like boiled vegetables" do not work.

But if you say that for the last time you drank milk, the whole day could not be in society because of the problems with the stomach, you may be saved. Granny, of course, will look at you a little spark and with a slight reproach, but it will not pour into a cup with the words: "Well, this is homemade, from the aunt of clave, nothing will happen to him!".

I would be happy, but ...

Another good way to refuse. You would love to help, but unfortunately, you can not at the moment. Only in no case are not allowed in lengthy explanations why.

First, starting something in detail to explain, you are gradually starting to feel. And secondly, thus giving a person the opportunity to cling to something in your narration and persuade you.

Only a brief and clear answer. No essays on the topic "I would be happy, but you understand, I need to do ..."

To be honest, I do not really understand it. Why don't you ask n, he is in this case pro

This is no case the translation of the shooter.

If you were asked to do something or help with advice, and you do not feel competent enough, why not offer someone who really understands it? So you not only do not hurt a person, but also show that you don't care and you try to help than you can.

I can't do it, but I will be happy to help ...

On the one hand, you refuse to do what you are trying to impose, on the other - Still help and at the same time choose what you want to do.

You look great, but I don't quite understand it

What if the girlfriend bought a dress, which, to put it mildly, she is not very suitable for her. Here there is a dilemma "Who more friend" - The one who will tell the truth, or the one who says it looks great in all the dresses?! This applies not only to appearance, but also the choice of the apartment, work and satellite of life, in the end.

But who are we, to freely argue on the topic of fashion? If we were, for example, known designers, then could criticize and immediately offer several other options to choose from.

And if not? Then either tell everything as it is if you are confident in the adequacy of a girlfriend or a friend, or translate the arrows on some colebrity from the world.

It sounds great! But I now have, unfortunately, a very tight schedule. Let me call you back ...

This answer is perfectly suitable when the option is interesting, but now you are really unable to help. So you not only do not offend a person, but also leave for themselves the opportunity to join the proposal interest in your later later.

More at the lectures on psychology at the university we were taught us that it was necessary to refuse, starting an offer with the word "yes", and then adding the notorious "but".

It works, however, not always. It all depends on the situation and from humans. It will not work for a long time and sooner or later you will have to explain why there is no "no".

But if you will be sufficiently diplomatic and firm, then with time people will know that if you refuse, it is not because you just lazy or you do not want to have any cases with them, but because you are a very busy person and necessarily You can, but a little later. In the end, people must learn to respect you and your opinion. How, however, and you - Alien.