Jokes about ecology, ecologists and the ecological system. Eco-humor
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Scenario "Environmental"
"About ecology - jokingly and seriously."
(song to the tune of the "Bremen Town Musicians")
The whole world is in our hands, people rule it.
We want to find out now what will happen to the world tomorrow.
We stopped by for an hour. Hi. Bonjour, hallow.
Everything that we will tell you now has been worrying us for a long time.
Come on, all together. Hang your ears.
It is imperative to listen to us carefully.
Let me introduce myself: the _______________ high school environmental team.
"Ecos" (overturn letters)
Agitation brigade "Ecos" presents a modern superblockbuster based on the fairy tale "Kolobok" - "About ecology - jokingly and seriously."
Fly away like a swarm of bees.
Music X-Files
The screen is pulled apart.
time is approaching lunchtime
No meat, no bread
No porridge with milk
Grandma:
There is only water and flour
Together:
bake - ka kolobok.
But mind you at the same time
That some water from the river
the one in which last summer
crayfish and fry died.
Grandma:
Because next to the river
The chemical plant flourished
And poisoned the water
Making capital.
And there is a terrible secret in flour -
Grandma-
There was a tangle of nitrates in her
Together:
Unsightly and dangerous
It turned out to be a bun.
Gingerbread man:
And pitying grandfather and grandmother
At night I am with hot tears
And rushed off without looking back
Into the dark dark
Scary forest. (Background music)
Swallowing tears on the run
He ran along the path
Under the gnarled birch
He met an oblique.
The hare was a poor mutant
And had twelve legs
He was all shabby, three-horned
Hare:
This century, alas, is cruel.
Gingerbread man:
Eat me up soon buddy
Hare: God! pie with poison!
(Runs away)
A wolf and a gingerbread man run out.
Gingerbread man:
Eat me Volchok soon
Look, I'm a bun
Wolf:
If you eat for diarrhea
I'll die then buddy
I don't have much left anyway
Live in a ruined forest
Don't waste your time
And roll - look for the fox.
After all, as the tale says
The fox must eat you.
I do not envy her
Suffering from people.
Gingerbread man:
Only at the end of the night
I found a fox in the forest
Scared very, very
Seeing her beauty
Very sad girl
In a cucumber-colored fur coat
The fox cried bitterly
Waiting for the end
And peace that is forever.
Fox:
I must eat you, of course
but I can hardly
no teeth and no appetite
trouble with ecology
and almost completely killed
the whole natural environment ...
you roll home sick
come back bun
even though bitter but useful
people will learn a lesson.
loss. Well, you're scary. Everyone runs behind the screen and hides behind it.
All come out: The song "Forgive the Earth"
People of the Earth!
What kind of future do we choose for ourselves?
Disappearance of civilizations
Extermination of plants and animals
We choose
Pure nature
Health of the nation
Peaceful sky
Laughter and joy
And suddenly he sighed, as if alive!
And the continents whisper to me:
"You take care of us, take care!"
In the dismay of the grove and forest,
The dew on the grasses is like a tear.
And the springs quietly ask:
"You take care of us, take care!"
The deep river is sad
"You take care of us, take care!"
The deer stopped its run:
“Be human, human!
We believe in you, don't lie
You take care of us, take care! "
I look at the globe - a globe of the earth,
So beautiful and dear
And the lips whisper: “I won't lie,
I will save you, I will save you! ”
1.We have told you a lot,
What is happening on our earth.
The birds in the park have become scared,
Squirrels are hiding from people.
But we want to remind you once again
That we have one path for all:
"We are humans"! This means -
Let's save the planet Earth!
2.And let the birds sing everywhere,
Spring streams murmur
Let there be a lot of berries in the forests.
And there will be schools of fish in the rivers.
Let the planet we live on do not know grief.
We are humans. This means -
Let's save planet Earth.
We are people. This means -
Let's save planet Earth.
(song "Blue Bird")
EVERYTHING WHAT I HAVE
Music: V. Dobrynin
The world is not simple
not easy at all
You can't hide in it
from storms and thunderstorms
You can't hide in it
from winter blizzards
And from parting
from bitter partings
But besides troubles
uninvited troubles
There are stars in the world
and sunshine
There is a noise of foliage
and the warmth of the fire
people have
Forgive earth
Look, here again, black smoke is floating in the sky over the taiga
Day and night, under the roar of cars, we destroy our earth,
As if we are on a foreign planet,
The rock was reared by the explosion, and the water suddenly left the stream.
Mother Earth, for an hour, an hour, shaking us in her arms,
How could you know where your trouble is
Sorry Earth! We're still growing.
Forgive your children for everything, for everything.
Trust Earth, people will find ways
Save you, save yourself.
Look for at least two thousand years, fly to the farthest star,
And in the unthinkable distance, we are of another such Earth
We will never find it anywhere.
The earth is now in the grass, now in the snow The earth, where half the sky is dawn,
Every day and every hour We are in debt to you,
Forgive foolish children, Earth
Chorus 3X
I am talking about the fact that the whole earth is our common home.
I'm also talking about the fact that they want to set fire to this house,
They want trouble to come to us, so that life disappears forever.
The earth does not sleep and every day
Looks into the eyes of his children
It looks you and me in the eye,
And you and I cannot be silent.
I'm talking about the fact that this house is dear to all of us,
Our kind home, a spacious home, we all live in it from birth.
I'm also talking about the fact that we must save our house,
Let's prove that the earth relies on us for a reason.
FOR TEACHERS OF BIOLOGYTeacher! To live without nerves
Looking at childish pranks
You may not be with longing,
But with humor you have to be.
(E. Zapyatkin)
Every teacher biology your skeleton in the closet.
The dream of a biology teacher has come true: he has grown a forest of hands in his garden.
The biology teacher was detained for distributing the herbarium.
A notebook is a complex multicellular organism ...
For their beloved biology teacher, the children prepared a large butterfly in their own net.
At the school. Pavlova, after the call, children salivate.
In disputes, not only truth is born, but also mushrooms.
The tsetse fly has twice the amount of vitamin C than a regular fly.
The biology teacher was strangled by a toad.
The biology teacher keeps his students tight-lipped.
Take care of the trees: our ancestors lived on them!
The pet store urgently needs a female seller.
Biology teacher in the lesson:
Petrov! You have only one positive quality - the Rh factor.
In biology class:
Ivanov! You got your cerebral cortex from an oak tree!
The smaller a person has a brain, the more stupid thoughts are placed in it.
In biology class:
The rhinoceros sees very poorly.
Well, given his weight, this is no longer his problem.
Answer in biology lesson.
- To find out if the mushroom is edible or not, in Forest you need to walk together!
The biology lesson is over. The student shouts after the departing teacher:
Ivan Ivanovich! You forgot your skeleton!
An entry in Daria Dontsova's school diary: "I have prepared a report on biology. I have been reading it for the third week already. I hope the killer is not a zebra."
Vegetarians don't eat animals, they eat them.
Sign. If the swallows fly very low, they are mice.
According to the rat, man is a cruel, stupid and stubborn creature.
Know that every time you poke a cell phone key, you crush at least 1000 germs to death. Be merciful - remove your fingers from the buttons!
COSINUS is a harvest campaign.
FREEZE THE WORM - spray the garden with insecticides.
An agreeable animal - a donkey (camel) with luggage.
The fishing teacher caught a small catfish, admired it, and, throwing it back into the river, said:
- Go home and come with your parents tomorrow!
Mary Ivanna! This is the armpit. Where is the pod?
Two schoolchildren are talking:
- We just wrote an anatomy test. Sanka got a deuce.
- For what?
- For the cheat sheet. The teacher caught him when he was counting his ribs.
If there are nails on the legs, then there should be hands on the hands, and animals generally have bast shoes.
Biologists our school advises students to fight only in the plantain thickets.
In zoo:
- On the right you see a male gorilla, on the upper left - a female gorilla.
- Clear. Where is the gorilla itself?
At the zoo, a biology teacher for children:
Guys! Don't touch the lion! He may have fleas.
An advanced chameleon was discovered in the jungle - 40 thousand colors and polyphony.
The penguin is just a swallow who has eaten too much.
The mouse is an animal whose path is littered with fainted women.
Labor made a man out of a monkey, and a transport out of a horse. That's how lucky you are.
If you observe a monkey, the suspicion arises that it knows how to become a human, but does not want to do it ...
The tiger is actually a barcode!
Microbes slowly crawled over Lefty's body, dragging the horseshoes with difficulty.
The Red Book is a list of animals in short supply.
V Moscow zoo leopard Senya went crazy trying to eat a gazelle. The driver managed to jump out.
Announcement.
Come to us for the most extreme show in the world - "Open Day". City zoo.
A duck is a bird that walks as if it has been riding a horse all day.
Kangaroo dad:
Darling, shouldn't we have another child?
Kangaroo mom:
You forget that we simply cannot afford to have more than two children!
Daddy-beaver went hunting and caught a stool in the river. All a family gathered in the evening for a gala dinner. They are sitting at the table, napkins are tied, a stool is on the table. And the smallest beaver says: “Daddy! Can I have a leg? "
Have you heard the blackbirds sing? How do dogs bark? Are the cats shouting? Lovely apartment on the ground floor near the bird market just for you!
Do you know why little dogs are so angry? Because they are concentrated.
Geneticists came to the conclusion that a person's conscience was in the tail.
I'm allergic to biology. I have deuces from her throughout my diary.
Zoology lesson.
Little Johnny, what are the names of creatures that can live in water and on land?
Sailors!
Ecology news. Activists of the "green" party took the director of the chemical plant by the gills.
School news. When in biology class the teacher talked about pistils and stamens, everyone listened with interest, and only Lena, a poor student, was bored.
As a child, Dima did not like birds very much, so he painted the holes in the birdhouse with black paint.
The hamster Volodya was born, lived all his life and died in the biology office! This is what a lifelong lesson means.
Why, even if you do not understand plants at all, but you cut into mathematician e, physics, informatics then you are a nerd anyway?
A person is 70% water, and a cucumber is 90%. With simple mathematical calculations, you can calculate that a person is 50% a cucumber.
I change a lap dog for a two-room one.
I will give the cactus in good hands, accustomed to the pot.
The elephant consists of a trunk, tusks, ears, and a hippopotamus.
Children are the flowers of life, so they need dirt and dirt to grow normally.
Clean children are good, healthy children are better!
Why does a hippo have round feet?
- This is to prevent the poacher from determining which direction they were jumping.
Scientists have discovered a new species of fish - the bastard fish. Not caught, and that's it ...
Opening at the laboratory software biology.
Meat was found inside the whitewash. Hence the conclusion: belyash is a predator.
And I birch recently planted. Now I feed her for firewood.
The new Russian is going to rest in Cyprus.
First, his secretary came there and walks with the owner of a 5-star hotel along the beach.
What is this?
Like what? Pebbles.
Pebbles are wrong, the chef doesn't like it. Remove the pebbles, sprinkle everything with white sand.
But it's very expensive!
The next day everything is covered with sand.
What is this?
It's the sea!
Which sea? A dirty puddle! In general, clean the sea, remove the stones, the wave should roll over every 30 seconds by 55 centimeters.
But you know, this is underwater engineering work, very expensive!
We pay! (took out a wad of cash, paid off)
In two days everything is as it should be.
What is this?
These are seagulls.
No seagulls. Remove everyone! Leave two, let them walk along the beach and never take off.
But this is such a damage to the environment, and even the training of seagulls.
We pay! (took out a wad of cash, paid off)
Finally the chief arrived. He walked along the clean white sand to the sea, looked at two seagulls, which were ceremoniously strolling along the edge of the beach, sat down on a sun lounger, breathed in the fresh sea air with a deep chest and said:
God! Well, can you buy such beauty for money ?!
Far, distant future. There are cities of steel and concrete, cleanliness, trees, lawns. Utopia. Gravity cars fly silently, children play and have fun. And only Greenpeace residents drive old roaring and smoking tractors with the slogans: "We keep this world the way our ancestors left it to us."
A boy was found in Africa who was raised by a herd of wild pigs. According to ecologists, he is almost no different from them. Even to taste.
Almost the entire periodic table was found by ecologists in the Moscow River below school No. 63. The table was restored, dried and returned to the school.
Siberian ecologists have sounded the alarm. Death.
Finally, Ukrainian environmentalists sounded the alarm, watching how hundreds of rare birds drown in the middle of the Dnieper
Colorado was hit by an unprecedented hurricane yesterday. Houses were destroyed, crops were destroyed. According to local ecologists, not a single beetle was injured.
According to environmentalists, in the near future water in the Moscow River will cost $ 100 per barrel.
The sanitary service of Kharkov has achieved great success. If even half a year ago there was terrible unsanitary conditions in the city, now the unsanitary conditions are only pleasing to the eye!
Armenian radio is asked:
What do vegetarian cannibals eat?
We do not know for sure, but we think that the Greenpeace employees ...
The whale swims around the female and says reproachfully:
How many countries, hundreds of environmental organizations, outstanding political leaders, millions of people - all of them are fighting for our species to survive, and you tell me - my head hurts ...
The GRINPIS detachment came out against the logging workers, using the Druzhba saw to cut down hundreds of hectares of taiga forest. As a result of a short conflict, Druzhba won.
One pike asks the other:
What kind of gobies do you like - in oil or in tomato?
In oil.
Then let's sail to the motor depot !!!
Three crocodiles are talking:
Remember, before the nuclear explosion, it seems, we were green? ..
Yes, and it seems they knew how to swim ...
Finish the bazaar, let's go for nectar.
The patient comes to the doctor.
Doctor, you know, everyone tells me that I am down, although I didn’t seem to have been before.
Do not worry, now the ecology is violated, the environment is bad.
Okay, doctor, I'll come by on Tuesday.
A man complains to a neighbor:
This pollution of the environment is just some kind of horror! Yesterday, can you imagine, I open a can of sardines - and it’s full of oil, and all the fish is dead!
Battle of news!
1. At the drawing lesson, the teacher invited the children to draw a drawing on the theme of an ecological disaster.
(a slide with a strange animal appears)
One girl drew and signed a picture like this_
The queen gave birth to the night
Either son or daughter;
Not a mouse, not a frog,
But to an unknown animal. "
2. In the zoo, a rabbit was thrown into a lion's cage to be eaten. What happened, no one understood, but the lion had never experienced such a shame.
3. When Petya had a classmate's pigtail in his hands, he realized that the ecology in the city was bad
4. At a literature lesson, the teacher invited the children to remake the fairy tale in an ecological way. Here's what came of it, I will read a small excerpt:
Fairy tale kolobok (print in another document)
5. Everyone avoided people from the village that stood next to the chemical plant, there were rumors that they had a leopard print, after the visit of doctors, the mystic dispelled it turned out that it was an allergy.
6. People who come to us from the city say:
What a good ecology you have in your village!
And I answer them:
This is ecology in your city, and here we have nature!
Preview:
Captains competition!
Shura comes out to the same music!
Shurik:
When I created a time machine, I was interested to see what happens in the future, what fairy tales are told to children, personally it shocked me (wiping glasses) I better not tell you, but I will show you everything, and so in 3000 a brother tells a fairy tale to his sister.
(video jerk turns on)
At 1 minute 02 seconds, the video is set to stop.
Shurik says: now imagine what kind of ecological situation surrounds the poor little red riding hood if she sees such a grandmother (he unfolds a poster with a drawn wolf grandmother) and does not immediately understand that there is a wolf in front of her, she is not embarrassed by the woolen cover, not the shape of her face, okay at least asked with eyes, hands and ears, everything shows on the poster, the drawing should be funny. Let's see further.
We stop for 1 min 22 sec. Shurik: Well, how can you not worry when you see such a grandmother in front of you, Here at least you need to connect greenpeace and seek to close the chemical plant next to the grandmother's house. We are watching the video. Shurik: And the girl is still right, so wolves in 3000 run through the forest without teeth and swallow food like boas, in general, a boa-wolf.
I’ll tell you what, we are very lucky, and we still have a chance to change the future of humanity, so that children in the future would know that a gray wolf has snapped teeth, and not a toothless wolf with the habits of a python, and that there is a kind, sweet grandmother, and not a victim of an ecological disaster) )) Thank you all for your attention !!!
Preview:
Preview:
Business card (greeting)
Only today and only on this stage will you see the heroes who will save this world from an ecological catastrophe. Meet the team "Operation Y, or other adventures of Shurik" in Maslyanino !!!
Music plays (final exam)
It turns out that the shura is reading the book after him, like a girl walking in a film and reading the same. He comes up and buys a bun without looking. (Holds a book with one hand, she turns the pages). He takes a bun and holds it in his hand, a passer-by bites off a bun (he understandably does not notice) pulls a bun into his mouth (and she is bitten off) he tears himself away from the book
A passer-by says to him: the song is a lullaby operation (Shurik, after the words shrugged his shoulders, went to read alshe) go behind the screen.
When the words bai bai come in music, the screen moves apart, he sits on a chair and books (or a book on his face to sleep, you can play it anyway, for example, smiling in a dream, or vice versa, the movement of the arms of the legs in a dream.)
The Postman from the heavenly office enters the stage (I think that he should be with wings, or boots with wings, interestingly dressed and trying to wake up Shura to the music (funny about playing)). Finally he wakes up (the music stops), he straightens, wipes his glasses.
Postman: In a loud, clear, not too much frightening voice, he says: Are you a citizen, Shurik?
Shurik: looking around fearfully: No!
Postman: Strange, we don't have mistakes, but who are you then?
Shurik: Song chocolate bunny. () Jumps and shows ears on his head
Postman: Looks grinning, then says seriously: Enough, I have a lot to do, take a telegram
Shurik: from where?
Postman: From there (points a finger to the sky) Shura looks after him.
Postman: opens the letter, reads: Dear, citizen Shurik, you have the great honor of being chosen to save humanity from the growing ecological catastrophe. The code name is "Operation y". Best regards, heavenly office.
Shurik: But I can't handle it alone
Postman: In this case, you have already prepared a team
Shows himself and speaks (Komsomol athlete and just a beauty)
Shurik and that's all?
Postman: well, three more heroes (the screen moves apart) are three holding hands like in a Caucasian captive (vicin in the middle).
Shurik: Wow team, they need to protect themselves from themselves.
Postman: There is no need to retreat somewhere.
They stand in a row and sing a song:
In the dark blue forest
Where the aspens tremble
Where from the oak-sorcerers
The foliage flies
Grass in the clearing
Hares carried trash
And while humming
Strange words:
Chorus:
We care
We care
Ecology
We will save.
So that not this time -
The eerie hour has come
We must always
Protect the Earth!
Preview:
Homework
Shurik goes out to the same music to sit on a chair in his hands, he has a TV remote control (a TV is drawn on the screen) turns it on.
Once upon a time, when there were no jet planes and helicopters, diving suits and submarines, there were no TVs and even electric pots and kettles, people dreamed that a person could rise into the air and sink to the bottom of the sea, so that water would come home by itself. , and cooked porridge without fire. (Watch soon in the cinema, a real bestseller "Russian folk tales"
Shurik: switches the channel, can scratch his head, can yawn (channel switching is sound)
On air news (music of the news of the first channel)
According to a poll conducted by the correspondent of our program, help to students when preparing homework is provided by: grandmothers 51%, grandfathers 29%, mothers 18%, neighbors 1%, dads 1%. Our correspondent visited the Vasechkin family in the evening.
Dad and son
Dad, what are the ozone holes?
Who knows.
Dad, and what harm are chemical. plant?
Who knows.
And why is it written on the products without GMOs?
Who knows?!
Dad, maybe you're tired of answering?
No, no, son, ask! Who else, besides your father, will explain everything to you? (Shura grins at this)
Shurik switches channel
You can imagine how the grandfather and grandmother lived in their youth from the tale of the fisherman and the goldfish
There is a girl who pretends to wash a frying pan and says: Dear, what do we have for breakfast today
He: fish
The girl has a slightly more serious intonation, and for lunch:
He: fish
Girl (already annoyed) and for dinner ?:
He: fish (affirmative)
Girl yells: Why ????
He: yes, because (music is playing I'm a sailor, you're a sailor, a fish ... ..)
Shurik laughs, switches the channel:
And we have a fairy tale in a new way The Sleeping Beauty wakes up in 3040:
She: Oh, how everyone has apologized in this world. (Coughs, sneezes) What happened here? appeals to the prince
He: Oh, my love, you all slept a man over himself played a cruel joke because of the ecological disaster, this world has changed a lot, even people have changed
She: what happened to them
He: They mutated
She: how?
Music plays (Mutant Ninja Turtles) (here they can not dance a lot, depicting how to fight with the garbage of the world, try to play) they appear, she faints.
They run away, the prince brings her to her senses
She: And that the whole world is now inhabited by such creatures
He: there are only a small number of people left, we call them that
He: X-Men (the man leaves the legs bent in the form of an X, knees bent together goes)
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