7 Rough Parents Errors during SSOR with children
As often, in a rush of anger, parents tell children the words that deeply penetrate consciousness, leaving a trace there for many years. As a result of incorrect actions of adults, the child becomes aggressive, its self-esteem is reduced, and parents cease to be an authority for him. How to avoid this? Let's look at 7 errors that adults allowed during quarrels with their children, and then we will try to repeat them.
1. focusing on personality, not on any actions
When the baby goes badly, parents often tell him that he is bad, pronounce phrases like "I don't need such a child!" Or "You are a terrible boy!" Such statements of mom and dad hurt their children. It is important that Kroch understands - he himself is bad, and the act he has committed, causes the disapproval of his parents.
2. Shooting its guilt for children
Sometimes, during strong irritation, parents begin to scold children for what, in essence, they are not to blame. For example, my mother forgot to remove a plate or a cup from the table, and the baby, running by, hurt her, she fell and crashed. Or another case - dad allowed to stroke the neighbor PSA, and he bit the baby. And here dad scolds a child - you don't know that the dog can bite? Who is to blame in this case? Is the child? Why should it scold or punish? Shooting guilt with himself on children, parents will be able to achieve only one - over time, their child will come in the same way, he will not recognize his mistakes. I think everyone will remember this situation when it is necessary to scold yourself, and we scold a child.
3. Showing your superiority
Adults often demonstrate their children their own superiority than they cause a feeling of inferiority and humiliation, annoyance and insult. This can be explained by the example of such a situation when one of the parents, taking a toy from the child, puts it on a closet or where the baby can not get it from himself. What is happening at this time with a child? He is desperate, he feels his own impotence and deep offense, he begins. It is necessary to help the crumb to cope with your feelings, and the parents exacerbate the situation further, leaving him alone so that he thought of his behavior.
4. Punishment by imprisonment of material benefits
Do you use this admission - promising to buy a son or daughter toy, do you take your words back, if the child behaved badly? So the most parents do to achieve obedience from their children. But is it right? Undoubtedly, this method helps to quickly put children in place, but what motives them to obey - do they think about the feelings of the father and mother? No, in this situation the child is worried about only their own benefits. When he becomes older, it will understand that it is better to please the parents to not be deprived of the material benefits, and not from respect for the elders. At the same time, their own experiences, offense, anger and irritation of the teenager will accumulate within himself. Never punish children by depriving them of material things, but learn them to respect your feelings, explain why you need to do so, and not otherwise.
5. Aggression, rudeness, physical punishment
If, with a quarrel with a child, a mother or dad lose control over themselves, they admit gross statements, screaming, apply force for education, then children adopt their image action. They learn from parents to the fact that in the critical situation, the loss of control over themselves is the norm that the right is the one who is stronger, who loudly screams and gross express. While the child is small, it seems that such educational measures work, and in fact the baby is simply frightened by the reaction of parents, so it behaves well. Little children can not respond with adults - hit, shout, but when they grow up, then you should expect from them such a repulagement.
6. Require apologies when parents do not do this
To teach children something, you need to give them a personal example. Parents will not be able to instill a child to ask for forgiveness for their actions, if they themselves do not. We can talk with everyone when under the influence of fatigue or irritation we can talk a bunch of offensive words to children. After a quarrel, we regret what I said, so why not tell my daughter or son: "Forgive me, I told you offensive words, in fact I don't think so about you." What follows this? Usually kids also bring their apologies for bad behavior, hugging parents. Ask forgiveness even when both sides are guilty, make it the first to take the kids with you an example.
Frankly, I myself sometimes break down and tell my daughter offensive words, which then regret. But I always try to apologize for them. I say my daughter: "Forgive me, please. I flared and told you at all exactly what I think in fact, "my daughter usually apologizes at this moment too:" Mommy, and you forgive me. I was so capricious and behaved very badly. It was unpleasant to you. Do you excuse me? " And we usually hug.
In situations where we both were good, I usually apologize the first. And at the same time I do not reproach my daughter, I'm not saying that it was also not right. The daughter already admits his own part of guilt in such situations and asks for forgiveness.
7. Using humiliating punishments
When the baby guessed, he is punished, but it is necessary to do it correctly. Applying educational measures, use the rule - it is better to deprive the child good than to make it bad. For example, it is better to deny the baby in watching cartoons or read overnight than to raise voice and spank. Remember - it is impossible to humiliate the child, punishing it, so never scold children in the presence of outsiders. If you are in a crowded place, and the baby behaves out of hand badly, or set aside the upbringing for later, or go away and talk to him quietly.
In the upbringing of kids you can make a lot of mistakes, because we are all people. It helps to reduce the number of conflict situations just a rule - before you say something to children, say it yourself. When the situation is heated, scroll through this phrase in my head, it will help to stop at the right moment, and therefore avoid mistakes. Applying this rule, you will notice that children will show respect, their self-esteem will increase, they will begin to control their words.