What to do if you are married and in love. I am married, but I love another - turn on your head! Interesting video trainings that will help you understand the situation

Everyone wants to love and be loved. Girls dream of marrying a prince and living a long and happy life. And it's great when a marriage is made for love and lasts more than one year. But sometimes things happen in life when you don’t know how to react to them or what to do. And they include a flashed feeling of love for another man. Unfortunately, this happens quite often. And finding a way out is not as easy as we would like, but it still exists. Let's think together what to do if you fell in love with another man.

Introduction

It would seem that everything is fine, beloved husband, family, children, what else do you need. But for a variety of reasons, which you may not even guess about, someone appears who violates the once established routine. And if at first many people react to their reaction with surprise, very soon, especially if he does not remain indifferent, love arises. And this is where the real problems begin. Feelings of guilt are mixed with fear and dissatisfaction with oneself. And you can’t talk about it, because no one will understand and support.

If you fall in love with someone else and your parents find out, it will be a blow to them. How is it possible, their daughter fell in love with another man, wants to ruin her life, and if the son-in-law does not cause any complaints, a flurry of reproaches and indignation is guaranteed. But this does not mean at all that you need to sprinkle ashes on your head and go to a monastery. Nobody dreams of being in this position. And no one asks people if they want changes and new feelings that they haven’t even thought about. They just arise and that's it. And if it happens that you fall in love with another man, you need to do something about it; you won’t be able to let everything go to chance. We have not yet learned to turn off our emotions.

The first thing to do to make it easier is to make a conscious decision to stop reproaching and feeling sorry for yourself. If you are not frivolous and do not fall in love with the first person you meet, then something is wrong. And the soul reacted to this faster than you realized the urgent problem. And even if you are frivolous, this is your life and no one has the right to judge you. Those who don’t like it and cause pain have the right to leave, and not remake you to suit themselves.

So in any case, if you fall in love with another man, you should not consider yourself a fallen woman. Continue to love and respect yourself as before. Only during this period you need to figure out what is happening in your life and make a decision on what to do next. And leave the soul-searching and self-torture to those who have not yet realized that the strongest love in life remains self-love. And it must be protected much more carefully than everything else.

Find out why this happened

Of course, every situation is unique. But there is always something that can help you develop a plan of action. So first calm down and stop worrying. As it is written on King Solomon’s ring, “All things shall pass, and this too.” Any problem can be solved, so there is no point in poisoning the soul. Find an opportunity to be alone with yourself and think about everything that is happening. You need to understand yourself and find what caused the cooling. After all, it is unlikely that if you felt passion for your man, you could fall in love with another. This means that something went wrong and the former passion never turned into love, which made you happy and freed you from doubts.

What to do if you fall in love with someone else? It's time to try to look at your man differently. Remember the feelings you felt when you first met. Look into your soul and try to revive them. If everything is not so bad, they will definitely remain, it’s just that with all the troubles in life you began to forget about them, and they slowly disappeared so as not to burden you.

Now we need to fix all this. You will always have time to destroy what you have, try to better maintain the relationship. It’s not for nothing that you got married or have been living in a civil marriage for so many years. Feelings tend to fade, but this does not mean that they go away. And the one who has now caused such a storm in the soul, if you are together, will also cease to cause too strong emotions, this is how a person works.

Of course, the exception may be a situation when this is really true love, and the emotions that connected you with the one with whom you are now in a relationship are gone or have never been similar to these. Just answer the question right away: is this true? - not easy.

The one who knows that this is love thinks about how to part so that it doesn’t hurt. He knows what to do, and now he cares about how to do it. In all other situations, a person is faced with a choice, and there is absolutely no need to rush. If this is love, it will not disappear anywhere; if not, it will protect you from mistakes.

What to do right if you fall in love with someone else

The situation, if you fall in love with someone else, can develop differently, depending on what you want - to stay with your family or go to a new loved one. We will try to tell you how to solve this and what to do.

Make a husband's "evaluation" list

To make it easier to understand and understand what you want, and whether the love for the one next to you has disappeared, make a list of what your husband does not give. Indicate which of his words, actions, and attitudes cause irritation and which cause joy. When you feel resentment and anger towards him, and when you want to cuddle and not go anywhere.

Take time away from another man

Let nothing stop you. Limit communication with the one who caused new feelings. If you haven't gotten close yet, don't do anything about it. Stop watching him, catching every word or communicating on the Internet. Already close, take a break. He who loves is ready to wait. And you don’t need to worry about this either. Otherwise, being in constant contact and experiencing strong emotions, you will not be able to objectively assess the quality of your relationship with your husband. And this is fraught with mistakes that are even more difficult to correct than deciding what to do if you fall in love with someone else.

Calmly think about why you fell in love with someone else

Do not rush to immediately form a complete picture of what is happening. Let it take a few days, but then you will be sure that you have assessed your feelings 90% correctly. Now, looking at the resulting list, it is much easier to understand: is there anything to fight for and whether it is necessary to preserve what is, and the other is just a reason to feel in love once again, or is it love and marriage has outlived its usefulness, because you are different people.

If you fell in love with someone else, but decided to get rid of feelings and save the family, imagine that your husband is a stranger. Take a closer look at him, get to know him again, be interested in what is important to him, how he lives, what he dreams about. Find time to discuss what happened during the day. Talk to each other, find compromises in difficult situations. Thank him for being so wonderful to you.
Surprise and indulge. In response, he will involuntarily begin to do the same. No, then talk to him, explain that you would like to give the relationship a new impetus. If he doesn’t understand, think about whether there is really something to spend the best years of your life on him for.

How to deal with others?

We found mutual understanding, great, now start falling in love with someone else. With someone who confused you and caused emotions that were completely unnecessary, keep communication to a minimum. Often emerging feelings can be stopped at the very beginning, without giving them a chance. To do this, stop remembering him, imagining what he is doing now, what you should do together, etc. It’s no secret that women tend to go so far in their fantasies that the man they like immediately turns into a candidate for the role of husband and barely smoldering embers turn into flames.
If you forbid yourself to think about him, look closely, discuss with others, without receiving new information very soon, you will begin to relate to him much calmer. Especially when family life becomes richer and brighter.

Talk to your husband about your relationship

Time has passed, and your husband has stopped admiring you again, tell him that things won’t work that way. You need his attention like air. Just don’t shout, don’t blame him for all his sins and don’t reproach him. Otherwise, instead of a constructive conversation, there will be a showdown, and you don’t need that at all right now. Otherwise, compared to someone with whom you have nothing to argue about, your husband will look like a scoundrel. And you will want to go even more to where everything seems so beautiful and joyful.
Use the list you compiled earlier of what you are missing and calmly voice it in correct terms. The more logical and simpler it is, the easier it will be for the husband to understand it. Ask for help, and a loving man, no matter how busy he is, will find the strength to meet him halfway and reconsider his attitude towards marriage.

If you fall in love with another man and don’t know what to do, the main thing is don’t reproach yourself and don’t blame yourself for anything. There is nothing to be ashamed of. This is life and it can happen to anyone. It is unlikely that you dreamed about it or aspired to. Therefore, listen to your heart, try to objectively evaluate your family life and your new man. Consider all the options that suit you and only then make a decision. Don't rush and don't listen to anyone. This is your life and it’s up to you to decide how to live it so that it won’t be excruciatingly painful later.

Like, this is their essence - an already established stereotype. Meanwhile, according to some sociological research data, lovely ladies cheat more often than representatives of the powerful. And why all? The answer is clear - they are unhappy with their lives.

Husband - wife - lover

Whatever they say, a woman has a family instinct inherent in her nature, to be the keeper of the hearth is in her genes. And if she is in a happy marriage, why should she go “left”? In youth, bed pranks can somehow be attributed to, so to speak, sexual knowledge of the world and forgiven for this. However, if a woman 30+ takes a lover, this is a serious reason to think: “Why?” Ménage à trois (cohabitation of a woman with two men) is a rather explosive combination and can threaten the family with certain problems.

12. The Cavalier's Perseverance. Throughout her life, every lady (whether she is married or not) from time to time has admirers who fall in love with her. Someone, having received a refusal, sets off to look for a more accessible and free lady of his heart. But there are types for whom winning this particular woman becomes an obsession. And they attack with the tenacity of a maniac: flowers, restaurants, signs of attention, or they sign up as her friends and wait for an opportunity: who knows, maybe she will drink too much and give in, or simply give in over time and give in, in a word, like hunters, they wait.

13. Of course, one cannot fail to mention about love. Having fallen in love, ladies rush headlong into feelings.

What to do?

Wife

Agree, a menage a trois for a woman cannot last long. As emotional beings, ladies experience the current situation and are in constant internal turmoil. Almost all women want to live in love and harmony, to have a happy, normal family. And it is clear that sooner or later you will have to make a choice. If a woman is happy with the current situation and even receives a certain pleasure from this triple union, then apparently it’s worth asking herself the question: “Which of the two do I love?” To be honest, I think the answer will be: "No one." Here it is not emotional impulses that rule, but more mundane reasons for adultery and there is nothing to be done.

To my husband

Men are less tolerant of their spouse's devious behavior than women in a similar situation. Still, by their nature, they are much larger owners. Therefore, upon learning about adultery, most of them immediately decide to deal with it. Everyone chooses their own path: some immediately throw their sweetheart out the door or leave themselves, some also set out on a love voyage in revenge, and some decide to fight for their spouse. And the methods here are different: from a demonstrative ability not to notice the adventures of a life partner to “cleaning up her face” or “punching him in the face.” What to choose? Will extreme measures produce results? What if the wife takes pity on the “offended” one, and considers her husband a “rude animal”? Can we really endure all this? It all depends on the character and feelings you have for your spouse. Or maybe she will become uninterested in playing extramarital games. In any case, it is worthwhile to “work on the mistakes” and understand the reason. If your wife didn’t have enough attention, then give it to her, there wasn’t enough sex - try to surprise... But if pride does not allow you to accept the situation, and you feel that you are unable to forgive the “cheater,” then perhaps you should accept what is sad, but right decision to separate. Otherwise, it will always stand between you.

Creating a family is painstaking, but at the same time rewarding work. In family relationships, a large role is given directly to the woman. How strong the family will be, how various problems and crises will be overcome, which, unfortunately, cannot be avoided, depends on her attitude towards her husband and children. Being in love with one person for your entire life is very difficult. Situations arise when dissatisfaction with the husband appears, his words and actions begin to irritate.

I'm married, but I fell in love with another man, what should I do? The most important advice is to draw the right conclusions and not make momentary decisions.

And one more thing: think and analyze your actions!

Even when everything is good in the family, a woman wants to be admired, complimented, loved. Apparently, we understand that life is fleeting, but we so want to be happy. And now you’re scolding yourself: “I fell in love with someone else, but what about the family?” Yes, I fell in love while married, what should I do? The main thing is not to rush. And don’t rush headlong into a new, vibrant relationship.

Tell yourself: “I will not rush, destroy the family, or injure the child.” This is very important now. You can fall in love or sympathize with the man you like, but you don’t have to ruin your entire life for yourself and your husband because of it. And if you have a child, then all this threatens him with a psychological blow.

The situation is, of course, not simple. You mentally fly on the wings of love, and your husband, despite your attempts at normal conversations, apparently feels something. You are taking a big risk: it is always easier to destroy than to build! You may have fallen in love before, but this time it seems to you that it is something special. At first, this relationship is beautiful, dangerous, and very exciting, but after some time the severity of such a relationship will pass.

And you shouldn’t believe his words that he will give up everything for you - these are dubious promises. Yes, there are happy exceptions when people fell in love, destroyed their families, and built their own family on the rubble. But experience suggests that all these are very, very isolated examples.

Life experience always comes with age, and the main thing is not to mess things up when you are in love.

After all, our life is a zebra: sometimes a white stripe, sometimes a black one. Everything cannot be smooth and without problems. If you ask yourself: “Am I in love, or do I want to love the image I invented? He seems beautiful to me, romantic, and so on. I’m not sure he’s really like that!”

When people get married, many people think that this is for life, and all problems will pass by, but most often it happens in a completely different way, and each woman has her own reasons that explain the appearance of feelings for another man.

• The period of sweets, bouquets, dates under the moonlight, and endless conversations about everything ends sooner or later. Having married, people are forced to constantly solve many everyday problems that always arise. These issues tend to crowd out romance, and most women tend to miss it. After all, we women love with our ears.
• Conflicts arise in every family. Their presence does not mean that family relationships are bad; on the contrary, in some cases, conflicts are an impetus for development, provided that both people strive to resolve them. However, not every couple has spouses who are ready for a constructive solution. Most often, someone accepts the opinion of their opponent, and someone does not. If a woman is constantly in conflict with her husband, and many conflicts remain unresolved, then discontent and mutual reproaches only increase. A woman wants to free herself from this negativity and receive support. If there is a man nearby who is ready to support her, it is likely that she may fall in love with him.
• The longer you live with a person, the more you recognize his shortcomings. There are no ideal men, just like women! Someone puts up with the shortcomings of another, someone tries to remake the person, and someone searches on a subconscious level for a person who lacks them. Any socially active woman communicates with many men, and can meet one who, as it seems to her, will be devoid of the shortcomings present in her husband. This can be the impetus for falling in love.
• The need for new sensations and emotions. There is a category of women who do not like stability in relationships. They constantly need to receive emotions, both from a quarrel and from a stormy reconciliation. When the husband cannot constantly reinforce this need of his wife, she is forced to look for it in other men.

There are a lot of reasons that lead to feelings for another man. Some women are ready to put up with a difficult situation in the family and try to solve emerging problems, while some plunge into new feelings.

When a man is married, a woman most often does not lose feelings and affection for her husband, because they have a lot in common. Therefore, if a woman falls in love, but understands that her family and husband are more important to her, she needs to take some measures to overcome the new feeling.

1. Think and analyze the current situation in a calm environment. It's better to do it alone. Remember why you fell in love with your husband and why you fell in love with a new man. Understand, a new feeling is love, falling in love or ordinary sympathy. Imagine different scenarios: what will happen if you stay with your husband, and what will happen if you choose another. You don’t have to think only about the good outcome, imagine the most negative option as well. In many cases, a long reflection leads a woman to the fact that the relationship with her husband must be maintained.
2. Do not confuse romance and the candy-bouquet period with ordinary, everyday life. Are you sure that the new chosen one will be better than the previous one in everything?
3. Try to communicate with another man as little as possible. If possible, it is best to stop communicating completely. Act radically: remove the phone number, remove from the list of friends in social networks and various chats. If there are places where you often met, visit them as rarely as possible. Don’t look for random encounters, because they will only force you to return to your crush again.
4. Shift your attention to something else. You can completely immerse yourself in work, sports, or a new hobby. Read more books, watch interesting books, engage in self-development. This way, you will gradually replace your feelings for the other person with something more interesting and useful.
5. Remember that you have a husband whom you also once fell in love with. Think back to the day you met, your first date, your wedding, in general, to all the pleasant moments that you had in your life together. Remind yourself why you fell in love with your husband, what qualities you like in him, etc.
6. Go to various women's forums that are on the Internet, find information that relates to your problem. You may be surprised to see that there are many similar stories, pay attention to how they end. Sometimes someone else's experience helps you avoid serious life mistakes.
7. A good option is to contact a professional psychologist who will help you look at your new relationship from the outside. Consulting a psychologist will help you look at yourself from the outside. An independent person will tell you the cause of your problem and, together with you, will look for options to solve it.

How to return feelings to your husband?

The main reason why a married woman falls in love with another man is the fading of her feelings for her husband, so something needs to be done to refresh them.

• Remember all the positive qualities of your husband that are especially important to you.
• Think about how you feel about him now.
• Analyze what you would like your ideal relationship with your husband to be like; what you and your spouse need to do for this.
• Imagine that your husband is no longer in your life: how will you feel, will you miss him, what feelings will you have about this
• Do something good and pleasant for your husband.
• Arrange an unplanned date or a nice romantic evening where you can have a heart-to-heart talk and enjoy being with each other.
• Review family photos and videos from your wedding.

There are many tips and methods that help you understand relationships and understand that family life is more valuable than a love affair. However, they will be effective only on the condition that the woman, despite her falling in love, is ready to maintain a relationship with her husband.

However, every woman has the right to fall in love and be happy again. But you can’t make hasty decisions, passion and vivid emotions tend to end, and then it turns out that other than that, nothing connected you with the person. It becomes a shame that they abandoned their husband too quickly in favor of a new, but unsuccessful relationship.

I am 39 years old, married for over 20 years, and have two children, 17 and 10 years old. For the last two years I have been dating, no, I really love another man... but during this time we separated so as not to destroy our families... but we returned to each other again... now... there is a breakup again - but now because he can’t even to think that I live with my husband, but I don’t want to ruin my family either... in general, the situation is critical. Because I started to have neurosis, problems with my heart and blood pressure. I’ve already fainted twice... and I don’t know what to do?

Hello Irina!

Making a choice is never easy, especially when family and children and life with a loved one are at stake. But you will have to choose and what do you have to do with it. Only one thing is clear: if you are unhappy, then the people around you will be unhappy, your husband, children and your loved one. Think about whether it is worth making such sacrifices. I think you also deserve to be happy and live the way you want, not society or close people around you, because no one will give you a second chance. In such a situation, you certainly need support and help.

Contact me, I will be glad to help. Ella.

Fainting will not solve your difficulties.

Avoiding a decision will prolong it and cause many other difficulties.

Now it is important to understand yourself and your relationships.

I can be a helper.

Contact us.

G. Idrisov.

Irina! And what do you want?

For what purpose are you putting yourself in such a state as “I have developed neurosis, problems with my heart, blood pressure. I’ve already fainted twice”? It’s not that man, and it’s not your husband who “brought you down”, but you yourself who “brought you down”...

It’s not entirely clear from the text “...can’t even think about the fact that I live with my husband, but he doesn’t want to ruin my family either..” - whose family doesn’t he want to ruin? My? Yours?

You seem to be stuck or have gone into another unpromising circle:(... Once again “during this time they separated so as not to destroy their families..”! They, families, are already classified as “dysfunctional” (understand correctly! When mom and wife (you) are in love not with your husband, but in other relationships that take a lot of energy and don’t bring complete happiness (guilt, fear, and now psychosomatics have come out!) When dad and husband (your beloved) also “not in the family” in soul and body...

It is important for you (Irina) to make your choice, and for your partner to make yours! God willing, it will be on the same topic :)!

There is no SOLUTION to suffering! Actions are important!

Hello Irina!

I think that since the situation of combining parallel relationships is so destructive for you, then you need to choose one person. Who, I don’t know, only you can decide. You should not trust this choice to someone else. You just need to be able to make a choice. And a psychologist will help you learn this. It is necessary to carefully examine, as far as possible, the consequences (both short-term and long-term) of both options. There are a lot of techniques (for example, in psychodrama) for modeling the future, you can use them, they are very effective. The main thing is to understand your feelings about your life and yourself in each of the choices. The main criterion should be your own feelings. All the best, Elena.

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Fell in love, but married

Hello.

I'm married, but I fell in love with someone else. I met my former classmate, whom I had a crush on at school. We started meeting and talking. We feel very good together. I understand that I fell in love with him again, but I’m married, he’s married too! He also confessed his love to me, and I don’t know what to do. I have a good relationship with my husband, but I don’t feel strong emotions for him. And so I fell in love, I am jealous of his wife, I think about him every minute. What to do, how to find a way out of this situation?

Hello.

The love triangle situation is one of the most difficult relationship problems I have ever encountered. The question of which way out of this situation is best for you cannot be resolved at once. Usually, the difficulty of choice hides deeper difficulties. They are in the way your relationship with your husband works and in the fact that conflict and breakup of the relationship is perceived as the worst thing, which you try your best to avoid, but this is exactly the end you are hastening by starting to date someone else.

It’s better to figure it out in advance and make a choice yourself, rather than wait until the situation develops in such a way that you no longer have a choice, other people will make it for you.

While I know very little about your situation, I will still write my general thoughts, since I have had to understand other love triangles when a woman falls in love while she is married.

First of all, it is worth saying that this is a situation that requires a solution. Of course, you can maintain both relationships for some time, but few people can lead a double life. So it’s better to immediately think about the consequences. There are several options: immerse yourself in a relationship with a classmate without changing anything in your marital status with him; give up the relationship with him or divorce and be together.

First, it’s better to think about which option is close to you, then what consequences each of them will have. Usually they choose the first option: since you are already dating, it is now difficult to separate, and in order to get a divorce, there is not enough confidence in the relationship that has just begun.

When choosing the first option, you need to understand that the secret can become obvious at any moment: your husband can find out about everything. Think about what his reaction will be. Will he leave home, will he want a divorce? If this happens, what will you do, what and where will you live? It would also be good to ask your classmate what he would do in this situation or if his wife found out about everything. Of course, in extreme circumstances, a person usually does not behave as expected, but some assumptions or reactions may make you wonder if it is worth it.

Let's consider another option: are you ready, if the relationship becomes even closer and stronger, to divorce your husband? Will your classmate get divorced? How does he see your future life in this case? These are not easy questions, but the likelihood that they will have to be addressed is quite high, and it is better to think about them when you still have a choice.

The third option - to stop dating your classmate - will force you to admit that you are missing something important in your marriage that you are trying to get in a love affair. How long can you live without love and strong emotions? On the other hand, it often happens that in a new marriage the same or even more complex problems soon arise. The solution here may be to work on your relationship with your husband, preferably at an appointment with a family psychologist. Maybe they can be changed so that you can get what you need in marriage. If you still decide that your husband cannot give you something very important to you, you can break up and start a relationship with someone more suitable, but this will be a simpler situation, without the pain of betrayal, without the torment of guilt. and the need to hide something