Psychologists explained why it is impossible to mix work and personal life. Do you manage to combine work and personal life? How to balance work and personal life

Work is family, family is work. Every day we are torn between them. I want to make a career and create home comfort. For a modern person, this situation is the norm.

For a person should be able to combine two areas: love and career. It's not always easy. Work is earning money for life's blessings, a career, self-realization, searching for oneself. Personal life is home comfort, family, home. Devoting too much time to a career, we forget about the family. How to combine work and personal life?

How to find a balance between work and personal life?

1. Prioritize

   What is more important to you at the moment? Maybe you are looking to make a career or are raising a child. It's fine! But try to keep a balance. In pursuit of a position, do not forget about your personal life. Over time, priorities will change.

2. Decide on the time

   If both areas are important to you, then decide how much time you will allocate for work and for the family. So, plan your day. For example, you work during the day and spend evenings and weekends with your family. Don't try to finish work at the expense of family time.

3. Know how to switch

   The faster you switch from work to family and vice versa, the more successfully you will combine these two areas. You don’t need to discuss work problems at home all evening, it’s better to plan joint leisure time or discuss family plans. Also, get out of the habit of discussing family problems at work. It's distracting and frustrating.

4. Be successful

   Any business is easier if you are successful. Find an activity you enjoy. will not make your life more harmonious. Try . Do not be afraid . Build your personal life yourself. Each person has his own time to get married (to get married), to become a dad (mother). Don't compare yourself to others, compare only to yourself.

5. Organize your life

   An organized person easily combines these two areas. Work - at work, personal life - at home. This is the main rule of an organized person.

If we feel discomfort due to the fact that work interferes with our personal life, or vice versa, then something is wrong in our personal life. If work interferes, in your opinion, with a partner to establish a full-fledged personal life, this does not mean that he has a bad job and the reason is in it.

Are you lacking attention? It seems that the partner devotes a lot of time and effort to work? As you seek dominance in his life, do you run into a wall of dull irritation and misunderstanding? Look at your own behavior, not at his work. Perhaps your relationship needs a serious revision.

Pay attention to your own appearance and internal content. Sometimes it happens that we demand attention to ourselves, completely forgetting about our attractiveness - both external and internal.

Start with the question: what does my loved one get from a personal relationship? Am I an interesting conversationalist? Does my loved one receive enough warmth, participation, care?

If a partner is not comfortable next to you, if he does not feel protected from home attacks, claims, and the life falling apart before your eyes can piss anyone off, then there is nothing surprising in the fact that a person goes into work "with his head", no. Sometimes people in this way simply get away from conflicts, hide in a pile of work issues, while away the time at their desks. In other words, they do everything in order not to return to an unpleasant situation for a longer time.

On the other hand, resist the temptation to stay late at work just to please your superiors or just out of inertia and the habit of "seeing through." Think about what is more important to you: overtime work or a good mood of a loved one? Human relationships need time, which is not enough, at times, precisely because of the habit of loading oneself with work. All the money still can not be earned, and no production success will replace communication with loved ones. In such cases, it is better to stick to the "golden mean", remember the promises made at home and not exaggerate the importance of work activities in your own life.

In this scenario, a joint personal life risks turning into a mechanical existence of two loners under one roof. It cannot last forever, sooner or later the loneliness will be filled by someone. Situations in which work takes all your life time are dangerous because another person may appear on the horizon who can offer your soul mate love and care, understanding and well-established life, good rest and interesting communication. If you don’t want your partner to share his personal space with another person, start with yourself, ask yourself the question: do you devote enough time and love to your loved one yourself?

If work prevents you from putting things in order with your partner, and you want to change the atmosphere at home for the better, start with yourself. Try not to pester your partner with complaints and reproaches, devote time to making the person you love happy to be at home. The atmosphere in the house should be comfortable, desirable. This applies to everything: cleanliness in the apartment, and deliciously cooked food, and the absence of irritants that can upset the balance, and goodwill. Then your soul mate will fly home from work, in full confidence that the house is comfortable and good. But this does not mean that all household chores need to be taken on by yourself. The partner must be sure that without him you will not be able to solve many problems at home. This increases the feeling of need, responsibility.

Don't forget about leisure. Do not turn the weekend into endless household chores. Perhaps a trip to nature, a visit to friends, a visit to the theater, a fashion exhibition, a walk around the city or a romantic dinner together will bring a touch of freshness, brightness, and joy to your personal relationships.

Talk to each other. Share experiences, exchange information. Try not to translate any topic of conversation into personal relationships. People are interested in each other when they learn something new together, discuss plans for the future, express interesting thoughts about the world around them. You shouldn't dwell on your own feelings, it quickly becomes boring. To fill all the time and attention only with personal relationships, passions, violent showdowns and the demand for exceptional attention is at least unreasonable.

In addition to work and personal relationships, any person should have time that he can devote to himself: think, reflect, put things in order in thoughts and feelings, play your favorite online game, read a book, keep quiet, find inner balance, be at peace, accumulate vital energy. If there is no such "gap" between work and personal relationships, sooner or later a person may break loose, and conflict will become inevitable.

Between husband and wife - besides bed and borscht - there must still be something else: common work, hobbies, joint creation. It's good when personal life and work are in one bottle. When people are united by a common activity. Then there are no questions "work or personal life" - personal life develops into work, and work - into personal life. The mistake of partners is that some begin to demand a choice: either I - or work. Apply for more attention. And then both work and personal life collapse...

The proverb about two hares is not in vain invented by the people. Work and personal life are the two most important components of human existence. What are we without work and recognition in society? An empty place (at least, people convince themselves of this)! And without a family, what is the role of a person in this world and the purpose of his existence? Human life becomes meaningless without. The easiest option is to choose what is more important to you and leave what is in the way. Logically, this is how it should be. However, in life it’s not easy to make a choice, and people rush from one extreme to another - justifying at work that an emergency happened at home and you urgently need to go to save your family, and bowing your head in guilt before your relatives because you have to make reports on the weekend instead of the promised recreation in the water park. So how do you find the golden mean? What to do for those who still want to find a balance between work and personal life?

You nevertheless decided to try to combine two incompatible things: work and personal life. Well, let's try to help you with advice:

Determine the degree of importance.

Set your priorities. It is better if you clearly know what you achieve in your career and what in your personal life. If you had to choose between these two extremes, what would you give up - family or work? If you refuse to work, then soon you will find a new one, no worse, but better than the old one.

How do you work?

Do you take reports home, remotely access your work computer from home, make trips to work on weekends - do you finish what the working day was not enough for? And other people who put so many responsibilities on you, simultaneously removing them from themselves, in an amusement park or in nature. They are used to living like this, starting from the bottom. They did not allow others to use their professional skills, clearly delineated immediate duties, and brushed aside unnecessary workloads. Everyone (including the management) knew that they “wouldn’t get you far” and didn’t insist, transferring the same burden to workers like you!

Do not think that doing well is doing it yourself! Not true! Give people some of your responsibility. Take some time to teach the employee this business, and give him this responsibility. Without the knowledge of the authorities, such issues are not resolved. Therefore, explain to the director that an unbearable burden has been placed on you.

Working time planning.

Coming to work, you clearly know how many things you have planned for today. Do not do them all at once, you will get confused and have to start over. So prioritize. Start with a difficult problem, and leave the one that is not difficult for you to solve for the afternoon. And yet, put things on the list in order of importance and urgency. Try not to stay too long at the workplace. After a working day, you are of little use, and colleagues and superiors will realize that you are not in a hurry to go home, and will load you with even more responsibilities.

Get yourself a diary. Plan your work time in it, and moments of your personal life - going to the cinema with your family, visiting relatives, time for fitness, etc.

Get rid of unnecessary things.

Of course, for starters, leave work affairs at work. Now get busy. Get a notebook in which you write down what you did during the day in minutes. Record every hour:

Talked on the phone with my mother - 10 minutes;
Traveled by metro from home to work - 40 minutes;
The road to the office is 10 minutes.

The hour is over!

And this is your personal time! But everything is important here - communication with your mother and the way to work cannot be thrown out of life. But after work comes the most interesting:

The road from the office to the house - 50 minutes;
because he forgot to buy a loaf of bread - 20 minutes;
Going to the store for a loaf of bread - 30 minutes;
A conversation on the landing with a neighbor about what kind of wives are bad - 20 minutes;
Gatherings in front of the TV, where there is nothing to watch - 3 hours.

In 5 hours of free time, you only usefully spent 50 minutes on the road from work to home. And how much useful and necessary could be done during this time - invite your wife to the theater or cinema on. Take the kids to the pool or go to the gym yourself.

Everything around is wrong.

We often hear these words from people. Rest assured, they are all right. These are loafers who do not want to work at work, and at home they turn away from their relatives by being tired at work and do not want to delve into. It seems to them that such an explanation gives them the right to step back from the problems of the people who live around.

Dissatisfaction in personal life.

There are people who are cunning when they claim that they cannot combine personal life and work. At work, everything is perfect for them - they are professionals, respected by their superiors and colleagues. However, in their personal lives there are some problems that they do not want to admit to anyone. Therefore, they simply try to “run away from home”, claiming that a lot of urgent matters await them at work.

It is possible to combine personal life with work, this is achieved by understanding the importance of each of the components.

Men over 40 who have already reached the heights in society tend to spend time at work. The family is in the background for them;
Women of the same age and position are characterized by the opposite direction - for them family ties are already more important than the illusory happiness of fleeting success.

People fulfill themselves in different ways. It also depends on gender. The self-affirmation of a man is his work, for a woman it is a family. Most of the powerful of this world value families. Status is for them or love, remains a mystery. Most likely, they are driven by the thoughts that the wife is my woman, her children are my children, and the world is my world! Such men are accustomed to rule, they need a keeper of the hearth, who silently takes care of the children and looks at her master with delight. A woman who does not understand his desire for work will not become respected and appreciated.

One more nuance! Women complain that they work at work and do not stop at home, while husbands calmly come from work and fall on the sofa in front of the TV. This happens because a woman understands that she needs to work both at work and at home, while for a man everything is clearly demarcated - you have to work at work and relax at home. Therefore, many ladies cannot stand double shifts and sit at home with their children, simultaneously doing housework and husband.

The CPU learned from the representatives of the Russian IT industry whether relationships or marriage interfere with work, and how their other half feels about calls and letters after hours. We invite readers to discuss this issue.

Peter KutisCEO of OneTwoTrip

Everything depends on the partner, they only help me personally. As for extracurricular work, everything is ok, it is important to allocate time to the family, without a computer and a phone. It's difficult, but possible.

Relationships have never interfered with my work. Despite the fact that I have not been in a relationship for a long time, I have a rather interesting story.

My ex met at work, worked and still work together, and we sit in the same office five meters from each other. When they lived together, they woke up and went to work together (which, apart from jokes, helped to discipline). And I don’t remember a case when we were somehow wildly tired of each other from the fact that we were around all day.

Well, we constantly worked overtime and both treated it with understanding, often we were late for the same time, because we worked on the same project. In general, the advice is this: do not make problems out of nothing, and you will live happily both at home and at work.

I don't think relationships or marriage can get in the way of work. If necessary, you can always find some kind of compromise. Otherwise, it seems to me, a corresponding philosophical question may arise (for each his own). Everything is rather the opposite: certain obligations only motivate you additionally - and rightly so.

As for extracurricular work, everything is simple here. First, I don't have a strict schedule. For example, I come to work at eleven, I leave around eight. Sometimes, however, I can stay up late, but this does not happen so often. Secondly, the girl works two floors above: we finish together, we are going home together - it turns out that no one is waiting for anyone, it is very convenient.

If the desire to work extracurriculars is dictated by a healthy passion and the intention to pump their professional competencies, this is inspiring. In the family of a programmer and a PR woman, this happens often, there is simply no reason for conflict. We like to develop, and there is enough time for entertainment. But for sleep, no.

In my case, they definitely interfere. It is difficult to find harmony between these areas of life. Because work has taken the lion's share of my heart for so long, there's no way relationships can take even a fraction of it. Overtime or not - I do not share such categories.

A person, especially leading his own project, should work exactly as much as he needs. It (the second half) should in no way relate to my working regime. The main thing is that she is not tired of my frequent absence in the environment, and constant telephone / postal and other sticky. And this is possible only with boundless trust and freedom - I am ready to give this for my part.

Ideally, I would like to find a hilarious mademoiselle that I would arrange for my company (I'm the director there, after all), so that I could go to conferences together. A kind of business and family tourism for work.

But I would definitely delineate our areas of responsibility so as not to swear and not to get into her myself, but to me. That is, I am ready to give myself, my business and even some of the reins of government to a woman.

But while women usually want a fur coat, a restaurant and a Mini Cooper from me.

It is difficult to answer this question, because Stepan [Danilov] is constantly either writing something on Facebook or arranging for MeYou. There was no time to discuss how he relates to my work.

More and more people are wondering: how to find a balance between work and life? The answer, oddly enough, is on the surface. When everyone around is talking about work-life balance, it seems like a provocation to me: why is work not considered a direct part of life? If you think about it, this question answers all the others. Life is a general concept, which includes work, leisure, and family relationships.

Balance between work and life

So is it necessary to find a balance between work and life? The answer is not obvious. There are people who are one hundred percent devoted to work, and they like it, for them work is life. There are many who have a 50/50 or 70/30 split between work and personal life. There are those for whom all 100% of the time is given to home and family. Their purpose is to lead a life and raise children. Everyone has their own choice, in their own way the right one.

By the way, burnout, which is increasingly being talked about, can occur regardless of the chosen lifestyle. It lies in the fact that a person loses interest and love for what he does. As a result, a person begins to destroy himself, so it is important to recognize this trend in time and start working on yourself.

romance with work

Of course, it is best to create a comfortable working environment for yourself in which burnout will not occur, and you will not have to deal with its consequences. To do this, in life you need to do what you really want, otherwise it is a kind of masochism. Imagine that you are sitting at work and thinking: "I hate this job, but I have to do it." This is strange to say the least. It is necessary to feel love for your profession - such that you don’t notice anything but it, similar to those romantic feelings that we sometimes plunge into with our heads. Then you will not think about why you had to do work tasks on the weekend. You just do them - not because you "should", but because you are really interested.

Change Curve

If we talk about such a phenomenon as “burnout”, then it can be caused by both the start of a new project and global changes: a change in company policy or management.

Burnout can be assessed, for example, by using a personal transition curve graph that describes the stages of perception of change.

The curve of change forms for everyone at different speeds and under different circumstances, but the algorithm is always the same: first you do not accept something new, then you blame others, blame yourself, consider yourself bad, then you accept the change, but still do not understand it, and only after this, finally, at the same time accept and understand. For some, the whole process happens quickly, while for someone it is a protracted period. You need to set people up for optimism in order to accelerate the passage of all stages of acceptance.

Retirement is not always the right way

It is absolutely normal that at one stage you start not to accept what you are doing. It starts to seem to you that everyone around is bad: one colleague looked the wrong way, the other said the wrong thing - and now you are already thinking for people. Thus, a “tangle” is formed, which sooner or later will have to be untangled, and it is likely that at some point it will seem to you that this can only be done by moving to another place of work.

In addition, not only the causes of burnout, but also its degree can be different. That is why it is not always the best solution to change jobs. Sometimes you can burn out a little - then it’s enough to rest well, gain strength and go further with a new supply of energy. Remember that everyone has periods when the amount of work increases and becomes difficult. It is important to distinguish temporary difficulties from systematic fatigue and dissatisfaction with what you are doing.

Photo: Unsplash

The Importance of Positive Thinking

As both a preventive measure and dealing with the consequences of burnout, I recommend trying to see the positives and forming this habit with your employees. Even in a problem it is possible and necessary to find the positive. For example, the news came from your company's analysts: "Market share has fallen."

What would be positive here? First of all, your competitors are great - so maybe it's time to take a closer look at their style and work experience. Secondly, this is only one of the indicators, it is not absolute. Most likely, you are in the lead in something else right now: for example, you increased sales in a previously sagging segment, and so on. Thirdly, you have a new challenge, a new task, which means an opportunity to show yourself and upgrade your skills. Every big problem has a positive side, you need to be able to turn a person to it.

Process and result oriented people

Another significant point, closely related to the topic of emotional burnout, is the division of people into those who are process-oriented and those for whom the result is important. It cannot be said that some of these approaches are correct and best, and some are not. It's just that they are different people, with their own characteristics, pluses and minuses. Personally, I'm always more result-oriented. It is important for me to see what is done: it brings pleasure and satisfaction from work. For employees like me, it is always necessary to see the "light at the end of the tunnel" - the final goal of the work, as well as intermediate results.

But there are other people who are more interested in the process, and they have their own ways to avoid burnout: for example, find pleasant details in each task or take on work with strict deadlines less often. Process-oriented people have significantly less risk of burnout, since the very performance of the work charges them, gives them an emotional resource and a sense of satisfaction. Try to set yourself up correctly depending on which type you belong to.

How to understand what you are focused on - process or result? We find this out from people in interviews by asking the questions “What inspires you?”, “What do you enjoy?”. Some may answer that they like working with numbers, structuring information - these are process-oriented people. Others say: “It's cool when, thanks to what I do, the share of the company has grown by 5%” - this is a result-oriented approach. In work, belonging to a particular group is even more clearly visible: who works for the sake of the process itself, and who, without even understanding some stages of the process, clearly goes to the final goal.

It is very important that both types of people are on the team. Their percentage depends on the field of activity. In sales and finance, people are more result-oriented. In tech support, on the contrary, the majority is process-oriented, and rightly so, because professionals in this field should be perfectionists, honed to adhere to standards and guidelines. There are also mixed areas. In brand marketing, for example, there is no predominance of one or another type of employee: there are deeply creative people, and those who monitor the implementation of KPI - they are focused on a specific result.

From personal experience

I have no division into work and life. Work is a part of my life, this concept is absolutely comfortable for me. However, for a full-fledged balance in the company, it is necessary to keep in mind the expectations of other participants in the work process and take into account agreements - for example, I will not sit at work until ten in the evening, knowing that my family is waiting for me at home. There must be some generally accepted norms that you will adhere to. I have determined for myself the optimal time that I focus on: I try to leave work between 18 and 19 pm. There are children waiting at home with whom I need to do homework, cook dinner, but when I put them to bed, I can sit down at the computer and work for a couple more hours if necessary. Of course, this does not happen every day, but the thought of such a situation does not cause me rejection. I like my work, so I will be happy to return to it at 21:30.

Our parents lived in different conditions and worked differently too: from bell to bell. Nobody brought work home. This is due, among other things, to the fact that their wages did not depend on anything - they received their 120-180 rubles and could not count on a noticeable increase. There was simply no monetary motivation to work more. There were practically no other types of motivation, since it was not part of the intrastate culture. Of course, in Soviet times there were bonus systems, payments for long service, but now we live in a different rhythm. The most fundamental difference from those years is the irregularity of the work schedule, due to competition. Ideally, you should follow the example of Soviet citizens and manage to complete all your tasks during the working day so that you do not have to take part of the work home and have time for your family.

Photo: Unsplash

And yet, compared to the time of our parents, a lot has changed today: a business culture has emerged that was previously only found in foreign companies. Now, when everyone is fighting for market share and increasing profits, you have to be flexible in your approach to work, treat the company's business as if it were your own. At the same time, this is a personal choice for everyone: if such a schedule does not make you happy, then you can always find another job with strict regulation - these also exist now. For example, the driver of an electric train in the subway or an employee at a factory, where everything is clearly distributed both between people and by the hour. Our company also has such divisions.

Direct tasks of the manager, helping to avoid burnout

At AB InBev Efes, we always motivate our employees to adopt our views, find inspiration in the profession and embrace change and new opportunities with joy. Agree, if you like your work, it doesn’t matter: a nine-hour working day or three days without sleep spent working on a project that is important for you.

In creating the right working atmosphere, the attitude of the manager and the ability of employees to feel free and open play an important role. If employees are not afraid to speak out, they begin to have a different attitude towards their boss, work, and work schedule.

Also, in order to create a comfortable environment, it is important for the manager to introduce elements of competitions, shows and humor. This is a whole range of tasks. I do not mean isolated moments when you laughed with someone, talked, and this person suddenly changed his attitude to work. Employees need to constantly feel the flow of sparkling energy from the leader - then they can recharge it. It is necessary that there is always a little Brazilian carnival in the work. This approach gives rise to respect for the person, which means that it will be difficult for a subordinate to let you down.

On the importance of inner harmony

If I were asked to give advice to my children on how to balance work and life, it would be just one phrase: “Do only what you like!”. Understanding your desires and following them means being in harmony with yourself. There is nothing more important than this internal balance, regardless of whether you experience daily stress or not, whether you have a good boss or a bad one.

If you are harmonious, you will not think about why you were delayed again or how it happened that you reworked again. These thoughts come only when you stop liking your work and an internal conflict arises. To avoid conflict, always listen to yourself and make the necessary moves within the company and, if necessary, outside it in time. Remember: movement is life, and life is also work.