Jokes about the different height of couples. Jokes about growth - the funniest and shortest

Usually these people are offensively called dildos or sleepers, but if you knew about the problems they face throughout their lives, then you would think before calling them that. From the side of their problems seem to be ordinary trifles, they day after day, year after year, they can start to infuriate instantly. We invite you to find out about the problems faced by tall people in funny photos.

When dining with friends, your legs will always get in the way.

There will always be few things on the shelves that are convenient for you.

"Books for Tall People"

You will be forced to deliberately slow down, because people with small feet will not keep up with you.

"Wait for me, I have little feet"

Before each flight, you will have a long and painful choice: give you an extra $ 100 for a ticket in business class or fly in economy with your knees resting on the seat

To fit into the frame, you need to be photographed from afar.

Or you'll be forced to sit in the foreground like a child

You will always be a "beacon" by which your friends will navigate in the crowd:

"People look for tall people in emergencies"

"We are beacons to society"

Walking through a crowd of people holding umbrellas becomes an impossible task

In a house with low doorways, you will feel like a duck

"Normal height" is somewhere up to your waist

This is how ordinary people see a traffic light.

And this is how tall people look at the traffic light.

The cropped head in general photographs is a common occurrence.

Forget sharing

And the joy of relaxing in the bathroom

You don't fit in most mirrors

This worn-out "witty" question - "Do you play basketball?"

"No, do you play mini golf?"

Nobody can ride you normally on your back

But everyone asks you to do it

When someone is pressed against your back while lying in bed, it becomes like a backpack.

You will always block someone's view

Shower water always pours on your chest, not your head.

No hanging chandeliers

Riding the American mountains, you always worry about being blown off your head.

Buying clothes

Problems with cars

Long sleeve sleeves, never enough

Hug problems

You just have to be patient and listen to stupid questions like: "How's the weather up there?" And you can make yourself such a business card to avoid "pleasant" conversations.

"Yes, I'm tall, you are very observant.

2.06 meters (yes, really)

No, I don't play basketball. The weather is excellent upstairs.

I'm so glad we were able to discuss this. "

I scared one guy so that he became a gray-haired stutterer.
- You? A pimple one and a half meters tall?
- Yes. He tumbled with his mistress. And her husband is a professional boxer. The whole apartment is in cups, medals, championship belts. He kept asking her anxiously: I hope your husband doesn't show up on time? And then I made a mistake with the door and called their apartment.

From the Guinness Book of Records:
- The tallest dwarf in the world lives in Brazil. His height is 185 cm.

Thank you, dear government, for saving me a terrible migraine by refusing to index my pension! Because, as a working pensioner and sometimes leaving the house, my brains boil when I try to compare the 4% indexation and the 3-fold increase in prices.

I - two meters tall, about a hundred pounds, unshaven for about two weeks, got on the train. Opposite the guy - on the T-shirt it says: "Smile if you want me." I'm bored, I sit, smile, and he is already sweating ...

I do not understand the panic caused by the growth of the course. I’ll wait until the dollar is worth what I have and buy one. Why do I need two?

On TV, they explain that there was no decrease in income, but on the contrary, there was an increase. It was just negative income growth.

How tall should a man be to please women?
- 55 centimeters. And the weight is 3.5 kilograms. For a couple of years you will be doted on souls and will come running at the first squeak.

Examiner, student:
- What is horsepower equal to? Student:
- Horsepower is the strength of one horse, weighing one kilogram and one meter tall. Examiner:
- Where did you see such a horse? Student:
“You can't see her. She is in the world chamber of measures and weights!

How will i recognize you?
- I will be in blue jeans, height is about 165, weight 54 ...
- Okay, and I'll be in a light jacket with weights and a tape measure.

My friend's mom is 145 cm and my father is 196 cm. Every time she gets angry with him, she takes a chair to scream in his face. Every time this happens, he laughs so hard that she can't get angry anymore. They say that is why they are still married.

The physical education instructor was driving along Leningradka, could not resist and placed the confused in height.

Notes from a * xologist: "Recently, the growth of the inaccessibility of women has slowed down."

The husband under the windows of the hospital shouts to his wife:
- Have you given birth?
- Gave birth to a boy!
- How much does it weigh?
- Three five hundred.
- And growth?
- Fifty three.
- Who do you look like?
- You don’t know him!

Telling the recruits about the First World War, Sergeant Buhl focused on trench life:
- If you stand upright in the trench to your full height, you will become a target for a sniper; if you rush to the bottom of the trench during shelling, you will drown; if you start twitching, you will collapse a mine fragment; if you sit still, you will end up under a tribunal for deliberate frostbite.

The most important thing is that we managed to keep wages from growing this year!

- Here we measured your height.
- And these, near the baseboard?
- And this is your career growth

The village teacher could not decide in any way whom she should marry:
- For the headmaster or for the tractor driver.
- On the one hand - a quick career growth, and on the other - hell without a tractor and you will get to that school ...

One very inveterate fisherman, being at the scene of the crime, grabbed the criminal, but he broke free and ran away. Giving the police a description of the thug who had fallen off, the fisherman claimed that he was three and a half meters tall and weighing three hundred kilograms.

Syoma, they say that indoor plants grow better if you talk to them.
- It may very well be. Yesterday I rearranged a tub of ficus and dropped it on my leg. So you won't believe:
- Ten minutes later, he actively contributed to his growth!

In response to the rise in the dollar exchange rate, Russians habitually ran to electronics stores ...
- Buy home appliances again?
- This time just to see. The dollars ran out last year.

I have a friend, the Hydrometeorological Center!
- What predicts the weather ?!
- No! Hydra. Height - meter. Weight is a centner!

People of small stature learn later than others that it has started to rain.

How tall are you? ..
- 150...
- How straight the princess! .. And the weight? ..
- And the weight is even less, 120.

Children are the flowers of life, so they need dirt and dirt to grow normally.

Boy Petya was short, therefore, to get taller, he hung on the horizontal bar every day for three hours. He did not get higher, but after six months he could scratch his knees without bending over.

Pilot on the commission:
- Height?
- 182.
- The weight?
- 84.
- Spirometry?
- What's that?
- Well, how much are you blowing out?
- Oh, two liters.
- And there are four in the book.
- So it's on holidays.

I am a brunette, height 175, friends say that I have expressive eyes. What's next?
- See an endocrinologist.

What do economic growth in Russia and the planet Pluto have in common?
“No one has seen them, and their existence is being proved with the help of complex calculations.

Question to the traffic police:
- “My daughter is 9 years old. Her height is 1 m 50 cm, and she is already as tall as her grandmother. Does my grandmother need to buy a child car seat? "

Village. The guy asks the girl:
- Lucy, how tall are you?
- About fifty meters.
- I will call you one and a half.

A short, plump girl had an accident and ended up in an emergency room. The doctor fills out the card.
- Height Weight?
- 1, 75, 60 kg.
- Hmm ... Honey, this is not a dating site for you!

“Eat porridge, you will grow up big and strong,” my mother told me. Now I am 40 years old, I am 2 meters tall and I am a loader

Ok, how do I recognize you?
- I will be in a black hat and blue jeans, height is about 185, weight 84.
- Ok, I'll be in a black jacket with scales and tape measure.

Returning home in the morning, a certain Maricelli, a lover of nightlife, heard his wife talking on the phone:
- Gun shop? Please send me a revolver ... I don’t know the caliber, but his height is the fourth, size 56! Yes, yes, in the name of the widow Maricelli ...

Have you caught anything?

“Yes,” the fisherman replies grimly.
- I caught one and threw it into the river.
- Probably was small.
- Yes, about your height and just as annoying.

State Duma deputies cannot cope with arbitrary price increases in their own canteen, but they continue to be confident that they are able to do something good on a national scale.

Writing on the toilet wall:
- Masturbation stuns growth.
- Nearby, at a height of two and a half meters, is attributed to False !!!.

Armenian radio was asked:
- Why, under the leadership of Yanukovych, we are moving towards growth and prosperity, but there is nothing to eat?
- Why eat in the middle of the road, come and get drunk!

Mom, what are these marks on the doorframe?
- Here we measured your height.
- And these, near the baseboard?
- And this is your career growth

From the newspaper:
“Tomatoes should be looked after like small children: feed them with slurry, give microbes for good growth.”

C * xapilian blonde, 90-60-90, height - 175 cm, length of the inner thigh - 56 cm, shoulder girth - 114 cm, distance between eyes - 2 cm, average hair length - 34 cm.
- will sell a tape measure.

Have you caught anything?
- the passer-by asks the fisherman.
- Yes, I caught one and threw it into the river ...
- Perhaps he was too small?
- Yes, as tall as you and just as annoying ...

Chatting:
- What is your height?
- 145.
- You are such a little princess! How much do you weigh?
- And I weigh even less, only 120.

In the children's room a boy 2 meters tall wakes up and shouts in horror:
- Grandma, I flew in a dream again!

Children's room for the police.
- Children in police uniforms, which are clearly not for their height, are walking around the room with an important look, smoking straws for tea, waving toy pistols and swearing with children’s obscenities.

The main reason for the rise in child cruelty is puzzles with 2000 pieces.

Women are discussing the problem of pregnancy prevention. One:
- I use pills. Another:
- And I recently put a spiral. Man, why are you silent? How are you protecting yourself? Manya (a large woman under 2 meters tall):
- Yes I am. I protect myself with a stool.
-???
- Yes, we with my shabby adapted standing. He is standing on a stool. As soon as I see that his pupils have dilated, I kick out the stool ...

How tall are you, patient?
- 1 meter 75 centimeters, doctor.
- I'm not a doctor, I'm a carpenter.

A traffic cop, a meter with a cap, stops the truck, and a bully comes out of it under two meters in height. Dialogue:
- It seems to me that you exceeded the speed ...
- So it seems to you or have I exceeded?
- I think you are drunk!
- So you think, or am I drunk?
- Bend down, I'll smell!
- Don't give a damn where you grew up there and smell it!

At the Odessa Privoz during the period of rising food prices.
- How much are these chickens?
- What chickens ?! These are eggs! Where are you looking?
- On the price tag.

A man introduces his friends to a woman. A woman of unprecedented dimensions:
- Very thick and very short.
- Meet! This is my wife!
- And, seeing the confusion of friends, he adds:
- Where the brooch is, there in front!

Orthodox Russians are not afraid of the dollar's rise. Sooner or later, he will hit the firmament.

"Honey, I left the children exactly the same height as they were." (Incredibly boring movie)

Masha always dreamed of playing the role of Juliet, but because of her small stature and the strange shape of her spine, she played a candelabrum.

A guy sticks to a gorgeous blonde:
- And I'm also tall - 2 meters tall!
- Hmm ... Yes? And it looks like 1 m 80 cm ...
- Yeah, but I have 20 more elsewhere!

The wife gets on the scales. The husband grins at the arrow:
- Do you know how tall you have to be to match your weight?
- Well, and what?
- Five and a half meters!

One friend asks another:
- Misha, how is your wife?
-... 120 to 70 ...
- Is it pressure?
- No ... height and weight ...

A man walks through the bazaar and chooses a rooster. Looks at one, listless, the other:
- Generally impotent. And here a Georgian stands and sells a rooster, not a rooster, but an animal the size of a man. A man approaches a Georgian and asks:
- Well, your rooster tramples chickens?
- Abezhaesh daragoy, chickens trample, Avets tramples, karov tramples, and vchera, listen, look at me so!
- Take it for free!

When they tell me that with my height it is most likely uncomfortable for me to live and brag about their 180-190 against my 160, I say one phrase, after which everyone falls silent: I completely fit in the bathroom and do not rest my knees on the minibus.

Tell me, professor, how did the Great French Revolution affect the rate of world economic growth?
- It is too early to draw any conclusions.

A man in a white coat enters the ward and asks:
- Sick, your height?
- Meter 60, doctor.
- I'm not a doctor, I'm a carpenter.

Funeral bureau employees are annoyed by the phrase:
- Well, about your height.

The world weightlifting champion is looking for a job. About myself:
- Height 2 meters, weight 145 kg. Shot throw 75 meters. Clean and jerk bar 250 kg. Snatch bar 200 kg. Do not offer intimacy.

Hello! Is this a fashion model agency?
- Yes.
- How much do you pay models?
- We pay well, but we accept only with parameters 90-60-90.
- Well, there are no problems with that, everything is the same for me - both height and age and weight ...

But thanks to the dictatorship of Yanukovych in Ukraine, the growth of the automotive industry will begin.
- Why?
- Because AVTOZAZ will completely switch over to the production of funnels.

A hairy bearded man is sitting on a bench. He smokes Belomor, drinks beer, reads the Gospel. The priests fit.
- Well, hairy, do you honor the Holy Scripture?
- Wha ... Shoot him on the face!
- And what does it say, hairy?
- Hit on one cheek - turn the other.
- And turns the face with the other hemisphere. Crack!
- And now what, hairy? A hefty fellow rises from the bench two meters in height, one and a half meters in the shoulders and calmly says:
- And about the third cheek in the Scriptures nothing is said ...

They took me to Tel Aviv for my birthday to a former classmate.
- It turned out that a classmate lives in a beautiful green area with beautiful houses, as I was told, in the "Biedermeier" style. Look at the photo and correct if I'm confused. We haven't seen each other for about twenty years. They patted each other on the shoulder, but were surprised to themselves at the striking changes. Meanwhile, a puny, short man comes up to us. The birthday boy asks:
- Do you remember Kolya Lyulko? I looked - really Kolya - and immediately remembered.

If the young man is shorter than you, when you are on high heels, replace him with another. Do not give up hairpins!

The veteran talks about his exploits:
- Once, I remember, the enemy suddenly opened fire on our positions. Our captain commanded "Get down!" - and everyone threw themselves to the ground. Everyone but me. I remained standing to my full height under enemy fire.
- But why?
- asked the audience.
“Because I had an uncorked bottle of whiskey in my pocket.

Rabinovich! Hello Schaub, you were healthy! And you look good - you are taller than you are, and you have lost weight, and the hair on your bald head has grown back ... You simply do not recognize!
- I'm not Rabinovich!
- So you also changed your surname ?!

A man enters the hospital ward with the words:
- Who was tested on such and such a date?
- I passed, - the patient answers.
- How tall are you?
- Sixty-five meter. The man turns and walks away. The patient follows:
- Doctor, what about my analyzes?
- I'm not a doctor. I am a carpenter.

Imagine, Putin did not go out to the Ukrainian journalists!
- Yes, he also did not come out in height ...

*** Cool jokes about growth and the book of records ***

From the Guinness Book of Records: - The tallest dwarf in the world lives in Brazil. His height is 185 cm.

*** Funny jokes about growth and germs ***

From the newspaper: - Tomatoes should be looked after like small children: feed them with slurry, give microbes for good growth.

*** Carboniferous anecdotes about growth and a carpenter ***

How tall are you, patient? - 1 meter 75 centimeters, doctor. - I'm not a doctor, I'm a carpenter.

*** Hilarious jokes about growth and the dollar ***

Orthodox Russians are not afraid of the dollar's rise. Sooner or later, he will hit the firmament.

*** Adult jokes about growth and salaries ***

The most important thing is that we managed to keep wages from growing this year!

*** Jokes about growth and panic ***

I do not understand the panic caused by the growth of the course. I’ll wait until the dollar is worth what I have and buy one. Why do I need two?

*** Jokes about growth and income ***

On TV, they explain that there was no decrease in income, but on the contrary, there was an increase. It was just negative income growth.

*** Jokes about growth and role ***

Masha always dreamed of playing the role of Juliet, but because of her small stature and the strange shape of her spine, she played a candelabrum.

*** Jokes about growth and cruelty ***

The main reason for the rise in child cruelty is puzzles with 2,000 pieces.

*** Jokes about growth and birth ***

The husband under the windows of the hospital shouts to his wife: - Have you given birth? - Gave birth to a boy! - How much does it weigh? - Three five hundred. - And growth? - Fifty three. - Who do you look like? - You don’t know him!

*** Jokes about growth and Russians ***

In response to the rise in the dollar rate, Russians habitually ran to electronics stores ... - Again to buy household appliances? - This time just to see. The dollars ran out last year.

*** Jokes about growth and a smile ***

I - two meters tall, about a hundred pounds, unshaven for about two weeks, got on the train. Opposite the guy - on the T-shirt it says: "Smile if you want me." I'm bored, I sit, smile, and he is already sweating ...

*** Jokes about height and women ***

How tall should a man be to please women? - 55 centimeters. And the weight is 3.5 kilograms. For a couple of years you will be doted on souls and will come running at the first squeak.

*** Jokes about growth and sexologist ***

Sexologist's notes: "Recently, the growth of the inaccessibility of women has slowed down"

*** Jokes about growth and physical education ***

The physical education instructor was driving along Leningradka, could not resist and placed the confused in height.

*** Jokes about height and marks ***

Mom, what are these marks on the doorframe? - Here we measured your height. - And these, near the baseboard? - And this is your career growth ..

*** Jokes about growth and dating ***

How will i recognize you? - I will be in blue jeans, my height is about 165, weight 54 ... - Okay, but I will be in a light jacket with weights and a tape measure.