To be and not to seem to answer. It’s more important not to be, but to appear

I remembered to the point of L.N. Tolstoy: “...in war, soldiers, being under cover shots, when they have nothing to do, diligently find something to do in order to more easily endure danger. And to Pierre, all people seemed to be such soldiers fleeing from life : some with ambition, some with cards, some with the writing of laws, some with women, some with toys, some with horses, some with politics, some with hunting, some with wine, some with state affairs. There is neither insignificant nor important, it’s all the same..."

It’s scary to be a dummy, to see your own worthlessness behind the accumulation of many words, deeds, things. It is painful to seem and not to be.
Wherever I move, I always see in the back of my soul, as if in a distorting mirror, a large soap bubble. In this reflection, even noble suffering from the realization of such truth takes on a funny and stupid character, becoming another attempt to look better, more significant, to represent something of oneself.

Any word or deed is poisoned by vanity. In the best impulses, the brightest motives, there is a note of narcissism: “This is how good I am.” This subtle admixture nullifies all efforts and turns a bright holiday, where there should be a triumph of the spirit, into a farce and antics.

This is a personal abyss into which I plunge as soon as I decide to be more honest with myself. Although abyss is perhaps too strong a word.
This doesn’t always happen, and more often than not, I find a reason to distract myself, to convince myself that I’m worth something, that I’m doing something meaningful.
What nonsense all this is.
_______________

Surely there is something true inside, otherwise the soul would not yearn so much, would not rush about.
I want to find my sky, my height. But not loud, not noisy, not for show. And a quiet one, inconspicuous to others, such that it will sanctify everything inside of me.
This is a subtle joy of the soul that no external things can cause.

But how to separate the wheat from the chaff?
_______________

The first step towards this is humility. The concept is difficult for the mind and causes a large number of semantic distortions. Humility is often called “acceptance,” but in my opinion, this concept is more narrow.

To reconcile means to free yourself from illusions. The real picture of life collides [in our imagination] with ideas about who or what we should be. Trying to live up to the image is a real internal violence that we commit on ourselves every second and where most of the goals are born.
By submitting, a person stops resisting, sees the world clearly and recognizes each moment as it is.

Humility contains deep healing power, the ability to free yourself from guilt.
A person stops judging himself and others, he easily forgives the world for its imperfections.
But to forgive does not mean to ignore what is bad or false. The desire to be better, to cultivate morality in oneself, to reveal the capacity for love and compassion - this is the basic need of the soul and the basis for its development. When such aspiration goes hand in hand with a sense of humility, pride and vanity disappear from there, qualities that spoil everything and are opposite to real humility; there is a very fine line here, which is difficult and even probably impossible to convey in words, but can be felt through experience.

As soon as we are dissatisfied with ourselves or with what we receive, immediately see: there is no humility. This means that there is already a picture hanging in our heads with which we compare ourselves and wince.
When the heart is humble, we do what we can, calmly move forward and give thanks for everything we already have, even for mistakes.

I'm looking for my height. Sometimes I clearly feel that I am touching something beautiful, inexpressible. But sometimes I plunge into complete darkness, and then humility helps me find my way back; I begin to experience deep love for myself, for people, for the world around me, for God. And suffering disappears.

Hello, dear readers!

Today we want to talk to you about one of the main problems of modern society, which is that most people try to “appear” rather than “be”.

Modern culture imposes on us a certain way of life, and when we see it, there is a desire to conform to it. And this is quite natural.

Who doesn’t want to look stunning in designer clothes after visiting a beauty salon, parking their luxury car near an expensive restaurant, and catching the admiring glances of men and the envious glances of women?

Men will have slightly different attributes of success, but the picture does not change significantly. Expensive clothes, luxury cars, gorgeous girls, incredible size apartment with stylish designer interior, etc.

This is the ideal life they show us and, most often, on a subconscious level we try to live up to it. Even when we don’t like some of its elements (for example, silicone appearance), we try to match the ideal image in another (car/apartment/clothing/lifestyle).

And here the key point is “we try to fit in,” that is, we try to appear “beautiful, successful, independent, rich,” etc.

It’s very good when your interests and desires coincide with this image. Then you already move from the “appear” category to the “be” category. That is, you really are who you want to appear to others.

But in most cases, this ideal image is very far from our real “I” with its shortcomings and advantages. Therefore, we are ashamed of this imperfect “I” and hide it away, “tailoring” ourselves to the ideal image and expectations of others.

By the way, this is the reason that now all girls are equally beautiful. Our regular reader Pryanichek said this very well:

I always thought that I loved beautiful people. It seemed to me that they not only had a beautiful face, but also a beautiful soul. After all, a beautiful person cannot be ugly inside. And reading interviews with long-extinct beauties like Audrey Hepburn, I always saw this light pouring from within.

And now I see hundreds of beautiful women, but they are empty inside. These arched eyebrows and the perfect oval face do not inspire me, do not make me envy their beauty. Somehow everything is so staged and emphasized in their beauty, unnatural, not beautiful. Ugly beauty.

The paradox of our time...

Indeed, you look at a girl and you understand that she looks impeccable, but deep down you understand that there is something wrong with her. But the fact is that she tries to “appear” and makes herself look like hundreds of thousands of others (of course, plastic surgery also plays an important role here).

The secret of the beauties of past centuries is that they “were” beautiful, and did not try to “appear” to be so. They emphasized the features of their appearance, and each was beautiful in its own way. They loved and accepted themselves with all their strengths and weaknesses. And, of course, they were confident.

Today, very often, behind an ideal mask, there is an insecure girl who has never been able to love and accept herself.

And this applies not only to appearance.

We choose a prestigious job rather than a favorite one...

We try to show the perfect relationship instead of creating it...

We try to appear to be the perfect parents of perfect children, instead of being loving parents of children with their own characteristics.

And this list goes on and on.

You know, if you don't appear to be who you really are, you can get the wrong job, the wrong friends, God knows what else. Not your life... Michael Cunningham

Fashion changes, lifestyle too, and people constantly “bend under the changing world.”

Has it become fashionable to be kind? Everyone is starting to massively share posts on social networks about help (and 1 in 100 will actually help). No one knows whether you helped or not, but to those around you you “seem” kind.

* We do not want to offend those who really help with these words.

And many such examples can be given.

What to do?

You need to gain courage and strength and just be yourself, without regard to the opinions of others. Do what you like and what you think is necessary.

Your only obligation throughout your life is to be yourself.

Let you have (in the opinion of others) strange relationships, naughty children, incomprehensible home interiors, stupid hobbies and unprestigious vacations. But it will all be YOURS.

And the most important sign by which you can determine whether you live according to the principle of “appearing” or “being” is a feeling of happiness. An unreal life has unreal happiness.

Learn to be who you really are, and learn to let go of who you are not.

Irina Smirnova

Teaches

Irina Vladimirovna, in your opinion, is acting relevant now?

To my great regret, I cannot help but note that recently interest in acting in the school theater has cooled. The world around is becoming more practical. If this does not guarantee admission to a prestigious university, then who needs it?

The need to engage in theatrical art remains. Human nature, more than ever, now needs what a passion for acting gives:

genuine human communication;

the ability to listen, and most importantly, to hear a partner;

the ability to exist “here and now”;

spontaneity, ability to improvise;

subtle, heightened perception, imaginative thinking, rich imagination and fantasy;

the ability to manage your energy;

plastic expressiveness, rich facial expressions, bright speech...

These skills cannot be mastered quickly, in passing. Not everyone today will allow themselves the luxury of spending themselves if they do not receive immediate benefits.

And what does it mean to you to become an artist?

Now there are a large number of different castings for amateur actors. Some people think that becoming an actor is easy; all you have to do is appear in several talk shows as spectators, in a couple of simple television projects - and you are already an actor, almost a TV star. You just need to remember that this has nothing to do with the profession. First of all, you need to get a professional education – in its entirety.

Why is it important for a vocalist to have acting skills?

If you go on stage in front of the audience, they look at you, listen, you are already an actor. First of all, he is an actor. And only then are you a choreographer, or a vocalist, or a mime... You are on stage - and that means you must be able to distribute yourself in its space. You are performing someone’s work, someone who has put their feelings and thoughts into it, “encrypted” them in the artistic image of this work - which means you must “decipher” them, make them understandable first for yourself, and then for others. And for this, in addition to your wonderful voice, you will use all the richness of your facial expressions, your gestures will be expressive, and your entire appearance will complement the artistic image of the work. And this is if you are alone. But there are also duets. And here you can’t do without communication with your partner, built according to all the laws of organic nature. This is the essence of acting.

In most exercises you use historical or literary examples. Is this to improve the level of knowledge or is there some other meaning to this?

I believe that without examples it is impossible to explain something, to convey your idea in our business - in art we deal with figurative thinking, associations, metaphors. We always refer to what was said and done before us. Theater has the closest connection with literature. As for raising the level of knowledge, you can’t do without it. The level, in the sense, often leaves much to be desired.

What is your main achievement in creativity?

Respect for colleagues and students. In any profession, it is important to “be” and not “appear”. For me, the words of Boris Pasternak, “The goal of creativity is dedication, not hype, not success...” remain relevant. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but this is my sincere belief. I don’t want to waste time getting titles and awards. I love to compose my “second reality” on stage and bring it to life. See with your own eyes the world you invented and say that it’s good! What can such pleasure be compared to?

Master class from Irina Smirnova

I really like one exercise that trains almost all elements of action*:

The training participants sit in a circle. The teacher gives one of the participants a ball and invites them to throw it to one of their comrades, and at the same time name any number up to one hundred, for example, “twenty-six.” He must catch it and immediately send it to another player, repeating the number following the one that was named, in our case - “twenty-seven”. Next, he must immediately name the second number - any number, except those that are next to the one named (behind and in front). In this case, the forbidden numbers are “twenty-six” and “twenty-eight.”

This condition is introduced to eliminate automatic thinking and force students in the game to think more energetically and dynamically in the process of communication.

The one who breaks the rule must stand behind his chair and watch the players, and if he discovers a mistake, he changes places with the one who made it. There should not be long pauses in the game. Do not hold the ball in your hands for a long time; the numbers should sound at the same tempo.

If the partner did not catch the ball, then the one who threw it is considered the loser, which means that it is he who stands behind his chair and continues the game, watching the players. Both the ball and the number must reach your partner! In the exercise you need to combine an action - the flight of a ball and an action - a word, a number. In order to influence your interlocutor productively and purposefully, you need to expend maximum effort. A model of a verbal act must mature in the head, a thought must be formulated, and an object to which this thought will be addressed must arise.

Once you get good at this exercise, you can make it more difficult.

For example, invite the players to exchange numbers while telling a children's fairy tale.

This allows you to look complete and make a strong impression on people.

writes one super-duper popular journalist and talks about image.

If so, if anyone is interested. For those who are not interested or lazy, then I have saved up some stuff.

Clothing, hairstyle, manners and the combination of all this make it possible not only to classify a person into a certain stratum, but also to roughly assess his cultural and educational level, his background.

Basic mistakes. Bad taste, which speaks of a person’s low culture, most often manifests itself in excessive decoration and display of wealth. Also, bad taste can be expressed in excessive exposure of body parts, especially in older people. Everything too pretentious, uncomfortable and artificial are often signs of bad taste. For example, curved drawn eyebrows on women or noticeable plastic surgery, very long nails with rhinestones and other “glamorous beauty”.

A sign of good taste is moderation, intelligence, slight conservatism or a creative attitude towards fashion (playing with fashion, not blindly copying everything), choosing towards comfortable things, a normal combination of price and quality of clothing, and naturalness. The main principle is clothes for life, not life for clothes. The same goes for makeup. Too complicated makeup reveals a woman who lacks spontaneity in her image and does not accept herself enough, squeezed into the clutches of a template.

4. Origin

Race and nationality must be harmoniously reflected in the image. Harmony is to see the beauty in your generic characteristics, not to hide them or hide them. When a person tries not to emphasize the beauty of his nationality, but to hide it, he immediately loses in his image. Those watching him feel embarrassed.

I’ll tell you more about this point later. In principle, everything here should be more or less clear. There is no need for Eastern women to dye their hair white, for Asian women to have round eyes, for Africans to lighten their skin. Well, white-skinned people don’t need to sunbathe in a solarium until they are the color of firebrands. Beauty should be seen in what is, and not in what is not. Image = self-love.

5. Originality

This is about creative exploration and the fact that the image should not be boring. Even if you have found the ideal image, you cannot stop searching, otherwise spontaneity will also dry up and charm, like in ideal couples who become bored, default may begin. You always need to develop, there is energy only while moving. Many do not understand this and are eager to achieve results. But any result is intermediate. The goal is movement. Your charm grows when you work on your image, and not when you find an image for yourself, put it on yourself and do other things. At this point, your charm begins to gradually decline.

That is, if you want to have a good image, you will always have to deal with it. And preferably creatively.

The main mistake: in addition to being stuck for years in one single image, you cannot copy a famous character and repeat everything after him. You are not him, and being a bad copy of someone is not that great, even if your model is a very attractive person.

Have you read it?

Do you understand everything?

Now work, work, work...

Above the image.

Because no one cares who you really are.

It is more important not to be, but to appear. I seem to.

What meaning do we attach to the expression “to be, not to seem”? Why do many people abuse the concept of “being yourself”? How not to confuse ignorance and selfishness with harmony with the world around us? When you're tired of lying to yourself and dancing to someone else's tune, you gain the confidence to take the initiative into your own hands. How to allow yourself to breathe deeply, despite obstacles? Valuable tips are offered here.

Be, not seem to be….

To achieve comfort within yourself you need to follow development. This stage is necessary for a person to experience himself as “not at ease” and learn to be calm. The shaking effect allows you to strengthen the fortitude that is often lacking for the balance between formal and informal settings. It is in the plane of “work” and “leisure” that a person strives to fight for his rights, denying all kinds of responsibilities.

Every change is a movement towards broad consciousness. The desire to find yourself creates the thought “be yourself.” To discard everything false from life, it is worth asking the question: “Who am I in this world?” Finding answers for personal growth is the first step to identifying conflicts.

How to be, and not seem, when many are constantly in the comfort zone? It is important to identify problems that are slowing down progress. If you constantly live in the past and look for reasons, then the old type of thinking and behavior is formed. It is difficult for a person of the “old school” to adapt to sudden situations. Such limitations create an obstacle to self-development. I have a habit of playing on the computer, but I’m not in the mood to go to the gym. On the way to work, you spend hours in traffic jams driving when you could ride a bike. A person himself creates patterns where he sees himself in his place.

There are three models of man:

• Nature. For this person, being oneself means paying attention to internal needs and striving to satisfy them.
• Individuality. For him, being, and not seeming, means doing everything possible to realize his goals.
• Perspective. Puts the future first, uses creativity, and is willing to do whatever it takes for future opportunities.

How to find your way

Balance of own and other people's opinions

The ability to listen to the thoughts of other people will allow you to find your weak points that are worth working on. You shouldn't always follow in the footsteps of others - you need to appreciate advice from the outside. Standing your ground but being receptive to outside ideas is a smart life strategy.

Don't be afraid to change

Change is the best friend of progress. The fear of plunging into something new, on the contrary, closes off individuality. A creative person can change her appearance, type of activity, sign up for interesting courses, etc.

Appreciate your individuality

We have one set of appearances that should not be changed. There are so many examples in the world where people with developmental disabilities do not pay attention to ridicule from others and succeed in a particular task. You can feel free only if you come to terms with your real self.

Don't live in a fake world

Imitating idols in behavior style, clothing, trying to please in order to advance in one’s career - all this completely kills independence. This skill is necessary to create your own “author’s” set of characteristics. Hiding the real thing under an artificial mask, we forget about what we really want. You need to follow trends wisely.

Doesn't try to please anyone

It is possible to be, and not to appear, when going towards a goal is not for show and respect in front of someone. Everyone lives for themselves and creates a future based on their principles. You can make concessions and compromise if you want to support a person in healthy competition, and not in blind struggle.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes

How to be yourself if you are constantly afraid to make any unnecessary movement? To stop living in a museum, where there is a fragile vase at every step, you should learn to be light. You should blame yourself with thoughts about failure for a short time, and then think about how this can be prevented in the future. It is worth allowing yourself a slight mistake, but taking full responsibility.

Understand your desires

It's hard to know what you really want without certainty. Finding your own guidelines for realizing your basic needs is a reliable way to explore your potential. Every activity must be done consciously for an important purpose. What we strongly want stimulates internal energy to find a path in life.

Always learn something new

Knowledge expands the guidelines for new opportunities. It is important for a person to periodically ask himself: “What can I do? How far can I go? What do I need for a specific result? Understanding your abilities means taking advantage of valuable resources to acquire new skills. The meaning of life may be hidden in something unknown.

Clearly define your values

One thing is that a situation means different things to different people. If a short-term feeling of freedom is more important than stability in the future, a person is happy here, but does not think about what lies ahead of him next. Satisfaction of needs must be balanced with serving your main goal.

Be able to foresee

The ability to predict allows you to calculate the result several steps ahead. This is especially obvious against the backdrop of lived experience. The likelihood of a mistake being repeated is a pattern that should be skillfully taken advantage of. To prevent future years from passing without a trace, it is worth calculating the chance of success versus failure. Approaching a situation from a different perspective means being flexible in your path while accepting risks.

Don't be afraid to try

How can you achieve anything without testing? Without motivation, it is difficult to start a long journey, so you need to listen to your inner voice. There will always be options to improve your own results. This is the same training, only in the form of experiments.

Don't limit yourself

It’s long, it’s important to be free and not constrained by the opinions of parents, friends, and colleagues. Generally accepted norms should only superficially educate a person, but for the rest he should be guided by his own model of behavior. Rights are written not only in the Constitution, but also in freedom. No one has the right to restrict an activity if it does not contradict common sense and the law.

We are glad that you read the article to the end. We hope you were able to answer the question “how to be, not seem, and how to choose your own path.” Appreciate every day, look for opportunities in it to make the world an even better place. Reach the stars, set personal records today. Did you like the article? Support the project and share it on social media. networks with friends.