How to tell a person that he is not right, not offended by him? How to say to man that he is a goat.

I often ask the question: "How to say a person that his actions cause me pain. Many times already said (a) about it, but the person does not hear. "

First, do not talk about your pain when it hurts you. At this point, your experiences are so strong that you will instinctively defend yourself and hurt your partner. Of course, in the future you can control your emotions and learn how to express them correctly, without moving the boundaries of the other, without giving it painful estimates. But now, when you still do not have this skill, do not talk about your pain when it hurts you. Do not speak personally. But it is necessary to say.

Secondly, you must live your emotions. When you hurt you, you must write letters valves. They are still known as ammortization letters. Trust the paper all your emotions. Just write what you feel that you think, do not hesitate with expressions. Express your feelings fully, allow yourself it. During the letter, allow yourself a manifestation of emotions and at the physical level - shout, cry, bare the sofa. In a word, you need to release our emotions to the outside. You need to read your letter with an expression after writing it. If you did it correctly, you will feel emptying, possibly weakness. This is normal. This is an indication that you have released emotions.
But emotions should not only live, they must be conscious. Therefore, not just to show emotions, but to write about them and call them: I feel angry, I feel offended ...

Thirdly. Of course, it is not necessary to send this letter valve. It is for you. When you lowered emotions, it is time to write a letter-bridge. Its structure is as follows:
1. What positive qualities I see in you
2. For what I am grateful to you (a)
3. How I tried to support you
4. What are my needs
5. What makes me pain
6. What I would like to see in your behavior
The letter should not be estimates of the "ugly, terrible, disgusting, lazy ..." etc. You understood - not to give personal estimates. Only the facts: "When you talk on the phone with this woman, I feel pain - the offense and fear because I'm afraid that you have a relationship with her and you will quit me."

And this letter you can give your visa, but only the next day after you wrote it and then read before shipping. Perhaps you want to adjust it. In any case, you must send a letter, even if at some point realized that you were to blame. This is also an ordinary trap - to fade into the feeling of guilt. Get out of it. Your task to say about your needs and your emotions. And leave the partner a choice to make a decision myself: to accept you or not.

Do not come to your eyes. This is not the easiest way and other person may take some time to understand that he is not interested in you, but many people behave this way. Do not talk anyone about it - do not destroy this person, telling all your common acquaintances "I can't come on this weekend. Brad is offended by me, and I do not want to pour oil into the fire. " This will not look cool.

Be honest. Just say: "I appreciate your feelings to me, but I do not share them. I love you as a friend, but then it will not go. " You do not have to list a long list of reasons why you decided so. If there is no feelings, then they simply do not exist. Be prepared to repeat it several times - sometimes you need to repeat to reach a person who does not want to hear the truth, and maybe he will hurt.

Do not tell him / her that you are just "not ready" to relationships right now, if it is not true. Usually people say it when they do not want to develop relationships with this person. You probably would be ready for relationships if you were interested in the one who truly likes you! So this is a kind of false, who may hurt another person, because he will be mistaken, considering that time is all you need, and if he is waiting, he will still achieve his own. Plus, there are many chances that your lies will be exposed if you make a new relationship, and this man will know about it.

Also, do not claim that you already have a relationship with another person, if it is not. For the same reasons, as above: while most of us turn on the sound of the opening of the candy labels, some persistent people can take advantage of the moment. And again, there is a risk that your fan guesses everything when he sees you flirting with a stranger in a bar for solo.

If you be on In a relationship, make sure your fan knows about it. Most reasonable people retreat when hears that you are in love and they have nothing to wait. But some people only complicate everything. If you encounter one of these people, try as often as possible in your conversations to mention your soulam. For example, if the ridiculiarist asks if you watched a new film, which all around is discussing, say: "We are going to go to the movie with my girlfriend to go to this film in the movie next week" or "I didn't look, but my boyfriend is very much I liked it, and our tastes coincide. " If he asks about your work, mention that your second half works too. It will indicate the rehabiller on the fact that your relationship is very strong, so you are unlikely to run out with a guy, especially for him. Try to be easier and more positive. Any negative details will simply give a reasanced reason to hope that you will part, even if it is some kind of stupid little thing.

Respect his personal life and dignity. When you find that someone in love with you and this feeling is not mutual, in your power to protect or destroy this person. It is better to protect feelings of other people, so in your interests to be kind and decent, do not just wipe the legs about him in the presence of others. If he says inappropriate things in front of other people, for example, "You will wait for you to Bross!" (Even if this is told in a joke), just smile in response. When you pick up the right moment, for example, heading at the same time towards the kitchen and being alone, do not lose time. Tell me: "Hey, listen, I would not like to confuse you in the presence of others, but I am not delighted with such jokes." When he responds: "Oh, it was a harmless joke ..." You must answer "no, in fact. It will not pass with me. This means that there is something more than friendship between us, but it is not. I do not want to put you in an awkward position in the presence of other people, so please be kind, don't joke in my address anymore. "

Always put it in place. If, despite your efforts to be kind and restrained, it continues inappropriate comments, the touch, etc., even if in the presence of other people, strangle this habit in the embryo. This is something from the series "I worry about you exactly as much as you worry about me." If you are alone or courteous asked him to refrain from these things, and he ignores this request, then everything is honest. You can simply correct it / her: "Stop. You meant that there is something between us, but there is nothing. I just want to clarify the situation. " Look at the person right when you say it. Your speech should be simultaneously both mild and confident. This will allow everyone to understand that you do not joke, and understand the rear thing that you do not support his fantasy. If you are at work or at school, give a recycle to understand that you will be forced to contact your teacher or boss if it does not stop your behavior (and then decide all your problems).

"Only in one case, we have nothing to be afraid to insult a friend - this is when it comes to expressing the truth to him and thus proving his loyalty to him," said the ancient Roman speaker Mark Tuly Cicero before our era. Of these wise words, you can make at least two important outputs.

First, friends are your like-minded people, people close to you in spirit. A real friend will not be a hypocritical to praise you, but will try to tell you the truth.

On this occasion, the Russian critic and publicist D. Pisarev spoke reasonably: "Who will tell me the truth about me, if not a friend, but hear about myself the truth from the other - it is necessary." So, only a friend can appreciate you objectively and say honestly in the face of everything that thinks about you.

And the second conclusion that can be made from the words of Cicero: it is very important in what form to submit the truth to what to choose the words, because it may not be offended by the most frank words, but how to say the truth is not such a close person And at the same time do not hurt him? For this, there are norms and rules of etiquette.

Celebrate attention to the person who wants to point out a mistake and express its claims. Establish your indignation in the opposite form. Unclear? We explain: for example, if you take out of myself that your brother is constantly taking your handles or pencils, and you want to tell him that it is his bad habit, think about how to do it not to quarrel. There are many options to give to understand your brother that you do not like his behavior.

Option One: You hide all your written accessories. When he wants to put something from your table once again, he will understand everything without words.

Option two: on each handle and pencil make a bright inscription: "Do not take it! This is mine!" It will work, but not long.

Option Three: Turn the entire table of the sheet, on which it is written in large letters: "Do not fit - kill!" But it is unlikely to work, as the forbidden fruit is too sweet.

Four option: Seeing the brother's hand stretches for something on your desk, wildly wrap to scare it. But this is possible only when you are at home, and in your absence will have to come up with something else.

Option Fifth: To arrange a grand scandal: "I have suffered for a long time, but it's above my strength! I have enough to pick it up! I never take anything with you, lay your hands and pencils and devour them wherever you want, and mine is mine! - Do you take from the table, put on yourself! " Result: You will spoil your mood and brother, damage the voice ligaments, you will undermine your reputation as a good and calm person and, in the end, do not achieve anything.

Sixth version More humane: to hold a spiritual conversation and intelligibly explain to your brother, why you do not suit his "love" to your hands and pencils. You can say something like: "You know, I don't like your way to take my things from my desk. I can not find them. Be kind - to make your own written accessories." Of course, politeness works wonders, but not in cases where it is necessary to eradicate a bad habit.

Seventh version The most tactful and correct: Give your brother on-bor pencils and some great handle, tell me such words, after which he will not be able to use your gift, for example: "You know, I wanted to make you pleasant. I specifically chose it all . Do you like?" Tell it heartfelt and sincerely. The next time he again wants to kidnap a pencil or a handle from your table, anxiously ask: "You didn't like my gift? Why don't you write that hand that I gave you?" After such care, he will simply uncomfortable to offend you.

Now let's touch the tone of the statement when you say a person's unpleasant truth about him or about his actions. For example, this situation: you are going to a disco with a girlfriend, and she got dressed and crushed so that you just awkwardly go with her next. How to tell her about what she looks defiantly?

So that she respond quickly and you were not late for a disco, you can put it out loud and clearly: "Well, quickly rejection and rearranged, otherwise I do not understand with you!" Perhaps she will react and fulfill your order, but this does not mean that it will not be offended. Therefore, it is better to choose another tone.

Orders to replace wishes or leading issues; For example, you can say: "Why didn't you put your little black dress, it's much more goes to you" or "you know, it seems to me that this skirt is not combined with this blouse, you do not want to choose something else?"

And what to do with too bright makeup? Here you must resort to tricks! This etiquette is not entirely provided. Tell your friend: "Wait, you are unevenly put up - one eye is brighter, another lighter, let me correct!" Do not listen to objections and do not come together at all - grab a napkin or cotton and wash too bright places.

Another subtlety, compliance with which, will help you to tell a person to the truth, not too tasty pride. For example, your friend is late for a date with you. It annoys it, but you do not want to offend him, so you don't tell him about it.

There are two ways to correct the situation. The first is already known to be known to take care of him so that he cannot bring you anymore. Give him a diary or a notebook, in which I personally in his presence enter the exact time of date. Ultimately, he must take your hint.

But the second is to correct its flaw in a soft form. Do not speak to him at a meeting, on which he was late again: "I'm waiting for a whole hour! What are you for a person like that! I'll start late!" Or "Listen, you have and so a lot of shortcomings, so you are also late every time!" From this can only be a quarrel or final breaking of relationships. To begin with, I was praised, say something pleasant, and then smoke, for example: "I'm so glad to see you! You, as always, perfectly dressed! I'm just amazed to taste! But coming on time - it seems that your weak place ".

To soften the blow, which you are Nano-Sat, saying a person right about his lack of, try to cheer it up that he is not alone possesses such a terrible one, turn the matter so that you also had something like that, and you managed This is fixed.

For example, if your girlfriend is constantly complaining of his life and whine that she is the most unfortunate girl in the world, bringing you to depression to her, try to point it to her drawback as follows: "You know, I also often had such a mood. I always At such moments told friends how I was bad. They could not help me, because these were my thoughts and my inner feeling, fix that could only me. Once I thought - why am I damage to everyone around the mood with my complaints and whining If I can cope with my condition I can only? You know, friends began to communicate with me more worst after I decided not to bother with my plastic revelations. And now I'm fine, I stopped sorry yourself! I can help you ? " Most likely, a girlfriend will understand a hint, but will not be offended by you for the truth, because I will see a my soul in you.

Not everyone can correctly express their emotions. Sometimes we are so afraid to seem obsessive or vulnerable, which seem indifferent. To say what you feel is very important for any relationship.

These 39 short and simple phrases will help you to understand the dear person to you, how much he means for you.

1. Happy you do happy me.


2. From you my heart freezes.


3. I believe in you.


4. I really need you (and we are not talking about the material side of relationships).


5. It was amazing (about the last Joint Night of Love).

6. I am so proud of you.


7. You look very attractive in these pants.


8. I feel safe when you're near.


9. I have enough for me.


10. You make me better.

11. You are a good person.


12. You make tremble every cell of my body.


13. I am grateful for the fact that you are near.


14. I trust you.

15. I like to be with you.


16. Where you are, there is my home.


17. You're right.


18. I forgive you.


19. How can I help you?

20. I missed you so much.


21. I would not be to those who I am without you.


22. I was wrong.


23. I admire you.


24. We all make mistakes.


25. I understand you.


26. I love you.


27. I will never stop loving you.


28. You make me very happy.


29. I accept you as you are.