Many friends are great masters of sarcasm. But a sparkling sense of humor is not always accompanied by the appropriate level of tact and sensitivity to understand when your jokes hurt. On the other hand, the “victim” side of such jokes also needs a sufficient level of sensitivity to recognize for what purpose a friend is showing sarcasm. Someone may be sarcastic out of boredom, or if the “friend” doesn't really like you. There are times when sarcasm is used to repulse, and sometimes sarcasm is used to get attention, such as when a friend is about to tell you a personal joke that only concerns the two of you.

Be that as it may, even if you yourself like to sting from time to time, constant communication with a prickly friend can be difficult. Of course, sharp witticisms are funny when it comes to other people. If a friend is being sarcastic towards you, you may be so offended that you may even start thinking about ending the relationship. Understanding the reasons a person is being sarcastic can help in identifying the right ways to deal with relevant relationship problems.

So let's take a look at some of the main reasons why your friend is yelling at you.

1. A friend is bored with a conversation and becomes caustic to interrupt you.

Everything would be very simple if friends could just say to each other “You repeat yourself”, “Stop interrupting me” and “I can't put in a word”. But sometimes a friend who is tired of the conversation begins to behave maliciously.

At first, you may not understand why, but in such a situation, friends turn to a sarcastic tone in conversation. Thus, in a similar situation, you will walk in circles, continuing the dialogue in the same manner, continuing to evoke a stinging attitude towards you in the other.

If you understand that your friend is sneering, try saying, “I don’t understand what sarcasm could be. Okay, let's talk about something else ... ”And you yourself start the conversation over again. From the reaction of your interlocutor, it will be clear whether this is the reason or not. If he really wanted to talk about something else, he will support you in changing the subject.

2. You have offended a friend in some way, and he switches to sarcasm to appear stronger

Sarcasm is sometimes used as a means of defense. If someone is very hurt and does not want to admit it because of the fear of appearing weak or too emotional, he may use sarcastic statements in speech in order to maintain his image in the eyes of the interlocutor. People try to appear strong in situations in which they are not strong.

In this case, try to look behind the sarcastic shell and hear what they are actually trying to convey to you. It is not difficult to discern the true image of a person covering offensive words with sarcasm. You can try to say, “You are sneering right now, but I realized that I hurt you. I'm sorry that this happened. "

3. You are his friend, so it is possible with you

The people most likely to be sarcastic are your friends and acquaintances. When people try to get to know each other better, they usually engage in direct dialogue so as not to be misunderstood. Sarcasm, in turn, usually takes place between people who are close enough to understand each other's jokes (even if they are not jokes), and with acquaintances who are not to their liking.

If someone you know allows yourself to be sarcastic, be careful about the details of your acquaintance. Some people seem friendly but indifferent, and this provokes us to try to appear as strong as possible in order to earn their friendship. First, ask a question like, “You're being overly sarcastic. Are there any problems? " A question like this can give a person an awareness of his behavior and the need to return to politeness, even if he does not want to be a friend.

4. Your friend is just kidding ... sort of

Sarcasm may be funny, but the sarcasm that follows tends to go beyond jokes.

Have you ever reprimanded a friend about his sarcasm and received a response, “You're too receptive! I'm just kidding! " Snide people like to pass off their attacks as a joke and do not like to deal with retaliatory challenges, preferring to use your low self-esteem to shrug off responsibility for their words. It may be obvious to you that your friend is being sarcastic, but it’s important for such people to be hurt so that you don’t even realize it. When you ask for an explanation, they are trying to turn the situation against you, and they succeed - they have already managed to throw off responsibility for their behavior. And you don't understand jokes ...

If a friend is just joking, you should not be offended, but you should definitely not be silent .. You can say, “Although you are joking, you should know that you are hurting me at the same time. I don’t like it ”. If after such words your interlocutor tries to re-pass everything as a joke, do not just get away with it. Thus, you will make it clear that it is okay to treat you this way, and that the sacrificial position suits you.

5. A friend has trash in his head and an inability to put himself in someone else's place

Some find it very difficult to build relationships due to the circumstances of the growing up process. Perhaps they lacked love and attention in childhood, which imposed a constant feeling of resentment on relationships with people. Feelings of sincere friendship and care can seem alien to such people, because of which even a kind attitude can be perceived inadequately.

These people are difficult to deal with, but the more you overcome their stinging attacks, the better you discover that the Golden Rule is a sign of strength, not weakness. Thus, the best option is not to allow negative attacks to knock you out of orbit, but at the same time, not ignore, but draw the attention of the interlocutor to the problems. Who knows, maybe you can only help him deal with his own cockroaches if you can stand up for yourself. Everyone will be in the black.

Jokes are good as long as they remain kind, harmless.... But when the playfulness turns into sarcasm, it can be very annoying, especially if the sarcasm is directed at your work.

What is sarcasm? What is its definition? An example can be given: you are trying to repair something, and your friend stands, looks at how something is not working out for you, and gives his sarcastic comments, instead of really suggesting something sensible. And in the relationship between a man and a woman, sarcasm, into which harmless irony can imperceptibly turn into, can also unbalance a loved one. How to respond to sarcasm?

Don't show that you were hurt.

A sense of humor is a loose concept, each person has his own vision of what is funny and what is not. If a person offended you with some of his own words, do not show that he hurt you for a living... If he deliberately does this, then he expects a violent reaction from you... Remember that the more vividly you show your displeasure, the more the ill-wisher allows himself.

Ignore

Want to respond to sarcasm in such a way that the person who is trying to provoke you stops doing it? Then it is better to remain silent, ignore both the person himself and his hurtful words.

You are pathetic

You can also show that you feel sorry for the other person. It's not even a pity show your condescension and contempt at the same time... Make a slight sarcastic grin, raise one eyebrow and say, “It's disgusting to look. Is that all you can tell me? "," Maybe it's enough to shake the air already? " or something like that. You must make it clear to the person that you absolutely do not care what he says, because he is a miserable sight..

Pay with the same coin

You have been insulted? So answer the offender repay him in kind, unleashing an avalanche of rudeness on him. Only do it with a stone-calm expression on your face... This may shock him, then the person will try to say something in his own defense and hastily retreat. Individuals who, with their sarcasm, want to offend someone, choose as victims such people who can be easily unbalanced, and with serious resistance, they immediately give up, although they try not to show it.

Sympathize

If it happens in public, sympathize with the person... But first you need to examine the ill-wisher and try to understand why he decided to practice wit on you... Maybe he envies some of your talent? Then focus on this, carefully making fun of the person in front of others. You can even offer to help, with obvious irony in your voice.

And if you do not know how to respond to the sarcasm of a loved one, also try to understand why he was so turned on. But only then no irony is needed, seriously talk to your beloved (beloved) in order to solve the problem amicably.

Personally, I love sarcasm. When this technique falls into the right hands (in the right languages, in the right heads), it becomes a unique instrument of exposure, incrimination, scourging, and healing. He helped the merry Rabelais to strike at dogmatic theology and scholasticism, Voltaire - to rise above the institution of the church, Swift - to reveal the ins and outs of England, and indeed of human nature. And this is not to mention what a deadly weapon sarcasm turned into under the pen of the great M.E.Saltykov-Shchedrin, whose imagination soared before the introduction of such a characteristic character as Organchik on the stage of the political life of Russia ... There are less eminent sarcastic personalities, there are also wordsmakers who are completely unknown to anyone, who know how to sarcastically on any occasion and in any situation. Yes, you probably know a couple of them. Or maybe you even see one of them in the mirror every day. Usually phrases like "Are you the smartest?"

But the irony is that this intuitive link between sarcasm and intelligence has only just come to the attention of scientists. And the first conclusions that a group of researchers from Harvard and Columbia Universities came to after a series of experiments: there is a connection between the tendency to sarcasm and creativity. That's it, friends. As Professor Gino of Harvard Business School noted:

To create or decode a sarcastic utterance, both the one who expresses the sarcasm and the one who perceives it must overcome the contradiction (i.e., the psychological distance) between the literal and factual meaning of the sarcastic expression ( Think about it: audible speech is processed by the left hemisphere of the brain, which interprets the literal meaning of words; then the frontal lobes and the right hemisphere check the content for controversy, emotional and social meanings; Finally, the prefrontal cortex allows us to understand whether what we have heard is sarcasm - work is, to put it mildly, not easy. - ed.). This process cannot be complete without the inclusion of abstract thinking, which in turn fosters creative thinking.

While practitioners of sarcasm were intuitively convinced that such "mental gymnastics" developed cognitive processes, in fact, it was still not clear in which direction this connection was flowing, nor was it clear that sarcasm also provokes the creativity of those who who perceives sarcasm does not only produce it.

We have not only traced the causal relationships of the effect of sarcasm on creativity and studied the relative psychological costs of participants in such communication, we also demonstrated for the first time what cognitive benefits can be received by recipients of sarcastic speech acts. In addition, in our study, for the first time, it was possible to prove that in order to minimize psychological costs while maintaining creative potential, it is better to use sarcasm between people who have a trusting relationship, says the already mentioned Francesca Gino.

In a series of studies, participants were assigned to groups that were exposed to different communication situations: sarcastic, sincere, or neutral. In simulated conversations, subjects either expressed something sarcastic, received sarcastic or serious responses, or participated in a neutral exchange. Adam Galinsky, a professor at Columbia University, commented on this as follows:

Those who found themselves in situations of sarcastic communication subsequently performed better at creative tasks than those who communicated in a sincere or neutral environment. This confirms that sarcasm has the potential to catalyze everyone's creativity.<…>... And although this was not the focus of our research, it is likely that creative people are more likely to use sarcasm, since it is not a consequence, but the basis of creativity.

Of course, using sarcasm at work or in communication is a rather risky business. This communication style often leads to misunderstandings and confusion (in the mildest cases). But the researchers believe that if you use sarcasm in communication with people you trust, the likelihood of resentment is significantly reduced, while leaving the likelihood of joint creative growth.

While most previous research seems to have shown that sarcasm damages communication because it is associated with contempt rather than sincerity, we have found that, unlike sarcasm between parties who do not trust each other, sarcasm between private individuals in a relationship of trust does not have such negative consequences.

However, it should be borne in mind that the use of sarcasm in speech requires a certain level of intelligence from the sender and the “receiver”. The person making the sarcastic statement is non-literal and able to read social cues that help him understand whether the person to whom the sarcastic message is addressed is capable of "receiving it." The recipient must be able to read the meaning of what is said - read the tone, read facial expressions, be aware that what is said means the opposite and react accordingly. These are high intellectual abilities that require subtle social and intellectual skills. This is why sarcasm in text or e-mail is so often misunderstood, and sarcasm coming from outsiders leads to conflicts: sometimes there are not enough additional signals to understand what is meant by a particular phrase.

Of course, there is still a lot to be learned in order to understand how the content of specific types of sarcasm, such as sarcastic criticism, sarcastic compliments or sarcastic teasing, affect people's relationships and the cognitive abilities of communication participants, but we can say with certainty that there can be as many creation as well as destruction. So do not deny yourself anything.

The full text of the study can be found on the ScienceDirect website (this article is paid, but we all remember about Sci-hub, which makes knowledge available?). Read, sarcasm, develop.

Sources: Go ahead, be sarcastic, Harvard Gazette.

Cover: Jan Steen, The crowned Speakers.

The reality in Russia is that one cannot react to some phenomena other than with humor. Therefore, the question of how to learn sarcasm is by no means an idle one. Therefore, let us consider how to master this simple weapon against adversity. After all, if you joke (albeit bitterly and gloomily) - and it’s not so sickening to live.

How do you learn sarcasm?

1. Reading is a necessary foundation for any ironic. Only outwardly jesters and humorists are shallow people. In fact, humor is this intellectual quality of a person. It is the mind that reveals to a person the funny side of reality, however, while the heart must close in order not to let in the horrors of life and the world. To build intellectual muscles, you need to read a lot and generally be a passionate person.

2. Watch the performances of comedians. If a person really wants to be funny, then he should watch the speeches of his colleagues. Let the neophyte absorb what the masters do, perhaps it will help him.

3. Write down jokes and witticisms. Yes, it can't be helped. Good humor presupposes everyday work. MM. Zoshchenko said that when he became a professional writer, he had to record everything: jokes, jokes, plots. The basic rule of thumb here is that the best spontaneous joke is the one that is well prepared.

4. Harmony of time, place and facial expressions. The latter must be impenetrably serious for maximum effect. Let's consider the other two parameters. A born humorist, he subtly senses the mood of the audience and the atmosphere. The joke should be in place and at the right time. Thus, if it is possible to combine all three parameters, the satirist is guaranteed success.

5. You can't repeat yourself. There are people of the same joke. Of course, it’s better not to become like that. In general, what can you say about a person who in his entire life has been honored with only one sensible wit? That's right, nothing good. Therefore, you need to keep records and think out jokes if there is a suitable occasion and audience.

6. Humor should be decent and not hurt other people's feelings. This means that you cannot make fun of others' appearance, political or religious affiliations.

You can get acquainted with a person's worldview only with the help of a long one, accompanied by sincere motives and a positive emotional background. However, we often fail to see the true appearance of the interlocutor, losing a potentially reliable friend or partner. The main reasons are a person's lack of eloquence and skills to consistently express their own thoughts, maintain conversations on unfamiliar topics and defuse the situation with a joke. Personal talents need to be able to correctly present, having learned in advance.

The most rare sign of wit is sarcasm - the art of building a dialogue in a stressful situation or a caustic but well-reasoned remark towards an opponent. Only a few possess such a gift, therefore it is highly valued in society, becoming a personal characteristic of a strong-willed, educated and strong-minded person. This skill can be developed by regularly practicing with friends. If you are interested in acquiring or improving your talent, then ask the pressing questions, the answers to which will help achieve the coveted result: What is sarcasm? And how can you learn it?

Features of the construction and use of sarcastic expressions

When deciding on the terminology, it is important to remember that sarcasm is an effective verbal "weapon" related to methods on the counter. The main goal of witty expressions is to hurt the opponent's personal experiences, to disrupt and invade the hidden world of children's complexes. People who know how to skillfully appeal in conversation with arguments and exude caustic phrases try to stir up in dialogue with an unpleasant person, bursting into the depths of consciousness. In everyday life, such a talent becomes indispensable in the following situations:

A conflict that has erupted in a love relationship can be redirected in a positive direction by saying a witty expression in time. A quarrel-minded partner will appreciate your attitude and the hidden implications of a sarcastic phrase.
With the help of an appropriate joke that does not leave the opponent a chance to debate, you can answer an unpleasant question. Talented people, endowed with eloquence, have prepared answers in their everyday vocabulary that help to confuse the vis-a-vis. The main thing is to exude confidence in the process of pronouncing the phrase, so as not to provoke doubts in the mind of the interlocutor about the correctness of your behavior.
Sarcasm becomes a powerful argument in controversial situations, putting the opponent in an uncomfortable and awkward position. If you feel that your counterpart in a lively dialogue is pulling ahead due to arguments, then you can knock down his ardor with a "chopping" phrase. It is important to set the right goal - not to ridicule the children's complexes of the interlocutor, but a subtle reminder of his personal fears.
In everyday life, appropriate sarcastic expressions are respected by those around them, who are given the opportunity to appreciate your intellectual abilities and gift of speech. However, do not flirt in attempts to "hurt" a large number of people - you run the risk of setting up a whole army of "humiliated" and "offended" counterparts who can sink to revenge.

If you regularly try to fend off the attacks of your opponent that are invariably present in a conversation with, then learn how to correctly express your own thoughts. With the skills of sarcasm, it is important to first project the phrase on a subconscious level, thinking about the consequences. After analyzing the expected reaction of the counterpart, it is necessary to draw appropriate conclusions - in some situations it is preferable to remain silent, without heating up the situation. A rational approach allows you to prevent the emergence of conflict situations, often ending in uncontrolled aggression of the opponent.

The art of humor: learning sarcastic expressions

If you are determined to develop your sarcasm skills, then it is recommended to adhere to the following recommendations as training:

Practice regularly with friends and loved ones, warning them in advance of the scale of your intentions to prevent resentment and misunderstandings from arising.
Choose a successful comedian on the domestic or foreign stage, in whose performances there are many sarcastic expressions. Such a stand-up is a free lesson in building a dialogue with the public, helping to learn how to determine the psychological state of an opponent.
Don't get hung up on making up a joke when you are in a relaxed state. If you consciously project in your mind various scenarios of the development of events, frantically sorting out humorous statements, then you will not be able to achieve the desired effect. The uniqueness of sarcasm lies in wit, which is characterized by suddenness and rapid orientation of thought processes.

Be careful in choosing the interlocutor on whom you plan to make fun of sarcastically. Preliminarily assess the mental state and balance of the opponent in order to prevent the emergence of misunderstandings between the parties.
The ability to perceive the jokes of other participants in the conversation becomes an integral part of a sarcastic person. Do not try to engage in moralizing, explaining to those present the meaning of your own joke and questioning the “taunts” of your opponent. Evaluate humor appropriately - if it's funny to you, then enjoy the moment.
Learn to self-criticize - an effective way to dilute intense dialogue with a relevant and witty phrase. Such "taunts" are accompanied by respect from others, because only strong-willed and self-confident people can joke about their own shortcomings.
Develop associative thinking, because in order to master sarcasm you will invariably need "unbroken" comparisons that are interesting to the audience present. Surprising society with a hackneyed joke in which 2 words have been changed will not work, therefore witty comedians are highly valued in society.
If you are successful at coming up with sarcastic statements, then practice with skeptical people who are versed in humor. An independent assessment and a genuine reaction from opponents will help you draw meaningful conclusions by adjusting your own behavior.
You will have to learn to joke wittily and intelligently. Reading will help in a short period of time to form on a subconscious level an appropriate witty statement that will amaze others. Knowledge of hyperbole, lithotes, metaphors and other literary terms will simplify the process of constructing "barbs".
Think over the image in advance, because witty jokes, said in a convincing timbre and with a suitable intonation, "come in" more often. Self-sufficiency is a personal characteristic of a humorist who does not hide his shortcomings and who knows how to competently present the mistakes of his counterpart to society.

Sarcasm is a “dangerous” talent that only a few can master. Inability to intuitively feel the fine line between “black” humor and provoking a conflict situation. Rationally evaluate your own strengths, so that in an attempt to "show off" your wit you do not lose a loved one or find a sworn enemy in an offended stranger.

Remember that the main purpose of sarcasm is the laughter of others, caused by a jab of a phrase or an appropriate remark. There is no need to look for an excuse to use the acquired skills in conflict situations that violate the opponent - this is an extreme measure, which is recommended only for self-defense purposes. Do not overuse sarcastic expressions - the value of statements lies in their uniqueness, because wit is appropriate only under a certain set of circumstances.