How is love different from attachment? How to distinguish love from falling in love, addiction, affection Test love or sympathy.

Sometimes it happens that we, being in a relationship for a long time, cannot understand what we really feel for our soulmate: true, sincere love, or just affection for a person. These two feelings are actually very similar, because in neither case do we want to lose our soul mate. However, there is one significant difference that is difficult to notice at first glance. Love is a feeling that can unite people in spite of everything, while attachment over the years develops into irritation and even hatred towards each other. That is why it is very important to determine your own feelings in advance, in order to avoid emotional wounds in the future. This can be done in three ways:

• visit an experienced psychologist;
• try to figure it out with the help of a dialogue with your soulmate;
• take an online test to determine if you are in love or affection in a relationship.

Take the test to distinguish love from affection

At first glance, all three methods are pretty good, but let's take a closer look. A visit to a psychologist is a fairly effective procedure, but at the same time it costs a lot of money. The second method may cause bewilderment in your soulmate, so it is only suitable for those who are confident in their partner's adequate reaction to such conversations. Well, the third option is to take an online test for girls to determine love or affection. This method is quite fast, does not require costs and is also effective. Online tests are created by experienced psychologists, which guarantees a reliable answer to your request. Thanks to such tests, you will no longer suffer from guesswork and solve all problems as soon as possible. We wish you good luck and sincere love!

It is impossible to say with certainty exactly when the concept of love was formed. Even ancient philosophers and thinkers thought about it. It is difficult to imagine the modern world without it. There are many shades and types of this feeling. They are difficult to define and explain. And yet we will try with the help of qualified how to distinguish love from affection.

The evolution of love

At first glance, it seems that each story of human relationships is unique and unrepeatable. This is not entirely true. Love or falling in love always begins with sympathy. A person singles out one person from the surrounding crowd who seems to him the most interesting and attractive. At the very beginning of communication, the object of sympathy seems to us more and more attractive every day. Sometimes, even after a few days after meeting, the confidence comes that this is the very second half. Such feelings are nothing but love. With complete reciprocity and regular communication, love relationships begin. Gradually, lovers take off and begin to discover the shortcomings of their partner. Much of the romanticism and passion from the relationship also disappears. Comparing the beginning of the novel and its middle, it is difficult to resist disappointment. How to distinguish love from affection and understand whether it is worth trying to maintain a relationship?

Express test for love and habit

In your free time, while alone, ask yourself a couple of questions and try to answer them honestly. You can even write down all your thoughts. This exercise is advised to their clients by many practicing psychologists. Question one: what do you like about your partner? The listing of some features of appearance, social status or individual qualities of character is a direct hint that you are experiencing affection. A person who truly loves will answer that he appreciates the partner's personality, realizing all its strengths and weaknesses. Try to appreciate how this relationship has affected your life. If you are not interested in anything except your partner, and all other people are “abandoned” by you, it is most likely about attachment. Love is a feeling that preserves and develops a person. People who love each other maintain their own interests. Such an alliance is complete, each of its participants can have their own friends and hobbies. Now you know how to distinguish love from affection. The test above can be simplified a bit. Think about how you most often talk about yourself and your partner. "We", "our", "us" are the words of true love. "I" and "he" are a clear sign of habit or affection.

Five signs of true love

Still wondering how to distinguish love from attachment to a person? Remember the five main signs that characterize a deep feeling. The first of them is constant thoughts about a loved one. During the time of falling in love or attachment, we also often think about who we have this feeling for. Most often, these are dreams of a joint future and memories of moments spent together. Love, on the other hand, is characterized by thoughts of a somewhat different nature. A person who loves never forgets that he is not alone. We warn our loved ones if we are late; we worry when they are late, we miss them when they are apart. A good way to distinguish love from attachment is to analyze the quality of communication with your loved one. If deep, you can talk with each other for hours and on any topic. Popular wisdom says that love is the desire to make the loved one happy. Indeed, without this emotion, it is difficult to imagine this feeling. inspires. For the sake of a joint future and the happiness of your beloved, you want to be better and achieve success. A loving person soberly evaluates his chosen one. The secret of love lies in the fact that, knowing all the shortcomings, we continue to love and accept a partner as he is.

Attachment Symptoms

Many people ask themselves: “How to distinguish love from attachment?” The psychology of relationships gives the exact answer. Attachment differs from love by pathological dependence on the object of sympathy. In a relationship characterized by this feeling, there is always a side that "loves" and a second side that "allows you to love yourself." Addiction manifests itself in the desire to spend as much time as possible with a loved one and the desire to possess it alone. Very often in such relationships there is a hypertrophied feeling of jealousy. At the same time, the dependent party can be very jealous of other people, including relatives, pets, and even inanimate objects. Sometimes the attachment becomes so strong that in the absence of the "beloved" there is not only a depressed moral state, but also physical symptoms of malaise.

bad or good?

At first glance, it seems that it is love-addiction that can help build strong and long-term relationships. But in fact, this is a big misconception. Attachment brings a lot of problems to each of the partners. The addict is in constant psychological stress. He is sincerely upset every time a partner is not around. Most often, experiencing affection, a person realizes how dependent he is on his soulmate. From this grows the fear that the partner may disappear from the life of the addict. The side that "allows itself to be loved" has no easier time in such a relationship. The main problem is too much attention from the partner. The addict will call every hour, demanding communication. Surely he will be offended if his beloved wants to spend the weekend without him.

Love is respect and care

Love is similar to affection and falling in love in many ways. And yet this feeling is special. No wonder it is called the highest and real. Love never brings negative emotions and is built on pure disinterestedness. If you appreciate and respect your partner for being nice to you, it's about falling in love or affection. A loving person will take care of his soulmate. He really cares about how his partner's day went, and he is always ready to talk heart to heart, help in solving problems. Experiencing love, a person knows that his chosen one is not perfect. But, despite this, he respects him and will never allow himself to speak disrespectfully of him.

Love does not love?

Understanding yourself is not easy, but it is quite possible if you wish. And how to distinguish love from attachment in marriage and understand how your spouse feels towards you? You can get an answer to this question by analyzing the behavior of your soulmate. The easiest way to recognize affection from a partner. If the other half literally suffocates you with their attention and wants to control your every step, most likely there is no love. A simple way to distinguish love from affection in men: try to understand how jealous he is. Unfortunately, constant scandals and baseless suspicions have nothing to do with love. High feelings allow partners to feel harmony. Loving people almost never swear and always respect each other.

Is it possible to love your partner after years of marriage?

Realizing that in marriage you experience not love, but affection, it is difficult to resist disappointment. How to act in such a situation? Is it really necessary to file for divorce? In fact, you can live for many years, experiencing only a feeling of affection for a partner. But there is an alternative option - to try to love it. Try to give more freedom to your chosen one. Take care of yourself, find interests outside the home and spouse. It's not your significant other in your life that will decrease. By leading an active lifestyle, you will become a more interesting person. Perhaps this will help you spend more productive and quality time with your loved one. We hope that our article on how to distinguish love from attachment has helped you understand your own feelings and improve your life.

Love is an extremely subjective feeling and concept, however, everyone who has fallen into its network can confidently say that there is nothing more beautiful and desirable in the world. However, how not to be mistaken in your feelings and recognize the first "symptoms" of love fever? It is no secret that infatuation, falling in love, passion and love have similar features. And it is extremely difficult to see the difference, because the difference lies deep within us. How do you know if you love someone or not? Let's answer a few important questions and understand what lies behind the irresistible craving for the chosen one.

First of all, it is necessary to think about why this question arose in the first place. Where did this idea come from? Everything is quite simple. At the beginning of a relationship, when a candy-bouquet romance “blooms and smells”, a girl or a guy does not doubt his own feelings at all - we are firmly convinced that we love this person!

However, after a few months (or weeks), rose-colored glasses fall off, and the lover begins to wonder how his chosen one corresponds to the ideal. Are emotions real? Maybe it's just affection? In this case, feelings fade into the background, and the prudent mind is in the center. He seeks to cool the ardor of our emotions, taking care, among other things, of a heart that can break. The voice of reason is a good phenomenon, indicating a healthy human psyche.

The concept of "love" is unique and individual, because everyone loves in their own way. However, common features are inherent in all people without exception: love is something good, warm, expensive, associated with a feeling of comfort when your chosen one is nearby.

Signs of love

Making sure that you really love a person is not always easy and simple. What to do? Take off your rose-colored glasses and try to look at your own relationship from the outside with maximum honesty. You don't need to listen to your friends and "well-wishers"! So, the symptoms of true love:

1. Unselfishness. True love is a selfless feeling. If a man or woman is looking for profit, all the time waiting for the chosen one to do something for him or, moreover, to help financially, there is no need to talk about love. It's not emotion, it's enjoyment.
2. Sexual attraction. Can true love do without sex? It's hard to say, because everyone knows the so-called platonic love, which does not involve physical contact. However, many psychologists are sure that love is always combined with sexual attraction, which is completely natural. Simultaneously with the desire to possess, a person in love wants to see and hear the chosen one, to be around just like that, not because of the satisfaction of "animal" instincts.
3. Unconditional acceptance. To love is to accept a partner with all his advantages and disadvantages. A man in love does not seek to remake the chosen one under his own patterns. Do you want to redo something in a heart friend? Most likely, this is not love.
4. Confidence. The ability to trust a loved one is an important indicator of true love. If you are used to sharing your problems and joys with your partner, do not be afraid that you will not be understood or ridiculed, this is SHE. Incomplete trust is one of the signs that you still do not love this person.
5. Constancy. True love differs from falling in love in that it is not influenced by any external circumstances. For example, if relatives and friends oppose the chosen one, a loving person will defend his opinion and feeling. In addition, real emotions do not change plus to minus, even if the partner turned out to be far from perfect.
6. sacrifice. Love implies the willingness to sacrifice oneself for the one whom the heart considers the best person in the world. Sacrifice does not imply a desire to receive something in return, the most important thing is moral satisfaction from the happiness of a loved one.

Several ways to understand if you love

Of course, we would need a kind of indicator that would allow us to determine whether this is love or not. However, wise scientists have not yet invented such a device, which is why we will “identify” interest, affection, sex, sympathy and love according to certain signs and parameters.

Method number 1. Test

Can't make sense of your own experiences and feelings? Answer a few simple questions:

1. Do you think about him (her) before falling asleep, want to wish him pleasant dreams?
2. Are you trying to make him happy?
3. Do you feel good, calm next to your chosen one?
4. When you think about him, smile, blush and worry?
5. Are you counting the hours until you meet him?
6. Do you think he is the best man (woman)
7. You know about all his shortcomings, but you continue to accept him as he is?
8. Does the long breakup bother you?

If you answered all the questions with a confident “yes”, congratulations, your feelings are sincere. When there is uncertainty in the answers, it is worth thinking. Remember that the test should be taken in your normal state, avoiding special joys and quarrels.

Method number 2. Pros and cons

A common psychological method is to divide a sheet of paper into two columns and write down the positive and negative qualities of your chosen one. So you can get your real attitude towards him and a vision of his personality.

Analyze the pros and cons. What is your loved one made of? Of the advantages or disadvantages? The predominance of positive qualities is another joyful evidence of your love and good attitude towards your partner.

Method number 3. Meditation

Sit more comfortably in an easy chair, on a carpet that is pleasant to the body - you will have to spend half an hour on it. In addition, there should be no distractions, extraneous thoughts. Entering into a "trance" is easier to do by focusing on your own breathing.

Having calmed down and abandoned extraneous thoughts, imagine this person. Happened? What do you feel? Do you want to approach, kiss, hug or run away? Decide on all your feelings (negative and positive) that arise when the image of a loved one appears.

Method number 4. "He is no more"

Quite a brutal but effective technique. Try to imagine that your chosen one is no longer with you (no need to get hung up on this idea). Or perhaps you never met at all. What are you thinking about? Are such performances comfortable? Or perhaps they only bring you pain and discomfort? We understand the significance of any thing or person when we no longer possess them. The result of reflection will be an understanding of what feelings you have for your chosen one.

Love or affection?

Another common question: how do you understand if you love a person or is it just affection? First of all, you need to understand that pure relationships and emotions are almost never found. Love, jealousy, sexual attraction, desire, attachment - we all experience it at the same time, but only in different proportions.

As we said above, selfless care is considered an important sign of true love. Attachment is considered a kind of psychological dependence on a chosen one or partner.

The main feature of attachment is not selflessness and happiness, but dependence and sometimes suffering that a dependent person experiences. If attachment is accompanied by special feelings that deprive a person of freedom, we can talk about psychological obsession.

So, sorting out your true emotions and experiences is sometimes quite difficult. But if you are firmly convinced of the correctness of your own choice, you should not doubt your chosen one. Love is the most beautiful feeling to be enjoyed, especially if it is mutual. Love and be loved!

Adalind Koss

What is true love like? How to recognize it? What are the qualities of love? These questions have been asked by writers, poets and ordinary people for many centuries in a row.

What is true love

Feelings that have gone through the test of time, overcame difficulties, doubts are called. The correct model of this feeling is developed by Robert Sternberg. According to this theory, true love has 3 main components:

frankness;
attraction;
loyalty.

Frankness is sincere feelings and relationships, complete trust, a desire to help a partner. It is the ability to open the soul without fear. But it does not mean that you approve and encourage any actions and opinions of the second half. Rather, it is understanding and knowledge of a person, the reasons for his actions.

Attraction is sexual attraction. Such a component is not inherent in friendship or other love. It is the fuel that sustains the fire of the senses.

Loyalty is the desire to share with this particular person all the trials and joys of life. It also refers to the decision to be faithful despite the difficulties of the relationship.

How to distinguish love from infatuation

If you do not know how to distinguish love from being in love, some comparative characteristics of these feelings will help you.

When a person is in love, then in a partner he is worried about physical qualities - beauty, figure. If this is love, then the personality of the person is more important. You like his character, actions, appearance, manners, etc. In addition, if you have a passing crush, the number of qualities in a lover that you admire is small. Yes, your legs give way from some of its features, but such factors are limited only to gait, voice, smile, etc. True love is love for every scar and mole on the body, for every deed and habit.

At the first stage of a relationship, falling in love is distinguished by an instant flash - from a touch, a glance. Reminds me of an obsession. Love comes gradually. It takes time to fully understand and accept another person. You can't love someone you don't know anything about. As for interest in a lover, when he is in love, he either burns or subsides. Love will not subside for a while. Not a day goes by when you don't think about your soul mate.

If you are only in love, then over time, quarrels happen more often. And the reason is that under these feelings there is no basis - a spiritual connection, a base, common themes and emotions. Love does not interfere with disagreements. They will strengthen the relationship. But, really, before you play a wedding, make repairs together.

How to distinguish love from addiction

There is true love, but let's remember the painful state mistaken for this high feeling. How to distinguish love from addiction?

Love does not make life worse, it brings happiness. This is the main thing. You are happy both with your loved one and without him - he is on Earth, and this is already pleasing. Love is not a hindrance to human development in other areas, it is a muse. Addiction is the opposite state, unfreedom. This is a growing concentration on a partner.

At the first stage, a feeling of joy appears, it may not disappear even with the evasiveness and coldness of the partner. A person easily finds excuses for bad deeds. Then the need for the presence of the beloved grows, he becomes a drug. Life is divided into black and white. Only in the presence of the object there is a feeling of happiness, and without it - melancholy and depression. This behavior resembles a hangover syndrome in alcoholics.

An addict wants to have complete control over the life of his love object, often becomes obsessive, cruel and picky.

How to distinguish love from affection

Psychological studies have proven the validity of the opinion that 3 years are allotted for passionate love. But this does not mean that after this the feelings end. Relationships become a great feeling, love matures, goes through difficulties and trials, but does not die. Love sometimes begins with passion, turns into care and tenderness, then life tests come, but adversity only strengthens the feeling. It becomes big, independent of circumstances.

Do not be afraid of betrayed feelings for a long-time loved one - this is normal. But if it is so important for you to understand how to distinguish love from affection without love, then a simple test will help.

First, ask yourself what in your soulmate attracts you more. Fleeting affection is characterized only by physical feelings, like falling in love. You like his way of speaking, dressing, driving. For love, external qualities do not play a key role.

Think back to the beginning of the relationship, the first few months. A fleeting feeling is characterized by the transience of events, as if you are “diving” into a pool. True love is formed gradually.

Another way to distinguish between the concepts of ephemeral and true love is to test for strength. If people love each other, have serious feelings, then a long separation is not easy for them. But sometimes it heals the soul, the emptiness with attachment is soon replaced by new emotions and feelings. Love only grows stronger from obstacles and difficulties. It will help to survive separation, will not fade away, but will warm the heart.

December 31, 2013, 11:40

Human psychology is complex and multifaceted. Especially when it comes to romantic relationships. No one teaches the concepts of love and affection. Therefore, sometimes it is not so easy to distinguish them. Of course, a person has a general understanding of these terms. However, in practice it is often useless. Only by delving into the key features of both phenomena in detail, one can draw conclusions about the sincerity of one's own feelings.

It is difficult to talk about love as a scientific phenomenon. But without this, it is sometimes impossible to understand your feelings. To begin with, it is worth deciding on the terminology. It is clear that each person has his own idea of ​​love. At the same time, it has 3 characteristic features that are common to each individual case.

First of all, this feeling is determined by the degree of frankness. A trusting relationship between two people is a complex psychological process, due to the commonality of views and feelings. Love eliminates the fear of demonstrating one's own "I". On the contrary, it motivates and inspires self-expression and expression of the deepest thoughts.

The second essential factor is physical attraction. The partner becomes attractive, regardless of external data. This form of communication is typical only for romantic relationships. This is a kind of fuel for feelings, which stimulates the development of mutual sympathy.

The last characteristic is fidelity. A sincere desire to share all your time with a partner is an important aspect of a love relationship. At the same time, the couple is not stopped by difficulties and obstacles. And other people are not perceived as potential objects of desire.

Signs of true love

Based on the definition of love, one can also talk about its key features. It is not necessary that all of them appear at the same time. However, most of them are still clearly visible in the relationship:

• frequent thoughts about a loved one;
• the desire to deliver positive emotions to the second half;
• periodic analysis of the words of the partner, his thoughts and actions;
• the presence of inspiration, the desire for self-development;
• invariability of attitude towards a person, regardless of his shortcomings;
• deep respect for your loved one.

When these signs appear regularly and do not recede, we can talk about a serious feeling. There is another question. If it's so simple, why do people often confuse love with affection. Does she look exactly the same? This should be considered separately.

What is attachment?

If you try to define attachment, the concept of sympathy immediately arises. This is a rather serious feeling, which is associated with a long adaptation. This feeling can manifest itself to different people and even inanimate objects. Many are attached to their habits, the type of coffee or slippers. Pleasant sensations from “favorite things” bring joy.

However, when it comes to relationships with a person, attachment often becomes unhealthy. People are simply afraid of loneliness or suffering, so they cannot let go of each other. At the same time, both partners are well aware that they do not feel happiness from this union. But the imaginary attraction makes you feel some kind of love that plays a cruel joke with the couple.

signs of affection

To better understand the very definition of attachment, it is worth deciding on the signs of this phenomenon. Some of them are completely contrary to the manifestations of love. This clearly indicates the polarity of the nature of these feelings. Here are the key signs that clearly indicate attachment:

• there is too much selfishness in the relationship, both think only about their own benefit;
• each in a couple sees only the positive aspects of the partner, not wanting to put up with the shortcomings;
• both expect changes for the better, but do nothing for this;
• quarrels turn into large-scale scandals and mutual insults;
• despite living together, each feels his own loneliness.

Is it worth staying in a relationship like this? The answer is simple enough. Attachment is a disease state that acts destructively. It rarely turns into love. More often, people simply get bored with tension and dissatisfaction, after which they break off such a connection or find a lover (lover). Therefore, it is so important to identify the differences between love and attachment as early as possible.

Differences between love and affection

In addition to the common signs of both feelings, there are certain marks by which unhealthy attraction can be identified.

1. Love is a storm of emotions. She cannot be apathetic or passive. People who are attached to each other rarely experience true passion or happiness in a relationship. Rather, anxiety is manifested here, sometimes even paranoia.
2. Attachment is always about oneself, love is about another person. When you want to do everything for a partner, and his feelings are more important than your own, you can be sure of the correctness of your choice. If you just need someone nearby, you should reconsider your need for this relationship.
3. Love gives energy, attachment takes away.
4. Attachment binds, but love frees. A sincere feeling gives a feeling of complete security. Next to a person it becomes easy and calm. Attached only burdens the partner's attention. Jealousy turns into a poisonous dagger that gradually destroys relationships.
5. Love gives new opportunities, attachment makes you fight for power. True soul mates have a chance to experience true freedom. They are full of energy and lust for life. Attachment makes you doubt, fight for control over the situation, and therefore terrorize your partner.

These are just some of the differences between these feelings. However, they clearly demonstrate how big the difference is, and how easy it is to notice.

Love or affection (video)

Thanks to the video, you can even better understand the differences between these two feelings.

Relinquishing Attachment is the Path to Happiness

Realizing that attachment can be harmful, it becomes necessary to give up this feeling. However, everything is not so simple. Many suffer for years in relationships that end in dead ends, simply because they are afraid of change. There are several effective ways that will make it easier to get out of the state of attachment:

1. It is necessary to clearly identify all the shortcomings of the object of sighing. It is advisable to revive in memory all quarrels and negative moments.
2. You have to understand how painful the relationship has become. Refusal of them is like avoiding a harmful addiction.
3. You don't have to enjoy your suffering. Better to spend more time with friends and family.
4. Your day should be organized in such a way that there is no time left to think about the object of painful attraction.

Sometimes it's good to understand yourself and your relationships. With effort, it is quite easy to distinguish love from attachment. The result will allow you to avoid many unpleasant situations and give you a chance to find sincere feelings without wasting time on imaginary hopes.