How to mourn for a dead person. Funeral home "grail"

Good afternoon, Maxim!
In the conventional sense, mourning involves wearing dark clothes and a ban on entertainment for a certain period of time: from several months to a year - for the closest relatives. During this time, widowers generally do not remarry.
The deepest mourning, which lasts one year, is observed by a widow. She wears mostly black clothes, does not wear any jewelry or jewelry. During this period, she does not visit places of entertainment and has no right to marry. By refusing to wear clothes and getting married soon, the widow shows respect for the feelings of the parents and relatives of her late husband.
A widower man observes mourning for six months. Children, for their deceased parents, wear mourning for a year, gradually moving from black clothes to clothes that are several shades lighter.
Mourning is observed for a grandmother or grandfather for six months, the same period of mourning is set for a deceased sister or brother, and for an uncle and aunt, three months.
During mourning, you can not tell others about your boundless grief. The whole point of mourning lies not only in mourning clothes, but also in maintaining a worthy state of mind of a person. At this time, a person is in deep thought about himself, his loved ones and thinks about the meaning of life. The things that are prohibited in mourning include: clothes of bright colors, made of silk fabrics, any jewelry, be it gold or silver. The use of perfume is excluded.
Rare clothes were dark, black or blue, in which shades of red were completely excluded. More often not new. Nowadays, in the absence of suitable clothes, a headdress in the wardrobe, they buy a black dress (suit), a headscarf. Previously, during mourning, they did not even try to take special care of the clothes, because, according to popular beliefs, careful caring for it was a manifestation of disrespect for the memory of the deceased. In women, during the period of mourning, the head should be covered with a scarf.
There was a widespread custom during this period not to cut hair, not to make elegant lush hairstyles, and in some cases even to braid girls' braids. In general, in Russia, as a rule, women had to observe external signs of mourning longer, and men of black, dark color could wear clothes only on commemoration days, which was not condemned in the public consciousness even of the villagers.
Signs of mourning in the house remained for a long time, depending on the way of life. In most cases, up to 40 days, and also up to a year. Until the 40th day, the deceased is called the newly departed. Remembrance of the newly departed at first after death is important and necessary especially because it makes it easier for the soul of the deceased to make such a difficult transition from temporary life to eternal life and helps to go through the so-called ordeals. Special days of remembrance of the newly departed are the third, ninth and fortieth (in this case, the day of death is considered the first). The soul that remains after the death of a living earthly organism consists of several parts, which, according to modern classification, are conventionally called etheric, astral and mental bodies, these bodies disintegrate on the 3rd, 9th and 40th days.
According to folk tradition, the soul of the deceased is close to family and home for up to 40 days. On these days, the closest relatives gather to commemorate the deceased with prayer at a joint meal.
If the deceased was baptized, you should order the forty-day - commemoration at 40 liturgies, be sure to visit the church on the 9th and 40th days from the day of death and serve a panikhida, daily pray for the repose of the soul.
In memory of the deceased, good deeds should be performed, alms should be given to all who ask. There is also a custom to commemorate the deceased on every anniversary of death, on the birthday and on the day of the Angel.
You can find out more information on our website.

Sample obituaries can be found in the media. The article informs about the death of a specific person. The daily newspaper indicates the exact time and date of the memorial service. In our time, it is losing its relevance, unfortunately. Relatives notify about the tragic incident only to relatives and friends. Someone is unaware of what happened. There are many people who were familiar with him during his lifetime and would not want to be left on the sidelines. For such cases, there are death notices in the newspapers.

An obituary, at its core, is the sad news of what happened to people who do not yet know about death. Usually made up of some kind of team: colleagues, relatives. Includes a photograph of the deceased and an article with a short biography. A sample of the obituary in the newspaper is shown in the photo.

Family and friends express personal grief in the farewell speech. Colleagues, co-workers and acquaintances may not always be present at the funeral. A team in which a person has worked for more than one year cannot remain indifferent to the tragedy. Colleagues often experience the loss more than friends with whom you rarely see. Remember that most people spend much more time at work than with their families.

Differences in the writing of an obituary from relatives or colleagues lies only in the very attitude towards the deceased. Relatives and friends usually indicate personality traits that deserve attention: kindness, attitude towards people. All that was appreciated in this person. Colleagues focus on professional qualities. All this is below in the text.

There is no single obituary for everyone, just as there are no two people with the same destiny. True, the best notices of death to colleagues are often kept in the department of trade unions. Obituaries templates are categorized by age, male or female, manager or employee.

If there is no such sample, then it is not difficult to write an obituary on behalf of your team yourself. There are no strict rules for writing an obituary. The text is somewhat laconic. Only a dry official language is discouraged, in the absence of defining phrases. Your team will certainly notify you "with regret," etc. Stick to a few things and you'll end up with a complete obituary text.

1. Next to the photo in a black frame, complete data is placed:

Full Name.

Date of birth and date of death.

1. The first line of an obituary article usually begins with an indication of the collective of which enterprise or organization is reporting the sad news. It can also be distant relatives and friends of the deceased. Do not forget to add the phrase "with regret". The naked statement will serve as a bitter reminder of the loss of the deceased's relatives.
2. In what year he died. What was the reason for this (suddenly, after a long illness, as a result of an accident, etc.)
3. Briefly describe biographical facts, mentioning the importance of certain points to society and family. Colleagues in obituaries indicate the stages of career growth, what degrees and titles he has achieved. Highlight the main achievements in the professional field, what benefits have brought to production, in the business of the company.

For loved ones, human qualities come first. All that for which he was appreciated and respected. For example, "was a support for relatives", "a loving spouse and father."

1. For the obituary in the newspaper, it was previously necessary to indicate the surviving relatives by seniority. In our time, it will not be superfluous if you write words of consolation in a similar form: "I was the hope and support for my elderly parents," "a loving husband and father of two small children."
2. At the end, be sure to write that the memory of him will remain in the hearts.
3. The last line can be short, appropriate quotation or epitaph.
4. If the publication of the newspaper to which the obituary is submitted is daily, then the time and place of burial must be indicated.

In conclusion, I would like to say that the obituary is not just a tribute to tradition. From a properly composed obituary, even a stranger may well imagine who he was, what he had to endure and achieve during his life path. An obituary is a sign of respect for the deceased from those living and remembering him.

Often, pride does not allow loved ones to ask for help at such a moment, although they need it more than ever. Therefore, item 5 was previously required in the obituary. From it it becomes clear who exactly needs help, words of support.

Sometimes fate decides that only an obituary is able to force people to meet. The last time to say goodbye with dignity and ask for forgiveness. Do not deprive friends of this opportunity, and relatives - help. The obituary must be revived.

The Internet has become a full-fledged replacement for television and radio broadcasting and newspaper publications. You can post parting lines on your social media page. networks. Many acquaintances and most of your friends will learn about the sad news. After such news, how can you post something later? Can a post on the Internet replace a newspaper obituary?

With the change of generations, the values ​​of culture also change. Time will tell. At the moment, messages in the social. nets are not an obituary in the full sense of the word. Everything is mixed on various sites. The post of farewell to the deceased will steadily slide down the "wall" of the page. Tears and sorrow are soon replaced by carelessness and joy. Each subsequent post will cross out all the sincerity of the written words.

With the word epitaph, a short inscription on the monument is immediately presented. Endowed with the ability to keep wisdom and inconsolable sorrow for centuries. More than one generation will change until the tombstone of granite or marble is destroyed. Nothing lasts forever in this world. Monument from the word "memory". To put an epitaph on a monument means to express respect to the deceased, preserving the memory of him for many centuries.

Historically, the birthplace of epitaphs is Ancient Greece. Any speech over the grave was denoted under this concept. From the Greek "epi" - above and "taphos" - the grave. Only then did she become words on stone. In the Renaissance, the elite strata of the population on the monuments indicated the stages of the birth of a kind, praised the virtue of the deceased and all his relatives with the maximum pathos. Perhaps thanks to this, historians had the opportunity to study in detail the way of life and life of that time.

In the ancient world, similar inscriptions on slabs are found everywhere. In Ancient Egypt, hieroglyphs on sarcophagi and inscriptions on the graves of Babylon. China and Japan have transferred their Eastern philosophy from antiquity to the epitaph. For example, the saying: "It is not difficult to die, it is difficult to live."

In Western culture, it is customary to select a gravestone inscription for yourself while still alive. It makes sense. Who knows better than ourselves if not ourselves? You can send a message to descendants, or indicate what to strive for. Even fears can make you write yourself an epitaph. According to one of the legends, the writer W. Shakespeare was afraid that the grave robbers would dig up his body. Therefore, the inscription reads in a free translation: "He who has not touched is blessed for centuries, and he who touched my ashes will be cursed."

Thanks to Peter the Great, European traditions began to take root in Russia as well. It is guaranteed that they adopted the rituals of perpetuating the memory of the deceased after traveling to European countries. It is not given to everyone to compose profound quatrains, therefore, the poets of that time were attracted to this. Pushkin A.S. did not shy away from this genre. A.S. Pushkin's epitaph for himself:

“Here Pushkin is buried; he is with a young muse,

I spent a cheerful century with love, laziness,

I didn’t do good, but I was a soul,

By God, a kind person. "

The attitude towards life and oneself immediately becomes clear. Not everyone wants the memory of him in their hearts to be given over to pain and sorrow. There are many who treat everything with ease and humor. On one of the tombstones, the inscription is engraved: "If you were lying down, I would read." We can say with confidence that a person with humor is buried there and chose her during his lifetime. There are many such examples. Eminent poets and writers composed epitaphs. On the monument to rock musician Igor Talkov, the epitaph is the words of one of his songs: "And defeated in battle, I will rise and sing." Perhaps, when he wrote these lines in his song, he wrote it exactly as an epitaph. By this he perpetuated his principles and remained in the memory of the people.

To compose an epitaph for yourself while still alive means to preserve your memory exactly in the form that, in your perception, reflects your inner world as best as possible. Do not shift this burden onto the shoulders of inconsolable relatives. Your loved ones will have a hard time. Maybe your epitaph will serve as a reminder to them that death is just a transition from one world to another. Let us recall the epitaph of A.S. Pushkin. At that time, the philosophy of Epicureanism proclaimed that death should not be feared: “As long as we exist, there is no death. When there is death, we are no more ”.

We offer you a selection of epitaphs on our website Easy Funeral. But before you start looking for ready-made epitaphs, try to answer one question: "What epitaph would you write for yourself?" Perhaps this epitaph will become what you are looking for. Writing epitaphs is not as easy as it sounds. In 2-4 lines to put the whole meaning of the life lived, preserving a worthy memory about yourself for centuries.

"Always expect, but do not be afraid of death, both are true traits of wisdom."

Saint John Chrysostom

Can you say with confidence where great-grandmothers and great-grandfathers are buried? What did the ancestors do before the 1917 revolution? What were they like? Many do not have such information. One century has passed. We do not remember the past, so there is no future either. In the past, there was no single database of people who died. Several decades pass and the connection between generations is lost. Roots and family traditions are forgotten.

This is due to the fact that the parents talked little about their parents. Grandparents do not remember about their ancestors. More than one change of residence, cities and countries could have occurred in one century. It is quite possible that your family is not quite from the places you think. On the Internet, you can only find where the graves of celebrities are. The burial places of ordinary people are usually forgotten and they become abandoned.

To prevent this from happening, a “Virtual Cemetery” was created on our website. The Book of Remembrance is a database of deceased people. It will help to keep everything that you think is important to remember. The Internet cemetery allows you to upload photos of the grave, photographs and videos of a person, to establish the exact coordinates of the burial. Living in another area, order a service on our website for the care of the specified grave, flower delivery to the grave or relatives. Perhaps distant relatives will decide to visit the grave. The entered data will allow you to find it.

Let your family and friends pay tribute to the deceased on the page of the virtual cemetery. They can supplement everything that you wrote about the deceased earlier. In the Internet cemetery, it is possible to light a candle to the deceased, to make a virtual gift. Remember, a virtual candle is not a substitute for a real one in church and prayer for repose. The usual sign of attention to relatives. The deceased is not forgotten, he is remembered. For those who are grieving, these signs of support are important in difficult times for them. In the "Links" tab, in one place, you can collect all the links on the Internet that mention your loved one or a loved one, including links of a deceased person to pages in social networks.

We do not affect the interests of religious people of different confessions. Easy Funeral aims to preserve the memory of people who have passed away for the living.

Close the page from prying eyes if you think the information is purely personal. Sometimes the burden of unspoken words to a deceased person becomes unbearable. Write on the page of the book of memory everything that you did not have time to say personally. It will seem like your message has been read. Believe me, it will become much easier.

If you wish, you can make this page your diary and share your bitterness and sorrows, achievements and joy. It is especially difficult for those who, due to the great distance from the burial site, cannot do this in reality. The memory book will allow you to find such an outlet. If you are really upset about the loss, then we recommend that you read the article on how to cope with grief after death.

It is not at all necessary to be an important person during life in order to be remembered about us. Why, along with the graves of celebrities, not allow subsequent generations to find on the Internet where your family and friends are buried? will preserve the memory of the dead for centuries.

How to deal with grief after the death of a loved one? In the formulation of the question, there is already a wrong approach to the problem. A couple of effective tips will help you cope with depression and return to your usual lifestyle. To begin with, you don't have to try to deal with grief. You will be at war with yourself unsuccessfully. This is part of the inner world. Your experiences and memories. Trying to suppress emotions will get you nowhere. Let your pain out, give it a way out!

Don't artificially suppress your feelings.Trying to muffle the pain, they often look for a way out in intoxication, when all feelings are dulled. The hangover syndrome multiplies the melancholy and anxiety. Everything that is said and done in a drunken stupor causes guilt the next day. Trying to get rid of depression leads to the opposite result. Depression develops at an accelerated rate. It is very easy in such a situation to become an alcoholic or drug addict.

Nobody likes to listen to advice that has long become a cliche: "don't drink, you will become an alcoholic", "cry and it will become easier for you." It is wrong to ignore phrases that different people repeat for centuries. If the semantic load would not correspond to reality, why then these words have come down to us through the centuries? Everything is correct. Conventional logic confirms that drunkenness is absenteeism. Therefore, crying can also relieve pain.

Pride does not allow many to shed tears in vain. Do you want to show weakness in front of others? In this case, you just need to cry alone. Throw out the entire load of accumulated experiences. Drunken tears provide no comfort. The crying of a drunk in company does not evoke sincere sympathy. Only pity to the point of contempt. And you have a feeling of shame when you sober up. Therefore, only alone, without any alcohol. Let your tears flow as much as your tired mind requires.

The opposite situations arise. Tears flow like rivers and do not bring any relief. Everything is strictly individual. This is the attitude of everyone to the tragedy that happened through the prism of his personal attitude. There are no universal remedies. There is no panacea for grief. But what if we can offer a drug that will help you get rid of your depression? No need to buy expensive drugs. Dilute only 30-50 drops of this product in boiled water and drink it 1 hour before meals. This miracle remedy is nothing more than a common motherwort tincture. It is used to prevent depression.

If you hope only for this remedy, it means that you did not carefully read what was written earlier. To get out of a depressive state, you need to release your grief out. Suppressing your feelings will increase your depression. There is another method that can help those who cry incessantly. And to the one who does not cry because of natural restraint. Artur Yanov's therapy.

Screaming therapy.

Arthur Janov is an American psychologist and psychotherapist. The author of the theory of treatment "Primary cry". This therapy is not only suitable for those who are grieving after the death of a loved one. It is also recommended for those who are on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Hidden emotions within reach a critical mass and the result of this explosion is difficult to predict.

Children scream in pain and resentment. Adults do not hold back from screaming in a major quarrel. As a result, they are freed from the negative charge of negative emotions that has accumulated over the entire time. This has a positive effect. The feeling that you are completely cleared of negative energy. There comes balance, serenity and tranquility.

If you had to lose someone from your loved ones, then the cry itself breaks out. Disconsolate widows and mothers scream without hesitation because the pain is unbearable. You can't keep her inside. Nature itself asks for a surge of negative emotions to come out of a person in a scream.

Comparing physical pain with mental pain. The sharp pain from hitting the finger with a hammer will lead to an unconscious scream. The scream is a must-have follower of pain. A major factor in mitigating the effects of grief.

In the United States, screaming therapy takes place in groups. For half an hour, everyone shouts at each other to get rid of negative emotions. You can relieve stress alone. To do this, you need to find a secluded place where no one interferes. The main thing is that you yourself invest in this cry in full. Not distracted by thoughts of what they might hear.

Plan an outdoor trip if possible. A short-term change of scenery can have a positive effect on you. For residents of rural areas and small towns, it will not be difficult to find a remote and deserted place. A cry in the mountains or near water bodies gives a strong effect.

For residents of large cities, shouting therapy can take place in an abandoned area, wasteland, or a pier. Consider the time so that there are no strangers. You can shout from rooftops and balconies. From a great height, the cry below is not audible. Shout in the car, or at work, if conditions permit, at home in a pillow or without hiding out loud. It depends on the environment in which you are completely predisposed to remove all the pain that has accumulated.

Concentrate so that the feeling of grief is overwhelmed completely. Remember all the moments that you tried to forget before, what causes the most severe pain: the news of death, the sadness of loss. Remember everything that you had to go through after the death of a loved one and the funeral itself in detail. Put all this longing into a cry. Loud and drawn-out. Scream until your lungs burn from lack of oxygen. It doesn't matter what you shout. The main thing is that it should come from the depths of the soul. This cry is goodbye to a loved one. Let him hear and understand how hard it is without him.

Even if it happens that someone outside suddenly hears your cry of pain. Do you think everyone will immediately rush to help? The cry of pain cannot be confused with anything. Rather, the opposite is true. The random hearer will run away. Everyone diligently avoids pain. Why should you keep it to yourself? Scream until you feel absolute emptiness in yourself.

This is the peace that can bring out of prolonged depression. It only remains to fill this spiritual emptiness with positive emotions.

Everything is relatively simple when you look at it. Shouting therapy by Arthur Yanov is able to take you out of the cyclical state inherent in people in depression after the death of a loved one. As soon as you feel that insurmountable grief begins to occupy your consciousness again, remember about screaming therapy.

Find an environment where screaming is the order of the day. Now there is no need to retire. On the contrary, a massive gathering of people will quickly help you return to reality. Fans of football, hockey or basketball teams chant in such a way that the screaming becomes the norm. Maybe this is a KVN competition. Choose an event you like. Shout, at the same time enjoy the game, get distracted.

Avoid being alone.Spending time with friends and family will help you recover faster. Moral support and possibly financial assistance is the only way for them to somehow reduce your pain. Don't give up sincere help. The involvement of family and friends in your life can be a major factor in healing.

In a healthy body healthy mind.Understanding this principle of the relationship between physical and emotional state, you can, by influencing one, improve the other. In other words, if the physical condition is at a decent level, then the emotional state will not be long in coming. The merge process will take place. You will feel much more confident. A healthy lifestyle and healthy eating are the cornerstones.

Give yourself gifts.Don't forget about yourself. Shopping can help you get rid of depression after death. Take a look in the mirror. A dull reflection does not correspond to the one that you are used to seeing before the death of a loved one, the first sign that it is time to take care of yourself. Do not scare your relatives and friends with your appearance, go to the store. Negative emotions drain life energy. Satisfaction with successful purchases and a decent appearance are already a sign of getting out of a depressive state.

Fill the void of the soul.After screaming therapy, relaxation and spiritual emptiness comes, which needs to be filled with something. This is not a substitute for the place of the deceased person in your memories. This is the place of your grief and worries. It depends only on you what will happen in this place: the newly returned melancholy and pain, or something else.

Fill it with creativity. Perhaps there was once a desire to take up a hobby, but there was no time. The time has come.

Letter.Coming out of depression after the death of a loved one is often not given by one detail that is not given special importance. Often, in moments of grief, a single thought gnaws with stubborn constancy. What they did not have time to say to the deceased during his lifetime. This is the love of children for their parents, each other, and hundreds of different words, which we do not attach special significance to death.

Write a letter of repentance to the deceased person. Let it be on paper or on your own social media page. networks. Write down everything that you did not have time to say. Everything that you feel now. Ask for forgiveness and show your love.

Few people turn to psychologists. They are waiting for the time itself to put everything in its place. A year goes by, another, but this does not happen. It is necessary to realize the fact that only you can decide when the wound will heal. My Soul Hurts. The heart does not want to forget anything. Any careless word or memory returns to a state of severe depression.

The realization that many people recover from shock much more quickly makes depression even worse. Does everyone bounce back so quickly after the death of a loved one, as it seems from the outside? Knowing how people experience grief at each stage will help you determine for yourself what period you have to go through. Keep in mind that in addition to individuality, the process of experiences is also cyclical. Returning to an early stage of the experience can be temporary and protracted.

Everything is ambiguous. Understanding the different reactions common to people in grief can help those who are suffering. The painful perception of irrevocable separation leads to the fact that people do not understand how to live on after the death of a loved one. Grievous feelings and emotional state of a person are broken down in time.

After death, for several weeks, the grieving person has a state of unreality of what is happening. The person refuses to believe what is happening. Appetite disappears, reactions slow down. The general physical condition is deteriorating. On average, it lasts 7-9 days.

Anger and apathy

Often, apathy can be replaced by a feeling of anger. It may arise if all plans and hopes for a happy future are gone with the deceased. A person begins to realize an irrecoverable loss, but is not in the mood to believe. It seems that only he can understand his grief. There is no help in the misfortune from loved ones, no support either. The reasons for being angry can be very different. Appears in the grieving person is often unreasonable. This is an emotional state.

The loved ones of the bereaved need to accept and come to terms with the fact that after a shock it happens that people who are calm by nature can behave aggressively. Again, everything is individual. Instead of aggression, there is a directly opposite state of mind, when people, after a tragedy, withdraw into themselves. Which in itself is much calmer for others, but more negatively affects the grieving person. Don't be alone for a long time. The process of getting out of depression can be delayed for a longer period.

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After the shock stage, people often see the deceased on the street. The shock state continues at this stage. It usually lasts 5-12 days. They can hear the steps and the voice of the deceased. The mind does not want to put up with the loss. Seeks to return the deceased. Denies the very idea of ​​irrecoverable loss.

Acute grief

The shock is replaced by a stage of acute grief. Duration 6-7 weeks. General ailments appear, regardless of physical activity: fatigue, intermittent breathing, weakness, sleep disturbance. Odors and appetite increase. It so happens that the appetite disappears. It feels like a lump is stuck in the throat and sometimes does not allow breathing. The stomach may feel empty.

Mood swings

Three or four months begin to alternate days of uplift and fall into the abyss of despair. People become overly irritable and quick-tempered. It all depends on the natural disposition of character and mind. Hot temper is replaced by excessive touchiness. Any careless word is perceived extremely acutely and painfully. The immune system is suppressed. Colds or infectious diseases may occur.

Depression

Any thought, affecting the memory of the deceased, makes you shudder internally. The grieving person can mentally "communicate" with the deceased. Share all your innermost thoughts and what happened during the day. As long as this "conversation" lasts, depression will continue. It can subside and intensify. Will periodically occur during the next stage - "recovery".

Recovery stage

Over the course of 1 year, the grieving person gradually tries to come to terms with the fact of irreparable loss. Depression periodically makes itself felt with painful memories. The attacks of grief are less frequent each time. The bitterness of the loss of a loved one reminds of itself already in the form of separate attacks. The state of health and performance are back to normal.

The final and final stage for grieving people

After about a year, the final stage of grief begins. At this stage, a return to a fulfilling life is carried out. Life slowly takes its toll. An understanding comes that it is not worth living only with thoughts of the death of a loved one. At this stage, the grieving person, as it were, emotionally says goodbye to the deceased. For some, personal beliefs and cultural rules hold back the final stage. For example, some widows undertake to wear mourning until the last days for their deceased husband. Different religions hold different views. On a topic with a question how much to wear mourning can be found here.

For grieving people, experiencing grief after the death of a loved one does not require the professional intervention of psychologists. Close to the grieving person should be close people capable of moral support. Only they are allowed to talk about the deceased in an appropriate setting.

It is generally accepted that "it is better not to disturb the wounds of the soul." This is already from the category of prejudices. It is necessary to talk about the deceased. However, do not forget that you can once again inflict pain with a careless word. Check out the phrases that can hurt the grieving person... In the event that there are really no people with whom you can share your grief, you will need a psychologist's consultation.

To make the process of experiencing grief less acute or if you want to speed up the process a little, we suggest reading tips on how to cope with grief after the death of a loved one. .

Asks: Natalia Porkhov, Pskov region

Answers:

Dear Natalia!

After the funeral of a loved one, many people, especially close relatives, observed mourning.

The deepest mourning - up to a year - was to be observed by a widow. Earlier at this time, she was wearing only clothes of predominantly black color, jewelry was completely absent. Naturally, in the eyes of those around them, even thoughts of remarriage before the expiration of the period of mourning were considered indecent.

Children had to observe mourning for their deceased parents for a year, consistently moving from black to lighter shades of clothing. This mourning for the deceased father or mother was divided in duration into deep - six months, ordinary - three months and half mourning - the remaining three months, when white and gray were mixed with the black color of clothes. For grandparents, it was customary to wear half-year mourning, which was also conditionally equally divided into deep and half-mourning. The same period of mourning was for the deceased sister and brother.

Mourning clothes were dark, black or blue, in which shades of red were completely excluded. More often not new. Nowadays, in the absence of suitable clothes, a headdress in the wardrobe, they buy a black dress (suit), a headscarf. Previously, during mourning, they did not even try to take special care of the clothes, because, according to popular beliefs, careful caring for it was a manifestation of disrespect for the memory of the deceased. In women, during the period of mourning, the head should be covered with a scarf.

There was a widespread custom during this period not to cut hair, not to make elegant lush hairstyles, and in some cases even to braid girls' braids. In general, in Russia, as a rule, women had to observe external signs of mourning longer, and men of black, dark color could wear clothes only on commemoration days, which was not condemned in the public consciousness even of the villagers.

Signs of mourning in the house remained for a long time, depending on the way of life. In most cases, up to 40 days, and also up to a year.

In families of believers, mourning was celebrated with intense prayers, reading religious books, abstinence in food, and pastime. It was not customary to participate in various amusements, holidays, gambling.

If during the period of mourning there was a wedding of any of the relatives, then on the wedding day the mourning dress was removed, but the next day they put it on again.

It was not customary to go to public and entertainment places during deep mourning, even appearing in the theater was considered permissible only after the mourning was completely removed. The arbitrary reduction of mourning in a society with a certain way of life, observance of folk traditions is immediately striking and can cause condemnation.

In modern conditions, as a rule, such a long time of mourning as before is not observed, especially in the city. All this is individual and in each specific case depends on a number of circumstances.

While wearing mourning, one should not show boundless grief by showing it to others. Everything should be done with dignity, since the meaning of mourning is not only in observing external decency, signs of a person's state of mind, but also in the fact that it is a time for a person to deepen into himself, a time to think about the meaning of life. Ultimately, from the way we honor the memory of our relatives, others, perhaps, will honor our memory, for no one is eternal in this world.

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The funeral ceremony takes place, the obligatory days of remembrance come to an end, and those close to the deceased begin to ask questions:

• Mourning. How long does mourning for the deceased last?
• Would it be appropriate to appear in light clothing in public?
• Can I attend various events?
• How long does mourning last?
• How long does it take to remarry a widow or marry a widowed spouse?

We live in a society and therefore the external observance of traditions is very important. Below are the various opinions on this matter. Which point of view to adhere to is up to you.

How long does mourning last

Different cultures set different times for expressing grief. Also interesting are the instructions on how to wear mourning.

Ancient Greece

In ancient Greece, a widow was required to wear black clothes all her life. Only if she remarried, then could she change clothes for another. The men wore black bandages on their sleeves and did not shave for 40 days.

Ancient Rome

In ancient Rome, mourning for children was established in accordance with the number of years they lived. If the child turned 7 at the time of death, then the parents grieved for 7 months. The maximum period was considered to be 10 months. After that, the widow could already get married, and close relatives took off their black clothes.

Medieval France

In Medieval France, the queen dowager did not have to leave the room for a year, where she heard the sad news. Noble ladies were also ordered to stay on an empty matrimonial bed for the first 6 weeks as a sign of expression of their sadness. If a sister grieved for her brother, then only the first 9 days she spent in bed, and the rest of the time, up to 6 weeks, she only sat on black cloth. For men, etiquette was not so harsh. It was enough for them to tie a black bandage on their arm and wear it for six months.

Ancient China and Korea

In China and Korea, the period of mourning for a loved one reached 3 years. During this time, clothes made of unbleached canvas could be worn, and an additional appliance was placed at breakfast for the deceased.

Japan

In Japan, the first 49 days after death are considered the most important. Relatives earnestly pray that the soul of the deceased will find peace and be reborn in the Pure Land. Also in the Land of the Rising Sun it is customary to grieve over the death of the emperor or his family members. The nationwide mourning lasts for a year.

How much mourning is worn, depending on confessional affiliation

The strictest is considered Jewish mourning... It is divided into 4 periods:

• Onen - from death to burial. The actions of relatives are aimed solely at organizing the proper wires to another world.
• Shiva - the first week after death. A number of prohibitions are imposed on household members: cutting their nails, leaving the house, studying the Torah, working, washing, putting on clean clothes or leather shoes.
• Shloshim - from the 8th to the 30th day. Already it is allowed to leave the house, apply cosmetics to women, and cut beards and mustaches for men.
• The fourth period it is customary to observe only for deceased parents. It lasts until the anniversary of the death.

Buddhist traditions prescribe to wear mourning for parents and close relatives for 100 days. If a relative is distant, they grieve for the past 49 days. At this time, they put on dresses of gray color of various shades.

In the countries of Islam the behavior of women in the first period after the death of a spouse is strictly regulated. They must not wear jewelry, do their hair, dye their hair, use perfumed care products, or spend the night outside the house. The allowed clothing colors are white, purple, black and dark green. Mourning for her husband lasts 4 lunar months and 10 days. For the rest of the relatives - only 3 days. Men, as a sign of grief, do not take off their headdress during the burial ceremony.

Orthodox priests do not like the words "death", "deceased". Most often in speech, they replace them with "dormition", "deceased." The deceased before the 40th day is called "newly departed". During this period, the one who left the mortal earth appears before the Lord, and only the prayers of the living can tip the scales when choosing where to go: to Hell or to Paradise. Because in Christianity strict mourning lasts exactly 40 days. It is customary to express your sadness about the loss not by groaning or crying, but by prayers, appeals to God, reflections on the frailty of life and memories of the pious deeds of the one who has died in eternal sleep. After this time, it is allowed to remove the mourning bandage from the head. However, if you feel that grief is still squeezing in your heart, then you can continue to wear a black scarf or headscarf until the end of the year. The widow decides for herself when to take off her mourning - after 2 years or immediately after the memorial meal.

Mourning for the deceased in our time

In our time, mourning is determined rather by the religious beliefs and traditions of the region.

The observance of religious canons in our days is not so reverent. If in rural areas they still adhere to long-standing foundations, then urban life imposes its own limitations. For example, the dress code adopted in many offices does not imply the presence of a black band. This can alienate buyers or potential customers.

If it is impossible to clearly mourn for a deceased relative, this problem can be solved in the following ways:

Refuse external paraphernalia ... For the deceased, it is more important not what others think of you, but what you really think about the one who has gone from you forever.

Wear a black headscarf or ribbon outside of work ... Quite difficult, but possible for motivated people.

Change the color of sorrow ... Along with black, white and red also symbolize sadness and grief from irreparable loss. The Karakalpak people wear blue clothes during mourning. A Muslim woman can wear a purple or dark green dress.

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Instructions

In fact mourning is a system of rules and prohibitions that family members and relatives of the deceased are obliged to observe. Duration of wearing mourning and may vary: 3 days, 9 days, 40 days, 6 months, a year, several years, and even life-long mourning... This period depends on the degree of closeness of the person to. The strictest and most durable mourning observed in relation to husband or wife, children and parents.

Black is considered a mourning color. However, today black has already lost its sad purpose. Stylists have long introduced it into fashion because of the effect of visually slimming. However, emphasizing the recent death of a loved one in appearance with any dark-colored wardrobe item or item is very important for psychological recovery. Typically, women wear mourning head or long dresses, men - black shirts.

According to folk tradition, the soul of the deceased is close to family and home for up to 40 days. This understanding of death left an imprint on the character mourning a. Even if relatives did not experience strong grief, they should lead a humble lifestyle, show sorrow in everything, pray intensely, limit themselves with other people, and avoid any manifestations of joy and happiness. In Russia, it was forbidden to sing, eat sweet dishes, drink wine and go on festivities.

Fasting in the period mourning and is observed not only in, but also in many other religions. In addition, at the memorial meal, as a rule, only simple, traditional food is allowed, including special memorial dishes: jelly, cabbage soup or ukha, and kutia.

True believers and grieving Christians afterward should most of all strive not for external observance. mourning customs, but to inner humility, being in fervent prayer for the deceased person. If you have been baptized, you should order the forty-fortune - commemoration at 40 liturgies, be sure to visit the church on the 9th and 40th days from the day of death and serve a panikhida, daily prayers of the soul. If the deceased was not baptized, only home prayer is permissible. In memory of the deceased, good deeds should be performed, alms should be given to all who ask.

Sometimes finicky fashion forces girls to wear clothes that distort their natural look. They just stop looking feminine. Whether it's a headscarf. With him, the girl's face immediately becomes both prettier and more beautiful.

Traditions

No wonder the grandmothers and great-grandmothers loved this headdress so much. They wore chintz shawls, woolen shawls and beauty from beauty - downy shawls, which looked so harmoniously with natural fur coats. The downy shawl is not only beautiful in itself, but also practical to use and very warm. Headscarves perfectly protected beautiful heads from winter cold and cold for many centuries in a row, not knowing an alternative.

In the early Orthodox era, by tradition, any girl had to cover her head with a scarf when she went out to people. There were a large number of types of scarves: from small in size, everyday, to those that could be covered from the shoulders to the knees. They were worn both on the shoulders and on the head. Every woman and girl created her own unique image with an ordinary headscarf.

“There is a beautiful girl, she carries a downy dress on her shoulders. The guys look around at her, they want to say a good word - they do not dare "- wrote the Russian poet N. Koltsov.

And about the beautiful and varied colors and patterns on women's scarves, so many artistic studies have been compiled that it is impossible to list. From scarves, these colors and patterns have spread all over the world. And now they are returning back together with headscarves to the everyday life of Russian girls and women, who with them on their heads only become more beautiful.

Embodied femininity

The new is the forgotten old. And what is truly new is that which, in principle, cannot become obsolete. The same can be said about an ordinary scarf. And you don't even need to talk about a downy shawl. He never went out of fashion, because the downy shawl, its beauty and warmth, is simply beyond any fashion trends.

"Fashion exists for clothes of dubious beauty," said one fairly well-known artist in the 60s of the last century, "And things that are beautiful with natural beauty return to fashion when dubious beauty is boring."

That woman or girl who creates her own unique beautiful feminine image cannot but have beautiful scarves with different patterns and different colors in her wardrobe. A warm downy shawl should be a must, because in a composition with a fur coat it looks so harmonious that no hat or cap can match it. And in the off-season, a large warm woolen shawl with autumn or spring patterns will suit any woman. Shawls provide an unusually wide scope for women's imagination.