How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence for a woman, a man and a child. Psychologists' advice

Being the owner of high self-esteem, of course, is good, but achieving this is not so easy. Part of the problem is that this indicator is unstable: one day it can skyrocket, and the next it can go nowhere. The situation is even more complicated when we try to evaluate ourselves in specific areas of life (family, sports, work). For example, if dinner doesn't taste good enough, a chef will be much more upset than a person for whom cooking is not an important aspect of their identity.

It is important to know the measure: inflated self-esteem can make a person very vulnerable. He will be fine most of the time, but any criticism will elicit a strong reaction. And this greatly hinders the psychological development of a person.

If you are still very far from such problems and would like to increase your own self-esteem, then follow our advice.

1. Use affirmations correctly

Self-hypnosis formulas are very popular, but they have a significant drawback. They often make people with low self-esteem feel even worse. Why? When self-esteem is low, statements like "I'm going to be a huge success!" strongly contradict the internal beliefs of a person.

Oddly enough, affirmations most often work for people who already have everything in order with self-esteem.

But how to make them work for you if your self-esteem leaves much to be desired? Speak more believable formulas. For example, instead of "I'm going to be a huge success!" tell yourself, “I will try my best until I get what I want.”

2. Define your areas of expertise and develop them

Self-esteem is based on real achievements in those areas of life that are important to you. If you feel proud of yourself when you have prepared a delicious dinner, invite guests more often and treat them to something tasty. If you are good at running, apply for a sporting event and prepare for it. Determine what areas you are competent in and look for opportunities to highlight it.

3. Learn to accept compliments

People with low self-esteem are in dire need of compliments, but at the same time they do not know how to properly respond to them.

Accept compliments, even if they make you feel uncomfortable.

The best way to avoid the reflex reaction of denying all the good things that people say about you is to prepare a simple set of answers and practice saying them automatically every time you receive a compliment. For example, say "Thank you!" or "That's so nice of you." Over time, the desire to deny compliments will disappear, and this is a clear indicator that your self-esteem is rising.

4. Stop criticizing yourself, be gentle

If you constantly criticize yourself, self-esteem becomes even lower. To regain self-esteem, it is necessary to replace criticism with self-compassion.

Every time you are unhappy with yourself, ask yourself what you would say to your best friend in such a situation. As a rule, we feel more compassion for our friends than for ourselves. But if you learn to cheer yourself up in difficult circumstances, you can avoid lowering your self-esteem due to a critical attitude.

5. Convince yourself of your worth

The following exercise will help you restore your self-esteem after it has been hit hard.

Make a list of your qualities that are important in the context of the situation. For example, if you were denied a date, make a list of qualities that will help you create a good relationship in the long run (tolerance, caring, emotionality). If you were unable to get a promotion at work, indicate the traits that make you a valuable employee (responsibility, hard work, creativity). Then choose one of the items on the list and briefly explain why you are proud of this quality and why it will be appreciated by other people in the future.

Try this exercise once a week or whenever you need a boost to boost your self-esteem.

Raising self-esteem

How to raise self-esteem for men (women), what is important to know how to act?

Hello dear reader! In this article I will give the first recommendations on how to raise self-esteem. In other articles on the site you will find even more information on this topic.

What is self-esteem and how important it is for a person - it’s not worth saying, this is already clear. And what do you need to raise your self-esteem and make it more stable and independent of external factors, in particular, people.

Firstly, a real desire (not just a "wishlist", but a firm intention), certain knowledge and 100% responsibility, without which it is impossible to do something worthwhile in life.

It is important to understand that you cannot destroy something and then build a new one in a few days. With the right approach, you can make it faster but that doesn't mean fast.

Although there is a quick way. It " miracle", which can happen to you, or which you can arrange for yourself. For example, arrange for yourself amnesia. And then already to form yourself, your views and your self-esteem anew, unless the memory returns to you again.

Honestly, I wouldn't advise anyone to do this. miracle". In addition, self-esteem is not so difficult to change, there are much more difficult things in life, for example, finding and achieving your goal.

How to raise our self-esteem? How to become more confident?

The first thing is important to keep in mind.

Self-esteem may change not only during life, but even during the day, and more than once, everything depends on the person, in particular, on his character traits, situation and mood at the moment. I think many of you noticed behind you - how until recently you felt good and confident, it seemed to you that you can do everything, but some unpleasant event happened (for example, someone said something to you), you were upset, and immediately manifested inner emptiness or even depression.

And the most interesting thing is that all this is quite normal, it happens to everyone, even the most confident people, only in their case, it is not of an acute (painful) nature, because they self-sufficient, they value, love themselves and are guided mainly by their opinion.

Many are sure that you can always be on top, you can always be stably confident and strive for this state. But this is a big misconception - you can't always be strong, confident and the best, always be cheerful and positive!

We have different periods: moments of decline and recovery, sadness and joy, calm and excitement; only in some it happens less frequently, in others it happens more often and in sharp, sharp jumps.

Depending on the circumstances, you can feel less confident at any moment, for example, when your plan didn’t work out or you are faced with completely new circumstances for yourself, this is a reality that makes no sense to resist.

Causes of tension, weakness and a constant drop in self-esteem

When a person always tries to be strong and confident, but does not feel like that internally, he is in constant anxiety and tension, he drives himself into the framework and is forced to constantly control his actions. After all, as he believes, one should strive to maintain his status, and he simply cannot relax.

And if suddenly something doesn’t turn out the way he wants (as he expected), if he, in his opinion, shows unacceptable weakness in some words and behavior, then voluntarily or involuntarily gets upset, angry and criticizes himself. This takes a lot of energy, his vitality and immediately reduces self-esteem.

Therefore, for starters, you should not attach too much importance to this fact, a certain decrease in self-esteem, this is normal, just today was not your day. We all have days that we don't want to remember.

And it’s important not to force yourself to always be strong (oh), at your best, but you just need to gradually stabilize your self-esteem, learn to live with the state that you have, admit that you can experience not the best mood and allow yourself to be insecure.

This approach makes it possible to fully relax, and when a person is relaxed, he himself becomes calmer and more confident.

Fact and awareness of this already can help you, give you more freedom, liberate and give you confidence in action.

There is another very important point, similar to what is written above. When some unpleasant event happened, someone criticized you, "hit" or about you, maybe they forgot (ignored), treated you disrespectfully - and you expected something else and for this reason experienced unpleasant feelings, and your self-esteem dropped , besides, you might think that it is you who are to blame, you are somehow not like that - do not engage in self-digging and destructive analysis.

The reason may not be in you at all, and even if this is so, then you will not achieve anything good, except for pain, by self-digging.

What's happening? Self-esteem has fallen, you are upset and, against the background of this bad mood, you are trying to understand why it happened, what you did or said wrong. Your mood and self-esteem due to such unpleasant thoughts instantly decreases even more. Think about it, this happens a lot.

In this situation, it is impossible to draw useful conclusions (for this you need to have good self-control and be), and all this is just a seeming impression that, they say, I will delve into myself, find a solution (some words of justification) and I will feel better.

Here you just need to internally completely reconcile with what happened, leave all introspection and boldly move on.

And one of the main reasons why, in principle, you should never engage in self-flagellation and self-digging - this does not reinforce your confidence in any way, but, on the contrary, only aggravates your situation and general condition. Why this happens, you can read in the article "", about how stressful thoughts and emotions affect our body.

As for the experience that is important to draw from situations, this should be done calm cold introspection, without criticizing, scolding yourself and leaving an imprint of your entire past.

Such introspection is not done immediately, but some time after the event, when you have already calmed down, this makes it possible to look at the situation with a sober look. After all, only with a cool head, without unnecessary emotions, in a calm environment, you can draw objective conclusions, and not blame yourself or others.

It's even better to do it on paper. So the brain perceives and processes information better, you will see better (more clearly) what is important to you and what is just harmful nonsense.

From the whole analysis, only the very essence is taken, that is, a piece of real experience, a short (laconic) conclusion without any anger and criticism in your address, you find and extract a positive conclusion (benefit for yourself), this is real introspection and useful, constructive, light criticism.

Many condemn themselves so ruthlessly that there is no way to come to inner peace, confidence and self-love. But is it possible through violence and guilt to come to spiritual harmony? How to raise self-esteem here? Think for yourself.

And yet, I know very well how it pulls, despite all the warnings, to continue introspection and introspection while remaining emotionally shattered, because I want to quickly find a logical solution to calm myself, but very often, this does not give anything good, just keep in mind.

Conclusion:

Never engage in self-flagellation and self-digging;

Do introspection when you are calm and better on paper;

Temporary insecurity and a decline in self-esteem is normal, it happens to everyone, just take it easy.

Self-Esteem and the Influence of People

It is always important to remember that no evaluations of other people should not affect your self-esteem, they can cause something internally unpleasant or good in you, depending on whether they praise or criticize you, but this influence should be more like ripples on the surface of the water, and not a tsunami that destroys everything. Whatever anyone tells you, learn to treat it detachedly, without unnecessary emotions.

If you did or said something wrong and you think that you are wrong, there is no point in dwelling on it, you have already done it, and there is nothing to return. Over time, you will still have the opportunity to correct something, if necessary, and it is not so important who and what thinks of you, the main thing is how you think about yourself.

Exactly what we ourselves think about yourself, the most important thing , therefore, self-esteem is called self-esteem, and not mom-evaluation, dad-evaluation, colleagues-evaluation, etc., let the rest think what they want, it is their legal right and their problems to think about something there.

By the way, most people themselves are obsessed with what others think of them - how they look, how they are looked at, how they are treated, they think about controlling their behavior, words and facial expressions - and, in fact, they do not really care to you, so worry less.

1) Your thoughts and words to yourself

Talk to yourself, your thoughts - your friends, your thoughts should to help you to act, not harm. And I only mean sound thoughts, and not everything that can come to mind.

We cannot believe everything that we consciously and unconsciously think about. Some of our thoughts depend on many circumstances: on mood, general tone and many external and internal factors, and many of them do not even have a hint of any meaning (absurd) and are useless. Pay attention only to positive and constructive thoughts.

The way you talk to yourself is very important.

Try to give yourself good, successful thoughts and talk to yourself like a friend(do not be afraid, this is a non-excuse :), this is a very useful and good thing). Self-esteem is first and foremost attitude towards oneself. Treating yourself well no matter what you do, no matter how badly you acted regarding morality and the opinions of others.

What words do you say to yourself? What do you feel? What are your thoughts contributing to?

If you say to yourself: " I can't do anything", " I can't, I can't", "yes where do I go before", "I won’t go to meet, suddenly she doesn’t like me"or "I'm a fool, I'm somehow not like that"- these thoughts are the way innowhere. You won't achieve anything with them.

The reality is that if you think you can't do it, it's doesn't mean at all that you really won’t succeed, it only says that it may not work out, but it can also work out if you pull yourself together and try hard.

And if it seems to you that they will not understand you, they will not appreciate you, and they will laugh at you, this does not mean at all that it will be so.

Courage and deeds are greatly appreciated by others, even if they are unsuccessful. Intelligent people will see that you are one of those who are able to act!

2) If you want to have stable self-esteem, don't focus on your failures and shortcomings.

Trite, but true, although many do not succeed. Failure happens to everyone. Don't get hung up on a thought like this when you're about to do something: " I may not be able to". If you think like that, most likely it will happen, or it will turn out badly.

Thoughts of failure are blocks that arise in our head as protection against a miss.

But if you are afraid of everything, then what will you achieve? You need to respond to such harmful "thought blocks" correctly - just calmly ignore them. It is best to passively observe yourself and everything that happens around you, without analyzing anything, and just do what you decide (despite the possibility of failure).

A simple word or a few words spoken to oneself helps a lot. For example, this unpleasant thought came to me: BUT all of a sudden i can't do anything", answer yourself: " I can, I will do it, and let it be what it is"Next, don't have a pointless conversation that deprives you of confidence. Just do it and see the result.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes.

Only he who pleases everyone or does nothing does not make mistakes. We all have the right to make mistakes, and we all make mistakes. A mistake is an opportunity to use your bad experience in order to correct actions in the future and do something better. We must be afraid not of mistakes, but of inaction and ignorance of our own (desires).

As they say: our success is built on the ruins of our mistakes, and success cannot be achieved without making mistakes.

3) Never blame yourself. I repeat, it is important to get rid of guilt, no matter what thoughts and beliefs interfere with you.

If you have been constantly blaming yourself before, this feeling settles inside, in your subconscious).

And it starts to work as a background, on the machine. You yourself do not notice how suddenly you begin to feel guilty, sometimes doing absolutely nothing wrong.

For example, in your direction could any suspicions arise surrounding, and you about it just thought a little , a sense of guilt could immediately arise inside.

Whatever you did wrong or bad, you can draw conclusions for the future, but do not blame yourself.

4) Don't make excuses. Justification in itself causes negative emotions. Making excuses, you are trying to prove something to someone, already implying that you may be to blame.

But even if you prove something, the sediment on your soul will still remain, and justification, no matter how you look at it, implies guilt. So never make excuses, even if you are guilty, it’s better to just apologize if you are really guilty, and that’s it.

5) Fear. Good protective reaction of the body. It occurs in all people without exception. This is a natural feeling of self-defense. But if fear completely takes possession of a person, then expect trouble.

6) Learn to accept gratitude. Many, having done a good deed, are embarrassed to accept gratitude, compliments and praise. But it is important to demonstrate to yourself that you are worthy of this gratitude; pride is not pride, pride in oneself, one's successes and actions always increases self-esteem. It nourishes you, and you may unwisely resist it. And if you are praised, then you deserve it, you need to adequately accept it.

By avoiding and refusing gratitude, you subconsciously believe that you are not worth it, and unconsciously, from the inside, you reinforce this unnecessary stiffness and shyness in yourself.

The next time you are praised, maybe you should believe it and be happy for yourself? Yes, it may be unusual for you, but still learn to adequately accept gratitude.

As for modesty, not bad when she is on business and alternates with good impudence.

Praise yourself to your loved one - this is the name of a small, but very useful practice that is important to apply. Praise yourself for everything you can, for any simple and useful deeds.

Made (a) dinner - excellent, I did well, however, the chicken was burnt - nothing, next time it will turn out better. Washed (a) shorts - great, but I'm just super.

7) If you are always or almost all the time, , pay attention to the past, the opinion of friends and relatives, wanting support and confirmation of the correctness of your decision, then you are already dependent on yourself.

Such dependence on the opinions of others - the presence of self-doubt and self-esteem will not increase you.

And by shifting decisions to others, you relieve yourself of responsibility for the possible consequences. Yes, in case of failure, you will have someone to shove and "get rid of", but in case of success, you will not be able to feel a "winner" inside yourself (which you YOURSELF COULD), which means you will not increase your self-confidence!

Just try to make not too important decisions to begin with, most importantly, without regard to others.

We thought it over, firmly decided, period. Even if it's the wrong decision. Just try not to harm the people around you. There is a fine line here, but it is necessary to do this in order to feel in yourself that you too can make a decision, and you have your own real opinion.

8) The level of claims also affects self-esteem. If you put yourself in front too much lofty goals that cannot be realized in a relatively short time, prolonged unfulfillment can undermine your spirit, disappoint and lower your self-esteem.

Set high goals and go for them, but they should be realistically achievable in the near future..

Plan your goals, share parts, do one, move on to another. Having achieved your goal and internally becoming more confident and strong, set yourself a more significant goal.

9) How to raise self-esteem? Practice in front of a mirror, for both women and men.

True, this exercise is not suitable for everyone. If you feel severe discomfort, and this will continue every time for 3-4 days, leave it, it's just not for you right now. Here a different approach will be needed.

It all depends on the perception of the person and some points that I will not describe here.

When doing the practice, address yourself as your whole "I", do not focus only on appearance, individual features, some thoughts or internal state. You are all together, one whole, so you need to approach it.

Exercise can help a lot, but it takes time, because here you are programming yourself, your subconscious, and this is not so simple.

It is important to do the practice without straining, calmly and without fuss, without forcing yourself through your teeth, to say: "I love myself and".

You must say this, even if at first not with love and without faith, but with ease for yourself, that is, without tension. It doesn't matter if there is something you don't like about your appearance.

At the mirror, repeat these words for at least two minutes. It is better to do this in the morning, as soon as you get up, and your brain is not fully awake, not loaded with thoughts and still clean, this will make it easier to accept information.

Smiling slightly, say to yourself: " I love and respect myself in my successes and failures. I love myself in sickness and in health. I accept myself as I am with all the good and bad that I have. I respect and love myself. I am a unique person, and I have my own strengths and talents, and there is no one completely similar to me externally and internally. I respect and love myself regardless of my "flaws". I appreciate and love the way I am".

Here it is very important to just calmly say this to yourself, and not to look closely at every little thing that you like or dislike, not to be drawn into all sorts of unpleasant thoughts. You just have to say it to yourself and go.

10) Make a list of what you are good at and what you are good at. .

Write everything that is and is true. Describe in detail your positive qualities (everyone has them), achievements and skills. After writing everything on a piece of paper, read it aloud. Try to read cheerfully and with feeling. If at the end of reading you felt pleasant emotions, then everything worked out, and you should strive for this.

You can spend 2-3 minutes on this at least once a day. Take one skill of yours and describe it, then read it. The next day (or the day after) describe something else.

11) Take small steps towards what you want. Excessive tension, exhaustion is completely useless. You feel that now you don’t want to do anything at all, you want to relax, relax, gain strength and energy.

How to raise self-esteem. Important point!

Don't wait until your self-esteem is strong to make a decision. act little by little already right now.

The more you do something, the more you decide on steps that are significant for you, the faster you will feel confident, and at the same time, everything will work out better and calmer for you.

Nothing raises self-esteem (confidence) like - cessation of self-blame and new actions!

Try to do more of what you enjoy. If now you have to go to a job you hate, then clearly define for yourself that you are doing this, because now it is necessary and it benefits you, provides for your family, etc. That is, formulate a value in order to eliminate (weaken) the negative connotation of the situation, otherwise unloved work will in itself reduce your significance and self-esteem.

If you don't like the job, don't need a drastic change, keep working, but start looking for something that will be more to your taste than what you would like to do. Favorite business (hobby) has a very beneficial effect on inner satisfaction, self-esteem and life in general. Make your life more interesting!

I draw your attention to the fact that in the process of working on oneself, pendulums can arise - this is when everything was fine, and then it suddenly became bad. Treat such moments as temporary troubles. Just be calm during such periods!

The most difficult thing is to be patient and achieve the first noticeable success, and then it will be easier. As your self-esteem grows, your uniqueness begins to unfold, new perspectives open up. You will be able to take more risks and be less dependent on others.

Finally: how to raise self-esteem?

You can experience anxiety in any place where there are people without realizing why you are so anxious. One of the reasons noted above is judgment. You are afraid of how you are perceived and what others might think of you, this comes from your unstable self-esteem.

Therefore, a small but important tip - do not compare yourself to others and do not judge others. In comparison, you still lose in something, somewhere, to someone, you are good and unique, so be who you are. Such evaluative thoughts always lead to anxiety and tension.

Do not judge others, because when you judge, you consciously and unconsciously evaluate them, which means that you will always feel inside yourself that you are being evaluated.

This is manifested in the so-called "mind reading" phenomenon of the psyche, when you think that you know what other people think of you. Moreover, what you think about yourself, you kind of "transfer" into their head, and it seems to you that this is what they think about you.

By and large, all people have different thinking, and we cannot know what others think of us, we can only assume. But what does it matter if, for example, you think something bad about someone, he will not care.

The same is true in your case - there is no point in worrying that someone might think something about you, this cannot in any way affect your success, peace of mind and happiness in general, unless you wind yourself up with some then thoughts. Only you, with your thinking, can bring yourself to emotional tension, stress and bad mood. Remember this.

When you stop judging people, the anxiety that is formed on judging and evaluating will become weaker and weaker, and there will be less and less such thoughts.

How to raise self-esteem and love yourself? How to gain self-confidence and believe in yourself? What self-esteem tips and tricks really work?

Greetings, dear readers! With you Denis Kuderin.

It has long been proven by scientists that self-esteem is one of the most important factors in achieving success in life and a sense of self-confidence.

Low self-esteem leads to poverty, depression and a sense of the meaninglessness of one's own existence.

If you or your friends are faced with this problem, then today I will share with you effective ways to resolve it, which helped me personally.

All the techniques and techniques described in the article are recommended by leading psychologists and simply successful people who apply them every day in their own lives.

Using them in practice, you can not only become more confident, but in the end even increase your income and even start a business.

Let's start, friends!

1. What is self-esteem: definition and its impact on our lives

To achieve success in any area of ​​his activity, a person needs to be self-confident and be able to convince others of his rightness.

People with low self-esteem cannot be happy by definition: their entire existence consists of doubts, disappointments and introspection. Meanwhile, a bright, eventful life passes by, reaching those who do not doubt their own rightness and confidently walk towards their goal.

A person with low self-esteem considers himself unworthy of happiness, therefore, subconsciously inferior in everything to others. To change the situation in your favor, you need to change yourself - there is no other way.

In this article, I will tell you why a person's self-esteem is so important, what reasons affect its decline, and how to increase self-esteem for a man, woman (girl), teenager with the most effective methods.

Self-esteem- this is an individual's idea of ​​the importance of his personality in relation to other people and an assessment of his own qualities - advantages and disadvantages.

Self-esteem is extremely important for the full functioning of the individual in society and the achievement of various life goals - success, self-realization, family happiness, spiritual and material well-being.

Self-assessment features

The self-assessment functions are as follows:

• Protective- provides stability and relative independence of the individual from the opinions of others;
• Regulatory- enables a person to solve problems of personal choice;
• Educational- provides an impetus to personal development.

Of decisive importance in the early formation of self-esteem is the assessment of our personality by others - in particular, parents, peers, friends. Ideally, self-esteem should be based only on the individual's own opinion of himself, but in reality it is influenced by many different factors.

Self-esteem is the attitude of a person to himself: to his capabilities, physical and spiritual qualities. An adequate assessment of one's own capabilities helps to avoid mistakes and at the same time is an incentive for further development.

Psychologists believe that ideal self-esteem is the most accurate assessment of a person's abilities.

Low self-esteem makes a person doubt, think and make wrong decisions, and too high self-esteem leads to making a lot of mistakes.

In most cases, we are dealing with a person's underestimation of his capabilities, which is why a person is not able to fully reveal his potential and does not understand how to increase self-esteem.

A well-known coach in the field of the psychology of success believes that low self-esteem is the main reason for a person’s financial insolvency. After all, if you treat yourself badly, you don’t have confidence in your abilities, then you are doomed to be poor, and you won’t even have to dream of your own business.

On the contrary, an increase in self-esteem leads to an increase in your income and earning more money. So if you have financial problems, be sure to look for the cause in your emotional state.

An inferiority complex is a pathological manifestation of low self-esteem.

It is self-esteem that is the key to achieving success in any sphere of human activity. Self-confidence leads to the adoption of important and timely decisions, and underestimation of one's strengths reduces the level of a person's personal energy, makes him constantly doubt himself and, instead of actions, think about action.

2. Why it's important to love yourself and what happens if you don't

To increase self-esteem means to love yourself: to accept yourself as you are with all the flaws and flaws. Everyone has disadvantages: a self-confident person differs from an ever-doubting and insecure person in that he sees in himself not only shortcomings, but also advantages, and at the same time knows how to present himself favorably to others.

If you don't love yourself, how can others love you? It is known that consciously and subconsciously people strive for contact and communication with self-confident individuals. It is these individuals who are most often chosen as business partners, friends and husbands (or wives).

If you doubt yourself and reproach yourself for every little thing, you automatically program yourself for further failures and make the decision-making process more and more difficult. Learn to praise yourself, forgive yourself and love yourself - you will see how the attitude of others around you will change.

Signs of low (-) self-esteem

A person with low self-esteem usually manifests such qualities as:

• excessive self-criticism and dissatisfaction with oneself;
• increased sensitivity to criticism and the opinions of others;
• constant indecision and fear of making a mistake;
• pathological jealousy;
• envy of the success of others;
• a passionate desire to please;
• hostility towards others;
• constant defensive position and the need to justify one's actions;
• pessimism, negative outlook.

An individual with low self-esteem perceives temporary difficulties and failures as permanent and draws the wrong conclusions. The worse we treat ourselves, the more negatively others treat us: this leads to alienation, depression and other psycho-emotional disorders.

3. High self-esteem and self-confidence is an important factor in achieving success

Before I talk about ways to increase self-esteem, I want to emphasize the importance of self-love for success and well-being. For some reason, it is believed that selfishness is a sin, or at least something that should be avoided.

In fact, the lack of love and respect for one's own personality just gives rise to numerous complexes and internal conflicts.

If a person has a low opinion of himself, it is unlikely that others will think differently. And vice versa - self-confident people are usually highly appreciated by others: they listen to their opinion, they strive to communicate and cooperate with them. By learning to respect ourselves, we will gain the respect of others, and we will also learn to adequately relate to the opinions of others about us.

Signs of high (+) self-esteem

People with healthy, high self-esteem have the following benefits:

• accept their physical appearance as it is;
• self-confident;
• not afraid to make mistakes and learn from them;
• calmly perceive criticism and compliments;
• know how to communicate, do not feel shy when communicating with strangers;
• respect the opinions of others, but also value their own view of things;
• take care of their physical and emotional well-being;
• develop harmoniously;
• achieve success in their endeavors.

Self-confidence and self-respect are as necessary factors for success and happiness as the sun and water are for a plant: personal growth is impossible without them. Low self-esteem deprives a person of perspective and hope for change.

4. Low self-esteem - top 5 reasons

There are a great many factors that directly or indirectly affect our attitude towards ourselves. These are genetic features, and external data, and social status, and marital status. Below we look at 5 of the most common causes of low self-esteem.

Reason 1. Wrong upbringing in the family

Our attitude towards ourselves directly depends on the right upbringing. If our parents did not encourage us, but on the contrary, scolded us and constantly compared us with others, we simply will not have a reason to love ourselves - there will be no soil on which faith in our abilities will be based.

A decrease in self-esteem and a lack of confidence in one's own words and actions are influenced by parents' criticism of any initiatives, undertakings and actions. Even as an adult, a person who was constantly criticized as a child subconsciously continues to be afraid of mistakes.

Parents (teachers, coaches) should know how to increase the self-esteem of a child who suffers from self-doubt and self-doubt.

The best way is praise, unobtrusive encouragement. It is enough to sincerely praise the kid several times for a correctly completed school assignment, a carefully drawn drawing, and his self-esteem will inevitably increase.

Psychologists say that the family is the center of the world for the child: it is there that all the future characteristics of an adult personality are laid. Passivity, lethargy, insecurity, and other negative qualities are a direct reflection of parental suggestions and attitudes.

Usually, self-esteem is higher in single children and those who were born first. Other children often develop a "little brother complex" where parents constantly compare the younger child to the older one.

An ideal family for adequate self-esteem is one in which the mother is always calm in a good mood, and the father is demanding, fair and has unquestioned authority.

Reason 2. Frequent failures in childhood

No one is immune from failures, the main thing is our attitude towards them. A severe traumatic event can affect the psyche in the form of a guilt complex and a decrease in self-esteem. For example, some children blame themselves for the divorce of their parents or their frequent quarrels: in the future, guilt is transformed into constant doubt and inability to make a decision.

In childhood, completely harmless events acquire cosmic proportions. For example, taking second, and not first place in a competition, an adult athlete will sigh and continue training with a vengeance, and a child can get psychologically traumatized for life, especially if the parents do not show proper understanding of the situation.

What feeds on low self-esteem in childhood? Failures, mistakes, ridicule of peers, careless remarks of adults (parents in the first place). As a result, a teenager develops an opinion that he is bad, unlucky, defective, and a false sense of guilt appears for his actions.

Reason 3. Lack of clear goals in life

If you have nothing to strive for in life, you do not need to strain and make strong-willed efforts. Lack of clear goals, laziness, following standard philistine imperatives is easy and does not require the manifestation of personal qualities. Such a person does not plan to become successful and rich, he is passive in nature.

Often, people with low self-esteem live on autopilot, half-heartedly. They are satisfied with gray tones, an inconspicuous lifestyle, the absence of bright colors - there is no desire to get out of the swamp. Such people stop paying attention to their own appearance, income, stop dreaming and strive for change. Naturally, self-esteem in such a situation is not just low, but absent altogether.

Growing up, a person becomes passive, and then he transfers all these problems to his family when he marries (marries).

Here the conclusion suggests itself: it is also necessary to increase self-esteem for a man and a woman, that is, an adult, just like a child. After all, everything starts from childhood, and then nothing changes if an adult does not make efforts for this.

Reason 4. Unhealthy social environment

If you are surrounded by people without specific goals in life, who are in constant spiritual suspended animation, it is unlikely that you will have a desire for internal transformations.

High self-esteem and ambitions appear where there are role models - if all your friends and acquaintances are used to living in the shadows, without showing initiative, then you, most likely, will be completely satisfied with such an existence.

If you notice that in your environment everyone is pathologically accustomed to complaining about life, gossiping, judging others and philosophizing excessively for no reason - it’s worth considering, are you on the way with these people?

After all, such people can become energy vampires for you and prevent you from awakening your true potential.

If you feel that such a trend is taking place, change this environment or at least limit communication with it.

It is best to communicate with those people who are already successful, have their own business and know how to make money. We have already written earlier on the topic, we recommend that you read this article.

Reason 5. Defects in appearance and health

Low self-esteem often occurs in children with physical defects or congenital diseases.

Even if parents behave correctly towards such a child, the social environment can significantly influence him - first of all, the opinion of peers.

A typical example is overweight children who are given offensive nicknames in kindergarten or school. Low self-esteem in such cases is practically ensured if appropriate measures are not taken.

In this case, it is worth trying to eliminate the existing shortcomings, and if this is not possible, then you need to start developing other qualities in yourself that will make the person (child) more developed, charismatic and self-confident.

Example

If a child is overweight and has a corresponding unattractive appearance, then with the right approach to the development of his abilities and talents, this disadvantage can be turned into an advantage.

Perhaps he will show abilities for sports (weightlifting or wrestling, or boxing), or vice versa, he will be able to become a sought-after actor with his inherent type.

In general, there are thousands of examples where people with huge physical disabilities have achieved worldwide recognition, created happy families and at the same time live the life that the "healthy" can only dream of.

The most striking example of this is the world famous speaker and preacher. Nick was born no arms and no legs , naturally experienced a huge inferiority complex and even wanted to commit suicide.

But, thanks to his willpower and desire to live, he achieved public recognition and helped thousands of people around the world find themselves and cope with psychological difficulties.

Now Nick is a dollar millionaire and a favorite of thousands of people, because he helped them change their lives. By working on your self-esteem, you can achieve unprecedented heights and even repeat the success of Nick Vujicic, despite the fact that now your condition may not be the best.

And we already wrote about how rich people think and what it takes to become a millionaire.

5. How to Boost Self-Esteem and Confidence - 7 Powerful Ways

How to raise self-esteem and love yourself? There are many ways to make yourself believe in your own strength, but I have chosen seven of the most reliable and effective options.

Method 1. Change of environment and communication with successful people

Since man is a social being, he is completely dependent on his environment. How to believe in yourself and increase self-esteem with the help of other people? Very simple - you need to change your environment.

I already wrote above that communication with lack of initiative, lethargic and lazy people without ambition and desire for change is a direct way to lower self-esteem and lack of life motivation.

If you radically change your social circle and begin to contact successful, purposeful, self-confident people, you will almost immediately feel how you are changing for the better. Gradually, self-respect, self-love and all those qualities, without which it is impossible to achieve success, will return to you.

By communicating with successful and prosperous people, you will learn to appreciate individuality (including your own), begin to treat personal time in a different way, gain a goal and begin to achieve success on your own.

Method 2. Attending events, trainings, seminars

In any city, events, trainings or seminars are held, where specialists teach everyone who wants self-confidence and self-esteem.

Experts in applied psychology in a few months will be able to make a strong-willed, self-satisfied and purposeful person out of a timid, indecisive individual: the main thing is to have an initial impulse and desire for change.

There are many competent books that describe in detail, with examples and explanations, the need for love and respect for yourself: if you want changes, acquaintance with such literature will be very productive.

Particularly relevant to boosting women's self-esteem are Helen Andelin's The Allure of the Feminine and Louise Hay's Heal Your Life.

It is also useful to watch video content on this topic - documentaries and feature films that help increase self-esteem.

Method 3. Getting out of the "comfort zone" - performing unusual actions

The desire of a person to get away from problems in the zone of personal comfort is quite understandable. It is much easier in difficult situations to console yourself with sweets, alcohol, savoring your own impotence. It is much more difficult to face the challenge and do something that is out of character for us.

At first, it may seem that outside the comfort zone is a hostile and inhospitable world, but then the understanding will come that real life, full of beauty, adventure and positive emotions, is exactly where you have not been before.

Staying in habitual conditions is like living in an invisible cage, from which you are afraid to leave simply because you are used to it. By learning to leave your "comfort zone" and at the same time remain calm, collected and balanced, you will gain a powerful incentive to raise your self-esteem and form your new image.

You can start small - for example, stop sitting in front of the TV after work, and buy a subscription to the gym, go jogging, yoga, meditation.

Set a task - to learn an unfamiliar language in six months or to meet a girl you like tonight. Do not be afraid if the first time you do not succeed - but new sensations and increased self-esteem are guaranteed.

Method 4. Refusal of excessive self-criticism

By stopping self-flagellation, blaming yourself and "eating" for mistakes, flaws in appearance, failures in your personal life, you will achieve several goals at once:

1. Release a huge amount of energy. You will not have to pay attention to self-blame, and there will be time for other, more creative and worthy tasks;
2. Learn to accept yourself the way you are. You are the one and only person on this planet. So why compare yourself to others? It is better to focus on achieving your own goals according to your potential and your idea of ​​happiness;
3. Learn to see the positive traits of your personality. Instead of dwelling on the negative, purposefully find your strengths and work on developing them.

In the end, any failures, disappointments and mistakes can be turned to your advantage by using it as a life experience.

Method 5. Playing sports and maintaining a healthy lifestyle

In the course of experiments conducted by European scientists, it was found that one of the easiest and most effective ways to increase self-esteem is to go in for sports, physical education or activities aimed at improving health and well-being.

A healthy body is a receptacle for a healthy spirit and right thoughts, and vice versa: it is difficult for a person who is heavy on his feet, with an untrained body, to make decisions and act independently.

Having started playing sports, a person begins to perceive his appearance less critically and treat himself more respectfully. At the same time, the increase in self-esteem does not depend on the results of training: even if the changes are minor, the process of training itself is important.

The more actively you train, the better you begin to relate to yourself.

Any physical activity (especially for a person working in an office) is an opportunity to gain confidence and love yourself. There is a completely scientific explanation for this phenomenon: during sports, a person intensively produces dopamines - neurotransmitters responsible for encouragement (in bypass they are sometimes called "hormones of joy").

Biochemical changes have a positive effect on the psyche and increase our self-esteem.

Method 6. Listening to affirmations

Affirmations are one of the most effective ways to reprogram your own mind. In psychology, affirmations are short verbal formulas that, when repeated many times, create a positive attitude in the human subconscious. In the future, this attitude contributes to a change in character traits and personality in the direction of improvement.

Affirmations are always formulated as a fait accompli, which makes a person take them for granted and think accordingly. If our subconscious considers us self-confident, successful and purposeful, then gradually we really become so.

Typical examples of self-esteem affirmations are: “I am the master of my life”, “I can have everything I want”, “I believe in myself, so everything comes to me freely and without effort.” These linguistic formulas can be repeated independently or listened to in the player: the main thing in this practice is regularity.

Read these phrases into the microphone, recording a track of several minutes from them and listen in your free time. This technology is recommended by Western psychologists and has proven to be highly effective.

Method 7. Keeping a diary of successes and achievements

A diary of your own victories and achievements will help raise self-esteem for teenagers, men and women.

Start such a diary right now and write down everything that you managed to achieve in a day (week, month). A success diary is a powerful stimulating tool that will make you believe in yourself and allow you to multiply your own efficiency.

Every day, write down any of your victories, even small ones.

All these "little things" are related to your personal successes, be sure to write them down in your success diary and read it regularly.

If you write down only 5 simple things a day, then in a month it will already be 150 of your achievements!

Not so little for one month, agree?!

In one of our articles, it was written that keeping a diary of success can be the first step towards this.

6. Dependence on public opinion - a factor that destroys the personality: we defeat self-doubt

Public opinion can ruin our lives if given too much importance.

Constructive criticism pointing out specific mistakes is useful and helps in development, but completely depending on the opinions of others is a big mistake.

Learn to value your own opinion and your own view of things, then the words of others will cease to be so important to you. If you, when performing any actions, think first of all about what people will say, how they will look at you, then you are unlikely to succeed in your endeavors.

Let public opinion depend on you, not you on it. Embody your own will and think less about the consequences.

How to become more confident - practical exercises

1. "Your own clown." Preparation: you dress ridiculously, for example, in curlers, a huge tie, funny clothes. Then go out, go shopping, generally act like it's your everyday look. Naturally, you will feel discomfort in this form. But at the same time, your psychological threshold for critical perception of you by others will decrease;
2. "Speaker for Life" Try to speak in public as often as possible. If at work the boss asks someone to prepare a presentation, organize an event or go on a business trip with an important report - take the initiative and take on these functions. If you have a fear of public speaking, then ways to overcome it have already been described in.

Both of these exercises involve getting out of your comfort zone. Our brain begins to think that this behavior is normal for us and these things no longer cause such stress as before. Remember, the best way to get rid of fear is to do what you are afraid of!

7. How to find yourself and learn how to manage your self-esteem - 5 important tips

And now 5 short tips for managing self-esteem:

1. Stop comparing yourself to others;
2. Stop scolding and criticizing yourself;
3. Hang out with positive people;
4. Do what you enjoy;
5. Take action, don't think about action!

Remember that you are a unique person with great potential and unlimited possibilities. Increasing self-esteem is one way to develop your abilities to the fullest.

8. Self-esteem test - determine the level of attitude towards yourself today

My self-assessment test consists of a few simple questions that you only need to answer "YES" or "NO". When you do this, count the number of positive and negative responses.

1. Do you often scold yourself for mistakes (yes / no);
2. Do you like to gossip with your girlfriends (friends) and discuss common acquaintances (yes/no);
3. You do not have clear goals and you do not plan your life (yes / no);
4. You are not involved in physical education and sports (yes / no);
5. Do you like to worry about trifles (yes / no);
6. Once in an unfamiliar company, you prefer to remain "in the shadows" (yes / no);
7. When meeting with the opposite sex, you cannot keep up the conversation (yes / no);
8. When you are criticized, does it make you depressed (yes/no);
9. You like to criticize people and often envy other people's success (yes / no);
10. It is easy to offend you with a careless word (yes / no).

The key to the self-assessment test:

Answers "Yes" from 1 to 3: congratulations, you have normal self-esteem.

Answers "Yes" - more than 3: you underestimated How to make money for a student on the Internet - 7 sure ways + a story from the life of a simple 14-year-old schoolgirl who earns 10,000 rubles / month. on writing texts

The level of self-esteem affects all the actions of a person. Most often, a person's self-esteem is underestimated, that is, a person's real capabilities are higher than a person's ideas about their capabilities. This is usually due to the fact that the formation of self-esteem occurs mainly in childhood, when a person's capabilities are poorly developed. In addition, a negative environment has a serious impact. Of course, there are cases when a person has high self-esteem, but, in my opinion, this is typical only for very young people.

And for adults, the reverse situation is typical - low self-esteem, which is quite understandable. Personality is formed in childhood and early youth, when a person's capabilities, for obvious reasons, are seriously limited.

It is quite possible to increase self-esteem, although this is often a rather slow process. However, conscious attempts at building self-esteem can be beneficial to just about anyone.

How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence? Here are 12 tips to help you do just that:

1. Stop comparing yourself to other people. There will always be people who have more of something than you, and there are people who have less than you. If you make comparisons, you will always have too many opponents or opponents in front of you that you cannot surpass.

2. Stop scolding and blaming yourself. You will not be able to develop a high level of self-esteem if you repeat negative statements about yourself and your abilities. Whether you're talking about your appearance, your career, relationships, financial status, or any other aspect of your life, avoid self-deprecating comments. Self-esteem correction is directly related to your statements about yourself.

3. Accept all compliments and congratulations in return "thank you." When you respond to a compliment with something like “yes, nothing special,” you are rejecting the compliment and simultaneously sending yourself the message that you are not worthy of praise, building low self-esteem. Therefore, accept praise without belittling your dignity.