Comic horoscope: how the evil signs of the zodiac behave. Unexpected sides of the zodiac signs

Humor and positivity. Three topics in one:

1. Evaluation of the signs of the zodiac from the position of Thinks-Speaks-Does.

2. Behavior of signs after sex.

3. Life principles of the signs of the zodiac.

Zodiac signs

Characterization of signs in terms of thinks-says-does

Aries: Thinks - a lot. Says - not enough. He does it right.
Taurus: Thinks about a lot. Says - convincingly. Does - as it turns out.
Twins: He thinks about himself. He says what he thinks. Does - thinks very well.
Cancer: Thinks - constantly. He says it's tempting. Does what they indicate.
A lion: He thinks - for sure. Says - superfluous. He does something that he could not get rid of.
Virgo: Thinks - one thing. Says - another. Does - the third, but good.
Scales: Thinks - superfluous. Speaks - honestly. He does it responsibly.
Scorpion: Thinks - with concentration. Says - exactly. He does what he likes.
Sagittarius: He thinks - that only he ... Says - that everyone except him .. Does - by someone else's hands.
Capricorn: Thinks - what comes to mind. Says - what he thought of. He does what he can.
Aquarius: Thinks - "what do you need?" Says - "well, if necessary" Does - the best.
Fishes: Thinks - that no one knows. Speaks - gets clever. Does - depending on whether the work will be checked.

After sex. Zodiac Signs

Aries: Okay, it started off again!
Taurus: I am hungry! Pass me the pizza!
Twins: Where is the TV remote control?
Cancer: When we get married?
A lion: Wasn't I gorgeous (gorgeous)?
Virgo: Let me see the sheets
Scales: If you liked it, I liked it too
Scorpion: Perhaps now we can untie you
Sagittarius: Don't call me, I'll call myself
Capricorn: Do you have a business card?
Aquarius: Now let's try WITHOUT clothes!
Fishes: So what do you say is your name?

Life principles of the zodiac signs.

In every joke, they say, there is some humor)))

Aries:
1. Better not to argue with me.
2. First I'll do it, then I'll think about it.
3. Where others slow down, I step on the gas.
4. I will be forever young.
5. Do as I do, you can't do better anyway.
6. The most difficult thing is to listen to the interlocutor to the end.
7. Stubbornness is not a vice.
8. It is easy to control the situation, it is more difficult to control your emotions.
9. One ram is good, two rams are many.
10. I don't attack first. But God forbid to hurt me.

Taurus:
1. I don’t mind buying money, I’m sorry for a party.
2. I don’t need someone else’s, don’t touch mine.
3. A thin world is better than a good quarrel.
4. Do not bother the one who is well seated.
5. Better a beautiful sofa than a beautiful sunset.
6. Food is serious.
7. An affectionate calf sucks two queens.
8. When you go second, you save energy.
9. I hate disposable lighters!
10. Taster is my true calling.

Twins:
1. Today I am not the same as yesterday.
2. Who owns the situation, he owns the information.
3. One mind is good, but two is better, especially if both belong to the same person.
4. Figaro is here, Figaro is there.
5. The idea, like other products, should not stale.
6. One TV, telephone in the house is good, but three is better.
7. Whoever did not have time, he was late.
8. I move through life like a scooter on water - I don't go deep, but fast.
9. At the bazaar I am not responsible for the bazaar.
10. I love quantity, because there is not enough time for quality.

Cancer:
1. My home is my castle.
2. Nursing others is my true calling.
3. It would be nice to stock up on everything in the world, and patience and jam.
4. Everything comes to the one who knows how to wait.
5. Meet your friends at home, not in a cafe.
6. Nothing warms the soul like the sight of a full refrigerator.
7. Better to dig, but buy a worthy thing.
8. It's hard to live where there is nowhere to hide.
9. I carry my past with me like a backpack.
10. Is it possible to wear out a coat in twenty years?

A lion:
1. I will lead you into a bright distance.
2. It is better to provide support than to receive it.
3. Pleasant manners are half the battle.
4. The sun shines for Leo.
5. A beautiful plaque on the office door is more important than a high salary.
6. I love to make good money, and even more - to spend.
7. A grand piano in a house is better than a piano, even if there is no one to play it.
8. Despite my friendly appearance, I am a dictator at heart.
9. If you do - so in a big way.
10. Why do you need the sun if I am with you ????

Virgo:
1. Patience and work will grind everything.
2. Modesty adorns not only a girl, but also a virgin.
3. Everyone lives for himself, but serves others.
4. Order is needed everywhere: both in thoughts and in the kitchen.
5. Prove to me strictly logically that we are made for each other.
6. A crookedly hanging shelf drives me crazy.
7. On a large scale, I get lost.
8. I have a hard time getting the seeds out of a whole bucket of cherries.
9. Every Virgo has a cool lady.
10. Amanita must certainly be conspicuous, and a porcini mushroom - and so good.

Scales:
1. Without a partner - as without hands.
2. The most disgusting thing is to argue.
3. Win by agreeing.
4. Only fools are principled.
5. I will involve anyone in anything.
6. Beauty will save the world.
7. Everything should be done according to the mood.
8. The most difficult thing is to make a choice.
9. Not all “i's” need to be dotted.
10. I myself do not know as a couple whether I am for white or for red.

Scorpion:
1. It's a pity, there is no one to bite.
2. Every event is like a sofa: there must be hidden springs in it.
3. There must be a good reason for smiling.
4. You can free yourself from everything, but not from your own passions.
5. I sing a song of love on the battlefield. 6. Not everyone can stand my gaze.
7. My passions rarely come out, like a shark that rarely comes to the surface.
8. The world disappears without knights.
9. Not yet extinct on the land of Othella!
10. I am like a cactus - my fabulous flower opens up for the elite.

Sagittarius
1. There should be a lot of good people.
2. To whom I owe, I forgive everyone.
3. The best vacation is a trip around the world.
4. The main thing in the problem is its scale.
5. My ideal is Ivan Tsareevich.
6. It is impossible to be angry with me.
7. Remorse - what is it?
8. Obligation adorns only mediocre people.
9. Worrying in advance is stupid, let's figure out the situation.
10. Not an obligatory person, it just has to be obligatory.

Capricorn:
1. I am not a springer or even a stayer. I'm a marathon runner.
2. And one soldier in the field.
3. Do not break the laws - it will do to another, and you will be caught.
4. For myself, I need very little. My property is just a mirror of my success.
5. Life is like a train that arrives at every station exactly on schedule.
6. It is pleasant to talk about distant countries while sitting at home.
7. Real Capricorn, like cognac, is distinguished by endurance.
8. It is worth climbing to the top all your life in order to spit down from there once.
9. Only I get younger over the years.
10. I drive - I drive, I do not fistula, but when I hit it, I won’t let it go.

Aquarius:
1. How boring it is to be like others!
2. If I invented you, become what I want.
3. Prejudice is the lot of fools.
4. The future simply has to be great.
5. It is difficult to be an angel, but it is necessary.
6. Good intention is more important than good deeds.
7. To become an innovator, you must first forget about tradition.
8. Sex? There are more important things to do in life.
9. First friends, and then family ... if of course there is time.
10. There is no kinder me, no more cheerful me.

Fishes:
1. Empathy is more important than helping.
2. I can not give up alcohol, like a fish from water.
3. The order was invented by boring people.
4. Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
5. You never know what I can promise ...
6. Working in a hurry is like swallowing without chewing.
7. I am ready to understand everyone, but not myself.
8. The willow bends in a storm, and the oak falls.
9. Everyone knows that I am always busy, but very few people know what exactly.
10. Do not press on me, otherwise I will slip away like a fish from the hands!

Spring positive mood!

Aries

Let's start getting to know how the zodiac signs are offended with a cute lamb. The one who managed to hurt him may not be particularly worried. This villain will not have time to dodge anyway. Aries are compassionate people, not able to remember offenses for a long time. They will surely forgive: once on the head with something heavy, the second - on the kidneys with a foot. Then, however, they will also regret it if they catch up with the offender. But in general, these cute creatures are able not to respond to stimuli if the headphones are in the ears, their horoscope says. As the signs of the zodiac are offended, Aries, in principle, does not care. The lambs concentrate on their world, where justice reigns (as they understand it). It is better not to touch the offended Aries for a couple of days (or years). Then he will forget about the evil deed and will behave as before. Aries has a strange tendency to try on the suffering of the offender. In a couple of days, they will really try to understand him, even flowers can be brought to the hospital, where the former "villain" is restoring his damaged health.

Taurus

If your loved ones or acquaintances are patronized by this horned inhabitant of heaven, then information about how the zodiac signs are offended is vital. Read and understand, it will not be superfluous. It is strongly not recommended to irritate Taurus. He has just great, incredible patience. He will cherish the offense, worry, nurture, without showing his emotional state in any way. When the time comes, he will put the “villain” on an uncomfortable stool and will selflessly read the notation. Taurus approaches all matters extremely responsibly. You will have to sit on the bent-legged "Calvary" for a long time, but you will not be able to escape. Taurus will remember all the dirty tricks and sins you have committed since the time of King Peas. In his speech, he will definitely include the most important information about how different signs of the zodiac are offended, focusing on his own. Here it is better not to remain silent, but to ask for forgiveness. Maybe he’ll be lucky and Taurus will not let his hooves go into business.

Twins

It is unpleasant to quarrel with a representative of this sign. And for both sides. Gemini will be surprised at such impudence and will instantly react to the insult. The hurricane will not last long, almost everyone will be able to survive. The villain should not be afraid of assault. He will be dipped in mud in words. The scandal will also end suddenly. More Gemini will never remember you!

Cancer

People under the auspices of this sign are so sentimental and romantic that those around them, against their will, fall under their charm and relax. And they should remember about the claws. Cancers are offended often and tastefully. These people have hypertrophied sensitivity. Any little thing can hurt them and plunge them into the abyss of angry experiences. Notice such a change in mood, immediately repent of it sincerely! In the first moments, the villain still has a chance to leave without much loss. True, Cancers will try to thoroughly check the offender for the truth of repentance, expecting a catch. You need to convince with all your might, otherwise a terrible revenge awaits you. Cancers cook it with pleasure, trying to touch the especially thin strings of the villain's soul in order to hit it harder. Creative natures will no longer care how the zodiac signs are offended, they will put the comic horoscope aside. For balance, Cancers need to return justice to the world, endowing the offender with equal suffering, which they will do without fail.

a lion

With representatives of this star tribe, you can forget about caution. Interested in how the zodiac signs are offended, people read about Leo with surprise and enthusiasm. And the whole point is that kings shouldn't react to any nonsense. Leo may well ignore an insulting remark, turn away at the moment when they are trying to hurt him. Why would he, a royal person, indulge in the petty claims of mortals? Well, if you are persistent, it will growl so that your legs will shake. At this point, the incident will be settled. Lions do not stuff their heads with nonsense, they already have a lot of royal affairs, and even more plans. Fangs may be shown to especially annoying offenders. But that rarely happens. Their authority is so indisputable that few people dare to annoy them.

Virgo

Investigating the sensitivity of the zodiac signs, astrologers discovered a real psychological phenomenon. He is associated with Virgo. These people, in principle, are not touchy. To hurt them, you need to try very hard. If you nevertheless decide to offend Virgo, take care of the will first. And the point is not that the vis-a-vis harbors evil. Not at all. Virgos forget grievances quickly, almost instantly. But they will act in accordance with their life principles. They will add the villain to all blacklists, which they lead from infancy. And those who are designated there are supposed to reward according to deeds. Revenge will overtake the offender inevitably, and even from the side from which they did not expect. Life will seem completely destroyed, heart broken, ideals debunked, and the like. This unfortunate person will also not be able to connect the disaster with the offended Virgo.

scales

This is who you should focus on when studying how different zodiac signs are offended. Libra loves to sulk, deliberately showing the villain the full extent of his nefarious fall. These people do not know how to take revenge. But they will rush with their resentment with desperate perseverance and taste. If you don’t apologize right away, get ready for a censure from the “general public”. Libra will surely notify all acquaintances and not very much about how vile they were treated. Black gossip is their strong point. The story will drag on for many years. Libra is fundamentally opposed to evil, wherever it is found. It is important for them to eradicate it on the planet, they will not spare their efforts. Try to clarify the relationship right away, otherwise you will be included in the list of the devil with all the possible consequences.

Scorpion

Scorpio is a master of revenge. Evil towards themselves and resentment, these people carefully collect and store, like collectors. For every offense, retribution will follow. This is not just a principle for them, but a passion. The abuser will regret that he once contacted Scorpio. By the way, this is the only sign that does not disdain physical violence. Himself will not wave his fists, but the massacre can arrange. Scorpions follow the trail of the offender more persistently than a greyhound chasing the beast. Their poison will certainly overtake the prey. The only person out of the risk zone is Scorpio's beloved. This person will be forgiven everything.

Sagittarius

There is no more peaceful sign. However, these cuties can be badly hurt too. The result will be worse than when the Scorpio was offended. Sagittarians won't plan for revenge or pout in corners. They are open and honest people, they will pour their emotions on your head. The scandal will be as grandiose as the feelings of the offended Sagittarius. The offender more than once during this phantasmagoria will come up with the idea of ​​using a rope with soap. Believe me, it is easier to part with life than to withstand the angry outpourings of Sagittarius. Try to distract him by suggesting a joint trip at your expense. Having heard about the upcoming trip to distant lands, Sagittarius will forget the differences. The second time, try not to run into his anger if you value the relationship. The Sagittarius will go into the distance, not wanting to bother with the re-education of the "incorrigible" villain.

Capricorn

That's who is not inclined to react to other people's stupidity. Capricorn can take offense only at the vicious criticism of his favorite project. In this case, you run the risk of getting on his pre-sharpened horns. It is better to immediately approach the solution of the issue constructively, come up and explain yourself. Five minutes of shame, as they say, and all problems are solved. Otherwise, you will know what Capricorn's revenge is. This person is patient and calm. He will not arrange tantrums, he will not scandalize. He will even communicate as before. He will wait. And when you need his support in an important matter, he will forget about the existence of such a person. In addition, Capricorns spend a lot of energy trying to win the friendship of the powerful. These influential people will also forget about you under the influence of an offended Capricorn. The world will flow forward to success, and you will remain suffering on the shore.

Aquarius

Do you think you have offended the person who is patronized by this sign? In vain. Aquarius reacts negatively emotionally only to rejection of their brilliant ideas. Criticism hurts and alarms him at the same time. He will not understand, this is not the character. First of all, Aquarius will doubt the mental abilities of the offender. Having made conclusions, he decides that it is not worth wasting time on a fool. He will go where there are intellectuals who are able to appreciate his genius. Do not expect deceit or evil gossip from him behind his back. This person has already forgotten about your existence. His intellect is busy saving the world and generating global ideas. He has no time to think about the fools who dared criticize his work. If you want to restore relations, you will have to take the initiative. Talk to Aquarius about the essence of the world, the depravity of humanity, prove that you have the right to his attention.

Fishes

When figuring out how the zodiac signs react to resentment, do not skip the critical information. Pisces do not like to be offended, but they can. The representative of the sign is not spiteful, but will not immediately forgive. The fish will pout its lips, carefully choosing facial expressions in order to demonstrate the emotional state to the offender. She will catch the eye, carefully monitoring the reaction. Are you not asking for forgiveness? Well, okay. Pisces will forgive, because wrinkles appear from anger, but they do not need this. But from this moment a different game will begin. Pisces will try to prove to the whole world that they are angelic essences, and you are a demon in the flesh. Believe me, they have no equal in this matter. Before you have time to look back, the public will be on the side of the offended Rybka, and you are already anathema. Why was it necessary to persist, one asks? They would say right away that they are wrong, it would all end before it began. And now you are faced with a choice: either to run to the ends of the earth, or to prove that they did not jump out of hell.

This is how the zodiac signs react to offenders. Astrologers have tried to identify the characteristic features. Naturally, each person has his own individual characteristics that affect behavior in stressful situations. Observations show that the deviation from the given descriptions is at the level of statistical error. How do you react to grievances? Did the description match your behavior? Write in the comments to correct the conclusions of the stellar explorers.

Aries is always pleased with himself, which is reflected on his face. He rarely thinks, says and does the same thing. Usually he does everything wrong, but just dare to tell him about it. You will then regret that you were born. Aries' stubbornness is legendary, and it is not surprising, a ram, he is a ram.

If he rests, you won't budge him. He always has two opinions on all events and phenomena, one is his, the other is wrong. Aries says that he is never wrong, and therefore he believes that God was most likely Aries.

In love, Aries are as stubborn as in everything else. And if he achieves someone's favor, then he does it until the object of his passion gets tired of refusing him. And when he achieves the location of a partner, then he himself does not know why he needed it.

In the process of a siege (it lasts a very long time), the object loses its attractiveness for him. Those who fall in love with Aries should only be sorry.
In the family, Aries loves to point out, but does not want to do anything. And from such a convenient position for him would never be moved.

Hilarious horoscope for Taurus

Taurus is very stubborn, in this, he looks like Aries. Only the one who will admire Taurus can convince him, tell him that he is always right, and, meanwhile, presenting his ideas as the ideas of Taurus. Taurus women are very emotional and gullible.

She speaks of her love relationship only in a superlative degree. And if a man tells her that he cannot live without her, she really believes it.

Taurus men are accumulators and hoarders. They drag into the house everything that comes to their hand: old household appliances, broken furniture, a woman they don't need. And then they wonder why the house is so crowded and noisy (the noise is from a woman who also cannot understand why she was brought here).

Taurus is very fond of various conflicts and gladly take the most ardent part in them, without being interested in the cause of the conflict. And when they find out the reason for the showdown, they beat themselves in the chest and say: "E-mine, because of what nonsense they fought!"

Cheerful horoscope for Gemini

Gemini are two very similar people rolled into one. Since they are very similar, it annoys them, and they argue all the time. If one says “I want this woman”, the other will certainly object “What is this slut to you for?”. And as a result, the Gemini man chooses another, and then wonders "And what did I find in her?"

Gemini women are contradictory and fickle in their passions. They change men so often that sometimes they don't even have time to remember the name of their next partner. And in order not to finally get confused in the names of their counterparts, they call everyone the same "my Hercules" until a short, thin man turns out to be the next lover.

He, of course, takes such an appeal for ridicule. In everyday life, Gemini is very indecisive. They cannot make the right decision quickly, because one Gemini pulls in one direction, the other - (out of harm) in the other. And it turns out, as in the immortal work of V.I. Lenin's "One Step Forward, Two Back".

Cheerful horoscope for Cancer

Cancers are very cowardly and shy. They are constantly afraid that they will be accused of what, so they try to please everyone and give everyone a bunch of impossible promises. They speak mainly in slogans and stereotypes so that others would not suspect them of some sort of ulterior motive.

Crayfish lie, not blushing (red crayfish are only boiled) and very inventive. No wonder, among politicians, there are so many Cancers.
In love, Cancers are very careful, meticulously and carefully choose a partner for themselves, even for life, even for the night. They rummage and sort out, as in the ruins of a second-hand.

And when friends are surprised at such a long search for their beloved (beloved): "Why are you choosing a cow?"

At work, Cancers are sycophants and sycophants, the bosses for them are gods and celestials, but if the case turns up (and it will be safe for Cancer), they will gladly substitute a leg for their beloved boss.

Cheerful horoscope for Leo

The lion is the king of beasts in nature. People of the zodiac sign Leo never forget about it. They are arrogant, selfish, always confident in their superiority and do not tolerate other people's opinions. You will be Leo's best friend if you constantly flatter him and praise his merits.

Lions love to hang their portraits on the walls, and the larger the images, the better.
Leo women, like the "black widow" female spider, if they do not destroy their chosen one immediately after the night of love, then they gnaw on him for the rest of their lives, or until the partner has enough patience.

Leo men love only themselves, they are simply not capable of loving someone else. Therefore, they choose women who know only two words "yes" and "I obey."

Merry horoscope for Virgo

If your zodiac sign is Virgo, then your loved ones and friends are terribly out of luck. You are obsessed with order, scrupulousness and cleanliness. Virgos are extremely neat and methodical. The need to tidy up and clean up turns into a passion for them. If you got up from an armchair or sofa in the Virgo's apartment, she immediately begins to smooth the cape and shake off non-existent dust from it.

If Virgo gets into a small car accident, then the first thing she says to the inspector who approached the inspector about the second participant in the accident: "It's no wonder that this kettle had an accident, look how dirty his car is!"

A must-have item in the house of the Virgin is a magnifying glass. With her help, she examines all the furnishings in the house, so she looks for specks of dust.
Virgo's love relationship also strictly plans, meetings, and sex with her partner take place on schedule.

Cheerful horoscope for Libra

Libra is languid and graceful and full of incomprehensible mystery and incomprehensible, to the rest of humanity, nobility. They love to dress fashionably and follow fashion carefully. The craving to look fashionable with them is so great that if someone assures them that it is fashionable: Libra women will put on a skirt inside out, and men instead of trousers will put on a shirt and tie a knot at their belt.

Libra is very fond of teaching everyone and explaining everything to everyone. For example, with perseverance worthy of a better application, they will tell you how a coffee latte differs from coffee with milk. And it is useless to argue that they are one and the same.

In love, Libra is mysterious and unpredictable. Sometimes the chosen one (chosen one) of Libra cannot understand what the Libra partner is trying to say. Either invites you to an intimate date, or says goodbye forever.

Cheerful horoscope for Scorpio

Scorpios consider themselves irresistible personalities, they can look in the mirror for hours and admire their own person. They are great inventors and are always full of grandiose plans, but as soon as it comes to translating these plans into reality, they stop at the very first difficulties, saying "I didn't really want to."

Scorpios are very loving and obscenely sexy. They are proud of their love victories and talk about it at every corner. Here is just one small nuance, Scorpio men like such women, looking at whom other men say: "No, I can't drink so much vodka," and Scorpio women choose such chosen ones about whom we can say that they only got off yesterday trees or crawled out onto dry land.

Cheerful horoscope for Sagittarius

Sagittarius are such adventurers that being around them is simply dangerous. They may offer you to jump with a parachute, assuring you that they have done it a hundred times and will even offer you to fold your parachute. Do not agree for anything, otherwise, their happy face will be the last thing you see in life.

Do not try to introduce your chosen one (chosen one), if it is a Sagittarius, with your parents. The ancestors will be shocked.
Sagittarius are careless and unfaithful lovers. After parting with you in the evening, assuring you of his passionate love, in the morning he may simply not remember about you.

Cheerful horoscope for Capricorn

Capricorns are a kind of mixture of Leo and Virgo. They believe they are as charismatic as Leo and as logical as Virgo. In fact, they have the self-conceit of Leo and the sadness of the Virgins.

Capricorns are terrible workaholics, but they work with such a gloomy and depressing look that they just want to tell them: "Put on a different face, a little more fun."

In love, Capricorns are pessimists. His chosen one (chosen one) can prove his love a hundred times, but Capricorn is firmly convinced that he will certainly be abandoned. Most often it happens, the partner gets tired of fighting the universal despondency of Capricorn.

Merry horoscope for Aquarius

Aquarians are the most "knowledgeable" people in the world. Ask Aquarius what Nadezhda Krupskaya was ill with in childhood, or what stars the constellation Sagittarius consists of, and he will tell you with a clever look and very at length about everything.

Aquarians love their bodies very much, they love to be naked, and therefore they are very eager to visit nudist beaches.
Aquarians are wonderful lovers, and if you still listen to them constantly, agree with everything and admire their vast knowledge, Aquarius will love you like Romeo.

Cheerful horoscope for Pisces

Pisces are very vindictive creatures, God forbid, offend this sign. Outwardly, they will not show that they are offended, but you will subsequently regret for a long time that you offended Pisces.

Pisces are very slow in everything, and they are the same drivers. If you see a car driving along the highway at a speed of 40-50 km per hour, be sure that a representative of this sign is driving.

In love, Pisces are cold and predictable, this is what they say about them "sleepy fish". But they consider themselves to be almost Scorpios in a love relationship.

Funny horoscope 3.50 / 5 (4 votes)

Aries is an emotional bastard.

If he is passionate about something, does not bother to explain his actions to others, he simply acts as he sees fit. Asking for forgiveness - pride does not allow. I am convinced that the truth is in him.
Excuses: "Something rolled over", "The devil got it wrong" etc.

Taurus is a greedy bastard.

We are obsessed with the idea of ​​acquiring. Purposeful avenger, always calculates the trajectory of the blow to be sure.
Excuses: "You deserve such a fate".

Gemini is a careless bastard.

Loves games, jokes, funny companies. The eternal dichotomy of good and evil. For the sake of a joke, he devalues ​​the rules and traditions, depriving them of the drama, sincerely not understanding what he is doing and quickly forgets about it.
Excuses: “Are you offended? WHY?"

Cancer is a miserable bastard.

Because of his vulnerability, vulnerability, susceptibility, he is always an "angel-like creature" innocently injured, while the opponent is a monster in a "devil's guise" even if Cancer himself is a champion in filth and filth. He will also make sure that the whole world knows how you have done wrong with him.
Excuses: "It's your fault that I am!"

Leo is a pompous bastard.

Well, everything is clear here, the crown crushes, the greatness of the world distorts. Everything is divided into "He" and "the rest." He is great, others are dust underfoot.
Excuses: "I wanted it that way."

Virgo is a vengeful bastard.

In the eternal pursuit of perfection, perfection and correctness, he paints his portrait of "God in flesh on earth", such a walking messiah and do not let you carelessly express unsatisfactory, unprofitable on her account. Can wait long and hard for a suitable chance to remember.
Excuse: Triumphant "Do you remember …"

Libra is a mercantile bastard.

Windy and changeable. Great virtuosos extricate themselves from delicate situations. A real politician pursuing his own interests, if necessary, will promise, lie, slander.
Excuses: no. I got sick and disappeared.

Scorpio is the first-class bastard.

A lover to create around himself a curtain of mystery such that he gets entangled in it, plus an unquenchable thirst for the ideal fogs their minds, forcing them to position themselves as an instrument of justice and retribution. If, from their point of view, you violated any rules, then you should be punished.
Excuses: no.

Sagittarius is a foolish bastard.

A very complex creature, eager to prove himself in the field of social activity and, rather, succeeding in this matter. Tram squabbles, bazaar skirmishes, all kinds of quarrels and conflicts in which you can take your soul away - this is his element.
Excuses: raised tone, meaningless text, obscene language.

Capricorn is a stupid bastard.

Just as an ostrich hides its head in the sand, believing that there is no danger like this, so the Capricorn, resting its horns "anywhere" does not want to see, feel and make decisions. Moreover, he firmly believes that if he persists in this way, the problem will be resolved on its own, and even according to his scenario, and when he sees the ashes around him, he will be stupidly surprised: “How did it happen?”.
Excuses: "It happened".

Sometimes you have to move away from serious reality and accept all life circumstances with a great deal of humor. There are categories of people who are not offended. The request is not serious about such frivolous things. begins his humorous march.

Astrologer's advice: The different level and quality of a person's education greatly affects the way in which various qualities are manifested. The upbringing of people also makes its mark on the characteristics of various properties of behavior.

Aries. Sheep - he is also a ram in Africa. He is confident that he is right, always knows what it costs and argue with him - at a loss. Rams (in the sense of Aries) are very honest herd animals. If someone looks bad, then he will directly say about it. In real life, he is of little use, but he gives advice to everyone. Free, moreover.

Astrologer's advice: It happens that a rare opportunity to completely correct personal life in a good way is given only once in a lifetime. Don't miss it - order and check how soon luck will be in your hands!

Taurus. Typical cuckold. The other half of him tries very hard to keep his brand. Stubbornness he does not take, he is boring and greedy, but serious, because he thinks for a long time. His health is bullish. He does not like new people, and hates old people, but he loves his friends, and not only cloven-hoofed ones.

Twins. Twin brothers are just different fathers. It's about them. The left hemisphere of the brain in this sign always contradicts the right one. Light, ephemeral and airy, they cannot finally decide on the choice of their soul mate: everything is not theirs, and everything is not that. But on the other hand, it is fun and interesting with them.

Astrologer's advice: Note that for a detailed description, it is imperative to correct the information taking into account the date, time and place of birth. Refined data will contribute to a deeper understanding of yourself or to understand other people.

Cancer. The second syllable of the word "fool". Although, however, this is not about him. Squeamish and cowardly, suspicious and annoying. The drunkard and the philosopher are all about him. He makes friends with Taurus and Virgo and talks with them about the end of the world. And they put up with him, out of pity.

A lion. Can and nagging for this comic horoscope by zodiac signs... To kill will not kill, but there will be a lot of roar. He is so selfish that he believed in the inviolability of his royal person. The weapon against him is sweet flattery. The atomic bomb is powerless here.

Astrologer's advice: We suggest you look at horoscopes for a month, a year for all signs of the zodiac. The forecast will help you make the right decisions on any issue. Interesting and helpful. Come on in.

Virgo. She is very fond of law and order and woe to the one who breaks them. It will knock right away. But in the household there is a sense of it: it will wash and clean. So that it is possible to live with her, but not for long - she will exhaust her with her pedantry and accuracy.

Scales. These are great aesthetes who, putting clean socks and freshly brewed coffee on one bowl, will choose the second option. They often get sick and if someone wants to work as a vest or a nurse, then - you are welcome!

Astrologer's advice: In order to comprehend and better understand the nature and qualities of the zodiac sign, you need to get to know it from many angles and the category will help you with this -.

Scorpion. Sexually preoccupied, hysterical egoist. He loves money even more than himself, but does not steal it, but earns it. She loves doing small dirty tricks and causing serious problems. It looks like a Ram, only waterfowl.

Sagittarius. He is always right, this is an axiom. And if wrong, then this is a theorem. A sociable and cheerful centaur that shoots at hearts right and left. Whoever is not his friend, let him stand in line.

Astrologer's advice: Eastern horoscope, the same strongly affects the resource inherent in people at birth. You can read more on our resource in the category.

Capricorn. He works a lot, and not with horns and hooves, but with his head and hands. Woe to the one who perceives Capricorn as the soul and soul of the company. He is very fond of butting, do not ask for trouble.
Aquarius. He cannot advise himself anything good, but to others, please! Prison is his second home, because relations with the law do not add up. Afraid of only one thing - old age.

Astrologer's advice: The relationship between loved ones often depends on the constellation of birth. Sign compatibility is a cognitive section in astrology. You can find out about the relationship in the heading -.

Fishes. Conclude comic horoscope by zodiac signs... Well, what can you do, they have such a fate - to drag behind everyone all their lives. And where should they burst? They are not interested in money, but they will feed them in the aquarium. Is free.